It's evening, turning on towards night, and Kukai is tired. His head hurts, he's mentally worn out, and what's worst is that he's been struck by a strange feeling he can't quite identify, but he thinks is 'loneliness.' He's out of the house later than usual tonight, so he finds himself gravitating towards the north end of King Penguin Park and a familiar coffee-serving cafe.
He checks his phone again and sighs, pocketing it, walking towards the doors, mind on caffeine. But coming back to old familiar places can be hard.
Nadeshiko has managed to go this long without coffee. The last time she had, well. She's tried to go this long without thinking about that, too.
Two weeks she's managed to avoid this place, to avoid him.
But she misses coffee, and of a few things, it's the only thing she's allowing herself to miss.
Temari sees them before she does. The small Chara zips across the cafe and all but tackles Daichi. When their wits return, she's sniffling against him.
Nadeshiko looks up when she realizes Temari had gone off on her own, and the blood in her veins freeze.
Dammit. It was bad enough without him actually being here.
She hides behind her cup, sipping the drink, and using the act of savoring the flavor as an excuse to close her eyes.
Daichi just has a moment to see a line of pink and purple from the corner of his sight and he's tackled. He lets out a small yelp of fear, but then sees who it is and hugs her back, comforting the little princess and trying not to cry himself.
Kukai blinks, looking up at Nadeshiko, and can't breathe for a moment. It's hard to deal with your heart when you've hurt someone and they're not around, but to see her right there...
He looks up at her as she closes her eyes, turning away from him, then looks back down at his and takes a larger sip, then winces at the heat.
Temari just sulks next to Daichi. Chara and human both have pretty much been doing that the past two weeks.
Nadeshiko sighs. Apparently Temari isn't going to make this any easier by coming back any time soon. And it's not exactly like she can pretend to not notice him there.
There are rare occasions where she curses the intelligence he hides. Now is one of those times.
With a sigh, she stands from her chair and walks toward him...but needs a few more seconds to compose herself so she places an order for some pastry or another. At least she thinks its pastry.
Finally she's out of excuses. She leans against something, arms crosses in front of her. Then she mentally curses herself and stands up straight, hands folded before her.
She clears her throat. Time for the mask. "Have you been well? I haven't seen much of you."
Kukai looks over at Daichi who's trying to comfort the sulking, unhappy chara, trying not to feel like he's being betrayed. He sticks his nose back into his cup, looking up just in time to see Nadeshiko walking towards him.
Kukai takes a long breath, setting his cup down a little hard as she walks over, looking up at her. There's a slight feeling in his chest as she begins the conversation - every time before he'd tried, and she'd been cold. "Hey Nadeshiko. ...I guess." He shifts and winces, favoring his side for a moment, then nods. "More down than up, busier than I want to be."
She notices, of course, the way he favors his side. Fortunately her face doesn't express much of her concern. "I could give you the name of the tea Aunty uses. It could help you sleep, at least."
Calm, polite, as though they were acquaintances rather than long time friends. As though they hadn't kissed a few times a few weeks ago.
Abruptly, she turns to order more coffee, as well.
Silly, stupid boy. It was just two kisses!
She scoffs before taking the cup, returning to stand near him again. Perhaps a little closer than she had been before, enough that she could almost feel his heat radiating against her bare arm. By the time she noticed how close she was, it would be too awkward to step away. So she stays, muscles tense.
Nadeshiko struggles for something to say, and in the end slips out what she doesn't want to talk about. "How have your...dates been?"
Temari whispers in Daichi's ear, too low for their humans to hear. "She's being stubborn and stupid!"
Kukai Souma shakes his head. "No, I sleep ok, I just have things on my mind." He looks up at her, then frowns as she turns suddenly, his mood ruined as she leaves.
He looks up as she returns and tenses up as well as she moves close, causing another faint wince. Aaaand... then she asks about his dates. A storm comes across his face. "They're ok. I suppose, for what they were."
The wince hurts. As much as she should have expected it, actually having it happen stings worse than she thought it would.
Her jaw tenses as she listens to him, inching away as discretely as she can. "I see."
She looks out the window, flipping her hair as she does. It's meant to be a show of nonchalance, but it has the unintentional effect of sending her hair and the scent of it close to Kukai.
She uses a very distinctive shampoo.
"Well, hopefully they weren't too disappointing." Against her will, there's a bit of steel in her voice.
And she gets frustrated with herself and the cracking mask. "Anyway. Temari, we need to leave." Her eyes flicker toward Kukai. "Sorry for bothering you."
Walking is the easiest thing in the world. It's trying to do so while hiding the fact that all you want to do is cry that's the hard part.
Kukai knows that scent. It's spicy and sweet and mellow and uniquely Nadeshiko, and in that moment two paths are laid out before him, neither of which he can take.
He looks at Nadeshiko as she speaks to him, some words about leaving that he can't hear or place, as he realizes what's ahead of him. One path is that he could confess his failings, his miserable state, right here and now, but Daichi would never allow that. In the other, he could let Nadeshiko keep walking out the door, and up the street, and into the park, and to who knows where. He can't do that either.
But there she goes, out the door. He watches her through a window for a moment before reaching over and picking up one of the bags he'd bought earlier that day, the others forgotten under the table. As with many paths in life, he's choosing to take the third route, which begins with him opening the door and slipping out of the cafe, following a long-haired figure in the distance.
Temari continues to sulk, resting on her shoulder. Though she's quiet, it's relatively loud sulking.
"You saw the text. And I was nice, wasn't I?"
Temari huffs. "You may have well asked him about the weather while you were at it!"
Nadeshiko sighs.
After a while, she feels Temari jerk on her shoulder.
"What is it? Are we being followed?"
Could it be someone from Easter? But why?
"N-no..."
She breathes out a sigh and mutters under her breath. "Good grief you're a horrible liar." She turns to see what has her Chara's attention.
Seeing Kukai in the distance, she's not sure whether she wants to be annoyed or relieved. She settles on the first and crosses her arms, giving him an impatient look as she waits for him to catch up.
Kukai Souma is quiet in his footsteps behind Nadeshiko, trying to figure out what to say to her, what to do, what he's going to do now. He clutches the little bag in his hands as he walks towards her, but stops, a little ways away, and holds it out to her.
Now that they're close she can see it has the name of one of the lower classed 'new age' stores on it, Magic Breeze or something similar. "... I bought this for you today. I didn't know when I'd see you to give it to you but.. I got it."
The impatience melts into confusion, eyebrows drawing together as she steps forward. There's a heavy ball in her chest as she takes the bag from him, eyes stinging a bit as she does. "Why?"
Why did he buy her something?
Why was he just there all the time now when he basically gave her the boot only a few weeks ago?
She shakes herself with a blink, and opens the bag. Her shoulders slump as she just looks at what's inside.
It's a small hanging symbol, tied and threaded with red string, made out of small red semi-transparent beads - if Nadeshiko knows gems at all, they look like little polished bits of garnet. "It's a good luck symbol. I was... thinking about your room and thought that you could hang it up in it, and it would give you good luck." Which room, he doesn't specify.
He takes a breath. "...I don't know what I'm doing. I feel... so weird, all the time. And I can't put it into words. I'm having fun, and trying to help people, and I still feel like a piece is missing." He sounds as if he's choosing his words slowly and carefully. "But all I know for sure is that when you walked into the cafe tonight it was right where I wanted to be, and when you walked out I didn't want to be anywhere but behind you."
She pulls the charm out as he talks about it. It's not something she would have bought for herself, but as she watches light flicker through the garnet-like beads, she knows it will hang it whichever room she's staying in at the time.
"Thank you." It's soft, and almost not there, but there's a sincerity to it that can't be denied.
She tears her attention away from the charm as he speaks. Some of it makes her upset (why does he get to have fun when she's been a ball of misery?) but some of it sounds all too familiar. By the time he's done, she's holding the charm to her chest as if afraid he'll change his mind and try to take it back.
And she wants to believe that what he says at the end is true, and that bit of hope irritates her.
"Then why did you send the text?" Her voice is slightly strained, a couple pitches higher. She hopes her eyebrows look grumpy rather than the raised hurt she feels them to be. There's nothing to be done with the welling in her eyes. Maybe she could blame allergies if he asks.
Kukai Souma closes his eyes. "Because when I sent it Utau... Lunatic Charm... had just taken her trident away from my chest where she was about to stab me after Eru told her I'd been kissing other people. Because I couldn't think about anything right then. I just wanted to try and fix things with her and now... Now it's all ruined. Neither of you want anything to do with me anymore so I gotta try to find that spark somewhere else but it's just not there and it's fun but..."
He shakes his head, turning away. "It's ok. You don't wanna hear about my problems. Sorry." He steps back, not wanting to bother the angry, grumpy Nadeshiko, and moves to turn away.
Nadeshiko just looks at him, emotions just jumbling beneath the surface. She clings to an old friend - anger - and hurls the bag at his head. The charm is still clutched to her chest. "How was I supposed to react? I text you I found my phone, and your reply was to stop bothering you!"
The brimming in her eyes spill over as she yells at him. "I thought it was something I did! Until five seconds ago, I thought I'd done something wrong!"
Kukai Souma dodges away from the bag as she throws it, and ends up going sideways into a post near the edge of the path. There is an audible hiss of pain from Kukai when he bumps his side, and he looks up at her for a moment, trying to figure out what to say, what to do.
"...No. You didn't. I did something wrong. I'm sorry. I..." He sighs and shakes his head. "I didn't... know I hurt you. I thought you were just mad at me for a while. Then I realized it must've been that text, but you didn't want to talk to me, and you wouldn't let me explain!"
He's getting back to his balance again, standing up straight. "I tried, several times." The urge to say 'and you never listened!' is somewhere within him, but for once, he does know what to say. "...But now I'm trying again. Nadeshiko, I didn't mean it like that."
Off to one side with Temari is a very annoyed looking Chara listening carefully to what Kukai has to say.
Now he's just talking crazy. "You never tried. At least not where I could hear you."
There's a scowl, and she stuffs her hands in the pockets of her coat, scuffing her shoe against the ground. It's less of a Nadeshiko move and more of a Nagihiko. "All you did was try to make small talk. I thought you were just being nice." That last word is near a hiss, and it's obvious she wants to do air quotes around the word with the way she moves.
Temari isn't 'helping.' Not in her usual eye glinting way. She's helping by not 'helping.
Nadeshiko looks at a cigarette butt on the ground, wondering how long its been there. Wondering why the person didn't just take two steps to the left to the ashtray.
"If that's not what you meant, what do you want?" She's lost and confused. Everything from the last two weeks is suddenly turned on its ear. "Why the sudden surge in dating? What spark?" She has little to no answers, and for a professional troll, its highly disconcerting.
Temari notices Daichi's mood shift beside her. She gives him a curious, cautious look.
Kukai Souma sighs and shakes his head. "Dammit, Nadeshiko. When are you gonna let that stupid mask fall away around me? When are you gonna realize I'm not trying to hurt you? I was trying to be nice. You were being the Ice Queen!"
He stops. Yelling isn't gonna get anyone anywhere, no matter how good it feels. "I want... that feeling like I was dancing and flying and fighting in the lightning back. The one I had when you were around." And the one he almost felt with Utau, but he doesn't say that. "I want it so bad it hurts. I..." He stops before he says the next words, tasting them and not finding them to his liking, so he swallows, hard. "So I'm looking for it again."
Daichi hmms, watching his Bearer, then blinks, looking over at Temari. He grins at her and shrugs.
The voice slips, and suddenly he's just a sad boy playing dress-up, and he feels ridiculous for it. "Because she's safe! Because I know her better than I know me!"
And Nagihiko is still so jumbled, and Kukai is talking about lightning and sparks, and he just wants to punch his stupid, pretty face.
He's not sure when he stepped forward until he is well within Kukai's personal space. Just like he didn't know he was going to kiss instead of punch.
If Kukai wants some damn lightning, he'll show him some damn lightning.
It starts as an angry thing, but when his fingers curl against Kukai's jawline, its less angry and more yearning.
Overall, it doesn't last long and ends with his face pressed against Kukai's shoulder, fingers clenching against a shirt as he nearly chokes with the effort of being quiet because he really doesn't want Kukai to see him crying.
There it is. There's emotion, and feeling, real feeling, even if it's anger. The scab is off the wound, and maybe it can start healing now. Kukai hears that pitch in voice, and that anger, and accepts what's coming next. This is going to hurt. He closes his eyes, ready to take the punch he knows is coming for what it is.
It's the softest, most kiss-like punch he's ever felt. It's not what he was expecting at all, and he doesn't respond for the first moment or so, but by the time Kukai's reaches up to wrap both arms around Nagi, there's a face buried in his chest and wetness soaking the front of his shirt.
All Kukai can do is hold on and try to comfort the purple-haired dancer.
It's annoying, crying in front of people. It has this odd habit of making other people try to comfort you, even when they're hurting, too.
Frusterated with himself, he pushes away and ducks behind a low wall, willing himself to calm down.
A few minutes later, he's able to talk. "It was easier before, when none of you knew who I was." It was easier, more simpler.
Empty.
"I don't think it was better, though."
Kukai wants to follow him, wants to help, wants him to stop crying, but stays put. He knows Nagihiko needs time, but part of him worried that Nagi'll slip away and this will be... he doesn't know what.
He finally hears that voice and sighs, walking a few steps towards the wall. "This hurts more. It stays on your mind more, it takes up more of your space, you worry more that... that something will happen. Monsters, villains, accidents. You think less about the good of the people around you, and more about the good of specific other people."
He stops for a moment. "But then there are those moments when you're with someone, or several someones, and they look at you and smile, and it's not just 'you' anymore, it's 'us', and it feels like the best thing in the world, which I believe it is." He lets out a breath, looking at that wall. "I don't know if that's love or not, but I hope so."
He gives a soft, amused snort. "You're right. But that's not what I meant, really." He brings his legs out in front of him, leaning his head back against the wall. "When you all saw only Nadeshiko? Things were simpler, even after I found Temari." Technically, 'found' isn't quite correct, but it feels a nicer way of saying it that way rather than 'hatched.' "But I think it became too comfortable, even when she started to become cloying." He sighs. "It's scary being seen. And it hurts more. But then I'm with someone and they looked at me a certain way, and it was the best feeling in the world."
He's stealing Kukai's words, of course, but they fit very well here.
"I think love is also holding on to those moments, even when you're heartbroken in the end."
Kukai ends up sitting down on the other side of the low wall, around from where Nagihiko is sitting. "... You really think things were simpler when you were just Nadeshiko?" He chuckles faintly. "Man, you shoulda been where I was sitting. There's King Tadase, with his Queen and Joker at his sides, and the Court Jester slash Handyman, busting his ass and watching the whole while."
He sighs. "I care for all of my friends and I'll do anything I can for them. And I know I'm famous in school, and on the playing field, and everybody knows all this stuff about me. But it's not the same. If you really thought it was easy, you're fooling yourself." Maybe Kukai's taking on a bit of the 'I'm a teenager, you don't know how hard my life has been' route, but maybe there's a bit of truth there.
"But I didn't mind. But there's love and romance and arguments and all this other stuff in the past few months and it's just..." He makes an explosion noise and spreads his hands apart before he realizes Nagihiko can't see him. "Er. Well. It all blew up. But.. yeah. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Not for half a dozen Guardian Charas that I knew I'd grow up into. Not for all the magic in the world. It is all the magic in the world, to me."
He looks over at the wall, then shakes his head. "...y'know, it's only the end if you want it to be. I've been trying to get through to you for two weeks now..."
He gives another soft snort. "I was watching all of you. I've been seeing you, at least I hope I have been." He sighs. "Maybe you're right. It feels like it was easier, but really, I just kept watching people able to be themselves, wondering what that was like. In a way, my voice cracking came at an awesome time."
Another sigh. "Tadase knew how hard it was on me. Maybe he let me have a few liberties, I don't know. I'm sorry for that."
As Kukai talks about love and romance and how it's all worth it, Nagihiko climbs the wall and looks down at him. "Give me a few seconds to adjust, would ya? I've been nursing a broken heart all mopey like the past two weeks. I need to recover from the whiplash."
Despite the words, true as they may be, his tone is light, almost playful. "You need to give a guy at least five minutes before he's comfortable saying he missed you. And at least ten before he admits he wants to kiss you again."
Kukai laughs. "Things seem to keep happening at full speed. I guess we don't get a choice." He nods. "Tadase's a good guy. There's a reason I stick around with him."
He looks up as Nagihiko leans over the wall, then hums, pulling out his smartphone idly, going to the clock app, and setting an alarm for 15 minutes. "Here, I'll give you 15 minutes, but I'm expecting good things from you." Nagi could swear Kukai's nose was just a bit longer at that point, and the sly grin on his face as he repockets his phone gives it away.
His eyebrows raise. "Fifteen whole minutes? Careful, I may get used to being spoiled."
Nagihiko wants the fifteen minutes to be up now, but that's not the game! He does, however, lower himself off the wall and settle on the ground beside Kukai.
After a moment of internal debate that seems like it actually lasted five years, he leans over, just, and rests his head on Kukai's shoulder.
It's funny how things work. More than the words, just being able to settle against him calms Nagihiko's nerves.
Kukai Souma chuckles and shrugs. After a moment, he reaches up, putting an arm around Nagihiko's middle, and closes his eyes, just resting there against the wall. "I feel like I could sleep here for a week." He looks up at the lights of the city in the evening, and the stars twinkling above, just keeping an arm around Nagi and feeling part of the stress of the past few weeks fading.
More of the nerves calm and ease as he settles fully against the other boy, and this time his sigh is a content one.
"Your butt would fall asleep two hours in."
Still, he knows what he means. This is the most calm he's felt in weeks.
He bites his lip, worrying it as he considers whether or not he should actually suggest what he's about to suggest. Is it too soon?
"Think your brothers would think it's weird if you have an impromptu sleepover?"
Because, really, that was the last time he felt this relaxed.
There's a rude snort for that comment. "My butt's already half asleep, thank you. I'd live." He thinks, then pulls out his phone again, flipping over to the texts. Nagi can see that there's no incoming messages yet. Last one was to Tadase, but there's no way to tell what the context was.
"...Yeah, sure. Even with the coffee in my system if I stay up much longer I'm gonna collapse. And if they think it's weird they can stay the hell out of my locked room." He blushes and grins, feeling his heart beating faster - from defying Big Brother Kaido, or from the concept of the sleepover? He could make a case for both.
He makes a motion to get up, supporting Nagihiko, then stops, looking at him in the dim light. "..aww. Your makeup's smudged. It looked good too."