Revenge of the Jadeguy


Date: 2019-05-15
Pose Count: 21
Kazuo Takeba 2019-05-15 00:44:09 105054
Evening for some people means doing reasonable things. Making things. Playing video games. Watching television. Spending time with friends and loved ones.

Evening for other people means 'scrubbing and sanitizing the kitchen.' Because Kazuo has no life, and also because he is in favor of Makoto continuing to be willing to use their kitchen. There's a pair of textbooks sitting over by the couches, suggesting what his exciting plan is for when he's finished.

If he finishes.

He makes another attempt to get around Mamoru in order to reach the sink and rinse out the sponge in his hand, glowering just slightly at the kitchen's actual owner in the process. Presumably he also has not yet cleaned the part of the counter Mamoru is sitting on. Either that, or he's going to be cleaning it again.
Mamoru Chiba 2019-05-15 00:57:18 105055
Mamoru leans in toward the glower and kisses Kazuo's nose, holding his tiny notebook and pencil up to his chest so they're not accidentally knocked into the sink. "It's not even that dirty," he says cheerfully, "you're making a methodical mountain out of a molehill. Are you displacing or something? Do you think I need to iron my clothes but won't actually say?"

He leans back, finally, letting Kazuo access the tap, and as he does so he writes a last word in whatever he's been scribbling on and off. And looks smug. "I wrote some poetry. You've just volunteered to be my audience."

He clears his throat.
Kyouko Sakura 2019-05-15 01:00:08 105056
    Kyouko is asleep on the couch. She came in like two hours ago after work, laid down on the couch, and promptly fell asleep, which is where she still is, with her arm over her eyes. She might be snoring, but not very loudly.
Saburo Yukimura 2019-05-15 01:09:38 105057
Into this (perhaps dire) moment steps a beacon of chaos, the instigator of war, the ever blond Saburo, a serious expression on his face as he approaches the two. In his arms is the once-esteemed Agent Shark, now aptly titled 'Agent Robot Zombie Shark'. It may or may not still be glowing, though admittedly that would be harder to see in the daylight. At the very least, it isn't singing.

"Kazuo," he greets, aiming for firm seriousness and not totally managing it. It's hard to have a serious chat when the target, I mean audience, is mid-scrub. He glances at Mamoru, nodding just once. "Mamoru. I'm glad to find you both at the same time, it makes this easier..."

He holds out Agent Robot Zombie Shark accusingly. His voice isn't too loud, but he's dramatically projecting. "I may have instigated this war in a moment of weakness, and I may have continued this war for my own amusement, and I may have recruited Mamoru to assist me in hiding some of the baby sharks, but in choosing to finally retaliate and also use magic to corrupt poor Agent Shark, you've left me no choice. I give you this one chance to surrender and declare sharks are better than people, or you'll have to face my horrible," read: silly, "revenge."
Kazuo Takeba 2019-05-15 01:19:40 105059
"Neil uses it," Kazuo points out blandly to Mamoru's protest about the kitchen's cleanliness. Possibly because if Kyouko snickers, he'll know for sure whether she's awake.

Then. Then the threat is made. Kazuo pauses to give Mamoru a slower look, gauging whether the threat is empty ... no. This is Mamoru. Poetry is never an empty threat.

But then. Salvation! Or at least Saburo.

... it's about at the words 'some of the baby sharks' that Kazuo sets down the sponge and turns toward the new arrival. "When were you under the impression I wasn't fonder of sharks than of people, on average?" he inquires, eyebrows lifted a touch.
Mamoru Chiba 2019-05-15 01:23:21 105060
"Oh, I'm the United States in this one, I provide assistance to both sides," Mamoru tells Saburo cheerfully, lowering his notebook to one knee. If either of them, or Kyouko if she wakes up and comes over, should look, then yes: it's English, with three quatrains and a couplet. "And he's got you there. I mean haven't you noticed? I'm pretty sure he is a shark."
Saburo Yukimura 2019-05-15 01:38:38 105063
Saburo opens his mouth to object, pauses, closes his mouth, and then kind of sighs, shifting around so he can prop Agent Robot Zombie Shark (here after to be named Agent RZShark for ease of typing) up against his hip and brush his hair back. "Yeah, okay, no that's valid," he concedes, serious-business voice dropping for a second. "I might have spent more of my time on the revenge making than the speech making for once, hold on a second."

And then he actually turns around, back to them, so he can consult with Agent RZShark about this very valid point, stage-whispering, "They have a point, we need a better concession."
Kazuo Takeba 2019-05-15 01:57:23 105065
If Kazuo looks, there's no visible reaction. Not even a quiet resigned exhalation. One does not criticize poetry without having been subjected to it, after all. What he does say aloud is, "I can't help but notice that you're appealing for assistance to the individual you claim I corrupted. This doesn't suggest that you have great concern about that ostensible corruption." ... he may sneak in a very small solemn nod toward the partially-skeletal shark plushie in the process.
Mamoru Chiba 2019-05-15 02:10:25 105068
Mamoru makes another small correction, then crosses out the second-to-last and last lines entirely and rewrites them. He says, "While you regroup, I'll deliver my ultimatim, if you don't mind."

The man who is unfortunately their prince takes a deep breath and straightens up, and then actively declaims like he's delivering a justice speech,

    "O sharks that grace the oceans, sleek and strong,
    and terrify the beaches on the coasts,
    I pray these japes your exile won't prolong
    so you may seek the seas and not our ghosts.

    "Well! To this end a writ of habeas corp
    us I have gathered, kept in evidence,
    of fell corruptions and the foulest porp
    oise rendered unto you, in your defence.

    "With all receipts held firmly in my hand,
    experiments and scheming will subside,
    and you from this apartment shall be banned
    and once more freed to hunt, or woe betide.

    "Whensoever they're found cockin' up
    I'll levy them some rex ex machina."

Then he sits there looking both pleased with himself and expectant.
Saburo Yukimura 2019-05-15 02:25:29 105072
"Agent RZShark may have tried to eat my intestines, but she's still a shark with strong ties to the community -" Agent RZShark is tilted slightly, for emphasis. It may be interpreted as a returning nod, not that Saburo actually saw that.

But then, for better or worse (just kidding, it's worse), the poem is recited, and Saburo really has to stand absorb that for a minute, before he whips around to stare at Mamoru. He sets Agent RZShark on the counter. "You can't ban the sharks! I haven't even finished my grand revenge!"

He is pouting and also reeling from the horror. He is also, also, twisting his hand in a firm gesture, squeezing once, twice, three times. "You've given me no choice Mamoru. I have to release my own ultimatum. And also, my new terms of surrender are that the tide of Beasts will not cease until you both admit, on record, that Baby Shark is the height of musical achievement and confess the whereabouts of Agent Sharptooth!"
Hisnd as his demands are delivered, from across the apartment, comes a slithering sound, as if something heavy were moving over the flooring. A low growl is faintly audible, like a dog, but on steroids.
Kazuo Takeba 2019-05-15 02:29:16 105073
Post-poem, Kazuo actually pauses and glances in the direction of the posted apartment rules. Alas, he cannot see whether a 'No Sharks' item has been added, but concentrating on that keeps him from giving Mamoru an appalled stare in unison with Saburo. (Because really. That last couplet.)

The slithering sound does prompt him to shift between Mamoru and the entrance to the kitchen, more or less reflexively. That's not where his attention goes after the thwarted rule-check attempt, though. That -- that's to Saburo. With an expression.

A perplexed one.

"What the hell is Agent Sharptooth?"
Mamoru Chiba 2019-05-15 02:39:30 105075
"I'm not banning them yet," retorts Mamoru after a couple of seconds' worth of looking even more smug at their reactions. "I'm waiting until one of you makes a mess you need help cleaning up. Or wakes me up in the middle of a night before an exam or presentation..."

He trails off when Kazuo steps half in front of him, and leans to look over Kazuo's shoulder. At the question, he answers with a vague wave of his hand, "Some sculpture he lost last month. He's been trying to figure out who stole it."

Then he levels his gaze on Saburo, and there's no heat to it, no edge to it, because this is all fun and dumb, but something unexpectedly hit him somewhere and he can't entirely not react. "Really? You're declaring war on me?"
Saburo Yukimura 2019-05-15 02:56:53 105078
Kazuo's complete bafflement actually stops Saburo cold, because he didn't anticipate that one, not even a little bit. Sure, Mamoru said he didn't do it, but he'd still been pretty sure that actually, Kazuo had, especially after Agent RZShark ended up in his apartment. He squints, "Are you serious?"

Yes he's aware that's like asking a fire if it's hot or a cookie if it's tasty. Yes, he's asking anyway.

The slithering, by the way, is getting more audible. Not louder, really, but it's definitely coming closer and pretty fast.

He shifts his gaze to Mamoru, rising up on his toes to peer over Kazuo's shoulder. "I wouldn't say I'm declaring war, more like...strongly suggesting continued neutrality?"

Okay so maybe he did react a little strongly and maybe he does not want a war on two fronts and - "Maybe, you were possibly, right about Sharptooth not being nefariously abducted. I'm not acknowledging wrongness yet but -"

A tentacle and appears and curls over his shoulder, a deep, dark blue thing quickly joined by a second. A third grasps the edge of the counter.
Kazuo Takeba 2019-05-15 02:59:38 105079
Is Kazuo serious? That is answered with a look. Just a look. Just one of those quietly blandly lethal --

-- eyes drop slowly to the tentacle curling over Saburo's shoulder.

"... is that yours?" Or does Kazuo need to murder something with his bare hands? These details are potentially important. If only because if he does, Kyouko will yell at him for not waking her up first.
Mamoru Chiba 2019-05-15 03:05:36 105080
Mamoru loves it when Kazuo murders things with his bare hands and he's not shy about saying so, but--

--that's probably not the case here-- and--

--the prince stares in fascination, one hand straying to settle on Kazuo's shoulder. He ducks a little further down, too. "You made demands and they included me, my friend. Except now I'm wondering if you've got a mind-controlling energy-sucking parasite on your neck, maybe? You're growing tentacles. It's a little..."

A beat. "Unsettling."

Another pause the length of a heartbeat. "I mean unless you're into that. You might be."
Saburo Yukimura 2019-05-15 03:30:59 105084
Saburo looks down at the tentacle, brows furrowed. He informs it, "You move a lot faster than I thought you would," before looking up at Kazuo and saying, "He's mine and also, he's not sprouting from my neck and I wouldn't be into that, you've been watching too many cartoons."

He even says it completely seriously, the hypocrite.

"I introduce you to the newest resident of my apartment, and my revenge..."

More tentacles curl over the edge of the counter, Saburo's shoulder, and the wall, deep blue and fading to a paler grey-ish blue the more that's revealed. Inch and a half long claws curl over the counter as well, attached to grey pawpads and brown arms, and they flex as the 'revenge' finally manages to haul itself up on the counter in all it's terrible glory.

The rounded furry ears and thick hairy arms of a bear The body of a shark. The eight long tentacles of an octopus. Three feet tall, its head lowered so beady eyes can stare at the two, its open mouth studded with triangular teeth. The colors gleam with the sheen of fired glaze under the kitchen lights.

"...Captain Bearsharktopus."
Kazuo Takeba 2019-05-15 03:36:27 105085
Kazuo almost leans to get a better look at the source of the tentacles. Almost. But more of them curl up and he pulls somewhat hastily back out of the way. And then. Then it's visible. The menacing height of what the hell is that. Kazuo stares at it wordlessly for a moment. Struck dumb by horror? Having a moment suitable to a Lovecraftian narrator confronted by the screaming meaningless animosity of the incomprehensible cosmos?

When the words come, they may not be what Saburo was expecting. On the other hand, since Kazuo may never have spoken them before in his hearing, they may be worthwhile anyhow.

"That's adorable."
Mamoru Chiba 2019-05-15 03:42:38 105086
Mamoru's head tilts slowly, like the first half of a Miyazaki kodama's observation method, and then he glances at Kazuo, and then back at the monster, and then at Saburo. "I think it's the ears. Or possibly the presentation. If that had been in the bathroom at three in the morning I would have screamed like Neil." And then he squints. "I don't really... get the music choice? But full marks for craft. How is it moving? It looks like pottery--?"
Saburo Yukimura 2019-05-15 04:00:48 105087
The plight of the artist, to never be understood. Saburo deflates a little, at the music that plays and the lack of obvious fear, but well, that is the risk of randomization. And he did make something that got Kazuo to say the word adorable so -

"I'll call this a victory, since you like it. I really thought about getting back at one of you in the dark, but Bearsharktopus is a little more uh ...terrifying, than Agent RZShark and I was worried someone would go for the old stabby-stab and that would have just been sad."

He's decided on leaning against the counter, one of Bearsharktopus' tentacles still curled over his shoulder, and preening a little bit because he does like his work admired. "He may or may not be slightly animated with magic. Just a little. Kazuo started it."
Kazuo Takeba 2019-05-15 04:11:08 105088
Kazuo does not say 'Naru started it.' First of all, because that would be telling. Second of all, because he is reaching out in wary fascination to attempt to pet Captain Bearsharktopus on its sharknose without being either shredded by the claws, captured by the tentacles, or just plain bitten.

(For the record, that thing showing up in the dark would have wound up with Kazuo doing his best to try to blow the Bearsharktopus through the magically-reinforced walls or ceiling of the apartment. He would probably not have won, but it would not have been good for either the Bearsharktopus or his dignity.)
Mamoru Chiba 2019-05-15 04:15:44 105089
Mamoru's fascination takes a different tack entirely. "Wait. Wait. You animated something with magic? I mean I knew when you were evil obviously you could do that with dark energy but how are you doing it *now*? If you can do that I can think of a million ways that would be so useful--" And then he's sort of eyeing Kazuo's hand, contemplating having to heal it in the next five minutes or so.