It's nearly the end of valentine's day, and Sayaka has been mostly keeping to herself, feeling pretty bitter and depressed. She'd given out a few obligation chocolates to some people, but while most people were enjoying romantic dates and dinners (couples were everywhere), she found herself brooding at the top of Clover Tower; Not only had she discovered she'd been dumped what seemed like only yesterday, but a boy she liked was apparently incapable of returning the feeling. Siigh. What a sad day.
She stares at the box of beautifully wrapped, expensive chocolates with Alexis' name on it, wondering if it would do any good to give them to him..
Speaking of a boy she likes.
At some point, when she wasn't looking, a very certain tall boy in a hoodie had ended up standing just at the edge of the tower's rooftop-- hands in his pockets and just staring at Sayaka thoughtfully, there.
It doesn't last long, though, that silence. Eventually he does call out, "Hey," in an effort to get her attention, without moving up from the edge yet.
Because obviously lingering at a very precarious position several dozen stories above grounds after *climbing up there* is COMPLETELY NORMAL, RIGHT?
Well, it's not the first time he's popped up out of nowhere and totally scared the s***** out of her. And Probably not the last time either! You'd think Saya would be used to this by now, but he always seems to catch her when she is deep in thought, usually brooding over something or other. Like today.
"Waaah!?" her eyes widen as she peers back at him, "What the heckWhere'd you come from..How theWhat what!?" Fortunately, Saya manages not to drop the box of chocolates, stepping back to give him room to climb up and even offering him a hand, "C'mon, you're gonna fall way up there! Quit giving me a heart attack already!!!"
And there's that deadpan look of vague confusing that follows, again. Still as if though Saya is being the weird one for being so shocked by him. Rather than him for... doing all this nonsense. Crazy man.
"I'm fine," he assures her, but he does grab onto her hand anyway as he vaults over, if for nothing else at least to reassure her that he's not going to fall. "What are you doing up here?"
She makes a face, stepping back, "Geez, you sure know how to make an entrance, dont you. Is this usually how you try to impress girls?" she smirks, knowing her joke will probably be taken the wrong way again, "Well" Saya sighs, peering over the edge of the railing again. It's late, but there are still plenty of couples out there. "Brooding, I guess. It kinda sucks, when you got dumped not long ago..And you meet this really cool guy that you really like..Except he's kinda a zombie, and doesn't really feel the same way. Or maybe he's just incapable of returning those feelings"
Ack!! Why's she telling him this!? Her face turns bright red, and she laughs nervously, "Erm, I meanEr.."
"I can't claim I'm unfamiliar with the... brooding," Alex confesses, sticking his hands both into the pockets of his hoodie while he steps further to the rooftop-- so Saya won't have to worry that he's about to somehow fall over the edge anyway, in spite of the railing. "Guess I've. Done a lot more of it since I--"
But she's going on to say all of that, and he stops to just... stare at her. Slowly blinking every now and then. "You know," he starts saying once her face gathers all the red color, and she's starting to mumble nervously. "I never really thought of myself as... a zombie. I mean. I don't even eat brains. Except on sundays."
Beat.
"That was a joke."
Sayaka blinks when she realizes what she just said, holding out her hands in surrender. "Aaah! I didnt just say that! I mean..I didnt mean that you're a" she sighs "I mean..You know.." well dammit, the cat's out of the bag, but she was always terrible at keeping secrets. Not like Saya hadnt already admitted how she felt about him before. "You're not a zombie, and you're not a monster, or anything like that, but..Well I guess you admitted yourself that you dont really have any positive emotions soErr"
She cant think of anything to say that would not come out sounding mean, or just stupid, so she just awkwardly shoves the box of chocolates in his face. "Here. This is for you. I meant to give it to you but, I wasnt sure if you'd take it. But now that the day's almost doneWell.." Arrgh, she's so awkward at everything!
"...?" Alex headtilts slowly at Sayaka, in mild bemusement. Is he having a hard time parsing all that because of his emotional inhibitions, or... is he just kind of dense and clueless that way in general? Who knows.
He's about to say something, too, but then there's a box of chocolates shoved towards him, and he blinks his eyes more rapidly at them, akwardly bringing his hands up to accept it with an uncertainly murmured, "...Thank you." Another blink. "...You know," he says then, as his green eyes slowly climb back up to meet Saya's face. "You shouldn't. Stress out so much. About all that."
Sayaka blinks, taking a step back, finding it hard to read him, as always. "ErmYou DO know what these are for, right?" but then he seems to thank her at least and she smiles, "You're welcome! And no, I'm not stressed. It's just a silly holiday where you exchange chocolates with people in hopes that they might return the favor someday. Guess I'm just a little sad because there arent a lot of people in my life who do care about me. Even my parents are so busy running around that they dont usually have time for me."
She shrugs, "Anyways, I hope you enjoy the chocolates, for what it's worth.." But his eyes are still green. Such pretty eyes. Kazuo had mentioned something about that. How they reflect his humanity. Sayaka smiles, "You have really nice eyes."
"I know," Alex assures Saya, eyes dipping down to the chocolate box again, considering it seemingly. "One month from now. I'm supposed to give... sweets in return. Right?" He doesn't seem entirely certain about it-- but then, he's got an entirely different cultural background.
When she talks about no one caring about her, his eyes draw upwards, and-- for just a brief second, his gaze might actually seem saddened. "...My parents are like that, too," he murmurs. But then, of all things, he reaches a single hand up and over, towards her, laying it atop the top of the blue-haired girl's head to brush along it gently. "I'm sure there's. People," he murmurs in an attempt to assure her. "Me, too." Now, it is probably a bit difficult to tell if he means that in the way that Sayaka might hope, but-- there it is.
The comment about his eyes takes him a bit off guard, though, and he actually blinks rapidly in surprise over it. "Do I?" he asks in apparent confusion, and once his hand draws away from her, it reaches back to brush a few fingertips below just one eye. "I haven't really. Thought about how they look."
Sayaka smiles, "So you understand that Japanese custom? That's good..How long have you been here, anyway? Must have been major culture shock" then he mentions his parents and Saya's once again surprised at how similar they are. "Really? Gee, that sucks. And you're an only child too?" then suddenly he's patting her head again which causes her to blush self consciously. But that is probably the same sort of gesture that Hannah does all the time.
Then he makes a typical vague comment, and Saya blinks. "Oh?" hopefully perhaps but maybe he means it in a different way altogether. She's afraid to ask really. "Yeah..You have nice eyes. They're full of kindness. But, I'll bet you always have the girls just crawling over you all the time, huh?" she grins and winks, teasing him again.
"Half a year this time so far," Alex murmurs after a few seconds taken in estimating the time. "Give or take. I... have been here several times before, though. WHen I was younger. Enough to have to learn the language."
The further comment about his eyes... well, that makes him grunt quietly in uncertainty, but the words that follow from her after cause some bemusement to play along his features. "... Not really," he claims, in deadpan, with a slow roll given to a shoulder. "Or I don't know. I never really gave much thought to that kind of thing."
Sayaka sighs, seeming a little amused by his words, enough that she can at least momentarily forget her own melancholiness. What's she doing here, anyway, with some guy who probably could care less about her? Why's she always pick the wrong one? Geez, what an idiot she is.
r "Hmmm..It's actually really nice up here, I should come here more often. Guess I was so busy running around, I forgot to..Smell the roses? I guess? It feels like I'm always trying to fix the world, but maybe what really needs fixing is mme..?"
She laughs a little shaking her head, "Maybe that was a stupid thing to say." Peering back at him, noting his deadpan response, Saya smirks, "Soo, what's it gonna take to make you laugh, huh?"
"Huh?" The confusion and surprise is much more open than ever before now, when Saya goes and says that much, and his eyes actually widen out. It's probably the most expressive he's been since she met him. "Why... would you need fixing?" He asks before his expression recedes back to the more neutral one. "I would think I'm the one who needs fixing here more."
He starts stepping past her, then-- but not to escape, really, as the direction of his travel seems to be towards a bench, really. And once he's sat down there, with the box of chocolates on his lap, he tells her in answer, "Probably... Returning to being fully human. That would do it."
Sayaka smirks, shaking her head, "I dunno, I've done some dumb things, I tried to be the hero, but I always end up hurting people. What is it that makes a person a hero, a true hero, anyways? Is beating up the bad guys enough?" she follows him towards the bench, sitting next o him. They're really good chocolates, probably cost her a fortune. But Saya's parents are pretty wealthy, and lately she's making some good income herself, working at WPS.
"What about you? Don't you consider yourself a hero?" she bites her lip, wondering if that's the wrong thing to say, especially when he insists that he needs to be fully human to have a sense of humor. "Hmm. Sometimes you've got a prettyInteresting sense of humour, even if you dont mean to."
"It probably isn't," Alex offers in continued speculation after her, and his head lowers downwards, slowly. "I think... maybe it doesn't even have so much to do with what you achieve with it. More with... why you do it. How you do it." A sigh. "And what you do for the people they hurt. Sometimes what you do for them, too."
"I definitely can't think of myself as a hero, though," he confesses then, with a shake of his head. "Maybe I... tried to be one. But I have not done much more with my life than beaten down street punks and gangers and the kind."
His head tips back upwards then, just enough to peek sidelong at the blue-haired girl. "It's not that I don't understand humor," he points out. "I just... can't really feel... happy. Or amused. At least not amused enough to laugh or smile."
Sayaka smiles and nods, "Yeah, I guess you're right, maybe the why's more important than the what. Sometimes it's hard to differentiate the two. I mean..I still wonder if I made a wish to heal someone, because I wanted to make him happy, or because I wanted to make him fall in love with me?" she sighs, hanging her head again, "But in the end, it didnt matter. I never won over his heart, but he got to live his dream. In the end, it was my sacrifice that made someone else happy. Maybe that's what's most important."
She glances curiously towards Alex then, arching a brow, "Hmm, well it's not too late, it's never too late. Your heart's in the right place. I'm sure you protected lots of innocents from the bullies you beat up. I know what that's like, being aware of magic but being helpless to stop it. But now you've got powers, right?"
Sayaka chuckles, "Oh, sorry, maybe not the kind you were hoping for butActually I was thinking about something that Lacrima had told me, about how, if the dark magic was pulled out of you, you might still die from your injuries. Well, my specialty just happens to be healing magic. I'm confident I'd be strong enough to heal your wounds" She decides not to mention the danger it might cause to herself, or the ultimate sacrifice she might be forced to make. Again.
"I wouldn't know about any of that, obviously," Alex murmurs, his voice having lowered to something much more quieter now for whatever reason. "Or about... how things are going to go with me, for that matter."
He frowns then, visibly, when the subject of the conversation moves on to his... condition.
"Maybe," he sighs out heavily. "But. I don't know. If I don't die outright, it... will probably be only a matter of seconds. If even one second, for that matter."
"For all I know I already died right before Lacrima turned me, too."
Ugh, smooth move, Sayaka! Way to ruin a good moment! She draws a deep sigh, slapping her forehead with her hand. "Geez, I'm such an idiot! I shouldn't have even brought it up. But whatever happens, I promise, I wont let you die! Somehow, I'll find a way to save you, so lets not worry about it any more, at least...Let's not worry about it anymore for today. From now on, let's just try to take it one day at a time.."
She peers back at the box of chocolates and smiles, "Soo...How are the chocolates? Do they taste good? I wanted to make them myself, but I really am a terrible cook. Nearly burned the house down this one time! It was crazy.."
"It's not like I am upset about it," Alex claims when she reacts like that, and his eyes widen briefly-- mostly out of surprise. "...About you mentioning it, I mean. I am a little upset that I am probably going to die, granted. But--" He silences himself for a second, his eyes drifting downwards to the floor briefly.
"I already asked you... to kill me. If I ever went bad. So..." His thumb idly rubs along the edge of the chocolate box, of which's contents he still hasn't actually touched-- which probably doesn't surprise Saya at all, considering how little he has been eating or drinking in the first place. "I think part of me... already has made peace with that. I guess... in a sense that I am like this is a blessing anyway, if it ends up going down like that. At least I had a chance to see people one more time. A chance to say goodbye. And..."
His words fail for a moment, there. But his head turns slowly to the side again, this time to return his gaze to Sayaka. He studies her, for a moment, without actually establishing eye contact for the first few seconds. This should feel familiar. And yet it feels so distant. He *hates* that it does. But... At the very least, he can manage to bring his hand over to her, laying it atop one of hers. As cold as his emotions come now, there's still at least the warmth of his body there, that she can feel. "...Meet you, too."
But then the focus is brought down to the chocolates. Well. He still doesn't look at them until after he's had a chance to blink right at the blue-haired girl over her admission of her own cooking prowess. For just a split second, he looks at the confectionaries a bit warily... but then dips his hand down to the box anyway, and despite the wariness, there's still very little to no hesitation when he brings it up to slip into his mouth.
Sayaka bites her lip, feeling bad anyways, because she's such a crazy perfectionist that little things like that bug her. A lot. "You're...Really strong about all of this. I mean, if it was me, I'd be.."
She laughs, "I guess I'd probably go mad. I mean, the first time I learned that my ultimate fate is to become a witch, I started to lose it. Even though Madoka-chan has the ability to bring us back, well who knows her limits on that? There's still that lingering fear that it'll happen, someday, annd..."
Suddenly his hand it touching hers, and she blinks, eyes widenning, heart pounding, "Umm..Alex-kun.." Her face reddens a bit, uncertain of how to interpret this. He cant really..Feel emotion, right? But even soo
After a moment's hesitation, she takes his hand in hers, squeezing it tightly and smiles, "Don't admit defeat until you've really lost the battle, silly. As long as your heart beats, there is always hope. And I would rather use my powers to save a life than to take it. But I'll keep my promise, only if there is no other choice."
All of a sudden, Saya feels all warm and fuzzy inside. But she also feels really sad. "I'm glad I got to meet you too, and I hope that someday, I'll get to meet the real you, because i'm sure he's even a hundred times better!"
"I've been at risk of death before," Alex confesses after swallowing the chocolate. But after a second or so of silence, he amends to that, "Not... quite to this kind of extent. But still... I'm more afraid of becoming something I don't want to be or failing someone else. In a sense, it's kind of... liberating. Granted, I'd rather die on my own terms than just... you know..." His hand moves up to brush along his chest, slowly. "Suddenly find myself with two giant holes here without warning."
When she squeezes his hand, he turns it along, slowly, in turn-- to then entwine his fingers through hers, and squeeze back in turn. Is he doing it just for her sake, or does he actually find some solace in it, too? It's hard to tell, with the way he emotes-- or rather, doesn't.
And then, he glances aside to her from just the corner of his eye. "Well," he says. "More human. Don't know about 'better'. That person definitely wouldn't be able to keep up with you. Unless all the superpowers stayed with me."
"Oh yeah?" she smirks, "Like to live on the edge, huh?" yeah, there she goes again, trying to make light of the situation with her weird sense of humour. But with any luck, she'll get a little smile out of him.
"Hmm, maybe you're too hard on yourself. I get that, I'm totally hard on myself too. I keep thinking I'm not perfect enough or that I'm too critical of others. But maybe, just doing your best is enough?"
Sayaka bites her lip then, looking down at their hands intertwined, "Alex-kun..Even if you stayed this way, even if you were human and without powers..Even if this is all I get, and our time together is limited..Still, I could never regret having met you. I'll treasure every moment, because it made me happy, and I hope I made your life a little happier too."
She smiles, leaning a little nearer, although it's uncertain what exactly she's trying to do, or what she even hopes might happen, "Even without super powers, I'm sure you could keep up with me. Once, I didnt have super powers, but it never stopped me from trying to keep up with all the other magical folk out there. Your real power comes from within, from here.."
And she pulls up her free hand, holding it over his heart, searching for a heartbeat. Does he even have a heart beat anymore? Is he warm, or cold?
"Let's just say I might be a bit more familiar with how german and english criminals and Yakuza work than anyone my age should be," Alex offers to her in turn, despite of how light she might be trying to make of it. Though, to be fair, his tone would probably make light of it, too, if he wasn't suffering from an acute case of vampirism.
When she leans closer, his eyes don't turn away this time around, instead settling themselves to resting upon her own eyes-- holding that eye contact for as long as she will, this time around. And her hand, when it presses to his chest-- it lets her feel the faint, telltale sign of a beating heart; a steady, calm rhytm of one. However-- one of the two spots where he was impaled was dangerously close to his heart, and even if Sayaka can't normally sense dark energy, from that close of a physical contact she may still feel something *wrong* there. The mass of dark energy formed to make up the literal hole left in his body.
While he's stayed mostly silent, during that proximity - possibly by virtue of him being uncertain of what to say - he eventually murmurs, "I know for a fact I couldn't jump after you on rooftops," which might even seem like a teasing statement if it wasn't for the deadpan tone.
Sayaka smirks, "I'd like to hear you speak in your native language sometime. Must be interesting. Hey, maybe you can even teach me a thing or too! That'd be awesome!" although she pauses at the mention of criminals and Yakuza, "Huh? Why's that? Are you seriously some professional vigilante, like batman or something?"
Suddenly she finds herself transfixed by those beautiful green eyes of his, unable to turn away, although she's still blushing like crazy. But the sound of his beating heart, faint though it is, brings a soft smile to her lips, leaning in to press her ear against his chest (though totally not trying to snuggle up to him of course, right??).
"I can hear your heart beat..." She smiles, kinda relieve by this revelation. Honestly, she was expecting to hear..Well, nothing at all, to feel coldness, but surely his body even, is warm too? Sayaka sighs, closing her eyes for a moment.
And that's when she senses it, the darkness, the coldness...The emptiness in his chest, filled now with a dark void. She flinches a bit, pulling away, more of a gut reaction than anything.
"That's...Where you got...Hurt..?" she ventures, uncertain of what to make of it. Sadly, the last joke is lost on her as she tries to figure this one out. Sure he said the dark magic was holding him together, but feeling its presence, sensing its cold darkness is another thing. If she were a normal human, she might be afraid, right now. Might even run away.
But she is Sayaka Miki, afterall.
Alex actually looks vaguely bemused for a moment. And... embarrassed, even, for that matter. "....No," he says after a moment of staring down at Saya with slightly-widened eyes. "I... am not like batman. Never have been. I'm just... the kind of guy, I guess, that pokes his head into a lot of stuff that shouldn't concern him? Something like that."
When she leans against him, he just looks down at her, calmly. And remains quiet. If there's any ulterior motive to that particular act on her part, he isn't particularly caring about it. ... Or just not realizing it, all things considered.
And then she's flinching back, and he blinks in surprise at her over that reaction-- but her question immediately makes him understand the reason for it.
"Yes," he answers simply, and draws his hand over to his chest again, fingers drawing along where she'd sensed the anomality. "My body, at it's base, is still a human one. But here..." He taps his finger against himself. "This, is a mass of pure dark energy, formed into the shape of the parts of my body that I lost. Here, too..." His hand goes a bit lower and further towards his center. "I do not remember it clearly. But I was impaled in these two places."
Sayaka smirks, "Really? You're not batman, even before you acquired these...Powers?" she grins and winks, "Well, I think you've at least got the 'mysterious avenger of the night' part down pat..Not to mention the 'handsome, charming, mystery man' part." She chuckles, clearly terrible at humour.
"Only kidding, really! I'm like that too, I guess. Clearly the marks of a true hero. I mean, I think the type of person who's not afraid to poke their head into a darkenned alley and get involved when innocents are being held hostage at gunpoint, are just the type of people we need more of, around here.."
She does lean in to hear his heart beat, pulling back as if afraid..But that fearfulness soon is covered up by one of her cool smiles, and a shrug, "No..It's okay, I understand. I'm not afraid of you, no matter what happened to you. I guess it just kinda..Caught me by surprised."
Still, she reaches out to touch the second area that he points out, not flinching this time but simply tilting her head, trying to..Sense the darkness there, trying to understand it. "I will fix it, so help me I will." Her hand tightens around his, "Cuz that's what heroes do..We fix things. And people."
"... I really would not go and call myself something like that even before," Alex insists with another reepeated bemused blink on his part.
Her reaction to the 'joke' also seems to go completely beyond him, too, judging from the equally-bemused series of blinks he sends at her over her reaction.
"You really don't need to worry too much about it," he goes on to try to insist, too, with a slow shake of his head, on the matter of his state of being. "Whatever happens, happens. That's all there is to it."
Sayaka nods and sighs, pulling away, leaning back to stare at the stars for a moment. Phew, she's getting way too emotional now. "I...Guess so. I just..." she sighs, "Listen, have you ever had a dream, or a wish that you always wanted to achieve? I guess my dreams have always been pretty crazy, but when I became a Puella, my biggest dream was..I dunno, to fix the world, to become a hero. So maybe it feels like it's my destiny to help people. Because then it makes my life make sense. How about you? Do you have a dream?"
"Dream...?" Alex repeats out, with another slow blink. Now, he looks even more uncertain than before, somehow, and his eyes go drifting away from Sayaka for a moment, to stare off-- not so much at the stars like her, but off to the distant horizon.
"I think, I must have had one, at some point in time," he speculates, eyes slowly blinking and his tone of voice completely neutral. "I cannot remember what it was, though."
Sayaka folds her arms behind her head, staring at the stars, holding a hand up to the sky as she tries to measure how far away they are. Some of them twinkle brightly, and she searches for a shooting star as she ponders.
"You dont remember? What about now? Isn't there one thing in the world that would make your life make sense, above all else? Even like this..Isn't there one thing that's helped you to keep on going, even when life got tough? I figured that one out myself, eventually..I nearly became a..."
She pauses, considering, but she already let out that secret, "A witch, when I lost track of what was important to me. But then I found it again.Being a hero. Maybe it's something you can aim for, too? Saving other people, fixing the world? It can be a real rush, sometimes. It can make living worthwhile..And it makes you feel good about yourself."
She frowns, "About that..Witch stuff, I..Maybe I shouldn't have so readily told you, but..I hope you'll keep it a secret. It's kinda important.."
"I really couldn't say," Alex says, but with his utterly neutral tone, it might really seem like he isn't particularly concerned with that whole matter in any way. "I never gave it all that much thought. I have just been going about my days as have felt natural, since I turned. And before that... Just going about how feels right, I guess. It doesn't really matter, now."
He finally turns his eyes back over to her, and his head tips downwards, slowly. "I figured that was something fairly serious the moment you told me," he tells her, in return. "I had no intention to spread that around. That kind of thing could hurt you, right?"
Sayaka smiles, "I know. But, I trust you. And you're right..If people knew that Puella Magi could turn into monsters, they might try and hunt us down. Honestly, I dunno why I told you, I guess I just felt..Some kinda connection with you." she blushes and laughs a bit. "I guess that's kind of silly though, isn't it, all things considered. Still.."
Sayaka sighs, pulling her knees in to her chest, as if she felt a little cold now, lonely, as she stares up into the vast sky, wondering how many of those twinkling stars were fallen Puella.
"Now that Madoka-chan is gone..Wherever she went, and she's the only Puella with the power to bring a witch back from the brink, it's a little scary, knowing that if I lose sight of my dream, I may be overhwelmed with despair. I might easily turn into a witch."
She bites her lip, glancing sidelong at him. "You once made me promise that if you lose yourself to the darkness, that I would end the suffering. I hope..That you would make the same promise to me, should it come to that." Sayaka smirks, as if trying to make light of the situation, "So when I say I want to be a hero and help people? I'm dead serious. Because if I failed, if I hurt people instead of helping them, I guess..Maybe that's the first step to falling into despair. And that's a lonely, scary place to be, for a Puella.."
"...Ah." Usually, he's not so expressive, but that request - even if it wasn't necessarily worded directly as such - causes his eyes to widen, for just a moment, while they stare at her.
"... I would think, at least," he murmurs then, and forces his gaze away from her-- and his expression now actually twists into a frown. "That you are... technically in a better position than I am. You can at least... stop it. You can work to keep it off. And you have something to help keep yourself in a state of your own."
"What I am made of, now... it is not so kind." His hand turns to his chest, gripping into the cloth of the hoodie covering it. "This isn't something borne of a wish. Or sustained by goodwill. It is something that, at it's base, is constantly eating at me. For me... losing myself is something that could happen at a moment's notice. So... I would hope, at least... That you have more tools to prevent that. Than I do."
He lets out a heavy sigh, after all that. "...Still. If it comes down to that..." He turns his gaze back to her, and for all that his eyes have been bright before, they... look weary now. "...I will give you the same courtesy you have given me. I promise this much."
Sayaka nods, "Yeah, maybe not so bad. I mean, I basically asked for this, even if Kyubey pretty much tricked me into it." She smirks, "But I'm sure you can see now how earnest I am to help you. Not just for your sake, but for mine as well."
Sayaka smiles and nods, "But thanks. I'm glad I can count on you.." With a sigh and a stretch, she climbs slowly to her feet. "I was hoping, I might see a shooting star tonight, call me supersitious, but I was hoping I might see a shooting star tonight, but.." She shrugs, "Guess I was being too hopeful. I hope at least, that you enjoyed the chocolates?"
Saya peers curiously at the chocolates, wondering if he even touched them. She's been encouraging him to eat normal food, and generally act like a normal human. At least, Kunzite thought it might help his condition, somewhat. "I'm not the greatest at..Valentine's..And stuff, but, I hope I made your day a little bit brighter at least. I mean, hey, at least the stars are pretty tonight, and the chcolate's not bad right?" another attempt at lightening the bittersweet situation.
"Huh?" While ALex stays sitting down, his eyes do follow Saya when she stands up, blinking up towards her before his eyes look to the starry sky above, and then back down over to the blue-haired girl, seemingly confused. "... Why a shooting star?" He asks, curious. "Where I come from... they were associated with wish-making abilities. I didn't think you'd have much stock in that kind of thing anymore, if that's the case here too."
He grabbed at least one of the chocolates earlier, when she prompted him, but... otherwise the box is mostly untouched. Eating really does not come naturally for him anymore.
Sayaka smiles as she stares up at the stars. "Yeah, I've heard of that, wishing upon a shooting star, in the hopes that someone up there might hear you..But, I disnt think you were the superstitious type."
Actiually she had been watching the skies all night, hoping for just the chance, and then finally its there, shooting through the sky.
Sayaka gasps and clasps her hands, clising her eyes. Apparently she is the superstitious kind.
"Doesn't stop me from knowing about things like that," claims Alex with a slow, steady blink of his eyes made when she clasps her hands together. His gaze drops to those hands briefly, and then moves up to her face with another blink-- he remains quiet for a moment, before he asks of her, rather bluntly, "WHat are you wishing for?"
Sayaka Miki opens one eye carefully when he comes up next to her, then slowly opens the other.
"What? What am I wishing for?? I cant tell you that! Dont you know, my wish wont come true if I tell anyone.."
She's looking a little red though. What's up with that?
"... I guess," says Alex with another slow blink, his head tilting to the side while his deadpan gaze studies over her ever-reddening face. "STill..." He lets out a quiet breath and turns his eyes away from her, shifting to leaning his back against the bench's backrest. "I usually feel like it's better to entrust wishes to other people rather than... you know. Meteorites."
Sayaka Miki arches a brow. "Really? I guess its silly to believe the stars or some higher unseen force might have the power to grant wishes, but sometimes it feels like there are things out of one's own power."
Do you think another person could really grant any wish? do you think oeople could hold such limitless power? or maybe its just that I'm asking for too much."
She smirks, "So what kind of wish would you entrust to another?"
"It's more I think, that one should be able to think themselves able to try and make their wishes a reality for themselves, even if they need the help of a friend to do so," Alex murmurs in response to all that-- but it's the question she presents to him last that brings him looking to her again. And... he actually looks confused for a moment. "...I... I don't know."
Sayaka Miki frowns. "Perhaps in some respects. But sometimes little miracles can help too, like the one that gave Kyosuke-kun back the use of his hands.."
She glances back at him curiously, "Really? surely there is one thing you desire above all else?" barring the obvious of course.
"I..." Alex starts saying, with obvius uncertainty in his voice. He frowns as he cuts his own words off, however, and turns to stare down at the tiles between his feet down below.
"...I guess maybe in part I'd want to just... feel like I belong somewhere," he murmurs after that moment, with just a little bit of hesitation. "And... do something meaningful..."
Sayaka Miki pulls her gaze away from the stars, taking a step towards him.
"Hmm? like in what way. You have family, friends dont you? I know there are people who care about you." including her of course.
"And you're always welcome to accompany me on patrols. You once said you wanted to be a hero, like I do, right? Its something to aim towards."
"I have family, sure..." Alex murmurs, and now he lets out a heavy sigh, his gaze still remaining down on the ground where he sits. "My parents... I don't think they really care for me that much. Only times I talk t them is hwen I've been trouble for them. And..."
"Well. We... Travelled a lot, you know? They dragged me along everywhere with them. Berlin, London, Edinburgh, Tokyo... Anytime I've made some ties, they've been taken away from me with them taking me someplace else again with them. And..." He peeks sidelong at her. "I am definitely not a hero. Always was just some guy who poked his nose where it didn't belong, before. Now... Well..."
Sayaka Miki nods and sighs. "Yea, I know what you mean, my parents are both doctors so I dont see 'em much. And I dont really have any close friends."
She shrugs, "It'd be nice to be part of a team but I'm mostly on my own."
She does arch a brow at the last comment. "Maybe being a hero isnt aiways about fighting monsters. Heck, I thought you were pretty awesome beating up those wraiths the other day so dont sell yourself short."
She grins, plsy-punching him, "Maybe youre just trying too hard. I'm sure if you continue patrolling with me you'll fund meaning in saving people from their wrath. Like that girl you helped save last time."
"Tbat's what I told you before, isn't it?" Points out Alex, with his head turning so that he can fully regard her now, rather than just peek at her. "That that isn't solely what it's about. ... I've beaten up a lot of people. And in the end... Not a whole lot has come out of that. At least not in my experience with all the gangs before. ... People keep finding a way to make things awful. And I still find myself trying to beat my way through a problem that isn't even mine. Time moves forward... Nothing changes."
"...Except for the fact that I have a problem of my own now too, I guess."
Sayaka Miki frowns, "Then maybe its time to change that. Try turning the energy towards the ones who really deserve in it.
She smiles, "C'mon, it wasnt all that bad was it? Sure you have issues of your own, but you've got powers now too. You just need to keep channelling all that energy on wraiths, witches and other monsters. Just trust me ok? Keep helping me on these missions and maybe you can figure things out. Its helped me at least.."
%r"The difference is the energy I have now is actively dangerous," mutters Alex, turning his eyes away from her again rather deliberately. "I'm already a monster. The question is just how long the monster part of me stays in control."
He lets out a heavy sigh with that, and lets his head slump downwards. "...Sorry. I guess you didn't really want to hear that kind of thing."
Sayaka Miki shakes her head, her eyes softenning as she watches him sadly.
What can she possibly say to help any? He is becoming a monster but not yet. Wordiessy she steos forward and hugs him tightly.
"Youre not a minster yet, theres still hope.."
Alex blinks rapidly again when she turns to hug him, in surprise. He peers down at her while she's still latched on, and he hesitantly turns one arm up to coil around her, seeming to find difficulty in responding in any way to her.
The arm squeezes aroudn her. Pulls her close. The fingers of a hand splay along her back. Suddenly, he's remembered what it was like to feed from her. Depending on where she's placed her head, she might notice his heartbeat suddenly rising.
Maybe just...
he leans back just as suddenly, then, and the arm previously wrapped around her gently pushes her away from him, and his own body he forces to turn away, with a quiet sound that outright sounds like a *whimper*.
... What did he just almost go and do?
Sayaka Miki blinks in surprise as he suddenly pushes her away. Wait what? What just happened..?
"Alex..? What's wrong? Did I..Offend you somehow?" she gasps, wait maybe he's hungry.
"Do you need energy? please, let me help you.."
"Nothing's wrong," Alex is quick to claim-- and then she asks *that*. He ends up having to look back to her with the offer, too, and... he looks *tempted*. It's clear enough. She's *right there*. He could just reach over and...
"I'm not hungry," he claims quickly then, and his eyes turn away from her again. "...I don't need any right now." That part is not the right. He's almost full. He just... *wants*.
Sayaka Miki frowns, folding her arms as she watches him, unconvinced.
"Hmm..? Well, I'm not gonna force you, unless you start fainting in me, then I'll juat gave to beat some sense into you!"
She grins and winks, half teasing, half serious.
"I don't need any right now," Alex repeats insistently, now managing to spare a brief look towards Saya from just the corner of his eye.
"...Besides," he mutters. "If I did... I can't feed from you. You... You know this. You should, anyway."
Sayaka Miki frowns, tapping her foot, "And who told you that? I say you can, as long as I'm recharged so there's nothing to worry about."
She sighs, "I justcwant to help you, Alex, so please let me help! I..I dint want to stand by helplessly as you crumble away..."
"You did," states Alex, with a frown. "When you told me about... what you are." His lips twist slowly, there. "When I feed from someone, Saya... Part of what's drained away, is their magic. That goes for you, too. Magic that you need to..." He lowers his eyes downwards again. "...You yourself told me. What would happen if you didn't have enough."
Sayaka Miki smirks. "Thats why I have these.." she pulls out a grief cube, "Not as good as a grief seed but it'll do."
She peers back at him more seriously now, "As long as you dont overdo it, it'll be ok. So quit worrying! I'm stronger than I look!"
"You don't understand," claims Alex with a rapid shake of his head. "I... I almost lost control, last time. What if I actually do lose it? And--" He looks her over quickly, and then away from her, obviously ashamed. "... I don't even need energy right now," he admits. "I'm... full. I just..."
Sayaka Miki shakes her head, "I'm not weak, I'll be more careful next time too.." she sighs, stepping cautiously towards him, reaching out to rest a hand on his shoulder.
"Look, Alex..I'm not gonna stand idly by while you slowly lose yourself to the darkness! What use am I if I cant even save someone I care about?!"
"This isn't about 'saving me'," Alex claims in a grumble, with his hand coming up to push hers away from his shoulder. "THat's not... That's not gonna happen like that. And I don't..." He closes his eyes slowly. "... Part of me... wants to feed on you. Not because I need it, because I don't, not right now. Just... Just for the sake of feeding on you."
Sayaka Miki grits her teeth, totally getting the wring idea, "Ughhh, why do yiu have to be so stubborn?!"
He pushes her away and she stumbles back, confused, angry.
"Fine, you dont want my help, see if I care!" she clenches and unckenches her fist, turning away, "Sometimes heroes have to make sacrifices, but it was my choice to make, not yours.." her voice shakes a bit as she turns and runs away.
"How is it not *my* choice when it's only about *ME*?" Alex outright yells back after her. "I'm not--" Worth getting sacrificed for, he tries to say, but she's already turning away to run by that. His eyes widen upon the realization of what just actually happened, and he quickly rises up from the bench, calling after her. "Saya!!"
Sayaka Miki has nearly left but pauses briefly, fists clenched. She doesnt turn around but does give pause.
"What is it, Alex?" she closes her eyes, "I just..Wanted to make my life, my destiny as a Puella worthwhile. I just wanted a purpose to this madness. And you were worth it to me."
Alex is quiet for a few seconds-- but at least she can probably still tell that he's back there.
"...I'm not worth dying for, Saya," he mumbles after those few seconds, though, just barely audible. "...And I know if I keep doing that... I will kill you. Or worse. I don't..." Beat. "... I don't want you to die. For me."
Sayaka Miki shakes her head, glancing only briefly over her shoulder, a few tears in her eyes.
"Death is not the worst that could happen to a Puella." she smiles through her tears.
"I only wanted to make you happy, Alex-kun, but I guess I failed at it. Good bye, Alex." and she hurries off before she can say anything more she might regret.