SHARK WARS V: THE BACKFIRE STRIKES HACK


Kazuo retaliates for the shark plushies. Jadeite does not listen to his survival instinct.

Date: 2019-05-03
Pose Count: 14
Kazuo Takeba 2019-05-03 01:35:37 104779
It is dark. Jadeite is unlikely to be eaten by a grue.

There is, however, something lurking in his apartment, after he's disappeared into his room of an evening. Something waiting. Something patient.

It is possible that Jadeite may not find occasion to set foot outside his bedroom tonight. That's all right. Another night will serve if need be. His bedroom is sancrosanct. The lurker waits. The lurker watches. The lurker seeks its opportunity, there in the nighttime dim.

Above all, the lurker is patient.
Saburo Yukimura 2019-05-03 01:39:58 104781
It is dark, and Jadeite craves a late night snack. It has been a busy day of waiting to be busted, scolded, or worst of all, retaliated against.

But nothing has happened. Jadeite is not so foolish as to think this means nothing will happen, but he is hungry enough, and distracted enough, that he exits his bedroom with his guard low, his eyes fixed on his phone, and the auction he's been eyeing on and off for the last hour. He fails step one: be aware of your surroundings.
Kazuo Takeba 2019-05-03 01:42:17 104782
In the edge of his peripheral vision, half-shielded by a piece of furniture, there is a hint of glow. This by itself isn't necessarily unusual. Windows in Tokyo let in a lot of citylight.

And then, with a quiet little scuttling, clacking sound, the glow moves.
Saburo Yukimura 2019-05-03 01:44:57 104783
The glow is noted, out of the corner of his eye, but not given any special attention. This is Tokyo and they live very high up. Light pollution is a thing he's heard far too many lectures on. Compared to options for snackage, straight light is nothing.

And then it moves, in his peripheral vision, and he thinks he imagined it, at first, except that there is a noise, strange and alien. He lowers the phone and takes a step back, towards the safety of the bedroom.

"Hellooooo?"
Kazuo Takeba 2019-05-03 02:06:03 104784
There is at first no answer, except the rattleclack, and a high mechanical whine.

And then, as it rounds the corner and comes fully into view, it responds.

It is not a small thing. A two-foot-long figure couched low on a mechanical transport, a whirring platform with whining robotic legs crawling its way across the floor toward Jadeite. Its eyes glow fiercely in an unnatural color. As do the far-too-many teeth in its gaping maw. And the bared bone that stretches between one side of its mouth, up to and around the socket of one eye.

"Bay... by... shark... doo-doot... doo-do..."

Agent Shark has returned. BUT AT WHAT COST.
Saburo Yukimura 2019-05-03 02:14:52 104785
Jadeite steps back as the rattleclack continues to sound, unnerved and half-ready to henshin and teleport somewhere - anywhere - but here.

He does not get the chance. From the darkness she steps, a wretched mechanical beast forged from what had once been a dedicated and loyal agent of the shark war. Her eyes, they glow. Her teeth, too, and a small voice, often ignored but which in others would be called a survival instinct, cautions him that maybe, just maybe, he shouldn't let those get anywhere near him.

As per usual when it comes to this specific blond, that instinct is ignored. Jadeite drops to his knees, part actual horror, part overdramatic instinct, and he cries out, "Agent Shark! What has he done to you?!"
Kazuo Takeba 2019-05-03 02:22:49 104786
Robot Zombie Agent Shark menaces onward, mechanical limbs bearing it closer to Jadeite. And closer. And ...

The platform twitches aside to let it clear Jadeite's knee and bump plush nose and hard plastic teeth against his side, mouthing at his shirt over the soft parts of his stomach. And again. And again.

"Won't ... you ... say ... you're ... hun ... gry ... too ..."
Saburo Yukimura 2019-05-03 02:27:47 104787
Even knowing it's just a plush, Jadeite still tries to scramble away when Robot Zombie Agent Shark marches towards him. He fails mostly because his knee connects with something (a discarded sock or sheet or pillow or something, all of it equally likely), and goes sliding down, barely catching himself with his hands. He can't stop it from jabbing his stomach, plastic teeth scraping against his shirt, and he yelps at the first touch, especially when he finally recognizes the eerie words underscoring his original tune.

"No, no, I am not hungry -" he pushes the shark away, or tries to anyway, one hand protecting his stomach, the other batting weakly at it, horrified curiosity mixed with genuine interest mixed with plain old horror. He kind of wants to take her apart. He also kind of wants to make a salt circle around his whole apartment and burn some incense or something, because this is so cursed.
Kazuo Takeba 2019-05-03 02:34:52 104788
The shark's platform only has four legs; pushing it away skids plastic 'feet' across the floor quite nicely, and leaves it working uselessly at the air for the moments his hand is in contact. (And sets the music off again.) It does not, however, electrocute his hand or anything. Nor does the glow, no matter how bizarrely bright it is, try to latch on to his hand and spread up it.

And, thankfully, apparently the mouth is not designed to close.
Saburo Yukimura 2019-05-03 02:42:08 104789
On the plus side, it can't actually bite down. This is great, but will not erase his future nightmares of robo zombie sharks coming to eat him. On the definitely worse side, that noise it made as it skid across the floor and the music restarted will haunt him forever.

He takes the opportunity to stand up, so at least it won't be so terrifying to have an enormous shark plushie trying and failing to eat him in the darkness of his own apartment.

Funny how she seemed a perfectly reasonable size when she was going to be off haunting Kunzite.

"This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me," he mutters to himself, "Because I really do only have myself to blame."

Standing, the worst she can do is gnaw at his chins. Right?
Kazuo Takeba 2019-05-03 02:45:39 104790
Right. Of course. Which is why her nose bumps into him again. Gnaw! Gnaw! Gn--

(Somewhere in the apartment, Kazuo, shut quietly far away from any chance of Neil or Jadeite overhearing, is watching this via camera. And laughing hard enough his hand slips off the remote control.)

--gntrundle right past Jadeite's shin, one leg swinging close enough to brush his ankle, and bonk her head into the wall.

Great, now she's trying and failing to eat the apartment.
Saburo Yukimura 2019-05-03 02:55:03 104791
"That's my favorite wall," Jadeite complains. "Is nothing sacred to you now, Agent Shark? Has he truly taken all that you once were?"

Still, wonderfully awful as this whole thing has been, he can't just leave a robot zombie shark agent loose in his apartment. For one, he'd inevitably forget about it in the morning in hoped that it was a dream, and end up screaming the roof down. For another, he still kind of, really, wants to take her apart. So he turns, crouching slightly in the universal pose adopted by humans who are about to try and catch something small and mobile that will definitely try to escape. "

"Come in Agent Shark, come to the captain..."
Kazuo Takeba 2019-05-03 03:02:03 104792
It takes a moment. There is scrabbling at the wall, sliding down it slowly on a cushion of noseplush and a not-cushion of thin little brightly glowing scratchlines being left on the paint. Then the legs shift, reaching out, pulling the platform carefully and painstakingly around. Turning by hitching, jerking stages. Until the shark 'sees' her first creator, and staggers forward, clack-whine-clack. Possibly she intends to try to wedge one of his fingers down her throat?
Saburo Yukimura 2019-05-03 03:18:25 104793
As she moved, he sees the scratches left in the glow. So it's probably not radioactive or magic or radioactive magic then. Probably. He hopes not anyway, because if it is there's a whole wall that needs to be decontaminated. How did you even decontaminate something radioactive? Would he just need a new wall? That probably wouldn't be too bad, but then again the tools to rebuild a wall were kind of noisy and he'd probably have to pack everything up and then he'd have to unpack everything and putting it all back the way it was, except he'd forget how it all was and have to figure out a new layout and then he'd trip over everything because he wouldn't be used to the new layout and then -

Somewhere in the middle of this internal monologue is the thought that oh, that's a weird feeling. What's that? Cold and hard and kind of fuzzy all at the same time? That's pretty weird, isn't it, what is that -

Two of his fingers are in Robot Zombie Agent Shark's mouth. The fuzziness is her plush flesh. The cold and hard are her teeth.

He opens his mouth.

He closes his mouth.

She continues to gnaw.

"... don't tell anyone I did that," he says finally, because he continues to have no one but himself to blame for his own misfortune.

At least with his hand in her mouth, it's pretty easy to hold her still to lift her up and off the floor.

Robot Zombie Agent Shark status: captured.