Shark Attack


Date: 2019-03-30
Pose Count: 17
Mamoru Chiba 2019-03-30 02:24:03 104422
"If you promise to keep it on," Mamoru's telling Jadeite as he dangles an air cast in front of him enticingly, "then we can take the brick off and you won't be super lopsidedly jacked like that guy who was all over the internet for it. You still have like a week and a half of immobility in front of you before we can start you on PT, and aircast at night."

He keeps glancing behind him at the living room, like he thinks someone is going to do something, or maybe arrive on the balcony, or maybe sneak in and change the XM channel to like, 80s power ballads instead of inoffensive solo instrument stuff.

It's like fifteen out, still five or six degrees away from yukata temperature, so the prince is wearing cargo shorts and a pink hoodie and socks plus sandals which he swore he'd never do.

Then he leans in closer. "Timers?" he whispers, "or pressure sensitive? Or motion?"
Saburo Yukimura 2019-03-30 02:34:41 104423
Jadeite stares at the aircast and the freedom from 'accidentally smacking himself with a brick every single time he forgets he's down a hand' that it offers. He's suspicious. This seems like a test of his self-control he's almost guaranteed t lose. "Just a week and a half?"

He can wear a cast for a week. Sure, keeping it on even when the back of his hand itches really, really, badly will be entirely up to him, but he can do it. He's sure of it. Confident of it.

(Not that he's telling Mamoru this, but he gives himself three whole days before he forgets and takes it off.)

He glances around them, a quick sweep of the entrances, before he grins, evil. "Motion pressure sensors. He's going to have to find them first."
Kazuo Takeba 2019-03-30 02:48:53 104425
If there are 80s power ballads in store, Kazuo is not the one plotting them. As far as most people in the apartment know, if he listens to music at all, it is either (a) deeply in secret, hidden away from prying eyes, ears, cameras, and invisible stalkers, or (b) Zoisite's piano. What he is definitely not listening to is the conversation; he walks into the living room a few seconds too late to have heard '-- find them first,' and he glances over to the pair only long enough to catch sight of the aircast. That explains the conspiracy, doesn't it? Of course it does. He goes without a word to collect a ritual cup of coffee from the kitchen.

Presumably the coffeemaker is shark-free.
Nephrite 2019-03-30 02:51:41 104426
It's that awkward point midway between winter and summer, when t-shirts alone aren't enough but jackets and blazers are too much. Neil has compromised by fully embracing the Canadian stereotype and shuffling into the living room with a red flannel shirt over his t-shirt.

He pauses in the hall door to give Mamoru a once-over. "I can appreciate the pink, but the socks have me questioning whether this is a cry for help."
Mamoru Chiba 2019-03-30 03:09:55 104427
Mamoru edges around Jadeite as Kunzite comes in to let him get at the coffeemaker, but not far enough to preclude a very small amount of purposeful jostling pre-coffeeget. SINCE Kunzite is already here, Mamoru cannot warn Jadeite that Kunzite may in fact be wandering around in henshin but clothes-changed in order to be able to see energy, but he'll even admit to himself that that's probably just paranoia on Mamoru's part. That suspicion is. Paranoia.

His eyebrows go up and he puts the air cast on the edge of the sink, and then goes under the sink to get the mop bucket so he can start filling it. "Honestly though *when* you take the damn thing off you will realize very rapidly why you should not. And if you take it off in the middle of the night and bump it and it hurts like shrieking, don't you dare wake me up, just get some ibuprofen like a big boy."

Mamoru glances back over his shoulder at Nephrite and grins. "I'm practicing being late Roman in western Europe. My toes were cold, I can't find my slippers, and I don't want to slide around." A beat. "I don't know if Usagi got this for me or forgot it here. I've never seen her wearing it. Maybe it's Zoi's."
Saburo Yukimura 2019-03-30 03:30:24 104428
The coffee machine is in fact sharkless. The cupboard with the coffee mugs, however, has been invaded by a fist-sized great white shark plushie. Its beady little black eyes stare into the depths of your soul.

Jadeite is absolutely not watching Kunzite's every move, eager to see when he discovers the first volley of his revenge. He's definitely paying complete attention to Mamoru.

"Right, right, if I hurt myself I can't cry on you, got it," he answers, definitely-not-distracted, and then shakes his head, refocusing on the important things in life. "I don't think you can blame the Romans for that disaster, but I also don't think the embodiment of Canadian stereotypes should judge."

He's wearing basketball shorts and a tanktop, so he should also not judge, but only cowards are afraid to live in glass houses.
Kazuo Takeba 2019-03-30 03:36:09 104429
Kazuo reaches up for a coffee mug and discovers that is not ceramic

and there is a pause. The turn to look up into the cupboard, rather than reaching casually, is a measured thing. Slow. Very slow.

The shark is lifted down in both hands and regarded gravely, face to face. "I suppose," he says to it, "you probably do not count as genetically bipedal."
Nephrite 2019-03-30 03:43:07 104430
"Is being a Roman something that takes practice? I thought it just involved short skirts and well-oiled muscles." It's possible that Neil's entire concept of Romans is informed by Gladiator. Neil wanders further into the living room, clutching a can of Boss coffee and rubbing at his eye. "You should keep it, whoever's it was. It's definitely not the worst hoodie you've worn." Everybody knows which hoodie is the worst hoodie, of course.

He catches sight of the air cast on the sink. "Oh, are you finally letting Jadeite out of his Fist of Doom? Am I finally free from rogue hand-bricks?"

Upon Kazuo's very deliberate retrieval of the offending plushie, there is a sound from Neil's end that can only be described as "choking on a can of Boss coffee in sheer delight."
Mamoru Chiba 2019-03-30 04:05:38 104432
"No pretty much you can just blame me picking up inherent laziness from Kazuo. All his clothes are the same so that he avoids this. I didn't do that in advance so the laziness shows." Mamoru's being completely matter of fact, even though the clock is ticking. "And I guess you would know all about well-oiled muscles," he tells Neil, "but yeah this hoodie's mine now. If whoever's it is wants it back they can take it off me themselves."

And then there's silence behind him and he glances back over his shoulder and bites his lip, pausing in the act of guiding Jadeite's hand into the bucket. Biting his lip hard. Trying so so so hard not to laugh. He doesn't quite manage not to sound somewhat strangled, but at least he manages to get it out, "I think it adopted you, Kazuo." A beat. "...it wouldn't be the first bitey thing to attach to you--"
Saburo Yukimura 2019-03-30 04:17:50 104433
The timer clicks to zero just as Mamoru finishes his sentence, and the tiny, decidedly non-bipedal shark begins to sing the first verse of Baby Shark...to the tune of a funeral dirge. It's a slow, high pitched lament, and into the silence that may follow, Jadeite says cheerfully, "You know, I don't think anyone is going to need that hoodie that badly."
Kazuo Takeba 2019-03-30 04:19:48 104434
This would be the point at which Nephrite gets an undersea predator thrown at him. Fortunately, its teeth are also plush.
Nephrite 2019-03-30 04:28:09 104435
"Neil grins, making a show of popping the collar of his lumberjack uniform. "Well I don't want to brag or anything, but my girlfriend's got hella muscles."

And then, there is a flying, singing, lamenting shark. "Aaah shark attack!" Neil dramatically shelters his can of iced coffee from the sadly droning plushie's mighty teeth. It bounces harmlessly off his shoulder and tumbles to the floor, along with a Neil, who has fallen to his knees. "Oh no, it got me! Listen, it's already singing a sweet melody for my passing. Tell Mako I love her."
Mamoru Chiba 2019-03-30 04:37:33 104436
"Who said anything about needing--" Mamoru starts to retort, while Jadeite's brick slowly turns to mud in the bucket of water, and then Kazuo throws the shark and Mamoru can't help cracking up. "Yo if you were aiming for his coffee you missed... holy-- how did you get it to play Baby Shark to the Lyke-Wake Dirge?" he asks, something clicking, and admiring bafflement fills his voice. "Did you get someone to record it-- did you pay someone to record it?"
Saburo Yukimura 2019-03-30 04:53:39 104438
With his hand-brick slowly melting into mud, Jadeite's a total sitting duck, si he's shamelessly glad that Neil's the one going down oh-so-dramatically. He tips an invisible hat to him, saying solemnly, "I'll tell her you went down fighting."

And then, in response to Mamoru's baffled admiration, he can only grin. "A magician never reveals his secrets... but if you ever need a sound-mixer, I know a guy with reasonable prices."
Kazuo Takeba 2019-03-30 04:59:44 104439
Jadeite knows the sound mixer. Kazuo levels a flat look at him and at Mamoru, but medical treatment is in process, so they are saved for the moment. "If anyone in this room was not involved in the conspiracy, raise your hand." Presumably mud-bucket and all?

... Neil is on the floor. Kazuo eyes him, eyes his coffee, nudges the shark with a foot, and stalks grimly and somewhat gracelessly out of the kitchen and around to take a seat in the living room.

Odds that something is going to happen that is going to cause him to check every last thing he interacts with in the apartment for endangered species for the next month: high.
Nephrite 2019-03-30 05:13:00 104440
From the floor, Neil weakly raises his hand. Then he curls himself around the plushie. "Hey, leave Mr. Nibbles alone. He did nothing wrong."
Mamoru Chiba 2019-03-30 05:30:51 104441
"I dunno, did you tell Neph ahead of time or did Kazuo just attack him with Mr. Nibbles totally wrongly?" Mamoru asks Jadeite brightly. "Is that your voice? Because damn, you should be recording swoony pop sensations if it is. We could start an idol band and make Minako batshit jealous." He carefully brushes the last of the mud globs off Jadeite's hand in the water, while glowy-ing it so he doesn't feel the augh he would be if Mamoru were brushing against that hand without it, and then rinses them both free of mud. "Hold this still," he says, indicating the really still kind of awful looking bruisy-outside hand, and then gets paper towels. "Think of the air-cast as your malfunctioning robot hand. Or your oilcan-needing tinman-hand. You still can't use your fingers, got me?"