In a war of man vs shark, can anyone truly be called a winner? Saburo recruits Neil to find out.

Date: 2019-04-30
Pose Count: 19
Saburo Yukimura 2019-04-30 02:28:47 104699
it continues tonight. The epic War of Man versus Shark, of wit versus will, of brother versus boredom. And tonight... the shark has allies. Kazuo isn't home, and Saburo has no idea when he will be. More important is the fact that Zoi isn't home, because while Kazuo is the target, he isn't the one who would totally call off the war.

He isn't the only one who would totally call off the war.

"I'm glad you've arrived, lieutenant," He says in his most authoritative voice, a stuffed shark in one hand, the other in a fist at his hip. "Because today we strike another blow against the frenemy."
Nephrite 2019-04-30 02:38:39 104700
Neil cocks a smile and flashes the sloppiest salute ever enacted. Saburo can attempt to make him do pushups for such insubordination, but the likelihood of success on that front is close to zero. "Yes sir, captain sir. The frenemy will never know what hit it, sir."

He eyes the stuffed weapon of choice speculatively. "Have you got a plan already, or are we winging it? I assume it is either my superior physics knowledge or my superior arm reach that makes you want to recruit me into this mission, so here's what I'm thinking. We rig up a pulley system to suspend the shark outside his bedroom window. Hitting his room is the ultimate in psychological warfare, but also guaranteed to be the most dangerous. No way he wouldn't know the moment we stick so much as a toe in there. But it's a different story altogether if we never actually go inside the room."

The fact that "rig up a pulley system" was stated so casually might be cause for concern with regards to this plan's expediency.
Saburo Yukimura 2019-04-30 02:51:03 104701
To judge a man for his attempt at salute would require that Saburo be fit to judge a salute, and while he remembers how to greet sixteen different classifications of nobility, his knowledge of military well, anything is hopelessly fabricated from video games and questionably accurate anime. He just nods, all seriousness and no sunshine, no sirree.

"As you suspected, we are winging it lieutenant. This brave soldier is the last woman waiting to be deployed, and her placement is of the utmost seriousness. With her aid, we'll avenge the loss of Private Sharptooth." The shark is jangled, and a version of Baby Shark plays in the tune of that most infamous Barney & Friends song: 'I Love You'.

A brave soldier indeed.

Saburo taps his chin. A would be a great deal of work, but superior reach and physics skills were, in fact, the reasons he was brought onto this mission (that and the fact that he made for an excellent hiding spot if the worst happened). "Can we accomplish it before the target gets back?"
Nephrite 2019-04-30 03:02:35 104702
Neil's eyes go round at the tune of the song played. "Reserving our best soldier for last. A worthy strategy."

He gives the question serious thought. "Okay, maybe not a pulley so much as a pair of ropes duct taped to broom handles. Can't be just one rope, or it will swing around in the wind, and just hanging it from the wall would mean it would be pressed up against the window. It needs to be suspended just within reach of the window so that it's perfectly framed when he opens the curtains. We do have standards, captain." He grins again. "With your superior crafting skills, I can't see how we would fail."
Saburo Yukimura 2019-04-30 03:16:20 104703
"Always save the best for last. Until Agent Bearsharktopus is released from the infirmary, she's the best soldier we have. And she deserves the best that we can manage."

Rope and broom swings huh...that would work. The materials are here. They have the power.

"An excellent idea. And with your superior reach, no obstacle will stand in our way! All we need now is to pick the right broom."
Nephrite 2019-04-30 03:25:44 104704
Neil shakes his head grimly. "Agent Bearsharktopus. What has science done?"

Procuring materials proves to be a simple enough task. The ECFH has no shortage of cleaning supplies, given that there is an ever-present risk of explosions/blood loss/general mayhem. A broom and a Swiffer... mop thing are secured, one for each end of the "swing." As are thick kitchen twine, scissors, and duct tape. The roof is, as expected, currently unoccupied by any who might question what they are doing up there with the odd assortment of items in their arms. "Okay, so," Neil begins, gesturing around with his broom handle. "His window's on that side, right? Captain?"
Saburo Yukimura 2019-04-30 03:49:46 104705
"Science knows no limits and neither does war."

And so soon they are on the roof, and the first obstacle is clear. "I...think so. This should be the right window, because yours is over there, and mine should be over there, and we just came from there, so it has to be this one."

With that confident assertion, he grabs the Swiffer and peeks over the roof. "So. How are we doing this?"
Nephrite 2019-04-30 04:06:22 104706
"That sort of flawless thinking is exactly why you're captain." Neil starts unrolling twine. "Okay, should probably measure how long we need it. We're absolutely sure there's no Zoi down there to set fire to this when I dangle it in front of the window, right?" He looks slightly concerned as he lowers the twine over the ledge. They did already establish that Zoisite is out, but it would be just like him to appear unexpectedly to destroy their schemes.

"Okay, so once we've got a length, we just need to make her a little harness and tape the ropes on the broomsticks, and... " Neil pauses with the sudden realization that his brilliant plan is missing a very important piece. "I have no idea how we're going to hold these brooms in place. Some kind of weight, maybe?"
Saburo Yukimura 2019-04-30 04:41:37 104707
"As sure as anyone can be that there isn't a Zoi lurking in wait with fire," Saburo reports, though he's squinting suspiciously now, because...what if there is a Zoi waiting to ruin this, the final and ultimate stage of the second act in the war. "But if he is there, I vote we sacrifice our comrade to protect ourselves."

Sorry soldier. The commanders have to survive. But for now, he'll have hope, faith, and pixie dust that Zoi isn't around.

"Right! We'll make a harness, and - uh." oh no. He sees the problem, now. Still, there's got to be something. "What about a lawn chair?"
Nephrite 2019-04-30 05:09:06 104708
"A lawn chair," Neil exclaims in wonder. "Yes, clearly the most noble of military defences."

After leaning perilously out over the ledge to check that there is indeed a window roughly level with the end of the twine, he begins pulling it back up. "Kunzite's gonna be so pissed when he realizes we managed to do this without falling off the building a single time."
Saburo Yukimura 2019-04-30 05:20:54 104710
"Maybe he'll be proud we managed to restrain ourselves," Saburo suggests doubtfully, already aware of the foolishness of the thought. "That or he'll realize what this means for our destructive pranking potential and take us out one by one, before we can spread the news."

It has to be one of those two things.

"Once we have it in place, we just need to be sure that the wind can blow it enough to make it sing. Because otherwise he might just cut the string, let her hit some unfortunate pedestrian, and never hear her beautiful song."
Nephrite 2019-04-30 05:34:09 104711
"Maybe he'll be proud of our teamwork," Neil says hopefully, knowing he will not be proud of their teamwork.

"Now that, I can be sure will not happen. Kunzite has explicitly forbade me from throwing anything off the roof for that very reason. He will not endanger bystanders in this war." He experimentally lays the broom down on the ledge to see how far it can reach. "In theory, we can hang it just outside his reach, to give her more time to deliver the payload."
Saburo Yukimura 2019-04-30 05:56:56 104712
"he could at least compliment us on our ingenuity," because if they're sharing wild and unlikely happenings, he might as well go for broke. "This is the opposite of lazy work after all."

He plops down on his stomach and does the same, making sure the Swiffer reaches the same depth as the broom. "Finding balance will be key. We want her to deliver the payload, but not so often that Zoi just sets her on fire outright. If Kunzite finds her first, he might feel obligated to return her, or at least barter for her life."
Nephrite 2019-05-01 01:35:15 104736
Neil nods as he eyes the broom and the Swiffer. "Okay. The further apart we set the brooms, the more stable she'll be, but we'll also need more twine. Maybe let's attach the twine with some extra slack, and then we can shorten it as necessary."

He gives some extra length to the bit he's already measured out, cuts it, and then measures out a second piece of the same length before handing the rest of the roll off to Saburo. "Want to do the honors of making her harness? It's integral to ensuring she sits the way you want her to."
Saburo Yukimura 2019-05-01 01:48:58 104737
"I would like nothing more. Making sure that she sits just at the perfect angle no matter what jostles critical to our success."

And so the twine is taken up, and a length of it rolled out, and after several minutes, a harness takes shape, and the shark soldier is carefully fitted. "I think this will work. You ready to attach the payload?"
Nephrite 2019-05-01 01:56:35 104738
"Ready and able, captain!" Neil announces smartly, stepping away from what is now a broom and a Swiffer mop duct taped to a pair of lawn chairs. The ends of the ropes are already attached to their anchor points, leaving only the final attachment to the harness.

"You know," Neil says as he carefully ties off the twine on Saburo's expertly made harness, "I bet we could come up with some pretty wicked traps if we applied this kind of thinking to monster-type things as much as sharks. But that's less fun."
Saburo Yukimura 2019-05-01 02:09:04 104739
"Or it could be more fun. The more ways we find to fight monsters, the more people who can help fight them, and the more ways we can find to keep people safe. Like that Bones-and-Teeth monster that's been out and about - if we could Scooby Doo that monster, we'd have that case closed in no time."

The stakes would be different, of course, but, it's really something worth thinking about.

"Not that I'd want us lowering anybody in one of these things - but yanking them up and off their feet? Could be cool."
Nephrite 2019-05-01 02:17:28 104740
"And then we find out that all along it was Old Mr. Jenkins beneath that bone-and-teeth mask," Neil mutters, standing back to admire their handiwork. He takes a dramatic breath. "She's ready, captain."
Saburo Yukimura 2019-05-01 02:29:16 104742
Wouldn't that be nice? No monsters, no evil, just someone trying to cut into the real estate market. Oh but to have the problems of an intrepid band of mystery solving Americans. Saburo lifts his arm in salute.

"Thank you, lieutenant. Good luck soldier. We look forward to your report."

With those words, agent shark is put in place.