Ham Sandwich 2: The Turkening

Lacrima, Sthalritter, Rashmi and Sakura and Joy all fight Lacrima's lunch. Which has turned evil. Because of course it did. Stay tuned for Ham Sandwich 3: THE CELERY OF OUR DISCONTENT!?

Date: 2019-05-25
Pose Count: 30
Lacrima 2019-05-25 00:24:43 105356
Lacrima brought her lunch with her again to work. She'd created the perfect Turkey Sub. Now. Sandwiches like this aren't super common in Japan, this is clearly an American style sandwich, but it's one of the many things that Norie still eats because it's one of the things her dad brought with him from America.

Sometimes it's the little things.

The specifics aren't really important about how it happened. But a stray bolt of dark energy sapped into her lunch bag again. When this happened, she wished to not go through the same chaos as last time and JUMPED her bag to eat the sub quickly but it was too late.

Basically all of Lacrima's friends get a text.



Yup, there was a giant, giant turkey sub, curved into an s-shape on two big taloned feet--- huge slices of turkey making feathers from the back end and a giant lettuce snood over a cheese beak and two glowing olive eyes.

Basically this was frankly ridiculous but there it is, running down the street. Making a mess. Just, loudly gobbling and basically trying to eat people.
#166acrima is chasing it down madly. "ARGH GET BACK HERE!" she yells loudly at it.

It ignores her, pointedly, as she blasts dark energy beams at it.
Rashmi Terios 2019-05-25 00:29:09 105357
When you're a mahou...

A friend in need can mean such a weird day.

Now, Rashmi was acquainted with Lacrima's lab accidents, after the time Mister Squishy got loose and tried to climb a residential tower. 'Turkey sandwich' doesn't quite register, but 'help' and emojis? That's all she needs to grasp the problem.

And it's not long after receiving the text, that she arcs over Downtown in her Barrier Jacket, her book already out and in its Sealing Mode configuration. "Lacchan!" she calls, once she's low enough that she can make herself heard over the destruction. "What."

I mean, it's a fair question.
Alexis Raskoph 2019-05-25 00:33:38 105358
    ".... YOu are kidding, right?!?!" A certain booming voice roars out from above, right after Rashmi's deadpan question.

    Following this, the dark, armored figure of Stahlritter drops in from seemingly out of nowhere, and immediately transitions from landing near Lacrima to running after the massive sub right besides her.

    "Did you not learn anything from that time with the ham?!"

    Somehow, the visor on his helmet looks incredibly incredulous.
Miho Kagami 2019-05-25 00:37:07 105359
Miho's out doing shopping with her parents when she gets the text. "Oh! Maria-chan's here!" she says cheerfully. "Is it okay if I wander off for a bit?"

A moment later, Life Witch Joy flies over on her broomstaff surrounded by a mint-green corona of light, and she changes her course to meet up with Rashmi and Stahlritter. She furrows her brow and stares at it. "I don't know what I expected," she says flatly. "'The ham'? Do I even want to know?"

She stretches. "More importantly," she adds, "the thing right in front of us weak to purification, right?"
Sakura Kinomoto 2019-05-25 00:39:30 105360
Sakura Kinomoto had raced after Rashmi! Well, okay, not really. She'd been shaken from a dazed, tired stupor by the other girl running off. She was a good girl, though. So she'd run to Corvus, and kind of nervously hopped from side to side. There was trouble! she had to go help! Tired or not! So she'd begged and... after getting permission, she'd run off in her cute little waitress outfit, using the jump card to catch up to the other girl. After all, they needed her! Okay, maybe they didn't. But she HAD to help! Of course... once... she arrived... welllll...

She stared at the sandwich and gave a soft, tiny, tired yawn. Finally... "I'm... really tired. Am I actually seeing a giant sandwich trying to eat people? Oh! Hi Lacrima-kun!" she called, giving her a happy, friendly wave. Offff course.
Lacrima 2019-05-25 00:44:29 105361
Lacrima sputters. "LOOK." she says. "I MADE A SANDWICH. IT GOT INFECTED. AGAIN. IT ISN'T MY FAULT!" she screams out. She makes a face at Miho. "'La Tuxedo Siracha Bomber'." is all she says to Miho dripping in sarcasm. She looks to Rashmi and then there is... Sakura...

"Ugh..." she says as she visibly sulks. "Fine... FINE---!" she calls out.

Yeah it seems Poderoso's untimely death didn't do much for her overall except get rid of a problem breathing down her neck. Not like they we're fixing something from before.

"It should be?" she asks. "I mean it's a sandwich so like. I mean if you feel bad for two slices of bread containing meat and cheese and some lettuce and olives... be careful?" she asks.

Lacrima fires off another bolt of energy hitting it in the tail feathers and this is where it suddenly stops and charges forward the group going 'GOOOOBBBLLEE GOOBBLLLE' making legit turkey noises as it attempts to rapidly peck at the group with it's cheese beak.

Which is way more effective at hurting things than you'd think American cheese would be at.
Rashmi Terios 2019-05-25 00:48:02 105362
"....Yeah okay I can buy that," Rashmi says faintly. "...Sorry about your lunch, Laccha--EEP!"

As Lacrima's black energy flies beneath her and angers the pan-kaiju, Rashmi takes in a deep breath. "Nicomachea-kun?"

*bing!* << TIME-SPACE BARRIER >>

A seething dome of roiling green-black energy closes over the nearest couple blocks, shifting anything magical half a dimension to one side; the better to keep bystanders alive and questioning the provenance of their midday meals...
Sakura Kinomoto 2019-05-25 00:55:12 105363
Sakura Kinomoto stares at it. Why. Why was it a giant... sandwich? It was... And then it raced at them. she shrieked. "No, bad turkey!" she yelled. She then jumped back behind one of the cars. "I don't even like Turkey sandwichs! Unless they're toasted! Or... or when daddy cuts off the crust. Also, Tomoyo makes a really good one! But I REALLY don't like olives!" she said, definatly.

"You tell it, Sakura-chan! You look so cool!" Tomoyo cried out, from behind another car, holding a camera.

Sakura stared, her mouth falling open. "Tomoyo-chan? How are you... here? How did you even...."

"I'd never miss one of your fights, go on! show it's what's boss!"

Sakura just stared. She finally shook her head. Right! She drew a card. "Okay then! Freeze card! Stop it!" she yelled. She used the freeze card and a giant frozen fish like creature flew out from her, circling around before trying to bind up the creature's legs, freezing it in place.

Another transformed card and Sakura... well... She wobbled and then fell to her knees. Tomoyo, being Tomoyo, recorded all of it.
Miho Kagami 2019-05-25 00:56:50 105364
Miho waves to Sakura. "Hi, I'm Life Witch Joy!" she calls out in her clear and bright voice. "And that's a definite yes on the -- Uh-oh!" Sudden turkey-charge!

Her standard evasion maneuver: pick a random direction and boost! She promptly collides with the nearest wall. "OW! OH COME ON!" she shouts at no one in particular. "Yeah okay, y'know what? Stand back, Lacchan, let's just start with the basics ..."

She thrusts her fist forward. "... by which I mean JADE BARRAGE!" Pellets of jade-green purifying light shoot outward! It's not the strongest attack, but it's made out of Life Blessing.
Alexis Raskoph 2019-05-25 01:04:31 105365
    "DON'T BRING FOOD INTO A LAB FULL OF DARK MATTER, IMOUTO!!!!" Stahlritter counters to Lacrima with his best Lecturing Nii-San Yell. "What if you'd brought one of those giant american-style burgers in there??? WE'D ALL BE DEAD PROBABLY!!!"

    With the Barrier taking place, however, he lets out a frustrated groan of "Aaah! Whatever!" and slams his foot down into the ground. Or specifically, into the edge of a manhole cover, crushing the curb around it and sending the cover itself flipping up into the air, only to be grabbed by one gauntleted fist. "KRIEG!"


    It's subtle, but thin, faintly-glowing red lines seperate like some kind of bizarre web of veins all along the manhole cover. And rather than stepping back or even trying to dodge the incoming pecking from american factory cheese, he... spins around with the manhole cover, like he's some kind of bizarre disc thrower.

    "That kind of cheese doesn't go hard, you damn spoiled lunch!!!"

    In the last sweep of the spin, his hand shifts from the edge to instead press flat against the center of the cover, and with it carry it pushing it through-- and slam RIGHT into that cheesy beak.
Lacrima 2019-05-25 01:14:33 105366
Lacrima yells. "IT'D PROBABLY BIG A BIG GROUND BEEF COW I DON'T WANNA THINK ABOUT THAT." she yells out. She has to dead stop and shudder at that. She tries another blast and takes out a chunk of bread as she moves to shoot upwards into the air.

She chooses to keep away to let Joy do her thing as blasts chunk into the turkey and it gobbles in pain, GOBBLE GOBBLE! It's legs get frozen in place as Rashmi's barrier goes up..

Which leaves it open for Stahlritter to easily do his thing--- sending it flying off a few feel into the air with a hard thunk from the manhole cover.

This does free it however as it starts flapping it's wings... and flapping and OH GOD IT'S FLYING.



"I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU!" she yells at it. Yes, yes the thing is taking off. This may be bad for the hovering and flying combatants now.

"ALSO. SAKURA-SAN." she yells. "I don't think this thing cares for chastisement, Also--- You know, give back The Dark." she calls out casually. She may aswell make a token effort.

In the middle of this. Surrounded by people who will give her stern talking toos later if she we're to actually try anything.
Rashmi Terios 2019-05-25 01:21:21 105367
"...Oh good it can fly," Rashmi sighs, bobbing in the air. Tomoyo's call has her suddenly looking, panicked, down at the girl, and an incredulous look shot to Sakura. Who... is already getting wobbly. "Friends first, Nico, then monsters," she murmurs, dropping closer to the ground.

*bing!* << AFFIRMATIVE, MASTER, >> the book replies in its professorial tone. << HEALING LIGHT >>

A complex, revolving circle spreads out beneath Rashmi, and another beneath Sakura, which sends a warm, soothing glow upwards. It feels like the summer sun on one's face, and perhaps it may help the little Cardcaptor rally from her exertions.


Another circle draws itself into existence under Rashmi's feet, and Barrets materialize around her, tiny suns quietly orbiting a meter away...
Sakura Kinomoto 2019-05-25 01:23:14 105368
Sakura Kinomoto stared up at it, her eyes wide. "Wait, turkeys CAN fly? I thoguht they were like ostriches!"

"No, wild turkeys can fly," Tomoyo offered. "Standard raised ones cannot, but ones that grow up in the wild can. They nest in trees, as well."

Sakura just glanced towards her friend, before nodding. "Okay. I... wow. Okay then. Okay. You may be a big sandwich but... but there's... one sure fire way to get rid of a bad sandwich. Also, no," she told Lacrima. "But he can come and visit it whenever he want! Dark has been very good and I am very proud of her!" she said firmly. Please. She was proud of all of her card.

"Now, back to the loaf at hand!"

"That was so funny, Sakura!"

No. No it wasn't. "Let's see how well you fight when you're... SOGGY! Rain card! Make that sandwich a wetwich!" she yelled. And.... and a cloud would form above the sandwich, high above... and... it'd start to rain all over them. Welp...

Sakura meanwhile... was wobbling and... And now it was so warm and soft. Like a little glow... It felt so good... so... She started to fall back, only getting caught by Tomoyo.

"Hey... Hey Sakura? Don't fall asleep... You need to keep fighting."

"Huh? Oh... right... y-yeah... I'm okay... just.... closed my eyes for a second...."
Alexis Raskoph 2019-05-25 01:27:36 105369
    "THere-- this thing isn't--!" Stahlritter starts grumbling out as he sweeps one hand through the air to catch the momentarily-bounced off manhole cover.

    "--What the shit?!"

    And he sees it flying up.


    Cue another frustrated groan and... a brief enough distraction to look back to Rashmi and... wait. Wait. Who is that with a videocamera filming all this?!


    Apparently he doesn't really appreciate paparazzis. BUt nevermind all that! Because the Knight takes to spinning around with the manhole cover again, but this time--


    ...HE lets go and sends it flying with enough velocity to cause an audible and visible sonic boom, aimed for the base of one of the Turkey Sub's wings. Because apparently his idea of keeping something like this off-balance and from escaping away is to try to cut off one wing altogether.

    ... A wing that's probably made out of bacon or lettuce or something. What a bizarre day.
Miho Kagami 2019-05-25 01:29:33 105370
Miho shudders. "Okay, new plan which is even more important than 'no food'," she says. "Especially no hamburgers while you're messing around with dark energy!" There's just the faintest note of teasing in her voice there.

She rises off the ground. "Also, what's The Dark?" She pauses. "Also-also, good idea, Rashmi-chan!"

She pauses as the rain begins, and raises an eyebrow at Sakura. Wait, no, she's seen mention of her on HeartNET, whatever. She waits until the manhole cover is well on its way, then swings her fist in a circle. "JADE ..." She rockets forward on her broomstaff, fist-first, surrounded by a jade-green glow of purifying energy! "... PUNCH!"
Lacrima 2019-05-25 01:40:56 105372
"It's a card she has and it belongs to Riven-sama." she says with narrowed eyes at Sakura. "Ugh fine... but next time we meet----" she says angrily as she turns back to the matter at hand. Regardless... Lacrima has to dodge a cheese beak as she moves fast to evade being eaten by her own sandwich.

"I swear to god... after this. I'm making Ari-chan teach me how to be vegetarian." she says. "Surely like, a veggie sammich can't be evil." she says angrily. "Or turn into a monster."

She may not mean that. She does look at Alexis. "Ugh--- that's.. just leave her be. Those are home movies." she says. "She's probably filming Sakura or something." she says with a huff.

Lacrima dips under it to try to get it to sweep around or waste time with it turning around to make it an easier target for others.

A sonic boom'ed manhole cover, smacks the turkey off balance on it's turn to chase Lacrima--- which sets it up for a strong purifying punch by Joy into it's indeed lettuce wings. (Lacrima never thought to put bacon on it.)

Lacrima ughhhhhs.

Then Sakura's rain starts soaking the bread and this causes it to get heavy and begin to start to descend despite it's best attempts to flap vigorously. "Look, I'll toast you next time, okay!? IS THIS WHAT THIS ABOUT!? THAT I DIDN'T TOAST YOUR BREAD!?"


Rashmi Terios 2019-05-25 01:44:05 105373
And with the setup in place, aided by Sakura's clever weighing-down of the giant sandwich monster -- bread soaks up water like whoa after all -- Rashmi and Nicomachea finish tuning this particular orbit of Barrets; a dozen, all told, all specially hand-crafted to mess up a day.


The miniature globes of mana explode upward, arcing high into the air, before screaming down upon the monster to deliver their payload.

In each Barret, the trigger to a small Barrier, given just enough mana to exist for a couple seconds, and tuned for maximum kinetic kickback. And one after another, miniature explosions of golden light slam into the sandwich kaiju from above, forcing it downward as surely as if someone -- Stahlritter -- had hurled a series of small cars at its soggy back.
Sakura Kinomoto 2019-05-25 01:50:45 105374
Sakura Kinomoto let out an indignified squeak, leaning against her friend and trying to shake herself back to awake. "H-hey. Don't... the Dark card isn't his! I'm the keeper of the clow cards! It was like... not good for him! It was making him all dark and stuff! And now he'll be much nicer! It's not healthy for him to have a card inside him, anyway! If he wants to talk with it, I can setup a play date, though!"

Tomoyo just glanced at Stahl, then shrugged. Well, if he ever tried to smash the camera... ah ha ha ha. No.

"... Wait, you don't toast your sandwiches?" Sakura asked. "Oh! You should ask Tomoyo-chan about some vegetarian meals, she's amazing at them."

Tomoyo chuckled. "Actually, if you're interested I know a delicious cucumber, tomato and avocado sandwich. I like to use a light bit of mustard and mayonaise, and if you cook it on the stove with butter on one side and a bit of cheddar cheese, it is simply divine."

Sakura nodded, going for another card and... her hand slipped past the cards. She actually missed them. Two cards really were about her limit right now. Tomoyo was the only thing keeping her up now...
Miho Kagami 2019-05-25 01:55:02 105375
Miho regards Sakura and Tomoyo for a moment.

Then she just shrugs, and turns back to the turkey. "Well, guess it's time to bring it down! Life Bl--" She stops. "... Actually y'know what, I feel like I'd rather not cover my Curse with pain this afternoon. Explodey times it is!"

She pauses to give Lacrima time to evade, then thrusts her hand forward once again. "JOY STRIKE!" she calls out, and a bowling-ball sized orb of jade-green light shoots out from the heart-emblem on her glove, straight for the turkey! And true to her word, it's specifically an exploding orb, which detonates into a green haze of purification!
Alexis Raskoph 2019-05-25 02:04:29 105377
    "Or maybe you know DON'T KEEP YOUR FOOD NEAR DARK MATTER!!!" Stahlritter insists to Lacrima with a huff.

    Either way. WIth the massive turkey being steadily pushed down by Rashmi's barrage of barrier-enhanced barrets and Joy's exploding projectile, he... suddenly goes running over, in a slightly crouched posture to get himself... underneath the Sandwich of Gobbling Doom? With his right gaunlet vibrating with gathering energy. ... Oh.

    "--This is gonna be messy!" Is all he declares before bouncing back upright and carrying his fist into a fierce uppercut!


    Cue the shockwave.
Lacrima 2019-05-25 02:13:24 105378
Lacrima ughs! "I don't like my bread toasted on subs okay!?" she says. "Dad like, likes it? But ugh it's so... crunchy..."


"I'M STILL NOT TALKING TO YOU!" she yells at the Turkey. Is she friends with this thing? No. Not really. She's just used to dealing with dark energy creatures on a base level she can basically understand it on some level maybe.



"ARGH!" she yells at the thing.

The giant turkey kaijuwich is forced down fast with a gigantic!..... thudfht!

Joy throws her exploding orb into the creature, causing it to gobble out in anger. "GOBBLE!" it goes again.

It goes to sweep at the tired Sakura suddenly, and her friend when Stahlritter suddenly UPPER CUTS the giant turkey!----

Sending literarily half of it flying off against a building as the thing falls into two----

And then immediately falls out. Is.. is it dead?

It's super dead. And also. There is now giant soggy turkey sandwich everywhere. Lacrima has to wipe bread pieces from her eyes as it flew over her as she makes a face.

"Yeah." she says. "Don't eat that. It's still evil." she says angrily. "I mean. I'm sure you're all clamoring for a bit." she says with dripping sarcasm.

"J--Joy can you... like.. purify. That.. thing? Because like...."

"Look I don't wanna eat that thing to clean it up. I mean I will if I gotta. But I can juuuuust eat Ham again after the last time." she says grimly. She eyes Sakura. "Ugh." she says as she crosses her arms and looks away from her in an incredibly tsundere manner at her words.
Rashmi Terios 2019-05-25 02:19:56 105379
Well.... that was messy.

Rashmi seems less than alarmed when Lacrima points out that it's still evil, but the look on her face as void mayonnaise and American cheese -- two of the evilest substances known to mahoukind -- drop off her Barrier Jacket in messy clumps. And there is a look on her face; that she's likely to spend the next couple days in the shower, just to be sure.

"I'm really, really sorry about your lunch, Lacchan," she says, patting the vampire's shoulder in a moment of complete forgetfulness that there are kaiju-bits on her hand. "And hey... Good work, Sacchan, are you all right? Only you look a little wobbly..."
Alexis Raskoph 2019-05-25 02:22:29 105380
    ... ANd of course, since Stahlritter was right in close combat range, he probably isn't even seen for a while once the thing explodes. What with the mist of mayo and cheese and whatever else.

    But once it's all splattered out, it leaves the image of a completely-covered Steel Knight in the middle of the street, just standing there perfectly still with various condiments and splooged turkey meat dripping over every single inch of him.

    "......................... I am really glad for the helmet now."
Miho Kagami 2019-05-25 02:23:49 105381
Joy launches herself straight upward to avoid the turkeysplosion! This is clearly much more dangerous to get caught up in than its actual attacks!

She blinks, and then sighs. "Okay," she says. "Stand back, Lacchan, Stahlritter-niisan, this shouldn't be ... too much of an issue. I kinda want to get in touch with Mamo-kun to ..." She stops. "Actually I suddenly had a much better idea since we're inside Rashmi-chan's barrier and I won't transform into Sailor Collateral Damage," she says.

Once again, she rises up off the ground, and she swirls her hands in a circle, the heart-emblems leaving twin ring-shaped trails of mint-green light. "DOUBLE SHINING RAY!" She thrusts her hands forward, and the rings collapse, firing brilliant green beams of purifying light which scour over the remains.

The thought crosses her mind: It's already dead, kill it HARDER!
Sakura Kinomoto 2019-05-25 02:32:24 105382
Sakura Kinomoto nodded and then... well... "Just as bit tired... that's all... using my magic is just very... exhausting right now. Since... since I'm supplying all their magic myself. But it's okay. I'm good. Just..." She gave a soft yawn. "I'm just tired... that's all..." She drew a card. "Okay... this'll help, too... oh. Ummm..." She turned to Joy and smiled. "I don't tihnk we've met! So ummm, hello! I'm Sakura Kinomoto! A pleasure to meet you!" She bowed politely. She then... "Bubble! Clean up everything!"

AND SUDDENLY BUBBLES! They'd roll over EVERYTHING! Tickling everything as they rolled over them. However, when done, everything was clean. FULLY clean. Bodies, clothing, nails, etc. Polished clean and...

And sakura wobbled and only didn't crash to the ground by the timely catch of Tomoyo, who held her up. Annnnnd she was unconscious! Her wand turning to a key and clattering to the ground. "Sakura-chan..."Tomoyo said softly.
Lacrima 2019-05-25 02:37:14 105383
Lacrima makes a face when Rashmi makes her messy self even messier and she's about to say something when she eyes Stahlritter and the others and arghs again to herself. She gently huffs a moment as she sulks defeatedly as Joy cleans the dark energy mess, turkey sammich melting back to a soggy, normal sized sammich and then---

Sakura cleans everyone and she clenches her fists. She huffs. "Thank you." she says curtly. She doesn't try to face down Sakura. Not today. Too many people here. Too many people that would be disappointed in her.

"She shouldn't make herself so weak all the time." she says bluntly. "And conserve her energy and attacks." she says before she turns around and begins to walk away before she stops and turns around. "Thank you." she says bluntly before she looks to Joy. "-and---"

"Thank you. For helping the other night..." she says more softly.

Then she'll begin marching angrily back home.
Miho Kagami 2019-05-25 02:51:29 105384
Joy blinks at the fallen Sakura. "... wow, I've healed energy-drain victims who looked better than that," she murmurs.

She blinks, and turns back to Lacrima (SPEAKING OF THE ENERGY-DRAIN VICTIMS SHE'S HEALED). "Oh, yeah!" she says softly. "I ..." She isn't sure what to say about that. Obviously Lacrima isn't doing great now, but ...?

She really needs some time to catch up with Lacrima about Poderoso. She really hopes this dour mood isn't some sort of side-effect ...
Rashmi Terios 2019-05-25 03:10:20 105385
Suddenly bubbles! And purification! And everything is clean! Maybe showers won't be needed who are we kidding!

Pulling in a long, slow breath, Rashmi lets it out in a sigh. "Um.... Tomoyo-san? Is she going to need help getting home once I bring the Barrier down, or...?"

She lets that question sit, while she looks to her compatriots. "Anytime, Lacchan," she says to the moepire's retreating back. "So... Did I, um.... miss something?"
Sakura Kinomoto 2019-05-25 03:13:14 105386
Tomoyo sighs, holding her friend. "I'll get her home. I'll have my bodyguards drive her home. Don't worry, she'll be safe," she said with a small smile, holding her friend. "And I'd love to get her to stop pushing herself so hard and ending up hurt. But you might as well ask the sun not to shine, the moon not to glimmer, or a bird not to sing," she mumbled gently, taking one last camera shot of the sleeping Sakura, then nodding.

"She'll be safe, I promise."
Miho Kagami 2019-05-25 03:39:06 105387
Miho nods to Tomoyo. "Okay, good," she says, before turning to Rashmi. "Oh, n'much, really, Ariel just took us into the dream-world and we beat up Poderoso once and for all, and Maki-san literally had him dragged into hell ..."