Feelings and Connections

Both things neither Norie nor Alexis do very well.

Date: 2017-05-19
Pose Count: 22
Alexis Raskoph 2017-05-19 21:45:59 76820
Norie wanted to talk to Alex about something, turns out. This doesn't really strike Alex himself as something strange, but then he doesn't really have *any* idea what is coming along from that as a result. When trying to decide on a place for the two of them to meet in (since currently it's not really a good idea for either of them to go to their respective family homes) via texts, Korma Chameleon probably came up at least once.

Which in turn resulted in a text from Alex stating simply "I don't think I'm allowed back there until tomorrow."

No further explanation provided for that, by the way.

When it came down to it finally, Gullwing Coffee was settled on. And now, Alex has arrived there first, evidenced by the presence of his bike just outside. And inside, he's settled himself into a corner table with a cup of chocoa cradled within his hands. Staring off into blank distance with a stoic expression of deep thought. As if though he was considering the most profound mysteries of the universe.

...But really what he's thinking about goes more along the lines of "I wonder when the next sale over at that comic book shop is going to be..."
Lacrima 2017-05-19 21:53:09 76821
Gullwing Coffee. Coffee. Norie Okana wasn't as acclimated to coffee as many other people were. She didn't need it's caffeinated effects and it really didn't taste all that good. So when she arrives, she orders herself a hot chocolate instead, and a bagel. With Straebrry Cream Cheese. Yes. This will do nicely. She doesn't order the bagel toasted. It is an everything bagel.

She looks around and. Oh there's Alexis in the corner. She walks over to the table and has herself a seat.

"Hello Alexis-kun." she says softly. "How have you been?" she asks. She starts off normal. "Has everything been okay?... no. Odd feelings... oddities... things like that?" she asks with a squint.
Alexis Raskoph 2017-05-19 22:09:15 76823
Alex didn't even notice Norie come in. He was lost in thought that much. So when she calls out his name, he actually jumps in place momentarily and turns a wide-eyed look to the girl before he settles down again and offers, "Hi, Norie."

The first questions-- well. In any other kind of situation, those might be considered weird, but considering the events of the last four months (give or take), Alex doesn't look the vague bit surprised. He just rolls his brown leather -covered shoulders in a slow shrug. "Not particularly," he claims. "I mean, Mercury said I might be more vulnerable to outside emotional effects? But I don't think anything like that's happened. But I guess I wouldn't know, right? Eh." He stretches one hand before him to, fingers spread for a moment before they curl into a loose fist. "I think my overall physical condition might be a bit better than before you turned me, though, maybe? I feel like at least my reflexes are better than they used to be, anyway. ... Not like, as good as while I *was* a vampire, but still. You know what I mean?"
Lacrima 2017-05-19 22:17:14 76824
Norie Okana nods. "You spent some time under high stress stressors. I imagine that rubbed off on you in some way." she says as she sips her hot chocolate. Sipp and then she spreads the cream cheese on the whole bagel. Norie doesn't slice the bagel. Chomp.

Then she starts to get slowly into why she asked to talk to Alexis. No accusations. Yet. She just asks a polite question.

"Have you spoken to Sayaka-chan recently?" she asks. "I know she was really worried when you were a vampire. Very. Very. Worried." she says flatly as she sips her hot chocolate in between bites of her bagel.
Alexis Raskoph 2017-05-19 22:33:10 76826
"I guess," Alex allows, turning his hand over and flexing the fingers on it a few times over before allowing it to lower down onto the table. "I pulled a lot of nonsense while I was that way that my body wouldn't have been used to prior. Even with all the other nonsense I'd gone through before that." Lot of untold stories there.

But then she asks that particular question. And naturally his eyes turn to look *away* from Norie. "...A little bit," he says sheepishly to that. "A lot of what happened was pretty intense, you know?"
Lacrima 2017-05-19 22:38:47 76828
Alexis always looks away when Sayaka is brought up. She does frown a little at this heavily. What is it with boys and girls? Eilam, by contrast, was very forward with her. So was Natsumi-chan. For a emotion-addled vampire- those were probably the best approaches in that manner.

She crosses her arms. "How do you feel about her?" she asks. "-and don't give me some mumbly non-answer." she says frankly.

"You're not a vampire now. You should be able to express your feelings a little better than that." she says a little more accusatory there.
Alexis Raskoph 2017-05-19 23:00:29 76829
"...Why are you asking, anyway?" Alex asks in counter to Norie instead of providing an actual answer to her. His gaze is still turned away from her, and his hand's gone up to rub at the side of his neck, akwardly. "I mean... A lot's happened, you know? Not just between me and her, I mean, like..." A grunt of uncertainty. "What do you want me to say?"
Lacrima 2017-05-19 23:24:12 76830
Norie Okana frowns. "A non answer. So I'll will get straight to the point."

"Sayaka likes you and is hesitant to say so." she says flatly. "She likes you YOU not vampire you." she says.

"It's my understanding she's been trying to be on the sly about it." she says. "But I know you're not the best at catching that." she says.

"So I am asking. How do YOU feel." she says flatly. "About her." she asks.

"Because honestly, I don't feel anything. You know that, when it comes to positive emotions I can't. But you. You can feel those. You shouldn't /waste them/." she says sourly.
Alexis Raskoph 2017-05-19 23:40:35 76832
"I know she does," Alex sighs out, and the rubbing gets promoted to scratching along the skin of his neck while he nips at his lower lip briefly. "I'm not stupid okay? I mean, I'm not... I'm not exactly good with these sorts of things, you know?"

Slowly, his head turns over to the other way, but somehow still managing to actually not look at Norie, too. "You know I've been forced to travel a lot? And move on very short notices from place to place like... constantly. When I've grown up. Because of rich parents with an international damn conglomerate and everything. And I'm probably going to be dragged out of here whenever with like seconds' worth of prior notice too for all I know. So you know, I'm not really... used to..."

Words fail Alex suddenly, and he lets out a heavy sigh of frustration. "... I'm not the right kind of guy for her is what I'm saying."
Lacrima 2017-05-19 23:53:02 76835
Norie Okana crosses her arms. "That's not what I'm asking. If you're the right kind of guy for her. I'm asking how you feel about her." she asks. "Regardless of all that." she says flatly. "Because that's what matters right now." she says and she leans forward. "And what if you never move from Tokyo?"

"-and you missed your chance. What then?" she asks. "How would that make you feel?" she asks.

She crosses her arms. "I can't feel these things. But yet there's still people out there that have told me 'I like you a lot, even though you can't feel that.'." she says. "Knowing full well I can't really... return the feelings." she says. "In a way that would be 'normal'." she says.

"But the key there. Is that. They know what they're getting into. But they still want to give it a chance." she says quietly.
Alexis Raskoph 2017-05-20 00:16:14 76839
Alex listens to all that quietly. Once she's done saying everything, he leans back in his seat and loosely crosses his arms together over his chest, head tilting a bit further to his side. "...I don't know," he murmurs, sighing out heavily again.

"But..." He goes on then, though his voice is a bit more hesitant. "...I do. Like her, I mean. ... I think I already started liking her when I was a vampire, even if I didn't really understand it back then. I just..." Pause. "... I guess I don't really know what to do with that."
Lacrima 2017-05-20 00:46:27 76842
Norie Okana nods. "Well for starters. I think you need to tell her." she says flatly. "-and be honest with that. Tell her what you just told me." she says softly. "'Sayaka, I like you, but I don't know what to do with that, and I'm sorry, but maybe we can figure things out.'" she says.

"And if you need help, I'll help. I'm sure Miku-chan will help too. She's the one I heard this from. And the reason I'm talking to you. Because we've known each other longer." she says softly.

She nods. "Well. We can figure that out." she says flatly again.
Alexis Raskoph 2017-05-20 01:05:15 76846
"...I think it might be a little late for that," Alex says with another heavy sigh-- and this one manages to carry more, obvious sadness to his voice, too, his eyes lowering downwards to the way of the floor.

"I tried... explaining myself to her. How I don't think I'm the right person for her and I'd just mess things up for her and all that. She, um. WAsn't very happy with that. I think she's convinced I don't want anything to do with her anymore. She probably doesn't really want to talk to me anymore, either."
Lacrima 2017-05-20 21:04:20 76876
Norie Okana shakes her head. "You said the wrong thing is all. You didn't tell her whys just that you weren't the right person when in fact, it's just about the fact you may or may not need to move out of the country eventually." she says flatly.

"If there's things I learned being what I am, is that you can't base things on what may happen. I may up and turn full grade A evil vampire queen tomorrow. Doesn't mean I should treat all my decisions today like that may happen, when it probably won't." she says.

"Do you need me to explain things to her first at all? Talk to her? Smooth it out if possible? I'm not the greatest at it. But I'm hoping she'll listen at least, about that kind of stuff." she says.
Alexis Raskoph 2017-05-20 21:35:54 76879
"I did tell her that too," Alex claims with a quiet sigh, hand turning upwards to scratch at the back of his head through the short strands of brown hair there. "I even said I like her, but I'm just-- scared. Of what I might end up doing to her."

He considers his own words for a few seconds and lets out a rueful sigh. "... I guess I didn't really say that first part *straight*, though. So... Well. Even if I did, I don't think she believed me either way."

"... I want to say it's better this way..." Alex's head lowers down low enough that somehow, even with how short his hair is, it still manages to shade up his eyes. "That she'll find someone else. Someone... better. ...But she was... so hurt. I... I don't know if any answer other than 'lets do it' was ever going to cut it. Or if I just worded it so... so wrong. Because I'm so damn bad at these things I already did the exact thing I was afraid I'd do before we even started anything."

Over her offer, he lifts his head upwards again enough to peek her way with one eye. "...I'm pretty sure she won't want to talk to me at all, so... maybe," he speculates. "But then... She doesn't exactly think highly of you, you know?"
Lacrima 2017-05-20 21:57:26 76886
Norie Okana scoffs. "Of course she doesn't. I'm a horrible monster that needs to feed on people so she hates it." she says. "And doesn't take warnings well." she says. "or acknowledge them." she says. "and wants me to feed from her instead despite that being a death sentence and /she doesn't care/." she seethes.

"But that's besides the points." she says softly.

"I think you made some mistakes but that's because you don't know what to really say." she says. "Don't worry. That happens to me a lot. But when that happens I don't try to put the confusion into words. That's the mistake. You instead should say that. I'm confused and I need to figure it out, or need help figuring it out." she says softly. "Because the other route is mad frustration." she scowls.
Alexis Raskoph 2017-05-20 22:15:27 76891
"...I guess," Alex mumbles in half-agreement of sorts-- but it doesn't make him look any less akward. Or sad, for that matter.

"Doesn't really change the fact that it's probably too late to say that now," he goes on saying, with a shake of his head. "Like I said, I don't think she... really wants to see me now. Or even believe anything I have to say."
Lacrima 2017-05-20 22:37:04 76894
Norie Okana frowns. "you won't know until you actually try." she says. "That's another thing I've learned." she says.

"So we can go try, or we can sit here and wonder the ifs and possibilities." she says a little more sourly.

"And continue to let what was done be done." she says raising a brow.

"It's your choice in the end, Alexis-kun. But I'd like to see you happy. And if you like her, and she makes you happy- and she felt the same way, before things were said..." she says softly.
Alexis Raskoph 2017-05-20 22:48:07 76898
"What am I even supposed to do, though?" Alex asks when his eyes *finally* return fully to Norie, his expression by now having turned to something much more weary and tired. "Even if I didn't already ruin all of it, I-- what am I supposed to say to make it different? To make her listen? What am I supposed to do to--"

He pauses brieifly there, and blinks his eyes slowly. Realization of something very important sinks in, and his eyes close.

"...To convince my own mind I'm allowed something like that?"
Lacrima 2017-05-20 22:57:03 76901
Norie Okana frowns. "You need to say what you mean and not be vague." she says.

"Being vague is... nrg. I know the darkness feeds off that kind of self doubt." she says. "Trust me. I DO know that." she says. "You're not a vampire anymore. You need to stop doubting yourself. All that does is invite the darkness back in." she says.

"Why don't you think you're allowed something like that?" she asks. "Have you done things I don't know about? Things done under the influence of... what I did to you. That shouldn't count. That wasn't you. Not. Really you." she says quietly.
Alexis Raskoph 2017-05-20 23:21:21 76904
"Wasn't it, though?" Alex asks with a brief narrowing of his eyes. "The way I understood it, I... It's not that I was being controlled or anything. It was just my emotions that were affected. Some were more muted and some were more pronounced. That might have affected how I acted from normal but... Those emotions still existed within me, no? Even when I was in a frenzy... somewhere inside, that was... still me. ON an instinctual level, I think."

He shakes his head after that. "But that's besides the point," he mutters. "It's not about anything I did during... that. You know what I've been getting up to before you turned me. The kind of people I constantly butt heads with. It's always been that way, even before I moved here again, you know? And during that, I've hurt... a lot of people. Some probably permanently so. And a lot of them I didn't even mean to, on a non-physical level... Drawing people in to bullshit. Trouble that my family situation brings too, when people like that find out..."

"And besides all that... My parents are filth rich, you know? I was born to that kind of life where I could have anything I wanted. Anything at all. But I kept drifting to people who... well. Didn't. And I guess I feel guilty? But... there was always one thing those people would have, that I didn't. 'Connections'. Even when I would get them, I... don't know what to do with them, really. I end up just being 'destructive' instead. Hurting people that way."

"... So then, between that and feeling guilty, I... I guess I always thought it'd be better for 'someone else' to have those, instead."
Lacrima 2017-05-20 23:45:07 76907
Norie Okana head tilts and frowns. "I used to have 'connections'. I was in the dance club." she says. "We practiced. Had slumber parties. That kind of thing. In fact. The Dance Club is why I even bought the necklace. Everyone else was buying jewelry I thought I should get something too." she says.

"Then I lost all that in the early days of being this thing. I was irrational and starving myself and just couldn't deal with.... people."

"One by one I lost all my friends and I was kicked out of dance club because I straight up attacked one of the members." she says a little grumpily.

"I don't get connections now either. I think it's silly theres people who like me despite what I need to do." she says bluntly. "And what I do to help one of the few people I consider a friend." she says.

She gently sighs and shakes her head. "It's confusing. But you're human. you'll figure it out." she mutters a little to herself. "Eventually, for yourself." she offers.