No Weapons In The Living Room


(Content warning: teenage boys.) Nephrite and Mamoru are both sidelined for medical reasons. Kunzite is stuck watching them. In such conditions, one's essential nature is revealed! By which we mean they're all jerks.

Date: 2016-06-17
Pose Count: 23
Kazuo Takeba 2016-06-17 01:10:20 45190
It's not as if Kunzite has been trapped alone with the invalids since Nephrite's being dropped off, easily mistaken for a corpse, on the living room floor. After all. Makoto showed up almost instantly (and nearly electrocuted Kunzite). Ami visited (and chewed him out). Usagi visited (and chewed him out, then made him watch seven and a half solid hours of Johnny Depp, enforced by tiny blonde being practically physically attached for the duration). Naru visited (and did not chew him out, which has been a unique experience for the last few days). He's even managed to trap Jadeite into spelling him long enough to get out of the apartment a few times. One of those involved running into Ami's ex-boyfriend.

Somehow, no murder has been committed.

In the mean time: for safety's sake, where by "safety" one means "in case of Fiore teleporting in and it suddenly being necessary to evacuate," the couches in the living room have been largely reserved for the injured and ill. The coffee table has been pressed into service to hold most of what they need regularly. And someone capable either of teleporting or of holding a possessed alien off has been with the pair nearly every moment.

Usually that's Kunzite.

Still no murder has been committed. There is undoubtedly a bet going on how long that record is going to hold.
Mamoru Chiba 2016-06-17 01:26:36 45194
At the moment, it's Nephrite who has the remote. But Mamoru's talking over the TV, because if he has to be awake then he's not going to let anyone enjoy shoe-eating. "And I kept waking up and they were still watching. I think someone's replaced him with a pod person. Usa was cuddling on him, and he said 'fuck' to Ami."
Nephrite 2016-06-17 01:38:16 45200
It's alright that Mamoru is insistent on talking over everything Nephrite flips to, because daytime television is precisely as bland as though it were designed for the elderly and invalid. Nobody has even eaten a shoe in like, half an hour.

He can't be cranky about that either, because he's been provided with powerful painkillers of mysterious origin. The painkillers make the couch he's on feel all swoopy. The cast-bound leg he has propped on a pillow seems to be accumulating doodles. There is one distinctive bunny in there amidst the stars that confirms Usagi was around. "No! Captain Tightpants said a dirty word? Are you sure it wasn't duck? There's ducks in that movie right?
Kazuo Takeba 2016-06-17 01:49:38 45204
There's a chair placed in the corner made by the two couches, within arm's reach of both. The white-haired occupant of that chair eyes Mamoru first, then Nephrite. The urge to point out that he is in fact sitting right there is strong, but duly suppressed. "That was a parrot, Nephrite. Ducks do not generally sit on shoulders. Except, apparently, possibly yours."

There's a certain amount of fairness to be granted here, after all. He could have taken the pink marker away from Usagi. At least she didn't draw flowers.
Mamoru Chiba 2016-06-17 02:04:39 45210
"Plus it wasn't at the same time," Mamoru fills in helpfully. At least he's distracted, right? He's more or less adapted to functioning on the painkillers at this point, and as long as he doesn't move much, he can be a jackass with impunity. "That was when we asked Ami to come over so we could tell her Takashi was Riventon and she told us how epically angry she was at all of us. That he said that. Pirates was later, with Usa."

Doesn't move much. He's sort of absently picking at the bedspread he's half-burrito'd in with one hand. "I think it was a different day, even. I'm not really sure. But he definitely said fuck. If Ami hadn't been being so scary I probably would have been incredulous out loud at the time."
Nephrite 2016-06-17 02:15:40 45213
"Why do I miss all the good stuff?" Nephrite whines. Unlike the Mamorrito on the other couch, he is currently sprawled with his own blanket on the floor and his shirt hanging half-open. He is, at least, wearing sweatpants.

He flips the channel once again, from daytime J-drama to infomercial. "Seriously, I need something to entertain me here. Kunzite, say something funny. Say fuck."
Kazuo Takeba 2016-06-17 02:26:46 45217
"You miss all the good stuff because you're drugged out of your skull." Kunzite leans to pick up the cellphone just barely out of easier reach. Presumably it's his own. Either that or he's memorized someone else's unlock codes. Mamoru's commentary is steadfastly ignored. Obviously it is not actually happening.

Nephrite's further commentary, on the other hand...

The momentary glare at Nephrite is not, in fact, accompanied by the temperature dropping in the room; Mercury is probably to be thanked for that. Psychosomatic effects might be a different story. After all, it's only been the last couple of months that there's been no possibility of bleedover.

... which probably makes that funny to Nephrite, too, dammit.
Mamoru Chiba 2016-06-17 02:39:07 45222
"Dammit, did Zoi get you better stuff?" complains Mamoru, slithering further into his bedspread burrito. "You wouldn't even need to be taking anything at this point if you didn't keep trying to walk on a non walking cast. Which you need to stop doing because you need to be mobile by the time Ami says it's time to go punch the asteroid until it explodes, and if you keep undoing what I'm doing oh my god tell the television to tag its pomegranate gore."

His eyes are wide, peering out from over the top of the blanket, staring at the TV screen. The corner of the eye can sometimes do strange things to ingredients on Cutthroat Kitchen. "How are you getting unsubtitled Alton Brown."
Nephrite 2016-06-17 02:55:44 45227
"Zoi loves me more than he loves you," Nephrite proclaims with absolute assurance despite being fully aware that every person in the room knows this is definitely not true at all. He glares balefully at the definitely-not-for-walking cast. "I was hungry and there were still Makocookies in the kitchen! I can't stay still forever! And sometimes people need to pee, which your medical know-how should absolutely have informed you of at some point."

He huffs. "Fine. You don't want me walking ever? Kunzite, can just carry me to the bathroom, right?"

Mamoru's outburst provides brief distraction from whining. "Remote control wizardry. It's my secret power."
Kazuo Takeba 2016-06-17 03:01:42 45230
Pomegranate gore. Kunzite eyes the television for a moment, then drops his attention to the cellphone in much the same way he finds something else immediate to do every other time Mamoru uses the word 'tag.' There is brief prodding at its screen.

Then there are threats from Nephrite. "I've dealt with worse from you, when you were drunk enough," he observes without looking up. "Besides. When someone inevitably gets a picture, I will not be the one photoshopped into a bridal gown."
Mamoru Chiba 2016-06-17 03:06:11 45232
Mamoru's phone dings, which means he's distracted from both Zoisite loving Nephrite more than he loves Mamoru, and from Kunzite potentially carrying Nephrite into the bathroom. He's slid his hand over to snake his phone back from the coffee table and do stuff to it, but the tail end of doing stuff to it means that he catches the last part of what Kunzite says without any context.

There's a sloooow turn of his head. There is a dangerous look.

It gets split between Kunzite and Nephrite.

"Nobody is photoshopping anybody into bridal gowns. None of you are letting me walk."
Nephrite 2016-06-17 03:19:56 45236
Nephrite settles back against the pillows with a grunt. "Probably wouldn't even pick a tasteful one. Jerks." He folds his arms grumpily and watches Alton do unfathomable kitcheny things. "The only one who gets to put me in a wedding dress is me."

Mamoru's look comes honing in, though, and Nephrite's annoyance gives way to a devious grin. "Is that a threat? What are you going to do, breathe aggressively at them from the couch?"
Kazuo Takeba 2016-06-17 03:21:40 45237
That, of all things, is what makes Kunzite look back up from his cellphone.

"Tell me," he says to Nephrite, "that that is not something that has already happened."
Mamoru Chiba 2016-06-17 03:25:24 45239
Which is when Kunzite's phone dings.

Mamoru, on the other hand, throws something at Nephrite. Something red. Something red and pillowy and cool on one end and godawfully sharp and green on the other end.

"No. I'll get revenge when I can move again," he says cheerfully. And then he tips his head back over the arm of the couch to look at Kunzite a little upside down and a lot askance. "Are you telling me you don't think he'd look awesome in a wedding dress? Probably not as good as Mako in a tux, but I bet he'd be up there."
Nephrite 2016-06-17 03:32:29 45240
Reduced reaction time means that the the rose plops petals-first right in Nephrite's face before falling harmlessly onto his chest. Not even medication can stop the brunette from screaming dramatically. "That's cheating! No weapons in the living room!"

He eyes Mamoru across the coffee table. "You think I look pretty, Chiba?" He looks to Kunzite. "Because it's true, you know."
Kazuo Takeba 2016-06-17 03:39:45 45243
Kunzite eyes Mamoru sidelong in turn at that look askance -- before, being the one not preemptively on painkillers, he closes his eyes briefly at Nephrite's indignant howl. Then opens them again just in time to catch the look Nephrite's giving him. Eyebrows lift. "He's sending you flowers. He must agree."

Also there is someone else who seems to share an opinion. Kunzite glances down to his phone again on the off chance that she might be chiming in based on some heretofore-unknown psychic capability declaring that she will be the one wearing a dress dammit. Apparently not, since there's only a brief couple of taps involved.
Mamoru Chiba 2016-06-17 03:48:01 45247
"'Chiba', is it?" Mamoru asks archly, giving Nephrite some serious sideeye. "Of course you're pretty. You could teach Minako a thing or two about contouring. But it's not cheating. 'No weapons in the living room' isn't on the list. We'd never have any visitors. Technically we couldn't even come in here ourselves."

His phone makes a sound and he carefully untilts his head and slouches again, then studies the screen. He wrinkles his nose, then eyes the TV, "Ugh, can you mute it if you're not actively going to watch? Or put it on a music channel or something..."

He taps at his screen, finally. "And don't be such a baby. I wouldn't throw the stem at you."
Nephrite 2016-06-17 04:04:31 45254
"Who says I'm not watching it? I'm totally watching this." Nephrite glances at the screen, pretends he absolutely knows what Alton is making right now, and turns up the volume another notch. "Or is the noise disturbing your delicate little princess ears?"

Nephrite picks up the rose that fell onto his chest. It could join its fellow thorny hazards on the floor, which are the result of efforts to stop his snoring earlier. Instead he leans as far as he is able to without leaving the couch, reaching across the coffee table, and plops the rose into Mamoru's drinking glass. "If you're gonna give me flowers, you could at least treat them more nicely."
Kazuo Takeba 2016-06-17 04:20:27 45258
Kunzite's phone has stopped making any noise whatsoever. Clearly this is so that Nephrite will be uninterrupted in his not listening to kitcheny mayhem. "I'm sure Zoisite has some appropriate ribbons somewhere for the two of you to make a bouquet with," he says. "Possibly even charms. Sequins." He does not make any suggestions regarding putting plant food in Mamoru's glass. There are limits.
Mamoru Chiba 2016-06-17 04:30:39 45259
"It doesn't fucking help the headache, dickbutt," Mamoru mutters, dropping his phone to his lap to rub at his temples when Nephrite turns up the volume. "Turn it down." And then he gets this completely dumbfounded expression on his face when Nephrite puts the rose in his glass of water. "Are you for real??" he sputters after a second, then can't actually help it. He can't stop himself.

He looks at Kunzite and his mouth opens and he actually legit says, "Make him stop!"

Of course, that's when his phone makes a 'someone texted' sound, and he automatically glances down at it. Huh. Rei.

All the color drains from his face.

It's a second before he can say anything, do anything. When he does, it's to start shifting himself around to sitting up, awkwardly, laboriously. His face is grim. "Kunzite, give me a hand? I have to fix Neph's ankle right now. Neph, take my phone. Text Rei you'll be on your way in a few. Intercept calls. Usa might." He puts his phone on the table between them, unlocked.

There's a message from Rei-- Makoto is completely full of dark energy.
Nephrite 2016-06-17 04:40:42 45263
Nephrite has already turned the volume down to almost nothing. He teases, he doesn't torture. "Tattletale," he mutters, when Mamoru implores Kunzite to intervene.

He can tell, from Mamoru's scramble to sit up, that something is wrong. But it is not until the phone is placed in front of him that his heart plunges into his stomach.

It's a good thing Mamoru has already outlined the plan. Otherwise he would be gone already, broken leg and all.
Kazuo Takeba 2016-06-17 04:48:59 45267
"Fine," Kunzite says to Mamoru's (tattletale) demand. "I'll get the duct tape." This statement does not actually result in his moving from his chair, or indeed even looking up to properly witness Mamoru's indignation --

-- until Mamoru starts moving. At which point it's no longer indignation.

His shoulder's under Mamoru's arm, supporting him and helping him drag himself to the pillow hosting Nephrite's cast, even before the phone's out of the way. He hasn't seen the text message. But Nephrite and Rei and on your way tells him everything he really needs to know.
Mamoru Chiba 2016-06-17 05:05:21 45271
And there we go. Mamoru's face is set while Kunzite's helping him get across, and as soon as he's in reach, one hand's pulling up Nephrite's sweatpants leg and the other's settling on the skin just above the cast. Mako-chan...

There's the golden glow, and it's so obvious, so obvious, that it's more than he can really spare right now. But Neph needs to be mobile, and Mamoru will just sleep some more, for a while. He doesn't say a word, and his face is paper-white by the time bone has knit itself back together the rest of the way and muscle has been somewhat regenerated--

And as his hands slip off, Nephrite vanishes, all in deshabille for the senshi.

Which is good for Mamoru, too, because it means Neph doesn't see the prince's shaking hands and frustrated tears and useless, powerless fury as he slumps backward into Kunzite, closing his eyes. He's still awake, if barely, but there's not a single coherent thought. Just a riot of unfiltered raw emotion, exhaustion, and pain.

No. No, one floats up and coalesces amid the flotsam.

Why can't we ever get a fucking break?