A cool autumn day with a cloudy sky and light wind, just warm enough to keep most people from needing jackets. It's a good day for outdoor activities since it's not supposed to rain until tomorrow, and many people are taking the chance to get things done while they have the chance.
Among these are a certain Minako Aino, who stands outside a small game shop chatting up people on the street about how good the selection is. One might get the impression that she's been hired by the store for street advertising, but the truth is she has far more important reasons to be here. The store is only a few blocks from Makoto's home and on most her usual jogging routes and the blonde Senshi has finally decided to stop procrastinating and try to make things right between herself and the people she's supposed to regard as her teammates.
She chat's idly and effortlessly with a couple guys who just exited the store about the latest release in the Sailor V series, wearing a pinkish beige shirt long sleeve shirt and a flowing green skirt. Despite the conversation she keeps a careful watch on her surroundings, glancing up and down both directions of her the sidewalk for the Senshi of Thunder and Courage hoping that at least her detective skills haven't failed her.
Soon enough, Minako's legwork pays off and Makoto does indeed come jogging down the sidewalk, curly brown ponytail bouncing behind her. She's dressed in a yellow Team Instinct t-shirt and a pair of black running shorts, and clearly beginning the cooldown phase of her run, keeping to an easy pace that's better suited to the pedestrian traffic on this stretch of sidewalk than a full stride would be.
It's impossible to miss the bright sweep of Minako's long blonde hair up ahead - not a sight she expected to see on her route back towards her apartment. Still most of a block away, Mako lets her strides slow further, jog petering down to a walk.
It gives her a little more time to see how Minako's going to act.
There's a brief pause in Minako's body language as her blue eyes find Makoto appearing right where she expected her to be. Just because she's here on purpose doesn't mean it's going to be easy. Swallowing pride that had been built up for so long is going to be difficult no matter how necessary she knows it is, and she can't help but be a little disappointed in herself as she feels those old defenses starting to raise. "Nothing impotent in life is easy," she reminds herself.
When the two she's talking with react with obvious confusion she puts on a bright smile and rubs the back of her head, "Nothing, nothing! I'm only trying to say you should hurry up and start playing so you can tell me if it lives up to the hype!" With the guys verbally shoved on their way Minako gives them an overly energetic wave before turning back to Makoto and stepping out away from the shop towards the center of the sidewalk and closer to the jogger's path.
Gone is the effervescent energy, gleeful smile replaced with a more serious expression that sits somewhere between worried and guarded. She lifts her hand in a not quite friendly but polite enough greeting, "I was hoping to catch you here. Can we talk?"
'Can we talk.' Three simple words, but so often so ominous. Makoto has never been good at controlling her facial expressions, and she can't keep a wary look from flickering through her eyes at Minako's greeting.
Still, she reminds herself, Venus was there when it counted at D-Point. Usagi has never stopped hoping that she'd decide to join them properly in the end.
For Usagi's sake, if nothing else, she'll hear what the other girl has to say.
"Sure," Makoto replies with a little nod, though it doesn't come out as casually as she'd have liked. "I was just on my way home."
She keeps walking, with a little jerk of her head to suggest that Minako walk with her.
Minako starts walking and falls in beside Makoto when the offer is made, a bit of her own tension falling away. In her mind there was a very real chance Makoto would be annoyed at her suddenly showing up like this after having been away so long, which is why she chose something resembling neutral territory. "Thanks."
That doesn't mean there isn't still tension though, and Minako works her jaw for a moment, almost as if trying to keep from setting it. This lasts for a several strides, only for the blonde to look down. "I'm sorry." Even saying that much felt like another defeat, and it could be heard in her voice. But if that's true this is one battle she has to lose if she intends to win the war, and she knows it. "I made a real mess of things. For you, for Usagi-chan. For everyone."
Her head lifts back up, and turns, and she tries to meet Makoto's gaze, "Mako-" Pause. Frown. "I never even earned the right to use that, did I? Nevermind then. I'm sorry, Kino-san. For not listening to you, or to anyone. I never took you seriously and you didn't deserve that."
Truthfully, Mako had no earthly idea what it might be that Minako would want to talk to her about, specifically. But whatever she could've imagined it might be, it clearly wasn't this. Minako's apology has her blinking, glancing sidelong in surprise.
Then she's looking ahead again, silent as Minako finishes speaking, and for several yards after. Digesting.
Presently she lets out an audible breath, shakes her head. "You might as well just call me 'Makoto,'" she says. "Otherwise I'll end up calling you Aino-san and it'll just stay awkward for everyone."
A few more strides pass in silence before she speaks again, eyes still fixed ahead of her. This time her tone is quieter, harder to read. "You weren't the only one making things a mess. They would've been anyway. But treating the rest of us like you did didn't help anything. It's nice to know you know it." It's not exactly an 'apology accepted'. Acknowledged, at least. It's a start?
Mako hesitates briefly, after saying this, breathes in. And looks aside towards Minako again, cautious, assessing.
"What are you going to do?" she asks a bit bluntly. "Usagi-chan's still hoping you'll want to be a part of the team for real one of these days, you know."
The last thing Minako wants is to make things even more awkward between herself and the other Senshi. "Makoto, sure." There's a bit of relief in her voice and she adds, "Thank you, Makoto. You're right, that would be awkward, and Usagi-chan might worry and get upset, too." It's still a concession when so much of Makoto's worry was about how she butted into their lives without asking, and Minako knows it.
The blonde nods in agreement when she's told her actions didn't help matters at all, "I didn't at first. No, that's not it. I didn't let myself know it. We should have been a team but I was too busy telling everyone what to do to act anything like a teammate, or even a friend."
She looks thoughtful and worried as Makoto assesses her, frowning at herself as she talks about her prior actions. When asked what she wants to do she replies just as bluntly, "I have to try. No matter what happens it's still my duty to protect her. I'm... only now starting to realize that means more than trying to lock her in a cage to do it."
She looks back over to Makoto and gives her a wry expression, "It's funny isn't it? I was convinced I was the only one who knew how to protect her, but the fact is everyone was doing more than I was. Even Mamoru and the Shitennou were doing better than I was, and they were under Beryl's control half the time."
Minako's expression softens again, "Usagi-chan has the right idea; she always did. If I can be a part of the team, for real, I want to. That's one thing I've realized while I was away; I never was, not really. I told everyone I was the leader when I wasn't even part of the team."
"That'll make Usagi-chan happy," Makoto comments. Her own feelings... well, those are more ambiguous. She falls quiet again for a little space, thinking over things.
"I guess this means you're going to be around more?" she wonders, after a few more paces have gone by. Up ahead they're coming up to the corner that will take them out of this little shopping strip and onto the road that leads to Mako's apartment building. "Kind of hard to be a part of the team if you're not."
She lifts her arms to lace her fingers behind the back of her neck, gaze drifting upwards toward the sky. "There've been lots of things I've wanted to say to you," Makoto says. "But there's no point in me beating you up about things you've already figured out for yourself. The thing is--" At last, she glances over toward Minako again, green eyes serious. "I've never understood what you're thinking. Not once. You've probably been through a lot of things that I have no idea about, I get that, but... if I don't know, I can't understand."
The subject is too serious for her to keep up the casual hands-behind-her-head posture; as she breathes out, she lets her arms drop to her sides. "We can't be a team that way. You know that already, right? Otherwise we wouldn't be talking like this right now."
"I'll have to be if I want to be a part of what it really means to be a part of the team. I'll try not to overwhelm everyone at the start, though. I know there are going to be people who will want their space," Minako notes, trying to reassure Makoto. Usagi probably won't be one of them, not with how she acted the last time they talked, more than eager to try and put things in the past and be friends.
Minako swings her arms behind her back and holds them there lightly as she walks, though she's more trying to be casual than succeeding at it. "You can say them if it'll help. I've said plenty to myself in the last few months," her head shakes, "but part of being a team is knowing for sure what I have to make up for. I think I do, but thinking I had all the answers was one of the mistakes I made last time."
Rather than answering Makoto's question directly Minako starts to cross her arms, only to realize that will look confrontational and instead dropping them to her sides. "That was my biggest mistake. I never let anyone know what I was feeling, and I never asked what anyone one else was feeling. The truth is I didn't care, at least not at first. I was too caught up in myself, and once I realized what I was doing wrong I tried being friendly at all the wrong times."
Now she answers the question, "We can't be a team without trusting each other and understanding each other. I'll tell you what I was thinking if you really want to know, but it isn't pretty." As they reach the corner that might well take them to Mako's apartment Minako comes to a stop, letting the older Senshi make the choice, deliberately keeping herself from assuming she'll be welcome.
"Mmm." This noncommittal sound is the only reply Makoto makes at first. She, too, pauses at the corner, using the excuse of checking for traffic to cover a brief interval of consideration before she makes the decision to take the turn and head for home.
"...Thing got ugly for all of us around then," she says as she continues along the familiar walk. "Some of that stuff I don't think it would help anything to start dragging back out to go over. You already covered a lot of it, anyway." Her shoulders lift slightly and drop again, a little shrug. "It's what you're thinking now that's more important. Whether you think it's something the rest of us need to know for senshi business or not--" her eyes cut pointedly towards Minako as she says it, "when you're part of a team, the things that affect you affect the rest of us, too, sooner or later."
A step, two, three, and then Mako pulls a wry face. "If it helps," she adds, "you're not the only one of us who's had trouble remembering that. Just the worst case."
She breathes in a deep breath, tasting the autumn in the air before she lets it back out again. "Something else you haven't mentioned yet," Makoto says, and there's a certain curiosity in her eyes when she glances toward Minako again. "The guys. Mamoru-niisan, Neph, the others. You know by now they're not going anywhere." She's not quite asking a question, but the question is there all the same, hanging unspoken.
As Makoto turns he corner Minako follows when no goodbyes or 'see you later's are spoken, missing only a half step of timing and quickly catching that up. "I should have been there to help take the load off, not add to it. I should have treated you girls as teammates and friends, not as chess pieces to move against the Dark Kingdom."
She nods quietly at the mention of other people having trouble too, with her being the worst example, only to let out a sigh, "It was bad. It got so bad I realized I couldn't even trust myself to do what needed to be done anymore. I never want to let things get so bad nobody knows what I'm thinking or what I'm planning again." Of course for that she'll have to let people know what she's thinking and planning in the first place.
As Makoto notes something she hasn't mentioned yet Minako returns the curious look, only to blink at what's mentioned. Minako's blue eyes drift away from Makoto's face and down to the ground in front of her as she walks, only to lift her hand and press it to her face. "I've spent the last four months tracking down and destroying whatever remnants of the Dark Kingdom I could find." She drops her hand, and for a moment her expression is somewhat sharp, "If I thought they were a threat I wouldn't have waited to act."
Now her jaw does set, and her hands clench briefly into fists. "But that's the problem, Makoto. That's always been the problem." She looks over to her fellow Senshi, and it isn't barely restrained violence in her eyes but doubt and frustration. "I don't think they're a threat-- but I never did. Not until it was too late." The quiet, haunting nature of her voice gives the impression it isn't a year ago she's talking about, but rather something else.
She closes her eyes and shakes her head, once again watching where she's going. "I know it's different this time, because I know I can trust Her judgment instead of my own." After a moment she adds, "Mamoru's too." Her eyes flick back to Makoto's for a moment, "But I have to, because I can't trust my own."
"You weren't the only one who didn't see it coming," Makoto points out quietly. She's looking ahead of her again, but her eyes seem to be focused a long way off rather than on the street they're walking down. "None of us did, back then. They didn't realize what Beryl was doing to them, and we were too far apart to tell something was wrong until it was too late to stop it."
She shakes her head a little, refocuses herself on the here and now. "We're never gonna be able to see it coming every time," she says, blunt and matter-of-fact. "Rei-chan can see the future and we still can't catch it every time. It won't be the guys again - they'll probably never stop checking themselves. But it'll be something."
Abruptly Makoto stops walking, half-turning to face Minako directly. "That's why we've got to be able to have each other's backs."
"No, but I was the one who was supposed to. It was my job to find threats and come up with a plan to deal with them before they were too big to deal with." Minako doesn't sound quite so caught up in it as she was a moment before, though.
'We're never gonna be able to see it coming every time.'
Minako looks over to Makoto and snaps the fingers of her right hand before pointing to the brunette, "Bingo! You got it on the first try, Makoto-chan!" Her smile is genuine, though she quickly calms back down to a more serious tone, "It took me over a year to figure out that sometimes it's okay to get blindsided, so long as you're willing to admit it happened and decide where to go from there. I thought the answer was not to leave anything to chance, but all that did was make me lose sight of what was actually important."
She stops walking as Makoto does and turns to face her. "You I've always trusted to have my back," she states matter of factly while crossing her arms, "I just didn't trust you to have my front, and that's even more important." It's an imperfect analogy, but she expects Makoto to understand her meaning.
"Do you know what I realized while I was away? I know who Sailor Jupiter is, and I know that I can always trust her strength and courage, but I have no idea who Makoto Kino is." Minako shakes her head, uncrossing her arms and holding her hands up next to her shrugging shoulders, "I still don't, because I've never asked. How am I supposed to look out for you and make sure the things you care about aren't used against you if I don't even know what they are? Some leader I'm supposed to be." A month ago those words might have been laced with venom directed at herself, but today they're stated as simple facts.
Maybe Makoto doesn't quite get it; there's a faintly puzzled look that flickers over her face as she tries to parse the metaphor. But she listens, attentively, eyes fixed intently on Minako's as she speaks.
And at that last statement, she can't quite keep herself from chuffing out a short little laugh. Her head dips in a small nod of acknowledgement. "That's pretty much it," Mako agrees. "I never felt like you cared who I was, or what I thought, or how I felt. Because you didn't, right? You already said so. Why should I ever take orders from someone like that? But," she spreads her hands, palms upward. "That was then."
She lets her hands settle back at her sides again. Still just standing, but maybe there's something a little more open in her stance than there was in the way she carried herself as she first approached where Minako had been waiting for her. "And the thing is, too... I get the impression that maybe you remember more from back then than the rest of us do. More than I do, at least. I didn't even remember how - how Serenity died," a cloud seems to pass over Mako's expression, and for a moment she looks down, unable to keep meeting Minako's eyes, "until after we went to the moon. Did you know that? I mean... Mamoru-niisan says I'm more like that Jupiter than I'm not like her, but I don't really know who she was. Never mind who Sailor Venus is."
She pauses a moment to take a breath, and then she looks up to meet Minako's eyes again. "I can't speak for Ami-chan or Rei-chan," she notes, but then shrugs a little; "Well, however they feel, I'm sure they'll give you a chance for Usagi-chan's sake. But for where you and me are concerned... we've just got to start over from scratch. Square one."
Saying this, she lifts a hand out in front of her, thrusting it toward Minako as though offering a handshake.
"I cared about you as a Senshi, as a soldier, but not as a person. Well, that isn't right. It's you, Ami-chan and Rei-chan that knew the best way to take care of our Princess."
Minako gets an almost distracted look as Makoto talks about how much she knows about the past. Is this one of the things that would be better left unsaid, like Makoto was mentioning before? Probably not, if she's bringing it up now. "I remember everything. Artemis told me who I was when I first met him and started fighting against Dark Agency as Sailor V. I've always known how Serenity died, and who was to blame for it." Herself, her tone heavily implies.
Her looks up to Makoto, squaring her shoulders a little, taking a more assertive, confident posture. "Just so you understand I don't regret doing everything I could to protect Usagi-chan. What I regret is the way I handled it. I was so afraid of what might happen if I failed a second time that I stopped caring about anything else. Well I did fail again, just not in the way I was worried about. I'll just have to live with that. I think I can, because Usagi-chan did what I never could and brought everyone together and dealt with the threat herself." She's almost smirking as she comments, "It turns out whether I failed or not didn't actually matter so much in the end. I guess the world doesn't revolve around me after all. Surprise, surprise."
Minako reaches out and takes Makoto's hand, gripping it firmly, though likely not near so firmly as Makoto could herself if she wanted, and shakes it. "Square one. I like that. I think I'm ready to not worry about the past anymore on at least one topic."
After the handshake she's thoughtful for a moment, only to ask, "I don't want to sound flippant or take advantage right from the start, but could you do me a favor? It's about 'Senshi business'."
"I can't hold wanting to protect Usagi-chan against you," Makoto agrees frankly. "It was everything else that was the problem. But whatever. It's not like any of us really knew what we were doing until it was all over. Thanks to Usagi-chan, we all have the chance to try to do better... and after all, you were there for her when it counted."
Her handclasp is firm, but not crushing; a brisk shake and then she lets go again. Minako's question has her eyebrows lifting curiously, and her head tips a little to the side. "What kind of favor?" she asks - not an immediate agreement, but not an immediate rejection, either.
"I want you to hold onto something for me," Minako replies, appearing pleased the request was met with questioning. It's not like she actually expected Makoto to agree to something sight unseen. "I have something that's intended to protect Usagi-chan, but right now I'm not in the best position to use it. It's not just that; it's supposed to be wielded by the leader of the Princess' guard, and right now that obviously isn't me. Usagi-chan is the real leader, I know that, but right now I'm not even a real member of the team, like you said."
Minako regards Makoto, studying her briefly before say directly what might already have been guessed. "The Holy Sword. To be honest, this is something I should have left with you earlier so you could protect her with it, though I'd be lying if I said it hasn't been useful in rooting out the Dark Kingdom's remnants." She gives a shake of her head, "I'm not asking on a whim. I..."
Minako sighs, "We're starting at square one, right? I still need to earn your trust. Like you said, I need to know when you trust me to have your back. Until you do it doesn't belong with me, it belongs with you, with 'the team'."
If Makoto was surprised before, Minako's explanation of the favor she wants to ask leaves her briefly floored. She recovers quickly enough, but for a second or two there, the expression on her face says approximately 'bwuh?'
"You're sure about that?" Mako studies Minako's face for a long moment after she asks. Whatever she sees there seems to answer the question for her, because she lets out a quiet breath. "...guess you are."
Instead of answering immediately, Makoto turns and begins walking again, taking an unhurried pace and a little time to think about this request. The idea of taking responsibility for the Holy Sword leaves her with mixed feelings, to say the least... but at the same time, Minako's reasons make a lot of sense, and Mako finds she really can't argue with them.
"All right," she says at last. "If that's what you want. But this is just temporary. I'm not going to be keeping that thing - just holding onto it for a little while, like you said."
Minako watches Makoto as she starts walking again, following after a moment later. "That's fine. However long you keep it is up to you, and that's the way I want it."
Once she catches up she looks over and up to Makoto, trying to catch her eyes. "Thank you though. Really. I know it's a responsibility you didn't ask for, and a burden if you let it be. There's really not anyone else I could ask. Mercury and Mars, I don't doubt their hearts or willingness, but it isn't just a symbol; whoever has it needs to be able to use it, and that thing is heavy."
After a moment the blonde adds in a slightly less serious tone, "It is a symbol though. A big, sharp, stabby one."