I Don't Know Anything Anymore

Alexis and Lacrima have a quiet chosen-family talk. Nothing but the chosen-family part is stable.

Date: 2017-11-24
Pose Count: 15
Alexis Raskoph 2017-11-24 22:07:15 87077
Alex has been awake for a good while now. He's even graduated from needing to be handfed to actually having some modicum of use for his own hands.

Not so much of the actually getting up though, mind you. At least someone had the mind to give him a shirt finally, too, at that, so when Norie comes into the room at ECFH he's been dumped into, she finds him more or less decent. Sitting, propped against a pile of pillows between himself and the wall. A tray previously filled with food-- and steadily flexing up his arms, lifting them up off his lap to fold to his shoulders and then down again in a slow, frustrated process.
Lacrima 2017-11-24 22:18:41 87078
Lacrima gently gives a soft bumping of the door with fingers, to let people know someone's coming then peeks the door open. Her eyes search the room then rest on Alexis as she steps in and recloses the door. She walks on over. "How are you feeling?" she asks softly.

She steps over and sits down in the chair where she's sat before. "You'll be moving against soon." she says softly. "I'm sure. At this rate." she says quietly.

A pause. It's quiet... "Where's Kriegfauste?" she asks.

"Um. The device." she says quietly.
Alexis Raskoph 2017-11-24 22:38:25 87079
"I still hate it," Alex declares with a grumble. "This feeling. Of my body not being my own. I can barely even sit up, but at least I can talk now, I guess. Meh."

At the question about the Device-- Alex frowns visibly, and looks off to the side, towards the window.

"Not here," he grunts out.

"I told Naru to take it out. I don't know where she took it from here."
Lacrima 2017-11-24 22:52:58 87080
Lacrima fidgets. "I wouldn't know. My body isn't made of muscle and flesh." she says quietly. "I sometimes loose connection to it. But that just means I move like a bad puppet." she says quietly. She fidgets. "I don't like your mother." she says quietly. "She knows where it hurts most." she says softly. "I went to your home to figure out what was wrong. She said. 'I shouldn't worry about my replacement brother'. Made it about... family. And that. I could help." she says silently.

"I was stuck for a week on what to do. I'm sorry. Until. Rashmi-chan noticed that there was something in the gift you gave me on my birthday." she says gently.

"That's how we found out where you were. It's our guess that you might had shoved it in there during a blackout." she says gently. "Since it was a SD covered partly in your blood." she says gently. She sniffs a bit-- "I..."

"I'm s-s-sorry..." she says as she just begins to cry, shoving her hands into her face.

"Shoul-a acted--faster when when you were..blacking out... should had...."
Alexis Raskoph 2017-11-24 23:18:16 87081
"Probably," Alex agrees with Norie's assessment, albeit a bit hesitantly so at that. "I can't really remember very we--" He starts, but.


Oh no, she's crying.

His head immediately turns to direct his eyes straight at her, and with a few wide-eyed blinks, he makes an effort to turn himself at least somewhat along the bed.

"Hey..." He sounds out, arm stretching to her direction, try and wrap it over her shoulders and urge her closer. "I'm here."

"I'm here now."
Lacrima 2017-11-24 23:49:35 87082
Lacrima sobs and shakes her head. "I'm not sad... I don't even know why I'm crying." she says as she gently rubs her face. Yeah she's crying black. As always when she's in this form. She sniffs and wipes her face.

"I was a mess. And I reverted back to old behavior." she sniffs. "But. Jia-chan kicked me out of it." she says quietly.

She shifts again. "I--I'm sorry. Don't worry. Please. I know. I know you're here now." she sniffs.

"That. Device. It's yours." she says quietly. "You should consider accepting it." she says. "But devices aren't computers you can just program to be bad. They just do what their device mage says." she says softly and sniffs.

"-and we wouldn't had found you as quickly as we did without it's help." she says. "It was worried about you." she says gently.

"-and quite frankly it's not like your mother wanted us to leave." she says.

She sighs and leans against Alexis. "Don't stress yourself.".
Alexis Raskoph 2017-11-25 00:19:28 87083
Despite being weakened, Alex makes a damn insistent effort in tugging her closer, and to the point of leaning him. And no, he doesn't seem to care much about the flow of black and purple tears staining his shirt either.

"You're my imouto, right?" He murmurs, with a faint smile. "Pretty sure it's my duty to worry."

Though, when she mentions the Device again, he ends up peering away.

"...I don't trust it," he insists, voice turning to something more grumbly. "The picture I got from everyone about my mom-- I wouldn't it past it for there to be *something* there anyway. Just. Waiting for me to put it on or whatever." A heavy sigh leaves his throat. "Besides. They made it... prepared it, whatever, for me to do..."

Eyes close.

"Whatever awful damn things for them. Is it really right for me to have something like that?"
Lacrima 2017-11-25 00:30:00 87084
Lacrima sighs. "Y-yeah." she says with a sigh. She shakes her head. "They did. But I don't think it means wrong." she says softly. "It's been nothing but cooperative." she sighs. "Please. Consider it? Because. Being able to defend yourself. Is important right now." she says softly.

"But. I can't... won't force you one way or another." she says quietly. "I already forced that on you once. But it was for a good reason. It was still wrong." she says gently.

She frowns. "How do you feel about your mother?" she asks softly. She eyes Alexis. "I'm not. Looking for a specific answer. But...."

"Your mother said things when I visited her." she says softly.
Alexis Raskoph 2017-11-25 00:50:18 87085
"As far as I am concerned that thing is tainted," Alex declares without any doubt in the tone of his voice. At least he isn't spitting out anything nastier.

"It's just. Not right. If I... take it, use it, whatever it is... then I accept what they were planning for me all this time. Accept what they were doing to me."

He sighs, and instinctively tightens his arm further around the vampire. "Honestly, I don't know," he murmurs in answer to the question about his mother. "I... Well. I guess I got along better with her than my dad. But she was always... I dunno. I could never really figure out what she ever wanted. If she ever actually cared or not. I never really looked at what she did for work with dad's company, but I could kind of... get this feeling, at least. Businesswoman-like ruthlessness. She's pragmatic. Probably should have figured from that she wanted me as something more than just a social status trophy or whatever. What'd she say to you?"
Lacrima 2017-11-25 01:06:02 87087
Lacrima almost breathes a sigh of relief. "She said something along the lines that, what you think of her shouldn't matter. Like... something not working right." she says. "The fact you have some sort of opinion probably means that conditioning hasn't set in if there was supposed to be any." she says quietly.

She shifts. "I'm glad you're still yourself. We were worried about that." she says quietly.

She's managed to calm down as she takes a few bites of her lip.

"If... you need somewhere to go to stay, I always have a room in my manor. And if I don't have a room. I'll make one somehow." she says gently.

"Mamoru can also help I bet." she says.

"I'm thinking Kyouko and Naru want to steal your bike back to spite your mom." she says. "I kinda wanna see that happen." she says. "But some people thinks that's a bad idea, too." she says.


"I'd like you to come out of this with at least your bike back." she says quietly. "Not sure of other things."
Alexis Raskoph 2017-11-25 01:30:52 87090
"I... don't know what 'myself' really is," Alexis confesses. "The rock said eleven years, right? I... That's probably still been affecting me. To some... small extents. Shaping me. Maybe I'm who I am today just because of it. Maybe even..." His free hand comes slowly rising up to press against his face.

"All the times I got into those messes ever since I was younger. The gangs at various schools, first... then the color gangs on the streets in London, Hamburg and Berlin... even more organized crime. What if she... they... made sure I would end up fighting like that, under some idea of..."


"Trying to be a hero for people less fortunate than me."

"So I could grow into someone strong enough for them to use."

His fingers dig tighter against the skin of his face.


The mention of his bike breaks him briefly out of that particular existential crisis, though. The hand falls away, and his eyes widen. "...Oh shit. My bike. It's still at--" He looks down at himself. "...My jacket."
Lacrima 2017-11-25 01:51:02 87092
Lacrima frowns. "It'd make sense. But you shouldn't see that as a bad thing." she says quietly. "You were still doing that when I messed things up and ruined all that work with the vampire thing." she says softly. "When you walk again, we can see how you feel, alright?" she asks quietly.

"We would rather you not go back to your mothers. We being.. everyone that went in to save you." she says.

"As far as. Wondering. Who yourself is....? I do have. Experience in that." she says quietly. "Don't.. rush or worry about it. If you worry. You start panic'ing. It'll come to you. You may not be happy about it, but it'll come to you." she says quietly. "-and hopefully you are happy with it." she says. "I wasn't." she says quietly.

"But it's pretty obvious when the person you're supposed to be- or were- is actually just some disguise you put on to be." she says quieter.

"You're still you, Alexis-niisan." she says softly.
Alexis Raskoph 2017-11-25 02:15:03 87093
"I mean-- all those intentions, wishes and dreams..." Alex murmurs, head tipping down over slowly to press his chin lightly against the top of Lacrima's head.

"They were all just put there. Engineered."


A heavy sigh leaves his throat, flowing breath out down over her hair. "What am I supposed to do now? Even if I... get over all that--" It sounds like he won't do that easily. "I can't go home. If they're gonna try to get me back, I can't even go to school, or... a lot of places, actually."
Lacrima 2017-11-25 02:50:44 87095
Lacrima raises a brow. "Also familiar with that." she says softly. She leans her head down. She purses her lips. "Not an easy answer. But you shouldn't be afraid of going out." she says. "Or someone can go with you." she says gently.

"They're not fake. If they actually happened, Alexis-niisan." she says quietly. "I think Mamoru and Kunzite and some of the other boys might be able to help you with the... real and fake you.. situations maybe?" she asks. "They were all brainwashed at some point and remember that time." she says quietly. "Maybe help figure out what's 'you' as opposed to the 'something else'?..." she asks.

"I Know it isn't gonna be easy. It wasn't easy for me." she says quietly. "But it starts with asking for help." she says quietly. "I know that's hard too." she says.
Alexis Raskoph 2017-11-25 03:11:44 87097
"And if those things were just... decided on by someone else?" Alex askswith a quiet grunt of frustration. "I don't--" He shakes his head slowly then.

"I'm sorry. I... I'm sure you've heard this said before already. Or felt it yourself, even. I just..."

His other arm comes over then, to join the first in wrapping around her, holding her close against himself. "I don't know anything anymore."