On the Value of Memories

Kyouko and Sayaka meet up for a snack and discuss whether memories are worth keeping, even if they are bad.

Date: 2016-04-03
Pose Count: 15
Kyouko Sakura 2016-04-03 01:15:19 36882
    Well, Sayaka has her memories back.. sort of. 'Back', as in her posession. But not actually in her head. Sometimes the magical world is weird. Still, Kyouko at least is trying to get things back to 'normal', because it feels like she's been on shaky ground ever since D-point. Maybe dying will do that to you.. either way.

    She knows Sayaka is taking her time in eating the memorybeans, and considering how.. weird and sometimes shocking it must be to get those memories back out of order, she can't really blame her. But she also still wants to see the girl. After all, they are dating- sort of? Aren't they? If it was kind of unclear before, it must be even more so now.

    That's why she texted Saya-chan and asked her to meet at the cafe for a snack after work this evening. She knows Sayaka remembers at least some of their time together now. Hopefully she'll want to see Kyouko too. At the very least, they can have some food.

    Kyouko is sitting at one of the outdoor tables, with a drink and a little tray of Takoyaki in front of her. She got here a bit early, and is drinking through her straw as her eyes scan around, waiting.
Sayaka Miki 2016-04-03 01:22:39 36885
    Well, Sayaka's first recovered memory seemed to beg more questions than it answered. At least, the poor girl felt even more confused and lost, and was more cautious about swallowing more beans. Still, she did want her memories back and perhaps if she recovered them all, things would make sense in the long run.

    Even so, she was a bit hesitant to join Kyouko at the cafe, and uncertain if it was a 'date' or just friends hanging out. That couch memory made her realize they were a lot closer than she ever imagined. And it was just plain awkward!

    Still, she came, albeit considerably late, later than is fashionably so, but hey, at least she came! She hurries into the cafe, a little breathless even, but fortunately the lineup's not too long, and she manages to get her hot cappucino latte and a giant cookie. Guess she's not all that hungry to day, or maybe she's just really nervous? She sure looks like it as she slowly makes her way towards Kyouko's table.

    "Hey...Sorry I'm late!" she smiles sheepishly at Kyouko.
Kyouko Sakura 2016-04-03 01:26:31 36886
    Kyouko, for her part, never really considered the fact that Sayaka might have stood her up- she's not the insecure type, at least not about stuff like that. Even if Sayaka /had/ chickened out, Kyouko probably would have assumed she had a good excuse and not held it against her. That said, Saya-chan is late enough that Kyouko is starting to wonder if something did happen to her.. when there she is, approaching the table.

    Kyouko, caught mildly off-guard, blinks a few times, then looks up, meeting Sayaka's gaze with her own. She smiles a bit.. a smaller, more self-conscious smile than she gives to most people. "Saya-chan.. hey." She says, sitting up a little straighter. "I'm glad you're here.. I was just startin' to think maybe you had gotten waylaid by a Witch or somethin'." This is said off-handedly, not seriously, although in their world it's a very real possibility.

    She hesitates a moment, waiting for Sayaka to sit down, then offers, "So.. how's, um.. the memory? I know it must be weird but.." She can't exactly come right out and say 'how much do you remember about me' now can she?
Sayaka Miki 2016-04-03 02:03:46 36897
    "Kyouko-san..." She offers her a small smile as she seats herself opposite the red head. "Orr, should I say..Kyou-chan?" she bites her lip, "I suppose, that's how it used to be, in the memories I've absorbed so far. But there are so many more to go, and it's confusing..So confusing.."

    So overwhelming that Sayaka actually rubs her temples, her brain about to explode from all the memories. "I mean, sure I want my memories back, but as I regain them, they're all disconnected, related but jumbled, out of order. Like pieces in a puzzle. I felt so sad when I saw that Puella girl, Anshi die. And yet I'm not sure what happened to her. I saw fragments of Kyubey, and the wish I made for these powers. A deep infatuation for the one named Kyousuke..

    "And then there's you..." Sayaka cant help but glance a bit shyly back at Kyouko, but unable to look at her for long. It's confusing, it's overwhelming..And it kind of makes her cheeks blush too.
Kyouko Sakura 2016-04-03 02:09:12 36899
    Kyouko shakes her head slightly as she listens to Sayaka's words.. her face showing a genuine expression of concern. Much more than what she'd show for anyone else outwardly, as used to hiding her emotions as she is in most circumstances. "Saya-chan.. I understand." She pauses, then with a bit of her usual wry wit, adds, "Well, as much as I can understand anyway. It must be hard."

    She starts to reach across the table for Sayaka's hand, then stops herself and ends up just fiddling with her drink cup instead. "You don't.. have to rush or nothin'. I ain't goin' anywhere. It was.." She sucks in a breath.

    "Well, it was complicated to begin with. I hope that once you get the whole picture again, you'll come to the same decisions you did the first time. But the last thing I want is to push you." She gives a bit of a grin. "That's one thing you an' I have in common, Saya-chan.. we both hate it when people try to push us to do somethin' if we ain't ready."
Sayaka Miki 2016-04-03 02:20:48 36904
    Sayaka nods, playing nervously with her straw, stirring up the frothy whipped cream on top of her drink. "Yeah..Thanks for that. I mean, I'm sure you're anxious and all to get back to that old life you and I apparently shared but...I dunno, sometimes it's a bit frightenning for me. There are memories I dont want to experience. Sad memories, frightenning memories. Sometimes I wonder, is it better to live life without the bad memories? Maybe then, life wont hurt as much."

    She smirks, "I mean, I guess that seems pretty weak, but on the other hand, if you had a choice, would you not want to forget the bad memories completely?"
Kyouko Sakura 2016-04-03 02:24:26 36905
    Kyouko is silent for a long moment.. not because she's mad or offended, but because she's thinking. She often has a hard time articulating her thoughts- /she/ knows what she wants to say, but putting her thoughts into words and having it come out right has always been something she's struggled with.

    After that moment, she says in a quiet and careful voice, "I dunno how much you might remember about what I told you about my life, Saya-chan, but.. it hasn't been a good life. At least up until the last year or so. I have a lot of bad memories.. a lot of sad and frightening memories."

    She looks up and meets Sayaka's gaze, her brows drawn together slightly. "But I think that's what makes me who I am. I don't think I would be as tough as I am.. as confident as I am, as.. as Kyouko as I am, if it wasn't for all the stuff I've been through, good and bad. More bad than good maybe, but that's why I can appreciate what I have now... why I care so much about it."

    "It may be hard to remember the bad stuff, an' I understand that.. but I think it's important. Cuz if you ignore it, you're just setting yourself up to fall even harder next time. And maybe you can't appreciate the good ones quite as much."
Sayaka Miki 2016-04-03 02:32:20 36910
    Sayaka frowns, shaking her head slowly, "I dunno. I mean, you seem like you've grown into a strong, confident person and I suppose that has to do with your memories. But there were bad things in there too. At one point you joined the dark kingdom as one of their minions. It would explain your closeness and ties to the Shittennou.."

    She pauses, considering, "Was that not the result of bad memories too I suppose things turned out okay in the end, but they might not have. What if I lost my memories because something truly terrible happened, that I wanted to forget completely? Will I really be a better person if I have even the bad ones back? I dunno..."

    What she says last however, makes Sayaka smile a little. "You think so? I guess..It makes sense that the bad makes the good feel all the more pleasant. So, what is your best memory then?"
Kyouko Sakura 2016-04-03 02:37:59 36913
    Kyouko shrugs her shoulders slightly. "Like everything, Saya-chan.. you make lemonade when life gives you lemons, right? Yeah, that was.. unpleasant, that whole thing with the Dark Kingdom. But I'm grateful for the bonds I got out of it, even if they were forged in hardship. If I could go back, would I change it? Maybe.. but I really don't know. Mamoru once told me 'orphans make their own families'.. he's an orphan like me, y'know. And now that I have one, screwed up as it is, I really don't wanna give it up."

    "Whether you'd be a 'better person' or not, I dunno.. but do you really want to live, knowing that stuff has happened to you but not knowing what it was? I don't think I could take that.. even if the memories were bad."

    Then Sayaka asks her what her best memory is, and Kyouko looks away, a faint blush on her cheeks. "My best memory? Dancing with you, not very long ago. I wasn't kidding when I said my life was pretty crappy up until recently. But that's a memory I wouldn't trade for the world."
Sayaka Miki 2016-04-03 02:44:51 36917
    "Yeah.." She smiles, seeming comforted by Kyouko's words. "I suppose you're right. Then, when you put it that way, it doesn't seem so bad, and I guess there's always something to learn, even from the bad memories. They're just as much a part of me as the good ones too, aren't they?"

    When she speaks about the dance, Sayaka just stares at her blankly, apparently having not yet relived that particular memory. "A dance? When and where did that happen?" she feels a strange blush coming on again.
Kyouko Sakura 2016-04-03 02:49:04 36919
    Kyouko darks a look back at Sayaka, then looks away again, blushing a little bit more at seeing the look on the other girl's face. To distract herself, she grabs a skewer of takoyaki from her tray and puts it into her mouth, chewing for a moment while she tries to think of a way to explain it.

    "Um.. actually, you invited me, and a few mutual.. acquaintances of ours to a fancy dance.. thing. It really wasn't that long ago.. maybe a month ago?" She swallows the bite of food, fidgeting a little bit.

    "We had been a little bit at odds before that over some.. issues. But you asked me to dance that night, and it made me really happy." She looks away again, unable to meet Sayaka's gaze after such an embarassing admission. "Hopefully you'll remember that part soon."
Sayaka Miki 2016-04-03 03:08:31 36929
    Sayaka actually chuckles a bit at that. Maybe because it seems so..So out there, or because of the way she speaks of 'acquaintances'. "You know, that sounds like it would be a fun memory to relive! And you're right, there were good memories that I enjoyed reliving.." Her face reddens as she thinks back to the first memory she reabsorbed, the one where she and Kyouko cuddled on a couch before D-day's imminent approach.

    "There was that girl, Miss White. And Homura Akemi. Yeah, I'm remembering bits and pieces of them, althoughg it's still very confusing. So far I'm pretty wary of Homura-san, although Miss White doesn't seem too bad.."
Kyouko Sakura 2016-04-03 03:12:43 36932
    Kyouko smiles a little bit.. only to scowl when Sayaka says that Miss White doesn't seem so bad. "Miss White isn't to be trusted. She.. hurt me badly in the past. I've.. well, not forgiven her, exactly, but we've buried the hatchet and I intend to keep it that way. But be careful around her. Homura too, though I think I at least understand her, these days. But it's because I do that I can say you should be careful around her. She has her own goals and she'll do whatever she has to to meet them."

    Then she sighs a little bit. "Anyway.. thanks for coming out here today to talk. Memories or not, I like seein' you." She smiles, not embarassed at all to say that. "I should probably get going though." She starts to get up, then pauses. "We should get back to Witch hunting soon. We're supposed to be partners, after all.. and we need to keep up our Grief Seed supplies." She quirks a brow. "So.. maybe soon?"
Sayaka Miki 2016-04-03 03:26:46 36936
    "Heh." She smirks, "Guess there's still a lot of stuff I dont know. But, I'm gonna dig until I regain all my memories, then I'm sure it'll make sense! And.." she looks back at Kyouko somewhat hesitantly, "I'm sure you and I..Will make more sense too."

    The idea of fighting witches still makes her a little nervous, feeling as if she has such little experience in the area, but. "Y'know, maybe it'll help, jog my memory some, too!" she smiles and nods, and after a hesitant moment, reaches out to grab kyouko's hand and squeezing it. "Thank you for coming to see me today. I know things are pretty awkward right now, but I'm sure it'll all work out soon."

    Another nod and smile is given, "Yeah, let's meet up again soon so we can go witch hunting!"
Kyouko Sakura 2016-04-03 03:28:59 36938
    Kyouko pauses as Sayaka grabs her hand and gives it a squeeze.. then she smiles, a brighter and more happy smile than Sayaka has seen from her so far. She really appreciated that gesture, and knows it must have taken some courage on Sayaka's part to make it. She squeezes the other girl's hand back.. then leans over quickly and kisses Sayaka right on the top of her head.

    "Thanks." She says quietly, before pulling away and letting go of the other girl's hand in the same motion. "I don't know that you and I ever made sense, Saya-chan, but sometimes the best things in life utterly defy explanation." She grins that lopsided grin of hers, winking, and then turns to walk off, putting her hands in her pockets. "I'll call you."