Nightfall in summer happens pretty late, this is a given. When the Perseids are due to light up the sky, this is convenient because there's still a little bit of light left to use to set up a telescope. A certain ridiculously tall black-haired high school senior is taking advantage of this fact on the roof of Mugen, even though school's not in session, because there are like zero buildings tall enough to get in the way of the horizon from there.
It may be slightly odd that he's just now arrived and Setsuna didn't pass him on the stairs-- and he's clearly just now arrived because he's on one knee in front of the telescope case, just undoing the latches. There's a girl with immense red hair there with him, and there was also no sign of her on the stairs, and no sound at all to indicate that the loud firedoor that slams and sticks and makes horrible stairwell-echoing metal sounds when opened has been opened at all. That door's definitely loud enough to echo at least three floors down.
The boy looks up at the girl as he gets the case open -- why is his face so familiar? -- with a wry look. "What it comes down to is that I see the whole damn inheritance as family money, and you're family. In another light -- the one it used to be seen as -- they're literally my court. I'm paying the guys to be my bodyguards and generally do what their actual jobs are, since their actual jobs are working for me in their various capacities as Shitennou -- which you still count as if you want to. It really just depends on your perspective. I just never brought it up before now because you'd been so excited to get the conbenie job."
Kyouko is standing next to Mamoru as he kneels beside the telescope case, starting to undo it. She's wearing her street clothes, certainly not any sort of school uniform, a pair of plain jeans and a black t-shirt, and she has her hands on her hips. Her expression, as she regards the kneeling, slightly-older boy is a bemused scowl. It's not full-on angry-Kyouko, because if it was there would be no missing her at all- squeaky doors have nothing on angry-Kyouko for volume.
But it's certainly not a happy expression either, and her tone as she responds to his words is caustic and heated. "Look, you know you guys mean the world to me- all of you. I may not have some fancy destiny or whatever, but I'd put my life on the line for you in a second and you know it."
She pulls a hand back through her hair, "It's like you told me before that whole North Pole thing, right? Orphans, we make our own families. And I finally feel like I done that, or at least made a good start. Which is why I'm sayin', it's wrong for me to accept money for doin' what I wanna do, what's right for me to do anyway, especially when I can support myself."
Supporting herself is a huge point of pride for Kyouko, which Mamoru knows, which is undoubtedly why he knows this would be a difficult conversation. "I just.." A soft sigh. "Like, I get where you're comin' from dude, it's just it can't help feelin' like you're bribing me, or you don't trust that I'd do what I need to do unless there was somethin' in it for me. I know I used ta be like that so maybe it's fair but.. " She falls silent, struggling for words as is so often the case.
Her attention is fixed on the conversation, and no other occupants of the roof have yet been noticed.
Setsuna stands atop the roof, peering into the telescope she had set up. She has it positioned towards Perseus and is making some final adjustments. She straightens up to gaze into the night sky for a moment before bending back over to fine tune everything. A few deep green strands are brushed aside when they fall into her field of view. The pollution of the city lights is discouraging, but she'll make due.
A sudden voice startles her, and she bumps her telescope in the process, but that's not a top concern at this moment. Turning, Setsuna sees two other people visible in the fading light. Where had they come from? She specifically remembers having the roof to herself. It might have been the deep shadows cast, but she feels as though the broad sillhoette of the masculine figure is no stranger. She studies him a moment more, but decides he's not in any of her classes. Where did she know him from? The nagging feeling is hard to shake...The smaller sillohette, the girl he's with, Setsuna doesn't recognize that one. Then again, she probably shouldn't be recognizing either person.
Whatever the conversation is, Setsuna hadn't been paying attention at first, and even tuning now, she's not really sure what the discussion is about. 'Court?' That term fits the nostalgic feeling, as though this young man would actually have such a thing. The discussion seems to have exasperated the younger girl. Not knowing what to do, Setsuna quietly keeps to her telescope, though she hasn't quite turned back to the sky just yet.
"Well shit," the boy says with a half-frustrated laugh. "That's like exactly the opposite. What I actually figured is that you wouldn't accept even family money without feeling like you were earning it. And if it's something you're doing anyway-- well, that's what the deal is with the guys, you know? They'd be there anyway. They'd be doing what they're doing anyway. Even if we were living in Cheapside in Dickensian London they'd be doing what they're doing-- and for the love of god, all that is *not* supposed to be for me alone. It never was. Like, literally. I mean hell, I'd offer for you to move in too, but I really don't think you want your kid sister living with..."
He trails off.
It could be that he heard something. After all, Setsuna and her telescope are distinctly behind the two of them. (He didn't hear anything.)
He holds up a finger (of the hand holding a big white cylinder with a couple lenses in it) and turns around, and the quickly-fading daylight and long shadows cast his sharply regal features into relief; the color of the light is a dim rose and lavender thing, fading into the washed-out tones of dusk and the rising moon's pale splendor. His eyes are canny, and as blue as the oceans of the Earth from space--
--and the spell's broken as he grins sheepishly and waves. "Hi! Sorry, didn't see you there. We can be quiet if you want to pretend we're not here, but otherwise, if you want to nerd out about the Perseids in company, can I set this thing up next to yours?"
"Well, that's true too," Kyouko says, with regards to feeling like she has to earn something. "You know how I feel about charity. It's just.." She gestures helplessly for a moment, once again fighting with her inability to articulate her thoughts the way she wants to. "You don't take money from family. You support each other but it's not about money." She says this in a way that only a girl who was desperately poor even before she lost her family could.
She scuffs a sneakered foot against the roof. "It's different with nii-san and the others, like, they were always meant to be with you. And it means so, so much to me that you consider me on par with that, but I need to feel like you trust me, and-" She pauses, suddenly as Mamoru holds up a finger and turns around.. blinking a few times and tilting her head to look in the same direction he is now looking.
She tenses upon seeing the unfamiliar form there, although a moment later she relaxes as she actually does recognize the young woman. "Meioh-san?" She queries, wondering if her memory is indeed correct. Aside, to Mamoru, "She came into the conbenie and bought a bento the other day."
For a moment she's trapped in the sunset's spell. The fading sun highlights the noble aspect she'd just barely glimpsed in the shadows earlier. And then she realizes that he's addressing her. Flustered, she waves her hands in front of her.
"No no! You don't need to be quiet."
She looks to her telescope and the free space beside it.
"Y-yes. Please. There's plenty of room."
With that, Setsuna steps aside to make room for an additional telescope. Her face is somewhat red, since she figures it looked like she was both eavesdropping and rudely staring. It was then that the girl spoke up. She called Setsuna by name, and suddenly, with the shadows gone, she recognized the girl from the store.
"Ah! Kyouko-chan?"
Though she's fairly certain of her identity, the fact that Kyouko is up on the roof is rather unexpected. It's a welcome relief, though -- something to focus on other than her embarassment. The red from her cheeks begins to fade, replaced by a friendly smile.
"You are a fellow star gazer, then?"
Mamoru briefly gives Kyouko a look that perfectly communicates 'this conversation is on hold only very temporarily' before he's getting to his feet and handing Kyouko the tripod. Before he bends to put the half-assembled pieces of telescope lightly in the case, he gives Setsuna a quick sidelong grin, eyes full of both confidence and some kind of shared amusement. But then he's carrying the case over toward her; he sets it down again then gestures for where Kyouko should put the tripod, then kneels to resume assembling parts. "The food at that damn conbenie is so good. Kyou-chan's always bringing us doughnuts. I got in a fight over like a quarter of one with one of my roommates yesterday, we knocked the couch over and everything," he tells Setsuna as he screws two cylinders together.
A quick twist and then a knob turned, and that part's affixed to the tripod; he attaches the lower half next, all with deft, practiced motions. "And yeah. Most of the time I've got this set up on my balcony or roof, but I wanted the school roof today to have access to the right part of the horizon with nothing in the way. I wanna get *pictures* of this shower, it's supposed to be spectacular. Then when I get home I'm going to lord it over my astronomer roommate, who's probably going to be too busy making out with his girlfriend to be watching for Kodak moments."
Standing up, then, he reaches to affix the front lenses-- he's taller even than Setsuna, which is probably fairly unusual, even for guys, but he's setting the thing up so it'll be accessible for Kyouko to look through, and he'll just have to bend down further to look in.
Kyouko returns Mamoru's look in a way that warily agrees while refusing to give an inch- although if anyone will be able to wear her down, it's Mamoru. Still, one must put on a brave face. She oofs as she is handed the tripod, looking at it and quirking a brow as if wondering when she became the porter for this particular excursion.. but then she sighs and trails after Mamoru, putting the tripod back down where he indicates.
Unsure if Setsuna's question re: stargazing was directed at Mamoru or herself, she answers nearly on top of him.. then, shooting a glare, she says more clearly afterwards, "Not really. I got enough to worry about here on the ground to spend my time starin' at the sky. But this guy wanted to have a talk about somethin' and so here I am."
She steps back, watching as he puts the pieces of the telescope together while talking, and visibly rolling her eyes at his comments about fighting over the doughnut. "It's true," She asides to Setsuna.. not seeming put-off by being the shortest one by a fair margin. She does hang around with Kunzite a lot, after all. "Buncha kids, all of 'em." She gives a faint grin. "Still, they look so happy when I bring 'em sweets."
It seems that her company is well versed in star gazing. Within no time, the scope is assembled alongside her own. He makes idle chitchat during the setup, something about roommates and teenage behavior. His tone and the topic both contradict the earlier regal figure. She notices, once he's done, that she's able to look at his face without tilting her head down. In fact, she'd say she needs to look up. Not unheard of, but still infrequent enough to be noticed.
When Kyouko mentions that she was here for a (assumed private) talk, Setsuna begins to feel the need to exit.
"Well, if the doughnuts are anything like the bento, I can see why people would fight over them. I really did enjoy that dinner. But...if you two need some privacy..."
She realizes too late that might have sounded awkward and/or presumptuous of their relationship and intentions. She didn't mean it in such a way.
"Ah, I mean, the shower peak is still another night or two..."
The black-haired boy waves a hand dismissively at Setsuna's hesitation to linger. "Seriously it's fine. Can you tell I'm scared she's going to bite my head off and I'm basically looking for any excuse to put the rest of the conversation off? Because I am." He checks in the eyepiece, swivels the telescope a little so it actually matches where Setsuna's is pointing more closely, then starts screwing on the cameraphone attachment. He looks at Setsuna again, hands stilling on the telescope, and he tilts his head very slightly, regarding her for a moment.
The weight of that regard is a very heavy thing, with far more presence than a teenaged boy has any right to carry, and there's something a little uncanny about it. "Hm," he finally says, then glances down at the equipment again. "You were here first. I can also come back tomorrow night, and it looks like your telescope's heavier and more complicated than mine. How about we let you get to it here, and then tomorrow I come back with Star Boy and he can nerd extensively at us both?"
Apparently he's literally already made this decision for them both, because he's also already begun disassembling what he just put together. On the other hand, he's a quick enough hand at it that it really isn't any trouble. "By the way, my name's Mamoru Chiba. I'm a third-year in the high school here, just for reference's sake."
Maybe that's why he looks familiar. He's always been high-grades overachiever rumor-mill fodder and was seriously ill on and off again over a lot of the last year. So many conflicting stories.
Kyouko is already shaking her head when Setsuna starts to ask them if they need privacy. "Nah, it ain't anything important," she says, despite the fact that Mamoru would likely disagree quite fervently, "you shouldn't interrupt your- really Mamoru?!"
This last said in exasperated tones as the guy starts to take apart the telescope he just finished putting together. She's rolling her eyes so hard even the meteor shower may decide there are smarter nights to come around Tokyo.
She turns to Setsuna, shaking her head again. "Look, don't worry about it, Meioh-san, it's really no big deal. You just keep doin' what you're doin'. This jackass is drivin' me crazy but that ain't no concern of yours."
She pauses, then beams for a moment. "Those bentos really are great, ain't they?" She looks so pleased.
Then she's turning to scowl at Mamoru again. "We could have just talked about this at your place y'know, but you were all like 'stars this, telescope that'.."
In a flash, he resumes the air of royalty, drawing Setsuna into what almost feels like an close inspection. She half-expects him to comment on the familiar feeling that's been, for her at least, hanging persistently in the air. He introduces himself -- a high schooler here. Could she have seen him previously? She spends so much time locked away with her studies in the lab, though. But this has to be the answer. She'll let that be the answer for now. She realizes then, Mamoru is younger than she first placed him.
Somehow, as the second telescope falls back into pieces, Setsuna suspects that she just chased off the duo inadvertendly, and she feels rather guilty for doing so. Kyouko reassures her the situation is okay, but with language that jars Setsuna right back off into the pits of unease. She manages to agree with Kyouko in regards to the bento before the fiery haired girl tears into Mamoru again. There isn't much Setsuna can do. She doesn't feel as though she could protest Mamoru's decision to depart, and whatever their discussion was probably needed to be resolved sooner rather than later.
On the other hand-- it really doesn't look like Mamoru's bothered by Kyouko's aggravation at all. Instead, he gives her a shiteating grin as he magicians the pieces back into the case. "Now you know why Kazuo's the one and only holder of the 'Purity and Affection' title: he hasn't strangled me in my sleep yet. We all have our jobs. Mine is to be arbitrary specifically in ways that annoy you personally."
He also tosses a wink over his shoulder at Setsuna, and a little half-shrug. "Kid sisters, you know? You should see how she trolls hers."
Which doesn't make any sense, but very little about this guy and his and Kyouko's interactions do.
"See you tomorrow night, though, right? Anyone else who pegs this as the best place to watch the Perseids and buys bentos from Kyou-chan's conbenie is well worth establishing a fantastically geeky friendship with." This is normally where someone would bow, as he shuts the lid and fastens the clasps of the case, then stands up and coincidentally lightly shoves Kyouko as he does so. Because he may be a little bit of a jerk. Who fought over a quarter doughnut.
He doesn't bow, though. Instead, his eyes do a thing where they're almost narrowed for a half second, even though he's smiling, and he offers his hand to shake.
Kyouko's aggravation towards Mamoru is decidedly affectionate, although there's no way Setsuna could know that, since she doesn't know what genuine-Kyouko-aggravation looks like. (Hint: There's usually a lot more blood.) She just continues to grumble as Mamoru gives her that grin, and then snaps back at him, "Oh right, I forgot you were goddamned royalty. Hey everyone, let's do what the freakin' Prince wants just cause he rules the planet or whatever.."
Mamoru shoves her as he gets up, and she shoves him back, and might have started scuffling right then and there if she hadn't suddenly seemed to remember Setsuna was there as well. Having the good grace to look mildly ashamed, the redhead lifts a hand to the back of her head and says sheepishly, "Eh heh.. sorry, Meioh-san.. I know I ain't exactly the most calming company. Next time you come by the shop I'll throw in a free onigiri or somethin' for the trouble, huh?"
She takes a few steps back as Mamoru pauses to shake the older girl's hand, her own hands stuffing into the pockets of her jeans.
She smiles at his invite into a geeky friendship. Bento and stars. Why not? As she's considering this, Mamoru and Kyouko get into a minor scuffle. There is an affection in the exchange that lends credit to the 'kid sister' comment.
"Kyouko-chan, you're very entertaining company."
She speaks with a sincerity that hopefully reassures the girl, then reaches out to shake hands with Mamoru. The contact seems to ignite the aura of deja vu hanging in the air, and Setsuna can barely conceal a startled face. She feels a connection, perhaps to Mamoru, or perhaps to the Earth itself, but somehow the connection feels a bit one-sided. For him, the woman's feelings are readily available -- her quiet, reserved self looking out into the vast world. The call of the universe and beyond, which led her to passionately chase after the sciences in an attempt to better see beyond the blue sky, as though keeping watch. There is a loneliness coming from her, though it's not exactly sorrowful. She just has a feeling of standing back while watching the world and all it has to give.
And with that, the handshake was over. As she breaks from it, Setsuna feels herself coming back to the roof. She looks around briefly, before returning her attention to Mamoru and Kyouko.
"Well, it was nice meeting you here tonight. And Kyouko-chan, it was lovely to see you again. I will be by at the store soon, I'm sure."
The Prince is also startled-- but he hides it well, especially since it's more at what he doesn't find than what he does. The particular flavor of loneliness, he understands very well, though, so he only becomes all the more determined to get this girl involved in the shenanigans that have become his life even aside from all the magic. He grins at Setsuna as he lets his hand drop, and it's a crinkle-eyed thing with the beginnings of affection in it. "Right. See you tomorrow then."
And then he pushes at Kyouko a little more, playing up the lordly demanding royalty thing and well expecting to get hit for it. "Well then, loyal subject, I'm glad you've finally come around to realizing that everyone gets to live by my whims and fancies~! Come then and let us adjourn, departing this place of wondrous heights, and descend upon the slightly less wondrous height of my roof. If Neph's up there he can just cope with us arguing like cats and dogs..." he's saying as the two of them leave, vanishing into the darkness of the roof.
Moments later, there's the horrible metal screech of the stairwell fire door, and then the slam as it shuts, presumably behind them.
Nevermind that sound like a large silk flag snapping in the wind.
Kyouko blinks at Setsuna as if trying to determine whether being called 'entertaining company' is some sort of a veiled jibe. Such a reaction probably speaks to the company she is used to keeping. Still, after a moment she seems to determine that the girl meant what she said, and she flashes a brief grin.. "Make sure you do."
And then she's vanishing into the darkness alongside Mamoru, and lost from sight.
It's not much later that the two idiots -- ie, Mamoru and Kyouko -- land on the roof of the Earth Court Frat House, where Nephrite is not currently in residence, but his telescope is, and is already set up. Therefore, Tuxedo Kamen sets down his case by the door leading inside as he dehenshins. "Sorry for all the fuss. I really didn't think anyone would be there, and honestly, she was there first and I didn't want to make her move."
Kyouko doesn't try to have any sort of conversation while in-henshin and leaping across rooftops. She waits until they arrive back 'home', dropping her henshin as well as they land lightly on the roof. She shrugs absently at Mamoru's apology. "Eh, s'okay. Like I said, she came into the store the other day and we had a little chat. She's a sweet girl." Talking as if Setsuna isn't several years older than her at least.
"Yeah," agrees Mamoru, taking his phone out of his pocket and fixing it to Nephrite's telescope, then hunching over a little to look in the viewer and nudge the telescope this way and that, until it's pointing right in exactly the right direction to focus on where the greatest concentration's supposed to be. Then he straightens up and sticks his hands in his pockets, coming alongside Kyouko and keeping his eyes on the sky. Here and there, a shooting star: it's beginning.
"Anyway-- no, you don't mooch off family. But you also don't reject the family fortune if it's there and you've got a right to it. I mean, like, is Momo mooching off you? Or are you sharing your resources with her because she's family?"
Kyouko falls silent as she watches Mamoru adjusting the telescope, attaching his phone to it and eventually satisfied, walking over to stand beside her. She turns her eyes up.. indeed, a thing she seldom does. There are few magical girls as 'down to Earth' as Kyouko Sakura- who has time for big dreams and gazing at the stars when every day is just a struggle to find enough to eat?
But maybe that makes it all the more special when she does get a moment to look up and wonder at the wider universe.. and as the shooting stars begin to appear among the sky, her head tilts slightly. Tracking them as they race across the wide heavans. "Sure is pretty." She murmurs, in a quiet voice.
She doesn't respond right away when Mamoru starts again with the whole 'family fortune' thing. Just watching the stars. After a minute though, she tilts her head down and glances sideways at him. "That's different." She says, but her voice betrays the fact that she isn't sure it is. "She can't take care of herself."
Mamoru fishes in his pockets for a minute, then finds a lollipop. He does not give it to Kyouko. He puts it in his own mouth. Then he says around it, "Bet she'd argue that. She'd also have a point. She's older than you were when you started." A beat, and then he looks away from the beginnings of the shower to reach and turn his phone's slow-shutter auto-burst app on and set it going.
The starfall begins in earnest, bright burning trails of pieces of shattered heaven streaking across the sky, one by one by two by three by one, and Mamoru only glances toward Kyouko for a second after it starts. It's to say, "Even if it were true, don't you think she deserves the benefit of every resource you have the right to tap?"
"She's not. She just looks like it." Kyouko reminds Mamoru, with a brief sigh, glancing down and scuffing her sneaker against the roof of the apartment. She doesn't stay looking down for long though- the lure of those shooting stars, such a rare sight, drawing her eyes upwards again before long to watch the streaks going across the sky.
After a moment, she leans sideways to rest her slender frame against Mamoru's side, his arm really. It's a companionable lean, and while the situation, alone on a roof under the shooting stars, might be romantic in some company, here with Mamoru Kyouko finds it oddly.. serene. Comforting, even.
"I just.. I don't always feel like I do. Have the right, I mean." A small sigh, closing her eyes for just a moment. "All of you guys have this.. link, this history, this destiny, that I can't ever be a part of. You're all gonna be here long after I'm gone. You were all here, more or less, long before I was born."
"You say I'm family and I can't even begin to tell you how much that means to me. Really. It means the world to me and I wouldn't trade it for anything. And I want to.. I want to be a part of it for as long as I can. For as long as I last."
"But it's one thing to hang out in your living room, joke around, have dinner together, even fight together. It's another thing to tap into your freakin' inheretence, especially on the basis of something I would do for free, a hundred times over." She opens her eyes again, but keeps her cheek against Mamoru's upper arm, staring upwards. "I just.. don't ever want to be resented."
That shoulder-- arm, really-- is a good place to lean. Mamoru's calm and steady, and looking at the stars like that--? The serene feeling's shared; it's peaceful up there. A timeless moment out of time, quiet and alive. The city breathes beneath them, its sounds muffled by distance and air, and the stars that do not fall keep their silent watch.
"I picked them, you know," Mamoru says after a long moment. His voice is quiet, but it's easy and light. "Back then. I mean, my mother picked Kunzite first, but I picked him after, and that was the important one. I picked the others, too. I had a family, that time. Parents. Uncles and cousins and aunts and everything. But them, I chose."
Then he moves a little, but it's only to shift his weight, and he moves the lollipop around in his mouth so it's rotting the teeth on the other side of his jaw. Contemplatively, he continues, "In this life I picked you. I picked others too -- Makoto's my sister too, you know? And Homura, even if you two don't always get along. But you're the one who also picked my brother. And you're also the one who knows what it was like there, and you're the one who's still dealing with some of that stuff, like the rest of us. And Kunzite-- he picked you, too. You've made a lot of hard choices, and a lot of them had to do with me, or with him."
He finally reaches up with his other hand and pulls the lollipop out of his mouth to gesture with it. "That other life we were in-- it was so long ago it's older than myths and legends. It was so long ago that the continents were different shapes. We weren't actually here the whole time, between then and now -- and who knows how many lives you've lived? Or any of us has lived? Just because we can remember one of them doesn't mean our souls are older than yours. And yeah, sure, the Silver Millennials -- that's Usa and her girls and the cats, now -- lived like a thousand years back then, but people from Earth didn't. And now they're all from Earth. And you've already died once. And so's your sister. And you're both here, as yourselves. So don't gimme that 'be here long after I'm gone' business. Nothing's guaranteed -- not living forever, not staying dead."
Finally he jams the lollipop back in his mouth and glances down at the spiky red head leaning on his arm, and he smiles around the paper stick. "My big point, though-- they're all family I chose. So are you. I know you say that it means a lot to you, but I also don't think you really quite get it. Family I choose is the only family I've ever had. You say you chose me too -- chose Kunzite -- chose us. But I wish you would really do that. I wish you would really believe it. I get that you're scared, you're scared of being shut out or cut off, of being resented. And I'm not gonna lie, I might resent you for like a whole minute if you eat the last piece of chocolate. But that's also about the extent of the danger you're in of resentment happening. As long as you keep this part of your family at arms' length... maybe you're safe from things you think might happen, sure. But you're also being dumb like..."
A heartbeat's silence as Mamoru fishes for the words, and then he finishes triumphantly, "Not eating dessert because you think if you try then someone will literally take it out of your mouth. And that's seriously gross. Who does that?"
Kyouko listens in silence to Mamoru. She didn't know that stuff about him picking the Shitennou in the previous life, and all that. It's the sort of thing that she's never really felt comfortable prying into- perhaps because she felt like it would highlight the fact that she's not the same as them, that she wasn't there.
But his words do resonate with her. Enough so that her face shifts, looking down, then up again, and there might be the faintest glimmer of moisture on her cheek by the time he finishes talking. Her voice is the slightest bit unsteady as she replies, in a quiet tone. "It's hard for me to.. admit things to myself, sometimes. When you're all on your own, and you have to do things to get by, things you know aren't right but you just don't see any option.. when you're in that sorta life, you get in the habit of lying to yourself so you don't have to think about it. And I was in that sorta life for a long time."
"What I'm really afraid of," She says, after another moment, "Isn't being resented. What I'm afraid of is the fact that the last time I had a family, I destroyed it. You can blame Kyubey, or my father, but the fact of the matter is I was the spark that lit that fuse. I was stupid and I thought I knew best and in the end, everyone else ended up paying for it while I somehow came through to the other side, the one who least deserved to."
"I know you guys aren't my old family. You're all capable, amazing people and most if not all of you are stronger than I am. But it's one thing to know somethin', and something else to believe it.. to be able to banish doubts and fears that have had years to grow inside. It's hard Mamoru. I'm doing the best that I can, but lord knows, I'm not nearly as strong as I pretend to be."
Another moment of silence, then, "But I want to change that. I'm trying to change the parts of me I don't like. I don't know if I'll ever be a 'good person', but I don't have to be. All I want to be is a person that I can be proud of. That you can be proud of, that Kunzite can be proud of, that Momo can be proud of. I want the strength I pretend to have to be real. And part of that, I think, part that I really struggle with, is learning that it's okay to borrow strength to help shore up my own."
"So.." A heavy sigh, and then her face turns up again. "Look, maybe just a little, okay? Money, I mean. Enough that I don't have to worry about getting fresh fruit or a new set of clothes for Momo. We do okay, but I worry about what she's eatin'.."
Round about the middle of that, the arm that Kyouko's leaning on shifts -- but it's only so Mamoru can wrap it around her, easy and loose, able to be shrugged off if it's unwanted. It's as companionable as the lean, and it's not something that implies weakness, but solidarity. He's quiet, he lets her finish.
When she does finish, he laughs a little and looks down, expression both wry and affectionate. "Idiot," he says with all the love in the world. "I'll get you a card like the guys have. Use whatever you want to, whatever you feel comfortable with-- because it's not about money. With me it will never be about money, okay? Just don't let Momo get her hands on it and start buying yachts and ice cream factories and we're good."
He looks up at the sky again, and the stars are still falling. Taking the lollipop out of his mouth again, he holds it idly as he watches them. "You know, we're the only kind of stars that can fall and get back up in the sky again. Every last person in your new family, Kyou-chan-- every last one of us has managed to screw everything up horribly at least once and lose absolutely everything that mattered. Don't ask the guys about my turn at it -- they'll claim it was all their fault. But it wasn't. I fucked up too. I just didn't have to live through the consequences twice."
He glances down at the top of her head, then lifts the lollipop and twirls it in his mouth a little while. His hand drops to hook his thumb in his pocket, and he talks around the stick again, the hard candy clacking against his teeth a little, like he's some obnoxious club kid. "None of us is as strong as we pretend to be. 'Fake it 'til you make it', right? I'm afraid of losing everything I've built, of losing everyone I've gotten close to, of failing at the last minute, or of being a burden and slowing people down. Like I was this whole past damn crisis. I'm terrified I'll wake up and I'll just be Mamoru Chiba again, circa two years ago, with no friends and no family and -- and just nothing. No past and no future. Or I'll wake up and I'll be Beryl's and everyone will be dead..."
There's a sigh, and he reaches up and rubs at the tops of his eye sockets, then just crunches the candy and swallows it. He briefly leans away from Kyouko to haul back and hurl the stick over the side of the building. "And you know--" he starts, and then he laughs and it's a kind of ugly laugh. "No, you don't. Don't spread it around, okay? Usagi died, up on the asteroid. She died. She burnt out her soul-- the Silver Crystal-- killing all the Xenians flowers on Earth and on the asteroid. Fiore gave her the last of his life energy to bring her back-- and hell if I know how it worked, but it did. But-- she died, Kyou. She died for real. Her soul is tied to mine, and I felt it crack and shatter, and it was the end of the world. And every minute of every day, I borrow strength from her, from Kunzite, from the rest of the guys-- from all of you, my family-- and I need it just to get through living with the reality that people die, and sometimes I can't save them, and sometimes I love them. So don't knock your strength. That you can manage so much on your own is fucking incredible, and you're stronger than all of us put together. But that means you're gonna get tired faster, right? Without help. And you can't burn out, okay? Because Momo needs you. And I need you. And Kunzite needs you. So yeah...whatever you need, it's yours."
He finally peters out, then coughs out another laugh, and it's a little embarrassed. "Sorry."
Kyouko doesn't protest the arm around her- not when it's Mamoru, and not when it's here when none can see but the stars, both those that fall and those that stay firmly fixed in the heavens. It strengthens her in a way that words couldn't, though it also emphasizes how small she really is, both to Mamoru and to herself. It's easy to forget- she projects a big personality, like cat with all its fur puffed out, but the truth is she's a fifteen-year-old girl who has spent much of the last five underfed. Mamoru could probably lift her off of her feet with one arm.
She doesn't say anything as he talks, although when he mentions Usagi actually dying on the asteroid, he can feel her tense slightly. She doesn't like that revelation, though obviously she knows it worked out since she's seen Usagi since then. Doesn't make it any easier to know.
When he finally does fall silent, with his embarassed apology, she's quick to shake her head, bushy ponytail shimmying against the arm around her. "No, it's okay. It helps.. to hear that." Any tears that might have been shed have dried, and no more follow them. Such displays are not frequent from her, and when they do occur tend to be short-lived. But she gazes upwards with eyes that watch the stars without really seeing them, or at least see more than them. Perhaps envisioning each as the bright, glorious flare of someone she knows.
"I was alone for so long, it's easy for me to forget that I don't have to be." She goes on. "I know none of us are exactly the same, but it's easy to forget that you been through a lot of stuff too. Not.. really forget, like I would never really forget that, but moment-to-moment, I fall back on old habits. It does me good to be reminded, now and again.. that I ain't alone."
She turns her head and looks up at him, and her expression is serious. "But you need to realize, Mamoru. I'm a Puella. Nothing about this talk of family can change that now. I've already outlived my expiration date by years, through some combination of luck and stubbornness and being too damn stupid to realize I was supposed to be dead a long time ago. I got no plans to die. I plan to push this life I have as far as it will go, wring every last minute out of it, because like you said, I got people who need me. I will cling to myself until my fingers are bloodied and broken and I will not let go until every ounce of strength I have is gone. But it'll happen someday, and if there's a way to escape that, I dunno what it is."
She looks down again, studying her hands in her lap. "I just.. it makes me so, so happy to hear you say that you need me. That nii-chan needs me. And of course Momo, but you didn't need to tell me that." She laughs softly. "But at the same time, that makes me more afraid of.. what I am. Of my fate. Because I really don't want to hurt you all. Part of me is saying 'Just separate yourself now so you won't hurt them in the future'. I don't want to listen to it, but I can't quite shut it out, either."
"And I'm not just talking about the whole Witch thing, like, I'd try to off myself before it ever got that far. I just mean.. well. When I made that Wish five years ago now, I was basically guaranteeing I'd never see twenty years old. And I've been so crazy-lucky to make it to fifteen, but I dunno how long that'll hold out. And I don't want you all to be sad when my luck finally runs out. I think that scares me almost as much as the whole dyin' thing itself."
"Everyone dies. Maybe sometimes we come back to life because reality is weird and magic makes it weirder, but Kyouko-- everyone dies, sooner or later," Mamoru says after a long moment of looking at her. "Even gods and immortals and legends die. Yeah, sure, you're a Puella. It's like having a congenital heart condition. You could die at fifteen, or twenty, or fifty, or roll really great dice and live to ninety-eight and a half. And when you die, whoever's left will grieve. That's the prerogative of the bereft, and you can't take it away from people. If you remove yourself from people who love you, all you're doing is making them grieve early."
His voice isn't harsh for this, but it's still got the same kind of fml gravel behind it that exploded all over the last mini-speech he gave-- and then it, and his face, both soften. "So tell you what. Let's make a deal. Whichever of us dies first, the other ones have to throw a gigantic kegger in a field and set off fireworks and start fights with Hannah in memoriam. Sound like a plan?"
Kyouko falls silent again as Mamoru talks. These are things she knows- everyone dies. This is something she is very, intimately familiar with. It's the latter parts she's not familiar with. Making them grieve early. This is, apparently, not something she had considered, and it shows in her face as she watches him for a few moments longer.
Then, at his last offer, her serious face breaks into a grin, fang and all, and she leans up and over to wrap both of her arms around the taller boy and give him a tight squeeze. "You got yourself a deal, Mamoru. I just.. I mean, sorry for dragging it down to death and darkness when you're tryin' to do something good, I just.. well. I needed to hear it from you. That you know what it means to.. to accept me. Knowing that you know, and that you'd accept me anyway.. that makes a big difference to me."
She holds the embrace for a few moments longer in silence, and then says, with a nod. "Okay. I'll take the card. I won't promise I'll use it much but.. when I need to, I'll lean on you. Because maybe by doin' that, I can avoid making you all sad for that much longer."
She smiles then, a real, genuine smile, the sort that is so very rarely seen from Kyouko but lights up her entire face when it does manage to appear. "But you have to promise to lean on me, too. If I'm gonna be your little sister, it can't just be a fond nickname. Like everything else, I need to feel like I earn my keep. So promise me, okay? That you'll lean on me when you need to."
There is hugging, which won't be spoken of any more than any of the other Shitennou hugging gets spoken of (except for Neph who will basically hug anyone any time without warning especially if they make hilarious faces), and Mamoru's grinning too. "Hey-- no, I get it. It's really okay. I mean hell, if you're not gonna hold it against me that I'm a literal prince, for crying out loud, who am I to hold it against you that you're a Puella Magi?"
Teasing: it's what's for dinner. That and food. A lot of food.
And then they're both pulling back from the embrace, and Mamoru smiles back down at Kyouko. "Hey. I already do. And I'll keep doing it. There's some stuff you can tell a sister who's also a drinking buddy that you cannot on your LIFE tell anyone else-- and there's other stuff I'd only ever call on you for. We do pretty well angsting at each other, too, I think."
There's a brief pause, and then a sheepish sort of look that goes along with scratching at the back of his head, shoulders hunched in a little. "Um-- by that token, would you mind not telling the other guys how fucked up I still am about the asteroid? I'm working on it, but they're like mother hens sometimes."
Kyouko laughs as she pulls back from the embrace as well.. turning her face up once again to look at the stars, though this time with a lingering smile. "As long as I don't gotta call you 'Your Majesty', then we're cool." She says, returning the teasing without hesitation.
She shrugs, but it's now a light-hearted thing, and her mood is noticably improved over mere moments before even just in the way she stands, like some sort of weight has been lifted that she hadn't even really been aware was there in the first place. "You were my first friend here, Mamoru. In Tokyo. The first friend I had in years. No matter what's happened since or what'll happen going forward, that's not something I'll forget. Not ever."
Then she grins, her red eyes twinkling just slightly. "Only if you promise not to tell anybody I just cried at you.. again. Kyouko Godamned Sakura doesn't cry. You got it?" She punches him in the shoulder lightly.
Mamoru oofs dramatically, swaying with the armpunch and then overacting the apparent damage by a considerable margin. Then he lifts his hands in surrender, eyebrows up. "Kyouko Goddamned Sakurya doesn't cry, ever. She delivers sound beatings. I got it, I got it!" But he's grinning again. And then he shoves her shoulder lightly. "Come on. I'll leave that thing recording, and we'll go downstairs and raid the fridge and Neph's liquor cabinet. Wanna watch some terrible zombie movies? I've been collecting them, they're really shitty..."
He's already leading the way to the door-- because damn, what are first friends in Tokyo for but food, booze, and zombie movies?