Anti-Stewing In Despair

Lacrima asks Kukai over so she can try to work out her feelings after 'Things You Can't Take Back' rather than stewing in the despair.

Date: 2019-01-06
Pose Count: 15
Lacrima 2019-01-06 11:47:49 102325
Lacrima has not been making a very good attempt at keeping the house clean. Unmei has been doing housework where able, for her, while she's visiting- but otherwise- things are not clean as they normally are-- this does not mean the manor is a mess it just means there's a bit of paper there or some dirt tracked in there , nothing a few moments couldn't fix.

While she hasn't been hiding deep down in the basement, she has been more withdrawn and retreating to areas of the manor that are more quite during a normal day- like the parlor on the second floor rather than the vestibule. She fidgets. She keeps telling herself 'talk to someone' and then her internal dialogue is like 'no, hiding is better.' and she eventually forces herself to text Kukai- the message amounts to: 'Hey. I wanna talk. Meet me in my manor. Second floor parlor.' it goes.

Lacrima has... made some attempt at snacks. This is a package of Oreos and a jug of milk and cups-- they're not even on a fancy plate or anything. Lazy attempt at hospitality but she's pretty sure that Kukai never actually cared about that stuff. She sits on one of the couches in the parlor, gently leaned against the arm and drumming fingers nervously against it.
Kukai Souma 2019-01-06 11:59:31 102326
For the most part Kukai considers Lacrima a friend, even if she's the sort of friend he has to kick soccer balls at on a very rare basis. And most of the time she can handle her own events, and when she can't it turns out to be a very big deal. So when Lacrima messaged Kukai, he immediately understood that whatever was going on was out of the ordinary. He was in the middle of a rare not-cold day's practice outside, kicking a soccer ball against the wall, when his phone buzzed, indicating a text message. He picked it up and read the note over, then nodded, heading for his room and sending a text at the same time. "Right. Be there in a little while, soon as I clean up."

And so it is, maybe 30-40 minutes later, and Kukai was entering the manor where Lacrima made her home, looking around. It's not quite as immaculately spotless as he's used to, but to be honest even when the place is not up to Lacrima's standards it's still up to Kukai's and more, and he barely even registers a trace of dirt or anything else in the house as he ascends to the second floor.

When Kukai reaches the second floor, he raps his knuckles on the staircase railing, sending a tap-tap-tap through the area. "Lacrima, hey, I'm here and coming in." He makes his way into the parlor, looking around for the purplish-black pale goth girl. He instead first spots the cookies and milk, and grins. "Thanks for the snack. I'll get to it later after we talk." He plants himself on the chair facing her couch, looking at her. "So... what's going on?"
Lacrima 2019-01-06 12:21:35 102327
First and foremost, Lacrima is intensely morose. "Oh... hey Kukai. In here." she says with a sigh as she makes an attempt to sit up straight, though she's slouching. She sighs as she settles. "'s hospitable to provide snacks when you invite someone over. At least. That feels right. To me." she says softly.

She shifts a bit on the couch and looks over to a window a moment. She has a really hard time making eye contact right now- that much is clear. "Kukai... do you believe that even the worst person can chance...?" she asks quietly. "Even if they do something horrible they couldn't ever, ever take back or make up for in any possible sense of the word...?" she asks gently.

She shifts again a little on the couch as she looks back down to the floor. She shifts. "I just... I feel like... I can't do anything now.. that.. there's this.. outcome that I'm going to accept one way or another." she says quietly.
Kukai Souma 2019-01-06 12:28:56 102328
Kukai nods and then chuckles. "Well I appreciate it. Thank you." When she shifts her gaze and is quiet, Kukai reaches over, collecting a cookie and taking a small bite while she gathers herself. "Well, sure. I mean that's practically a .. what's the word, that thing that makes up the building blocks of stories and things. A trope. People can change drastically and wildly. The best heroes make the worst villains, and vice versa. What do they say... it's not about what you do in the past, but what you do in the future, right?" Kukai motions to her, nodding.

Kukai sighs and shakes his head. "You can always make a choice, Lacrima. It's just about how much crap you'll put up with on the other outcome, or how painful or scary it'd be. You always, always have a choice. You're never locked into something, no matter who or what makes you think otherwise."
Lacrima 2019-01-06 12:34:24 102330
Lacrima softly looks down and shifts. "Saint George murdered someone." she says quietly. "A coworker... but... she... she wasn't even magical? Or powered? She just... built robots. He... he... just..." she shakes her head and just buries her head into her hands- and rubs them up her face. It's clear she's trying to stop herself from crying because there's that tell tale smear of ichor in her hands--- her tears are always that awful purple-colored liquid.

"He... he struck her once and... before... before one of the robots with us could get her away he lunged in and just... stabbed into her... I...I..." she rubs an arm across her face.

"I feel like it's my fault. I feel like there's something I should had done before it got this.. I.. I just..." she says.

"...I feel like..." she sighs. "like there's nothing I can do to stop someone from killing my brother now... I feel like... I.. just... there's nothing... just..."

"Nothing..." she trails off quietly.
Kukai Souma 2019-01-06 12:44:46 102331
Kukai sucks in a sharp breath. "Oh, that miserable bastard. He just.." He shifts, moving besides Lacrima and puts his arms around her shoulders, comforting her when he sees her nearly begin crying. "It's ok... it's ok.. So he just stabbed her? Just because she was there? Oh my lord."

Kukai shakes his head and then looks at her. "Look. Nobody wants to kill him. Nobody wanted to hurt him. We all sort of expected to find a way to get through to him and calm him down. Instead I guess he went out of his mind." Kukai sighs, trying to think of what he's saying. "You can't blame yourself for his actions. And... if we can't stop him or change him, then.. yeah, someone might hurt him permanently. Or... kill him." Kukai shudders, thinking about it. "But whatever happens to him, it's not your fault. He made his bed, it's his place to lie in it, not yours. And we'll try not to hurt him, I know everyone will."
Lacrima 2019-01-06 13:02:45 102332
Lacrima brushes a hand across her eyes as she sniffs again, she doesn't move away from Kukai's arm- but doesn't make any move to lean into it either. She's just.. there. "He's been getting more erratic ever since he found out Nakusu exists." she says quietly.

"...I think you met her here once? She's... she's the 'princess' that Lamya and George we're looking for." she says. "A reincarnation of 'The Princess' at least." she says.

"...I haven't told her yet. She still thinks George can be gotten through to. Now I'm even more scared for her safety." she says.

"Dr. Murano. Was her name. She.. was there to handle the robots. But she wasn't magical. In.... the know? But no powers... not even a device user..."

"Sailor Mars was there. She saw it. I haven't had a chance to find out if she's okay or not... but I don't think she'll be as forgiving-- given the last thing she did was light him on fire which caused him to flee." she snorts sarcastically.

She rubs across her shoulder. "He struck me with his dumb sword again. My wounds don't heal instantly from that.. so I'm just dealing with the discomfort. I don't want to go to Mamoru and bug him with my problems. I know it took a lot out of him to heal me from last time--- and I'm not exactly human so it's difficult for him anyways."
Kukai Souma 2019-01-06 13:14:08 102333
Kukai pats Lacrima's shoulders, watching her. "Nakusu? I... maybe? I think I met her once. She's the princess that .. did the thing to Lamya?" He huhs, rubbing his head. "Yeah. Yeah. He may not be capable to get through to any longer. Jeez."

Kukai finally sits back after a minute, letting out a breath. "And he just stabbed her? God. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it." He lets out a breath, then laughs as she describes Mars lighting him up. "Ah. Maybe we'll get lucky and he'll need to rest after that." Kukai looks at her shoulder as she describes the sword wound and frowns. "That sucks. I'm so sorry. And yeah, I don't.. Well, no, I mean, I know Mamoru would be willing to help you." He leans in, looking at her. "The other part is that you don't exactly want to describe to Mamoru what happened and what's going on, so he doesn't go haring off and Tuxedo Penguin Suit Power Blast Ryo into next year, do you?"
Lacrima 2019-01-06 13:32:43 102334
Lacrima sulks. "It isn't about if Mamoru would help me or not. I know he would. I know all I need to do is ask politely, and tell him what happened." she says quietly. "Mamoru...? Trying to----" she shakes her head. "No. I don't think Mamoru would do that." she says quietly. "I just... I..." she shifts. "...I still feel like it's my fault." she says quietly.

"...-and I know Mamoru is.. psychic? To some degree. I don't need to be sitting in his home bleeding these bad feelings like an asshole if he could feel things like that." she says.

She nods to Kukai. "Nakusu... her original incarnation- Princess Sabra is the one who saved Lamya when George 'killed' her the first time, yes." she says quietly.

She sighs a bit. "...I...I tried to... turn. Her. Like I did Alexis. But I couldn't... I think I... lost too much dark energy from the wound I got earlier to have enough to turn Dr. Murano into a vampire until she could be 'fixed' like Alexis was...." she says quietly.
Kukai Souma 2019-01-06 13:51:02 102335
Kukai nods and then grumbles, poking Lacrima. "You need to stop that this instant. It was not your fault, any of it. It's not your fault that you found that stupid necklace, it's not your fault your brother turned out to be a reincarnated butthead of a knight - which would have happened anyway no matter what you did, that was already set in stone years ago - and it is not your fault. And as for bringing bad vibes into Mamoru's house, I'm sure he's suffered through much worse already."

Kukai aahs, and then winces. "You know, it sounds like it might be better to permanently put him away - not kill, but like... can we bury him under Tokyo Tower? Under the foundations?" He shakes his head, then reaches over, patting Lacrima's shoulder - not the hurt one, though. "Lacrima. What I'm hearing is that you tried to help, but since he'd already hurt you badly, you weren't able to save her, which was in short him making sure he killed this doctor person for no good reason. It wasn't your fault that you couldn't."
Lacrima 2019-01-06 14:30:04 102336
Lacrima scowls. "You know aswell as I do there's no 'magic jail'..." she says quietly. "...and it's not like this is a murder that could be reported and tried via mundane means..." she says quietly. She shifts a bit uncomfortably as she settles back down. "....yeah...." she says quietly. "I...I'll try to. Go. later." she says softly as she rubs at her shoulder a little.

"I know he has. I saw some of that when one of Sakura's dumb cards started running us through a montage of some horrid life events." she says. "But doesn't mean I don't feel awful about inflicting more." she mutters. "I feel bad enough as it is that I didn't realize that -- 'Sailor Earth' was a Takashi creation." she mutters. "I should had... prodded him... asked him..." she shifts. "Should had questioned... but though that he wouldn't be so dumb to do that after the Sailor Jupiter nullheart...." she sighs.

"I feel like I'm failing, even if it isn't my fault..."
Kukai Souma 2019-01-06 14:44:35 102337
Kukai nods. "It's best for everyone if you're at full strength, even if you just turn around and start doing Eclipse things at us for whatever reason. And.. yeah. We have to deal with this ourselves." He looks at her, then smiles. "It'll be ok."

Kukai nods and shakes his head. "Look, I imagine that if you got hurt worse because you didn't go to him it'd weigh even that much more heavily on him. He'd be worn out." He sighs and sits back. "Mirai was.. a special level of evil from Takashi. Everything about that scenario just.." He grits his teeth and shakes his head. "Just isn't something I want to talk about now. And you shouldn't be beating yourself up over it either now. It's in the past. It was something he hid very well. You shouldn't feel so torn up over it. You're not failing."

Kukai sighs and leans back, picking up another cookie. "To be honest, I'm not even sure what you'd feel like you were failing at? You sound like you've done everything you could to succeed and make things better."
Lacrima 2019-01-06 14:57:33 102338
Lacrima shifts a little in her seat. "She started believing her own bullshit existence..." she scoffs. "...or wanted something more than being a creation and wanted to be the real thing- which wasn't going to happen. It'd be... one thing. If she was like Akari-chan... and just wanted to be her own person?" She asks. "But she wanted to be what Mamoru was and that was the main problem." she says grimly. "Wanted his life, his powers, his friends, who he loved." she mutters.

"Please don't... misunderstand. I don't feel bad about her. Just..." she sighs.

"I just remember being so angry about it." she says quietly. "---but I don't feel angry about this. I feel sad... depressed.. useless.." she trails off.
Kukai Souma 2019-01-06 15:10:24 102339
Kukai frowns. "Yeah, I agree. I wished she'd have been able to find some sort of peaceful middle ground between being dead and what she tried to do, taking over history and future and rewriting it. Like Akari, to be her own person, yeah."

Kukai sighed and leaned back, then glared back at Lacrima. "Lacrima. You are not useless. Get that right out of your head. You got beat, and then to add insult to injury Ryo decided to kill someone. It's not that you're useless. It's that things went wrong. Don't take this one situation as a good reason to fade off into nothingness." He wags a finger at her. "You don't get to just give up."
Lacrima 2019-01-06 15:19:12 102340
Lacrima sighs. "I don't want to fade off into nothingness." she asides. "Not over Saint George." she says gently. "I just wish I wasn't such a failure when I try to help... or trying to think better of people--- like the way people have given me chances and times to try to prove I'm not a horrible danger to everyone." she says quietly.

"Thanks for... coming over to talk." she says quietly. "I know I never wanna talk about anything pleasant when I ask for people to come over..." she says quietly. "But the alternative is sit here and stew in it."