The Earliest Memory of Clara Meriva

While Haruna is getting coffee in the Gullwing bunker, Akari wakes up from a dream which completely throws her perspective on life for a loop.

Date: 2019-03-07
Pose Count: 18
Haruna Kurosawa 2019-03-07 18:49:34 104054
Haruna Kurosawa was barely awake yet. Someone else was handling the running of the store today. She was basically zombie-creating coffee. It was obviously strong as the smell of coffee filled the lounge area as Haruna yawned a little. When the coffee was done, she removed the coffee pot off the machine and then looked around for a mug...

Before she just shrugs and put creamer and sugar directly into the coffee pot and just began taking hilariously long sips directly from the pot like it was a big mug. She was about half done with the pot easily.

"...Argh that's better." she says as she rubs one of her eyes. Must had been a long night!
Rosalie Janus 2019-03-07 19:00:48 104055
Akari has gotten somewhat worse again. She didn't say much about it last night, but she did express concern that she might have to take today off from work and school, which is not a happy thought because every time they do something like that, they run the risk of either someone finding out that her "foster guardian" doesn't exist anymore, or that somehow this will end up attracting the attention of Mr. Mysterious.

Now, she blinks awake from a dream about Clara Meriva. It takes a moment of disorientation as she puts her mental state back together. She frowns, staring at the ceiling of room 3 for a moment, before she suddenly bolts upright, eyes going wide with panic. "Scheisse!" she exclaims, clutching her head. "R-Ruby ... uh ... text Millie-ch-- wait, no, Haruna-chan!"

Rubindorn pings from where the pendant is sitting on her nightstand. <<SIE IST NUR DRAUSSEN, HERRIN.>> She's just outside, Mistress.

Akari blinks. "Oh! Uh ..." The yelling is possibly audible from outside.
Haruna Kurosawa 2019-03-07 19:11:23 104056
Haruna makes a face about 'yelling' as she shakes it off and sips directly from the coffee pot. At least she lives elsewhere so she's actually dressed in actual clothes and not her ridiculous seagull bathrobe. She gives another yawn as she gives a call out.

"Yesssss~ I'm in the little sitting area~." she sings out. Because she never bothered to find out the actual name for such a roomtype. Lounge? Fooding? The Befooding Room! Yes it is now the befooding room and you can't convince her otherswise!

"I made coffee. But I'm also drinking directly out of the coffee pot. Do you need coffee?" she asks curiously with a raised brow as she calls down the hallway. Because really, Akari is the only one staying here atm so she isn't about to chide anyone for yelling like this and it's not like the people upstairs can hear them in the secret bunker of magical girls.
Rosalie Janus 2019-03-07 19:17:41 104057
Akari tries to fight against rising panic. "Just ... one s-second ..." She shakes her head. "Uh. Had. A weird dream and. Uh. Then my mind did ... some messed-up thing with Clara Meriva thoughts -- a-and ... I ... uh ..." She's apparently trying to speak up about what happened even though she still hasn't processed it fully. She staggers over to her desk and opens her laptop. "Ruby can you ... here I'll just telepathically tell you ..."

There's a pause. Then Rubindorn pings again. <<BESTIMMT, HERRIN!>> Certainly, mistress!
Haruna Kurosawa 2019-03-07 19:28:26 104059
Haruna Kurosawa softly blinks. "Huh okay odd dreams, sure. Get into my head. That's a nice place to be~" she sings teasingly. Really it is! Well nowadays it is anyways. Also telepathic talk probably isn't that invasive anyways last she spoke to Unity Loop on the issue and she is so glad she doesn't take Unity Loop out of the house unless she has to.

She'd drive poor Rubidorn insane! 'Okies. Are you there?~ So wassup?' she asks. 'I mean are you feeling okay? I know you took the day off! That's okay! Just making sure you're not sick... can... um. Like living programs get sick?...' a pause.

'...Do I need to buy a copy of Norton Antivirus...? Is.. is that a thing?'
Rosalie Janus 2019-03-07 19:38:19 104061
Akari shakes her head (even though Haruna can't see it). 'Or, no, I meant -- okay, fine.' She sighs, and takes a moment to gather her thoughts. 'Ever since I got purified, I've been having dreams on and off of being Clara Meriva, my creator who scanned her brain to create me -- either dreams where the premise is that I'm her, or actual memories. I just woke up from a dream where ... it was an earlier memory in her life than I'd ever seen before. She was talking to her parents about some medicine and magic -- medicinal magic ... and ...'

Her telepathic voice trails off again for a moment. 'Well, some of the stuff they were talking about sort of made me think "wait, was Clara originally a boy?" and then immediately I sort of ...' Her breath sounds slightly ragged as she tries to control her panic. 'It's like I was Clara for a second, and I thought "No, I was always a girl, it was my body that was wrong."' That last telepathic sentence isn't in Akari's voice. It's in an unfamiliar girl's voice which Haruna wouldn't have heard before -- Clara Meriva's voice.

Ping! <<ICH HABE ES GEFUNDEN!>> Rubindorn says. Somehow, through the telepathic connection, Haruna can understand that this means I found it! Rubindorn then connects to Akari's laptop as a Bluetooth Device, and opens her web browser to the Wikipedia article "Transgender."
Haruna Kurosawa 2019-03-07 19:47:12 104062
Haruna Kurosawa is also drinking out of a ridiculously large coffee pot that she's glad Akari can't actually see her doing now because it means she'd need to switch to using a mug like a normal human being. She gives a yawn that isn't into the mindspace as she head tilts. <'Huh, okay." she says.

"Sounds like the person you're based off might had been... yeah. Transgender.'> she says as she sips her coffee out of the ridiculous non-cup.

<'--do you need an explanation of what that means or you just lookin it up?'> she asks. <'Dunno if I'm the best person to explain it but I can try!'> she says.
Rosalie Janus 2019-03-07 19:52:39 104064
'No, I think I ... Yeah now that I'm ...' Akari starts and stops another few times. 'Okay, Rubindorn found the German Wikipedia and now I sort of feel like I'm ... remembering something that had just slipped my mind. Which happens a lot when I'm trying to sort through Clara Meriva memories, but yeah, I understand it exactly as well as if it was me ... aaaand now I'm feeling really weird about my Akari identity in ways I'm not even sure how to describe ...'

There's a surge of rose-red light visible under the cracks of the door as Akari changes into her 'Bell' form. "Euugggghhh ..." Another pause, followed by a sniffle. 'I do not need this on top of the other new thing ...' Her telepathic tone becomes more flat and emotionless, as it always does when she's using telepathy specifically to avoid talking while crying.
Haruna Kurosawa 2019-03-07 20:03:59 104065
Haruna Kurosawa is still drinking out of a coffee pot when Akari comes out sniffling and crying? Ohhhh dear, she sighs and places the coffee pot down and sneaks on over to scooooop Akari into a hug and pats her back. "Shhhhhh. Just relax." she says softly.

<'What's the other thing?'> she asks. <'and I totally get that. I don't like thinking about old stuff either.'> she says softly. She'll also release the hug as not to smother Akari in hugs.
Rosalie Janus 2019-03-07 20:13:21 104066
Given that Akari towers over pretty much everyone in this form, and is still taller than most people regardless, the 'scoop' is mildly odd, but she just hugs back. "Nrg ... th ..." She shakes her head.

It takes her a moment to continue. 'I've been meaning to tell you, I met a man named Yagami at the Crown, he was ... he was talking about his family, and I kind of think it was found family like mine, and he said that family is "supposed to take care of each other." Which Murano-sensei ... didn't.'

She sniffles, and takes a deep breath. '... I think ... trying to figure this out ... it's ... it will help me let go ... but ... it's hurting a lot more in the meantime.'
Haruna Kurosawa 2019-03-07 20:36:01 104067
Haruna Kurosawa grows a little grim here but still she picks back up her coffee pot as she releases the hug and takes a long sip. <'It will take time, Akari-chan.'> she says softly as she sits down at the table here as she places her big coffee pot down.

<'Just relax. It's all I can really offer.'> she says quietly. <'-and don't ... isolate yourself for long periods. I mean. Alone time is a thing yeah?'> she says <'But if you spend all your time ever hiding... things may not get better.'> she says softly as she shifts uncomfortably.

<'-as for the new things... well. You're not Clara. What happened with her isn't what happened with you. You have those memories yes, but you're your own person.'> she says with a curt, matter of fact nod.
Rosalie Janus 2019-03-07 20:46:32 104068
Bell sits down next to Haruna. "I know," she says softly aloud. "I ... was already going to tell you about it all today." She rubs her eyes and sniffles. "It ..."

There's a long moment of silence, just Akari sitting there and occasionally sniffling.

And then her golden glowing eyes blink. "... All of my identities are ones I chose," she says, wiping her tears away. "Akari Hayabusa was a name I picked out myself. I specifically wanted to become Nachtglocke Eins instead of being Nightbell. And ... even Clara changed herself to something that was ... more in line with her true self." She closes her eyes for a moment. "... honestly, just knowing that I can be whoever I 'want' to be ... makes me feel a lot better."

Then her eyes flutter open. "... I'm still not sure if I'm transgender, though."
Haruna Kurosawa 2019-03-07 21:02:39 104069
Haruan Kurosawa nods matter of factly. "It can make you feel better, trust me. I know that feeling, very much." she says with a soft series of nods. She keeps her eyes open. "I mean. I'm not transexual. But I am only really romantically interested in my own gender so that has been it's own issues with my family and former friends." she says gently.

"-and nothing kinnnnd of beats the feeling of not worrying about that all and just being yourself~" she says. She does head tilt.

"Well. If you want to be like... technical about it, you've always been a girl? Unless your program was like. Conceived as a boy and then that changed at some point?" she asks curiously and head scratches. "I mean. That's all the technicalities I guess. In the end I guess it's how you feel about it!" she smiles a little.
Rosalie Janus 2019-03-07 21:12:39 104070
Bell nods slowly, thinking this over and frowning. "True," she says. "'Just being myself' is exactly what I'm doing when I'm being ... Akari. And I want to say you're right about the technicalities, my program has always had a female form, but ..." She sighs. "Now that I know what it is, I still have that 'feeling' left over from Clara Meriva which is somehow ... different from a woman who's ..."

She glances back towards the room. <<CISGENDER!>> Rubindorn calls out.

Akari nods. "Right, cisgender." And then she snorts. "It also makes me think about the fact that my 'Akari Hayabusa' life was just given to me by Mr. Mysterious, and I kind of feel like sooner or later, he's going to end up coming after me at school, and ... I might have to change something anyway."

She yawns. "... I get less tired in this form, but I still feel like I just woke up anyway ..."
Haruna Kurosawa 2019-03-07 21:29:54 104071
Haruna Kurosawa nods rapidly as she sips out of her ridiculous coffee 'cup'. "Whelp, I can't tell you what to decide there but I'm sure you'll figure out what feels comfortable for you!" she says. She shrugs as she listens to the rest.

"Do you need help with a new ID?" she asks. "I think I might be able to help with that. I mean I'd need to ask people I trust about it." she says. "Like Mamoru-kun!" she says. "I think she got stuff like that for Kyouko at one time." she says tapping her bottom lip.

"Hrmmmmmmm....." she shrugs. "Still I can figure it out!" she smiles.
Rosalie Janus 2019-03-07 21:41:55 104072
Bell nods. "Right!" she says. "And I'll definitely be sure to talk to you and Sakura-imouto and Millie-chan if anything ... makes me feel awful as well."

She hmms. "I don't know if I need a new ID yet, but I think it's at least worth looking into," she says. "... Actually, yeah, we might as well try to get the ball rolling on giving me a new name at least. And maybe check to if Ritterglocke has some hidden function for changing my appearance, and if we can get Rubindorn to start using the identity-masking magic instead of just relying on being shorter and not having magical tattoos ..."

She sighs, and smiles weakly. "Well, either way," she says. "Thanks a whole bunch for everything, Haruna-chan."
Haruna Kurosawa 2019-03-07 21:47:22 104073
Haruna Kurosawa makes a face. "Normally when it comes to like... devices I'd bug Hannah-chan but in this case it's better not to involve her for reasons of datamining devices for stuffs." she says as she crosses her arms and sighs. "So you might need to find someone on your own!" she says softly.

"But yeah, start thinking of a new name then?" she asks. "That's all I can suggest. I'd offer my last name but like... my parents are still alive and they might be concerned about hearing about a new Kurosawa and also you don't wanna be a Kurosawa anyways." she insists. "For that same reasoning of my parents are still alive." she says grumpily.

She picks up her coffee pot. "I gotta go take care of some things upstairs then I'm gonna go cavort around town for a bit~" she sings. "No problem~" she sings at the thank you.
Rosalie Janus 2019-03-07 21:49:27 104074
Akari nods. "I'll get in touch with Fate-chan." She sighs softly. "I'll need to update her on the matter, anyway."

She snorts. "And I'd consider Meriva, but Mr. Mysterious knows that name, too." She smiles. "But yeah. I'll see you later!"