Scolding ANOTHER vampire

Amu and Alexis have a talk! Therapist!Amu ho!

Date: 2017-04-26
Pose Count: 19
Amu Hinamori 2017-04-26 07:51:53 75293
Amu Hinamori sighed and leaned back in her chair, going through the paperwork. Ugh, it was sooooo boringggggg. Boring boring boringgggg. How had Nades been able to do all this by herself? Maybe she should--

Ugh, no! She was going to do this! She wanted to be dependable and strong for them. She did NOT need them to save her from silly things like paperwork.

She'd sent Alexis a message through the network(phone, letter, carrier pigeon, take your pick) to meet her in the royal garden when he could, so she was expecting him to show up eventually. Probably.
Alexis Raskoph 2017-04-26 08:07:41 75294
Alex's name has probably appeared on various repirts a few times recently on account of... well. Everything that happened.

It probabky isn't all that unsurprising either, that Alex didn't actually respond to the message sent. But in spite of that? He's making way to Seiyou's general direction And into the gardens. Mind you, he has never been here before. So he has NO idea how to find his way around here. So after he drops into the gardens (literally) with a hood over his head, he... has no idea where to be going. Thankfully for everyone involved, he doesn't spend more than ten seconds wandering about before calling out, "Hinamori?"
Amu Hinamori 2017-04-26 08:16:57 75295
Amu Hinamori blinked. Well, the good thing was at least the garden was pretty easy to navigate. Just a giant glass dome, with flowers and stuff in it. "Over here, by the stairs!" she called out. As she heard him coming, she grabbed the papers, gathered and put them into a binder. Good enough for now. She then closed and straightened her paperwork.

By the time he arrived she was all good. She turned to look at him and then... sighed. "Okay, Alexis-kun, we need to have a talk." She motioned to the chair across from her. "If you'd have a seat. Would you like any tea or cookies?" There were a few buttermilk cookies.

"Before anything else, the big thing. I want to hear your side of what happened," she said flatly. "And don't play coy. We both know what I mean by 'what happened'."
Alexis Raskoph 2017-04-26 08:25:49 75296
Well. At least once he comes within sight of Amu, he draws his hood back to let his face properly into the open. Same deadpan expression as before. "I'm fine standing," he claims. "And I'm not hungry."

And then he blinks at her. "Amu," he grunts, without any honorific here. "That goes for both of us. If you're even halfway as connected as I have been lead to believe, you already know that 'my side of the story' isn't going to be any different from what you heard. I lost control. That's all there is to it. No sugarcoating. No excuses."
Amu Hinamori 2017-04-26 08:28:59 75297
Amu Hinamori nodded. "Humor me, then. I want to know, in your own words, what led to you getting to the point you lost control. I thought you were like Norie-chan. That you didn't want to hurt people."

She was quiet for a long moment. "This shouldn't have happened. So I want to know what led to this. What your thoughts during it were. And what you intend to do to ensure it never happens again."
Alexis Raskoph 2017-04-26 08:41:15 75298
"That your way of saying you think that's not the case anymore?" Mutters Alex with the sound of his tongue clicking against the roof of his mouth. "I told you the first time we met. I didn't want *any of this*. If you're planning on scolding me like some uppity child then save your breath. I have enough guilt ftom what happened to fill a lake, and you're not going to add enough drops to make it any different."

"As for what I plan to do? Well..." His arms spread out. "I already tried to get the people trying to fix me to put me under lock and key until a more permanent solution is decided on. Apparrently they thought that was unnecessary. Don't suppose you'd be inclined differently?" A brow arches.
Amu Hinamori 2017-04-26 08:46:58 75299
Amu Hinamori sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. "I mostly just want to know what you, yourself, plan to do. You want other people to take responsibility for you, but that's not really a permanent answer. You don't want to answer any of the questions. You know, Alexis-kun, you say you're sorry but you certainly don't act like it," she said flatly.

"What you are acting like is a child. You're being defensive and angry to those who want to help you. You're not actually taking responsibility for the things you did, instead you're trying to shift responsibility to us, to make the rest of us take over for you. To make us your keepers. If you really want to avoid an incident like this again, then how about you come over, sit down and we can talk it out and work on a game plan. One that will have long term benefits and be something permanent, rather than just until something bad happens."
Alexis Raskoph 2017-04-26 09:19:17 75300
"Funny how every time I try to take the responsibility the answer always seems to be the same," Alex growls then, eyes snapping to the side. "It's always 'No don't lock yourself up, no don't kill yourself, no nothing that will *work for sure*'. You don't exactly strike me as the to say any different."

Suddenly, he takes a step closer. "So what DO you want me to say? The same nonsense that no one seems to listen to beyond the point of being able to say 'oh no it isnt your fault its just the curse' or 'it will all be okay'?!" He's actually starting to raise his voice, even now that he's lowering into a crouch to bring himself level with her sitting self. "And now you say I don't sound like I'm sorry?! Because I'm not saying... What? What do you want to hear me say? That I'm SORRY for losing control? That I'm sorry for doing evertthing I did when I did?! For hurting so many people? Hurting my friends? For being like this? For..."

Dark energy is a strange thing. When it's infused to someone, it enhances negative emotions. But anger isn't the only thing it makes one susceptible to.

"B-..." A single tear trickles down tje boy's cheek while he grits his teeth together. "Being... m-.." Another. He realizes only then, and forcefully turns himself away from her, with a hsnd comibg up in an effort to wipw the moisture away and hide it from her. Damnit. He's been holding sall that back for too long. Why'd it have to boil over with *her* of all people?
Amu Hinamori 2017-04-26 09:32:17 75301
Amu Hinamori stared at him for the longest time. She then got up, walked up besides him and reached out and gave him a hug. "I don't want to hear that you're sorry. I'm not going to tell you it's going to be okay and that it's not your fault. I'm not going to tell you any of that. I told Norie-chan already, I don't know what the curse is like. I don't know what it does to you."

She then pulled back and moved in front of him. "At the end of it, Alexis-kun, it all falls on you. The things you do are your responsibility. Not ours. Not Norie-chans. Yours. There are two things that can happen here." She reached down and took his hand in hers. "You get mad, you let your pride take over and you leave. You decide 'they don't understand, they can't', then do something stupid or reckless. Possibly end up in this situation again. More people getting hurt. Or..."

She grabbed his other hand and lifted it up with hers. "You think of those people who got hurt. You swallow your pride. And you accept help. Not you have us end you, not you have us lock you up. You accept actual help that doesn't make you and everyone else miserable. Things don't have to be hard. You don't have to make yourself some kind of martyr for the bad things you've done. Instead, we can get to the source of it. Work on a plan to ensure this never, ever happens again. That you are properly taken care of. It'll mean accepting the fact you can't do this on your own, that you aren't as tough as you think you are. But it will also ensure that no one else has to get seriously for your mistakes or your curse." She let his hands go and, once again, motioned to the chair.

Her charas were whispering amongst themselves. Trying to figure out when Amu leveled THAT up.
Alexis Raskoph 2017-04-26 09:47:41 75302
He falls silent with that. He never gets to finish that one word he was going to call himself. Instead,he just ends up looking surprised while she hugs him. And falls still, too. Only moving again wjen she turns in front of him, and even then it's to lower his head in order to avoid looking her in the eye. Even unmoving when she takes his hand.

But, finally, at the end of it, he picks himself up and makes for the gestured chair. "I know all that," he says, voice quieter again. "I know. I just.." He slumps down on the chair, moisture still gathering in his eyes in spite of his best efforts. "... I tried. I... was supposed to be stronger than this. She made me like this to save my life so I... I tried to make the best of it. Not be like I needed help because of it. I tried to not.. I tried to not do anything."

His elbow props pn his knee, and his hand slowly rubs along his face. "I... tried. I tried so hard. And I failed."

"I'm... so tired..."
Amu Hinamori 2017-04-26 09:56:56 75303
Amu Hinamori nodded, listening to it as she sat down across from him, motioning to the cookies and tea. "I know. And I know. What happened was horrible. You're afraid if you don't do everything, if you fail, you're being weak. But you know what? Everyone is weak sometimes. Even without some awful emotion drainingcurse, we're weak."

She then gave another small smile. "But you know the best thing about having friends? When you're weak, they're happy to help you out again. I mess up all the time and end up doing stupid things. And then Kukai-kun or Na-chan or... sigh... Tadase-kun..." she said that last one dreamily. "Step in and help me. Whether I like it or not half the time. Because that's what friends do. I understand that you want to do this, to take care of all of it, all by yourself, to not have to depend on anyone else. But the thing is, tis time, in this situation, in this horrible, awful case, you need help. People are going to get hurt otherwise. People other than you. There's absolutely no reason you need to bear this alone, though. No one has to get hurt. You especially."

She reached out and patted his hand. "You tried. You failed. But now how about we try together, okay?" she said with a comforting smile. "Because some people got hurt this time, but nothing permanent. Let's ensure nothing permanent ever happens. Now, I want you to tell me what led to this. To you, personally. What put you in that state? Why weren't you eating? Why did you allow yourself to get so close to falling? What pushed you over the edge? Then, I want you to tell me what you think we, not you, but we can do to ensure this never happens again."
Alexis Raskoph 2017-04-26 10:14:41 75305
There's a heavy sigh again. "...I did everything I could to stop it," he murmurs quietly. "Evertthing I wsd told I should. But then... A friend of mine was hurt." His eyes squeeze shut. "By someone. Hannah. I was... just. So angry at her. I found her. Fought with her. And everythinh just... went red. When I came to, I was tied up in chains two days later at the Shitennou's place. And... All these memories came in all at once. Bits and pieces of what happened. Of what I did."

"...If I did all that to try to keep it from happening, I.. I don't know what else to do. To stop me. Besises... locking me up. Killing me. Or curing me." There's a pause there. "...Sailor Mercury says she... is close to a solution. With that last one. But... I don't know. I am not hopeful. Either way... It's not like that will change... what I did. The curde in me, it... it doesn't 'take control'of my emotions. It just... 'affects' them. That means, deep down, that was... still *me* doing all that. Still *me* whi was the monster."
Amu Hinamori 2017-04-26 10:23:28 75306
Amu Hinamori nodded, listening to every bit of it. She took a slow, small sip of her tea. Once he was done, he put it down and... "I fail to see how that makes you a monster. A friend of yours was hurt. You wanted to hurt that person back. That's completely natural, heck. Anyone would feel that way. I know I would if someone hurt someone special to me."

She then sighed. "So, we've isolated the cause. It's not just lack of energy. Apparently getting pushed too much, emotionally, can do it too. And unfortunately, your anger and rage is a part of you. A pretty powerful part, too." She went quiet for a moment, rubbing her chin. "And, frankly, even if we cure you, I don't think that's going to stop being a problem. So I think we should work on that. The first, most obvious thing we can do is easy. Next time someone makes you that mad, tell someone. Especially if you're not sure you can keep yourself in control. Give Mamoru-kun a call, he's good at dealing with that. It won't help you get vengeance on that person, but it will at least stop you from hurting other people."

And then came the next part. "And then the difficult part. The part you're going to hate. Next time something like this happens, you're going to have to accept that you can't fix it. That you can't get vengeance on Hannah-chan or anyone else. Because if you do, you might have another issue. You're going to have to endure the fact that you'll have to leave this for other people," she said curtly. "And I know you probably hate that. But that's going to have to be part of the punishment. You don't get to kill yourself or be imprisoned. Instead, you're going to have to show restraint and let other people deal with things you don't like." Knowing him, she imagined he'd find that as a far worse punishment.
Alexis Raskoph 2017-04-26 10:35:09 75307
"It's everything that came after that makes me a monster," Alex insists. "The fact that I couldn't stop."

He remains silent flr most of the rest. But with that last part, he frowns visibly. "I don't know," he murmurs. "I... nh. I am... definitely afraid I might. Slip into that again. So... I don't. Intend to bring myself to dl anything while I am still like this. But... If I am cured without killing me... After that..." He shakes his head and turns a look to Amu. "Even if I am weaker then. As a man, I can't just stand back and watch."
Amu Hinamori 2017-04-26 10:41:57 75308
Amu Hinamori sighed. "I'm not telling you to stand back and watch. It has nothing to do with being a man. It has to be with not being stupid," she said flatly.

"What good does it do for you to run in, if there's nothing you can do? Nothing. In fact, it might just get you hurt. What BAD happens if you rush in to something you can't handle? Everything. Suddenly the people who can handle it have to not only worry about the threat, they have to worry about protecting you, too. Then you've not only had no effect, you've made it worse for those who can. Now, you don't have to just stand back and watch. There's still a lot you can do. You can help get the wounded out of there, offer advice in case something tries to sneak up on them, learn first aid and help the wounded. All of those things are far more helpful, and likely to save lives, than just running in and trying to punch things you have no point in punching." She cocked an eye. "The only thing that it doesn't help, is your pride. And that's what you need to decide, Alexis-kun. How much is your pride worth to you? Do you want to be tough and manly, or do you want to help people and stay in control? If the latter, then you need to lean on us when you need us, not try to do everything on your own. Find ways to help them that really does help them."
Alexis Raskoph 2017-04-26 10:59:38 75309
"There's *always* something one can do," states Alex resolutely, with a sudden glint of... something, sparking briefly in his eye. "You are severely misunderstsnding me. I have not survived this long bith with gangs and the supernatural thinking straightforward approach always works."

"But I will never. *Ever* just sit back. That is the grestedt crime I could commit."

A heavy sigh then,and he shakes his head. "...But that's... not herr or there, now. Until I hear from Mercury again. I just. Focus on not hurting snyobe again..." His eyes drift to the side, and a sadder tone sbeaks ibto his voice again. "...Keep this monster in check." There's... guilt there, Amu might realize he will have difficulty letting go of.
Amu Hinamori 2017-04-26 11:12:48 75310
Amu Hinamori nods and then smiles. "Good. You don't have to sit back. But sometimes just running to get help or staying out of the way is the best thing you can do." She actually looks a little sad then. "Sometimes it's the only thing you can do."

"And... I'd like to say the guilt will go away, but chances are it won't. you'll just need to use it, instead. Remember those feelings next time you need motivation to avoid putting yourself in that kind of situation. But... I think you're ready to keep working on it. I don't think you'll have another problem. Next time... I think you'll make the right decision and get the help you need. I--" Then... All of a sudden the door slammed open.

"Guardians! There's a problem with the music department and--"

Amu sighed and smiled. She got up. "Alexis-kun, I gotta take care of this. If you wanna stick around, we can talk more then, okay? Otherwise, if you ever need any help, come to me or Mamoru-kun, okay?"
Alexis Raskoph 2017-04-26 11:17:32 75311
The instant someone comes through the door,Alex snaps a hand over to his hood to flip it over his head again. He is still officially a missing person,so he kinda needs to keep hia face hidden.

"...We'll see," he murmurs,now rising up and turning away, slowly. "... If anyone asks,I wsd *not* crying. Okay?"
Amu Hinamori 2017-04-26 11:18:12 75312
Amu Hinamori nodded. "Of course. I didn't say anything," she said with a wink. Before picking up her paperwork, locking it up, then heading towards the music department.