A Bunch of Words


Tadase and Amu talk about Ikuto.

Date: 2016-01-08
Pose Count: 12
Tadase Hotori 2016-01-08 08:06:23 21432
Tadase is waiting at the Royal Garden. Kiseki's there too, sitting on his shoulder. Tadase's head is on the table, resting on his arms. Tadase has not been crying - but only through a supreme act of will not to. To keep the conflicting, warring emotions bottled up inside.

Because there's too much at stake in too many places. He should've told Amu to meet him tomorrow instead, should've refused this. He doesn't need this right now, not from her.

And yet, here he is. Even Kiseki is quiet. All that can be heard is the sound of the waterfalls within the Garden, and his own carefully controlled breaths.
Amu Hinamori 2016-01-08 08:23:02 21440
Amulet Heart lands in the garden, and immediately separates into Chara and Bearer. It's not the Joker coming to speak to Tadase: it's Amu Hinamori.

And maybe that makes everything worse.

Amu takes a deep breath as she steps through the door, then starts the long walk up the path to the table of the guardians.

As she passes through the arch, all three of Amu's companions fall back, as if they aren't entirely certain what their bearer is thinking and aren't entirely certain they want to be within snatching distance. Projectile Chara does not sound like a fun idea to them.

Amu makes her way up the stairs, then slows to a halt when she reaches the table. She looks down at the little king, looking so desperately pathetic, and then takes a few quiet steps around the table to lay a soft hand on his shoulder.

"Tadata," she murmurs, voice sing-song as she says her private name for him.
Tadase Hotori 2016-01-08 08:26:09 21441
Tadase looks up at her. He's got a bunch of words he'd like to say, a bunch of words he could've said, and the only words that come out are. "That stupid damn cat." he says, before there is the faintest glimmer of sheen, of liquid, at the bottoms of his eyes.

Then he looks up. "Why did you need to speak to me, Hinamori-san?" It's painfully, blatantly obvious that his now normal voice and dry eyes are the result of him pushing everything down incredibly deep. He's not feeling it. Not feeling bad, just trying not to feel anything, and so he's become very firm and proper. Including her name.

"And are you sure it's not something that can wait until morning?"
Amu Hinamori 2016-01-08 08:30:50 21443
It's the name that hits her like a slap to the face. Amu recoils a step, and for a brief moment she worries she's pushed too hard. She takes her hand from his shoulder and instead grabs her own elbow. "S..sorry," she murmurs quietly, suddenly entirely unsure of herself.

"I just ... want to know what's going on between you two," Amu says quietly. "I've never seen you so angry with anyone but him, and I know that ... he told me that you lived together, once. That he thinks of you like a little brother. But Tadat---Tadase-kun, you are usually so in control. A leader. A king. You're hurting, and I want to help."
Tadase Hotori 2016-01-08 08:47:00 21447
When it comes to Ikuto, Tadase sees the bad first. So it's no wonder when it comes to this, Tadase is going to talk about the bad first, as well.

"You know that lock I gave you, early on? There's a matching key. My father had it, and he gave it to me to keep safe. Ikuto stole it." he says. "He stole it for Easter's purposes. He still wears it around his neck. Taunts me with it." That last comment might not be entirely true or even rational.

He sighs. "We used to be... really close. I used to think of him as an older brother, like he said. When he was alone? My family took him in." He clenches his fists hard. "We cared for him. I LOOKED UP TO HIM." Tadase says, fist slamming the table hard. Kiseki floats down and grabs Tadase's fist like he can stop it - and the touch does.

"We had a dog, too. She was my dog, but everyone loved her. When he came to steal the key - he'd been gone for a while, but he came back to steal it - do you know where I found him, Amu?" he says, almost glaring at /her/ hostilly. "I found him standing over Betty, with the key in his hand, playing his stupid violin triumphantly. And she was dead, Amu. And then he gave me that damn grin of his and left."

"So tell me why I shouldn't hate him, Amu." He leans down. "I'm not supposed to hate anyone. I'm supposed to stand with Virtue, I'm supposed to lead them and save people. I'm supposed to be a King, but I hate him, Amu. And I still try to save him, because that's what a King would do - and he doesn't even want to be saved, and every time I just end up hating him a little more."

"And then I let him go, and he hurts more people."
Amu Hinamori 2016-01-08 09:05:18 21454
Amu listens to Tadase's explanation with a growing sense of pain in her heart. She reaches to stop him punching the table, but Kiseki is faster, so she clutches her hand over her heart instead. Still she listens.

And when the story is done, Amu reaches out to him, wraps her arms around him, and pulls him to her in a gentle embrace. As she did the night that Mamoru 'died', Amu rests Tadase's head gently on her breast and pets his hair softly. But this time she leans down to kiss the top of his head very gently.

"It's okay," Amu tells him gently. "You still stand with virtue. You still save people, and I would follow you anywhere, Tadata." There it is, back again, that quiet, yet endearing name.

"It's all the worse," Amu says quietly, "because you know that this is not who he wants to be. Something is pushing Ikuto to be so evil; Easter, I'm sure, but I don't know how or why he does what they wish of him. Tadata," Amu says his name, singsong once again, "It's okay to hate him, even through all of this. He has done horrible things, said horrible things. But you cannot let that hate control you. You are a King," Amu reminds him gently. "And although a King may hate, he cannot lose himself to that hatred. There are too many others who depend on his wisdom.

"I ... depend on your wisdom. Alejo, Nadeshiko, Kukai ... we all depend on your wisdom. I know it hurts. I know you can't forgive him. But I need you to be strong; to put aside your personal feelings for him. At least ... when we're dealing with him. When it's just you, and just me, you can yell and scream about him as much as you need. But when he's there before us ... I need my king, Tadata."
Tadase Hotori 2016-01-08 09:19:26 21458
Tadase looks up to her, resting his head against her. The real secret of Amu, the real thing that makes her matter so much to him, is not just that he can be strong around her - it's that he can be weak around her, too. That's not something Nadeshiko, Kukai, or even his own grandmother can get from him. Someday, perhaps, he will be strong enough to tell her this.

"I feel terrible for it." he admits quietly. "I never know what to do around him, what to do with him. He's... actually really dangerous. Even when he's holding back." He's holding back more than Tadase even knows, quite possibly. "And I don't know if it's right to keep letting him escape, to hurt people some more. Is it fair to those people, just because I think I can save him, Amu?" he asks, like he's really looking for an answer to this question, because he hasn't found it himself.

"Even if he's being pushed into it, how many people. How many dreams. How much energy before I have to protect other people at the expense of someone who doesn't even want to be protected?" His hands have wrapped around her somehow and now he's hugging her very closely and somehow still not crying. "Isn't that the sort of wisdom I should have, if I'm the King you say I am, that you want to be? Because I don't know the answer to that."
Amu Hinamori 2016-01-08 09:39:45 21463
Amu doesn't have an answer for Tadase. All she has is a gentle stroke of her fingers from his temple, over his ear, and along the curve of his scalp to his neck. She repeats the motion again, and a third time, then sighs and admits, "I don't know, Tadata. I don't know what the right thing to do is. I want Mikoto to help him, but she's ... not. She isn't stopping him," Amu says quietly.

"I warned her tonight," Amu explains quietly, "after you left, I told her that I wasn't seeing what I needed to see out of her. I don't ... know if she'll do anything I ask. She seems to think she's so superior to me. But I warned her anyways. I hope she understood what I meant. If he doesn't stop hurting people, I'm going to have to find a way to stop him. Permanently. I can't believe someone from Virtue tried to kill him. That's never the answer. But ... I'm not above taking Yoru from him. Horrible as that sounds, and much as I'd hate to have it done to me. I'd do it, if it would stop him."
Tadase Hotori 2016-01-08 09:50:53 21466
Tadase just leans against her. There's no way he's not going to let her do this - it's like flicking an off switch. But he does keep talking. "Well, I guess we just have to keep trying. Giving up is the wrong thing. I know that." he says. /That/ is one of the first things in the whole sad conversation he's said with such conviction.

"There's a reason she's dating him." Tadase says, the tiniest corners of a smirk rising in his face. "She's got his attitude. They make an awful, great couple."

"You know... I... I don't know if that'd help or hurt, taking Yoru away from him. I can't imagine being without Kiseki." Tadase says, looking down at Kiseki who is looking up at the two of them. "And sometimes I feel like Yoru is closer to the real ikuto - he doesn't seem as vicious, he's just playful, and he's the one who apologizes for Ikuto."

"But... he'd be a lot less dangerous without him."
Amu Hinamori 2016-01-08 09:55:36 21469
"That's what I mean," Amu agrees with a faint nod. She sighs and finally sinks down to sit in Tadase's lap, taking up the space whether he is ready for it or not. Amu leans against Tadase, putting her head on his shoulder. "It seems so awful, but I feel like taking Yoru from him is the best way to ensure he can't hurt anyone else. It's my last resort to avoid killing him, Tadata. But I don't think I can kill him. I can't do it. I can't be that cold."
Tadase Hotori 2016-01-08 10:01:34 21471
Tadase just blinks a little bit when Amu slinks down into his lap. It's not something he was prepared for, but it's also something that's rather easy to put up. His hand almost instinctively comes up to run through her hair once her head is on his shoulder. And then she says it.

"I can't explain it... but I don't think it will. I don't feel it in my heart. I'm still scared it will, but I still have hope." he says. But then, after a pause. "If it does come to that, Amu-chan, you won't have to." he says, with flat affect.
Amu Hinamori 2016-01-08 10:09:01 21474
Amu sighs softly and lets herself unwind, just a little, at Tadase's gentle touch. "I don't want you to kill him, either," Amu says quietly. "But if he does it again, I'm going to take Yoru from him. It's the only thing I've got left." She wraps her arms around his chest and hugs gently. "I hope he'll forgive me."