It's the usual Thursday thing. After Kyouko is done with work and Makoto is done with school, and after dinner, it's time for the weekly training session. These are, for the most part, non-magical (the magical training happens elsewhere) and take place at a local gym- same place it's been going on for years. Sometimes there's sparring, sometimes its just individual training in friendly company.
It's been a good session, and now it is wrapping up. Kyouko is stuffing things back into her gym bag, still in her workout clothes but clearly preparing to head to the locker room. She's been a bit quiet during the session, perhaps just a bit more than usual, though not to the point of being glum or anything like that. Still, now, perhaps a bit out of nowhere, she turns to Makoto.
"Hey, Mako-chan, can I ask your opinon about something?" She looks pretty serious, and while it's not that unusual for her to want to ask Makoto's opinion about this or that, her expression makes it seem a bit more than the usual 'where should we go for after-workout snacks.'
Makoto had gathered her things up and was just taking a drink of water, but at Kyouko's question she quickly twists the cap back onto the bottle and drops it into her own bag. "Sure," she says without any hesitation.
If she'd noticed during the session that Kyouko was at all out of sorts, she kept it to herself. Now she turns a questioning look toward her friend, brows lifting. "What's up?"
Kyouko turns to face Makoto, looking for a moment like she's thinking about her words. Words have always been a bit of a struggle for Kyouko, as anyone who has known her for long can attest- it's not that she doesn't know what she wants to say, but actually putting her thoughts into words has always been a bit of a struggle. It's something she's gotten better at over time, but still something she often wrestles with.
Finally, she says, "You'd consider us.. I don't wanna say heroes. That sounds arrogant. But.. protectors. Like, that's our job, right? To protect this city and the people in it. And the world, in a bigger sense but y'know, from day to day. We stop people from getting hurt by stuff they can't defend themselves against."
She thinks for a moment, reining in the quick answer that comes to her mind first and instead taking the time to consider the question.
Presently Makoto nods. "That sounds about right," she says. "We're tied up into stuff most people don't even know about. The Sailor Senshi and the Golden Kingdom were always meant to protect the Earth - the whole solar system, really. But even if we didn't care about all the past life stuff, we have the ability to do something about it when magic stuff tries to have normal people for lunch."
With a lopsided smile, she hitches a shoulder in a little half-shrug. "This is just me, but I kind of feel like that obligates us to do something about it."
Kyouko nods her head to everything that Mako-chan says. "I think you're right. But.. here's the thing that's been bugging me. I love Mamoru to death, you know that. And I swore an oath to protect him, and serve as part of his court." She chews her lip. "But that doesn't mean I always agree with him. Sometimes, I think, protecting him means doing what's best for him.. and the city.. even if he wouldn't want me to do it. Do you think that's right, or am I crazy?"
She heaves a sigh, and decides to explain. "I tried to kill Signum the other day. Like, I came this close. She was attacking another kid.. some helpless kid, like ten years old, who had no idea what was even going on. I managed to surprise her, put my spear right through her chest. I must have missed her heart by like.. an inch. She's a tough cookie. Anyway, she got away, though I think she was hurt bad enough that we probably won't see her for a little while."
"But I told her.. that I was going to do whatever it took to keep her from hurting other kids in this city. Y'know? Because that's what screwed me up so bad. When I was a kid, I got hurt, and I ended up going down a bad path. I don't want to see that happen to anybody else. And like.. I know Mamoru would want us to try and talk it out, but Signum and her buddy have given no indication they are willing to talk, and on top of that, they're strong. Real strong. You know that as well as I do, you fought them too. So I tried to kill her, to protect this city and stop her from attacking any more helpless kids and screwing them up the way I got screwed up."
"But she said to me, Signum did, she said, "Do you really serve your Prince, or do you just do whatever you want, because you know he'll forgive you after the fact?" And that.. really kinda struck home, I guess." A twist of her mouth. I know he wouldn't want me to kill her. But I think it needs to be done. I swore an oath to protect and serve Mamoru, but am I just taking advantage of his kindness to run amok?" She looks genuinely conflicted over this, lightly wringing her hands. "I think it's important that we have someone who can make the tough calls. Who can be the bad guy, because sometimes you need that in order to keep people safe. But I don't think Mamoru would agree, and I'm worried that I really am just using that as a justification for violence because on some deeper level, I just want to be violent."
Makoto listens attentively, nodding a little in places to prompt Kyouko to keep going, not interrupting. As the whole scope of the thing that's bothering Kyouko is made clear, Mako winces a little in sympathy - she keeps quiet until the other girl is done, but her expression says, Oouh.
"...That's a hard one," she agrees. "I'll be honest, I'm not sure I'm really the best person to ask about these kinds of things. I can only tell you what I think."
She pauses there for a moment, seeming to gather her thoughts for a bit before she continues. "I don't think you're wrong about Mamoru-niisan, or about what protecting him and all that really means. I mean - I love him just like you do. And Usagi-chan is my princess the same way he's your prince, and I wouldn't trade either of them for anybody in the world. They're good, they love everybody. They want to save everybody, and that's who they should be. But that doesn't mean they're always right."
"That's why they have us - the Senshi, and the Shitennou. Because they'll keep trying to talk things out when it's way past time to draw the line, and then we end up with stuff like that fake Sailor Earth." The memory of that whole situation has Makoto pulling a face. "I think the same way you do," she says. "Part of protecting them, and everything else, means we can't always just do things the way they'd do it... because sometimes their way doesn't work."
She draws in a breath, lifting a hand to indicate that she has a bit more to say. "But - I also think that killing somebody is pretty final. Maybe not always totally final, around here... but it's not like we can count on that every time. Maybe there are some people who can't be stopped any other way, but it should be a last resort, because it's something that you probably can't undo. You know?"
A beat, and then she adds, "--I do think that Signum girl was just trying to get under your skin, though. There's a difference between doing your duty and just doing whatever you want. If she were really right about you, it wouldn't be bothering you right now."
Kyouko gives a bit of a grin to Makoto at her saying she isn't the best one to ask. "No, you're the perfect person to ask." She says. "Because if I try to ask one of the guys or Naru, I think they'd mince words with me for fear of pissing me off, or hurting my feelings. But I know you'll tell me what you think, which is what I want. I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to hear a real opinion, because I'm not sure what to think, myself."
She likewise listens to what Makoto has to say, and there's a fair bit of contemplative consternation onf her face for most of it. "I'm glad that you agree with me, at least as far as sometimes protecting means protecting from themselves, as much as from outside forces. 'Cause I really feel that way. Y'know, I love my brothers too, but sometimes I think they're a little too loyal to Mamoru. Y'know, I have some degree of insecurity over being the only one without the whole past-life connection, but I also think sometimes it lets me see things without that bias. So I feel like making the hard call is something I can genuinely contribute, when it needs doing."
She sighs, at Makoto's statement about the seriousness of killing. "I know that, Mako-chan. I've killed people before. It's not something I'm proud of, and it's hard to live with sometimes, but the bottom line is that it's something I already live with. If it needs to be done, I'd rather I do it than force somebody else to, somebody who doesn't already have to bear that burden." She shrugs a little. "Not that I'm not willing to try and redeem people when there's a chance it'll work. But this whole thing with Signum and them attacking kids.. it really gets under my skin. Like.. little kids who can't fight back, to fill some damn book for who knows what purpose but I doubt it's good. And she certainly wasn't holding back the last time we fought. I just feel like every time I fight her and fail to stop her, more kids are going to get hurt and it's my fault. If I killed her, yeah it'd be more blood on my hands, but no more kids would get hurt. That's a trade I'm willing to make, at least."
"But that wasn't really the part that was bugging me, believe it or not. To kill or not to kill. What was bugging me was the thought that.. that I should be more loyal than I am. That its a betrayal to do what I think needs to be done, even if I know Mamoru wouldn't approve. You're right though.. I mean, she was obviously trying to get under my skin. But the fact that it worked means there might be a kernal of truth in there. It makes me feel better knowing that you agree at least with the general principle." She flashes a smile.
Makoto smiles back, looking honestly a little bit relieved at Kyouko's answer. "For what it's worth," she says, "I think she was definitely full of crap. Being loyal doesn't mean we stop using our own judgment - that's part of why we're here."
Her expression slips back into something a little more thoughtful. "I think you can maybe give the guys a little more credit," she says more slowly, after a moment. "I mean - I don't know about Jadeite or Zoi, so much. But Neil and I have had this kind of conversation before. I'm pretty sure he'd get where you're coming from, at least."
Kyouko gives a more genuine smile, and a little laugh. "Right, but the common element there is you." She picks up her bag. "I don't think you give yourself enough credit, either. You're good for talking to. And it's not that I think the guys are mindless zombies doing whatever Mamoru says.. not at all. But sometimes it's nice to have an opinion from outside the family." She snorts. "At least until you and Neph get married." She winks, teasingly.
She nods her head, looking much happier than she had been earlier. "But I think you're right. We do have our own judgement, and sometimes we have to use it. I know Mamoru might get mad at me sometimes for being too quick to violence. But he knew what I was.. how I am, before he made me a Shitennou. And I do know he'll forgive me.. or at least, I don't intend to do anything so crazy he wouldn't. If there is such a thing."
Somehow Mako manages to turn several different shades of pink, first at the compliment and then at the mention of her and Nephrite getting married. "Hey," she protests, laughing, "one thing at a time!"
She shakes her head, still smiling. "Mamoru-niisan wouldn't have made you one of his guardians if he didn't want you doing the job your way, I don't think. But anyway, any time you need to talk stuff out, I don't mind listening."
Kyouko grins as she watches Makoto turn pink. She looks just a little smug. Just because they are friends doesn't mean she can't enjoy busting the other girl's chops.. or maybe it's because they are friends that she enjoys it so much.
But then she smiles again. "I appreciate that. I value your opinion, for real. I think we're a lot alike, but also different in some ways, and that makes you a valuable perspective I don't get from the other people in my life." She snorts. "I love Naru dearly, but she's way too.." She makes a gesture with her hand. Then just says, "She doesn't really get punching."
"I'm gonna admit right now," says Mako, with as much of a straight face as she can manage. "I am really, really grateful that Neph does get punching. I mean, I like Naru-chan, but..." Vague handwobble. "Better you than me there, is all I'm saying."
Then she cracks a cheerful grin. "But yeah, I get what you mean, and it goes both ways. Perspective is always good! Plus, none of the other Senshi would let me punch them every week like this, so - you know, thanks for that."
She holds out a hand for a fistbump of solidarity.
"Neph might understand the concept of punching," Kyouko smirks, "But I think he would much rather stare at the stars all night than actually bruise his knuckles." She laughs. "But he knows his whiskey, I can't fault him there."
She laughs again. "Look, loyalty and decisions aside, I'm under no illusions as to what I actually bring to this group." She flexes an arm, showing muscles that are, if not ripped, definitely noticable. "If we can punch each other every week so that we can punch the bad guys once all the brainy ones tell us where to hit 'em.. that's worth a few bruises."
The fist is duly bumped.