Ami's mother isn't home. That's not really abnormal; Ami's mother is rarely home. The workaholic is likely responsible for Ami's own overworking, but certainly she's responsible for Ami having to grow up faster than some kids.
It's made her ideal as Sailor Mercury.
Not so much a girl in love, though. Ami is seated alone on the couch. Her homework is spread out around her, but she's not really working on it. She's already finished it, honestly. Instead, she's busy working on a list of pros and cons that look oddly specific to one boy.
In the cons, there are things like 'dark energy' and 'bad at social skills'.
In the pros, there are things like 'he saved my life' and 'he's really smart.'
At the knock to her door, Ami leaves this all up behind her, as she goes to open the door and peer out. She looks entirely devoid of confidence, at the moment. "Oh, hi, Rei," she says. "Uhm. Come in."
Rei is here in her Verone Academy school uniform. Her own face is bright and cheerful, at least until she see's Ami's. Then she looks concerned. Is Ami alright? What's going on? Rei wants to ask, but she doesn't want to open with that.
"Hey, Ami-chan! How are things?"
Rei walks in, as invited, and one might notice a pair of familiar shoes hanging from the fingers of her left hand. She holds them up to Ami, saying, "You left in such a hurry last time that you forgot your shoes! You're not becoming scatterbrained are you?" There's a slight teasing tone in her voice, but then she gets a bit more serious.
She leans forward, looking up at Ami's eyes. "Ami-chan? Are you alright? I know a lot's happened recently. It must really be stressful."
Ami sniffs a little, almost like she's got a cold. But she doesn't have a cold. Closing the door behind Rei, she sighs and shakes her head. "I'm okay," she mumbles. "Just ..." scatterbrained is a good word for it. She grimaces on realizing it.
"Thanks for bringing these," Ami says, reaching to take her shoes from Rei. Like her friend, Ami still hasn't changed out of her uniform. She crouches and places the misplaced shoes on the rack inside the door, then beckons her friend to follow to the livingroom.
"I put the last few pieces of his chocolate in stasis," Ami explains. Not the freezer, not the trash. She seriously just said she put the chocolates into magical stasis. What.
"I guess I am a little scatterbrained, lately," Ami says, looking back towards Rei. "I just ... don't know what I'm doing anymore. I messed up, Rei. I messed up big time. And I didn't even realise it until Mako-chan came up and told me.
"I gave some of the chocolate to Naru-chan."
When Ami thanks her, Rei makes a flipping motion with her hand as if to brush it off and say 'it's no big deal'. She quietly follows Ami to the living room, taking a seat on the couch. She folds her hands in her lap and looks at her genius friend, listening to her as she explains.
"You did what?"
Rei's mouth hangs open. She can't believe it. Ami would never do that on purpose, or at least Rei can't imagine why she would, but even so it's very unlike Ami to be so... so careless!
"Ami-chan, that was really bad. You know what those things are. Really, it was questionable for ''us' to even eat them, but to feed them to someone like Naru!"
Several disastrous possibilities run through her head rapidly. How would it affect Naru? Would it drain her energy? Would it turn her into a monster? Sure it didn't do anything to Ami or Rei, but they're senshi! They're a bit more resistant to that kind of thing than the normal person!
She frowns, looking down at Ami's carpet. "Is she okay? What happened?"
Ami grimaces and ducks her shoulders, then lowers herself to sit down--not on the couch, but on the ground, in front of Rei. She reaches up to pick up the Mercury Computer (currently being projected onto her television), and adds a line to the cons: 'A member of Eclipse'. Then another line: 'Dark Energy seems to encourage me to do bad things.'
With a sigh, the bluenette lowers the computer to her lap, then shrugs. "She was okay when I left her. But ... who knows. I need to apologise to her," Ami admits. "I need to scan her and make sure she's okay. I need to ... I don't know. Maybe I should break up with him. Makoto thinks that he's a bad influence on me. That maybe I can't save him while I'm his girlfriend, or at least shouldn't. But ... Nephrite, and Kunzite, and ..." she trails off.
"I don't know," Ami says, turning to look up to Rei. "I don't know what to do."
Rei looks at the list of pros and cons, and suddenly her frown strengthens.
There is a long pause before she says, "I don't think you should eat that chocolate anymore." She reaches up to rub her forehead, and her temples, and then drags her fingers down her cheek. She gnashes her teeth, and for a moment she raises her voice.
"Really, Ami? Really?"
Rei grips the edge of the couch cushions, turning to glance aside. She isn't looking at Ami right now, or the Mercury computer, or anything else. She's still... processing this idea that... Even under the influence of dark energy, that Ami would be that irresponsible, or that she would do something like that.
"Yeah... yeah, Kunzite and Nephrite all the rest did get purified. They did get saved. They became better people because of that. I won't deny that. However, they were still our enemies, and we had to be careful around them. Even when they cooperated with us, we never knew when they would suddenly turn on us."
She stands up, moving past Ami and pacing around the room. After a moment, she says, "I don't know! Ami-chan, I don't know. I normally wouldn't care. I don't think it's any of my business who someone else dates or why. But... as your friend I'm more than a little worried about you!"
She walks up to Ami, drops to one knee, and cups one of Ami's hands into her own. "Don't let him corrupt you. Even if it's an accident, don't let him do that."
Ami actually grimaces as if she's afraid of Rei, when the girl reiterates 'really'. She doesn't say anything, just hunches down and waits for Rei to work through whatever she's thinking. It's almost like the bluenette is expecting Rei to judge her--like she wants her to.
When Rei kneels down and grabs Ami's hand, she looks up to her friend, then sighs. "I don't want him to, either," she mumbles quietly. "But I don't know what to do anymore. I'm afraid if I break everything off with him, I won't be able to save him. That he won't let me in, anymore. I'm worried it will make him angry. That maybe ... Rei, he's a member of Eclipse. And if that's not just a coincidence, I don't know."
Ami begins to grow more frantic as she asks, "What if he's someone truly evil? What if he's one of our villains. This could set him on a rampage. It could hurt a lot of people. But ... maybe I'm overthinking. Maybe he's just a dark-souled boy who needs to be saved. I'm scared. I'm scared of him. Of me. I don't want to hurt my friends. I don't want to make careless mistakes. Maybe ... maybe I should just ... I don't know. I don't know what to do."
Rei sits down, on the floor, not next to Ami but opposite her, resting her back against the couch. She can't help but feel maybe a bit guilty. She knew that Ami was playing with fire, and Rei didn't do anything to stop her... but at the time she thought '...so what? I've dealt with fire my whole life, and it's okay as long as you're careful, you know what you're doing, and you treat it with respect.'
Yeah, well, she can think that, but Ami got burned, and possibly got Naru burnt, too. Once you start burning yourself it's time to pull back and recognize that you aren't being careful enough, and maybe consider that it's too dangerous for you to handle.
Her arms rest on her knees, and she wrings her hands. "If you're afraid of breaking up with him because he might lose his temper, then that's all the more reason you should break up with him. Even if he turns out to not be like that, it's clear that you don't trust him anymore, and that may as well be the death of a relationship."
She lets out a heavy sigh. "I'm not your mother, Ami-chan. I can't tell you what to do. I can tell you what I see, though. You didn't seem to know about those chocolates being filled with dark energy, and that means that he didn't tell you. That right there is a pretty big breach of trust. I didn't consider it a big deal before, if you wanted to continue eating them, but apparently it's become one."
"And now it turns out that he's working for the enemy. Well, one enemy. I'm sure if you asked Mamoru he'd insist that not all of them are evil. So now that's two warning signs against him. Two reasons not to trust him. Two very big reasons why he's highly suspicious. Add in the Dark Energy and what it does to a person... I don't know what to tell you."
Now that Rei doesn't have her hand held, Ami uses both to reach up and cover her face. She's clearly worried, but she's listening--hanging onto every one of Rei's words as if they're the most important thing she's ever heard.
She nods just faintly at Rei's observations, then looks away at last when even Rei admits she doesn't know what to make of it all. "None of you like him," she notes quietly. "Mamoru-chan hates him. Usagi-chan doesn't trust him. Mako-chan dislikes him. You don't really like him, either, do you?" she asks, then looks back to Rei worriedly.
Rei doesn't like the question. Does she like Takashi, or dislike him? Well, she knows the answer to that, but at the same time...
"I think all dating's a waste of time. I have things I want to do, careers I want to pursue, goals that I want to accomplish, and I don't want to waste time dealing with someone else's needs or raising a kid. That's my opinion and my life choice, and I know other people aren't going to see it the same way, but that's how I feel."
She leans her head back against the couch cushion, looking up. "As for him, he's just another boy I'll never be interested in. He's not a friend, not an ally, and I don't care about him one way or another. All I know is that he's earned your trust and then started doing some very questionable things to you."
That's not all there is to it, and Rei knows it, but the problem is trying to find the words to express what she really feels. "I think if I had first met Mamo-kun when he was under the influence of dark energy, I wouldn't like him very much. In fact, when I first got to know him I did think that, and I didn't like him. I was going to burn his apartment down and blow up his favorite car if I ever found any proof that he was working for the Dark Kingdom. When Jadeite came to us, I felt sorry for him, sure, but honestly all I saw then was an objective that we could easily complete."
Ami doesn't like the answer. It's not that she's afraid of Rei disliking Takashi. She fully expected that. It's the lack of 'yes' or 'no' that she dislikes.
How do you decide what to do when the evidence remains neutral, and so do the people you rely on for advice? The worst part is, some part of Ami is fairly certain the only reason they aren't giving her a straight answer is that none of them want to hurt her feelings. And she appreciates it. Really. But it also makes her feel like she shouldn't need their advice to know the right answer in the first place.
And maybe she doesn't.
With a sigh, Ami looks away back towards the pros and the cons, then hunches her shoulders. "I've never had a boyfriend, before," she notes quietly. "It's nice, having someone talk to you like that. Look at you like that. It's awkward. And embarassing. And uncomfortable. But ... it's also ... nice," she admits quietly.
Rei isn't going to judge someone that she doesn't know that well. The fact that she thinks before she speaks isn't something that she feels undermines her advice, or her choices. The fact that she requires evidence before a passing sentence on someone isn't some form of cowardice. It's wisdom, and it keeps her from being an idiot. It's what separates the Reis from the Usagis. It is very literally the reason why Mamoru's apartment wasn't set on fire many months ago.
If Rei tells Ami to do something, and Ami follows that advice, then what happens after becomes Rei's fault. She doesn't want to have caused some big drama for her friends out of some ignorance on her part. She'd rather treat Ami like an adult who can make her own choices.
Yet, she can sense that he answer isn't decisive enough. Ami's lost and asking for something concrete, because she's making a choice that can't rightly be made for her. Even if Rei tried to put herself in Ami's shoes and tell her what she'd do in that situation, it wouldn't really even be the same situation, because Ami's needs and outlook are different than Rei's needs and outlook, and her response to the concept of having a boyfriend underlines that pretty directly.
"I can tell you what I'd do. If that relationship was important to me, and I wanted to hold onto it, or if I wanted to collect evidence to see whether or not that person was worth holding onto, then I'd confront him. I'd confront him about the chocolates, and I'd make it clear to him that you don't want anything to do with dark energy outside of emergencies."
After all, Ami-chan did have an emergency that Takashi's magic helped with. She can't just ignore that.
"Then I'd never eat any of those chocolates again. Dark energy isn't something you can handle with kid gloves and this situation makes that clear."
"I'm not touching the chocolates again," Ami agrees quietly. "I put them in stasis. No one can get to them unless I open it up, or Luna does." She sighs and rubs at her nose, then lowers her expression. "I'll talk to him," she agrees. "I'm just ... I don't know what to say, and he's very good at making me feel like I'm probably wrong. He's so ... smooth. And calm. And confident. But I'll talk to him," she says. "And I guess ... we'll see what happens then."
"Ami-chan..." Rei doesn't quite like what she hears here. The thought that Takashi would just try to smooth talk his way out of something like that...
She grabs Ami by the shoulders, and shakes her head. "Ami-chan, you're a smart girl. No, you are literally the smartest girl in Tokyo. You might even the smartest person in Tokyo. Don't let him gaslight you. Trust your judgement here. You know what's right or wrong."
Ami meets Rei's eyes, then looks away from her, blushing a little. "I think ..." she starts to say, then swallows hard and looks back to Rei. "I think he's smarter than me. He's ... he's been taking college courses, and still doing as well in school as I am. I can't ... maybe if I had done things differently. But he's smarter than me." And that's probably the real problem.
Smarter... than Ami? Rei has a hard time wrapping her head around that. True it's a bit ridiculous that he's got a job and is taking college courses and is also taking normal courses for his age and is going to a difficult school to begin with... but...
Rei releases Ami's shoulders, then leans back against the couch. "I have a hard time believing that, but even so, two plus two equals four no matter how smart you are. Facts are facts, and being smart does imply that you know those facts. Someone knowing more facts than you doesn't invalidate the facts that you already know."
Ami sighs and pushes back up to her feet, putting space between herself and Rei. "Do you want something to drink?" she offers as she makes her way towards the kitchen. Any topic but Takashi, right now. She still doesn't sound very confident in herself.
"I'm fine, thanks." Rei isn't really thirsty, and she doesn't really feel like drinking anything. To think that all of this could come from her dropping off Ami's shoes. "How're things going for you... aside from all of that?"
Ami stops when Rei turns her down, then turns back and shrug. "I looked into Eternity Main on the plants and the asteroid. They definitely encountered in the Silver Millenium, but mostly distantly. I didn't really find out anything useful except that Queen Serenity felt they were a threat. Theoretically they're some kind of hive mind, with the lesser plants being controlled by the greater. My guess is that Mamoru's friend wound up being controlled by one of the plants, and now doesn't know how to get free. And ... I think the person in control is on that asteroid. Probably."
"On the asteroid?" Rei repeats. Well that makes a lot of sense, putting the commander close to where the action is. "So... Fiore is being controlled by this hive mind, which is feeding off our planet somehow, and will leave it as an empty husk if it can."
She closes her eyes for a moment, putting those pieces together, then opens them again. "Well it clarifies a lot. I don't suppose that Eternity Main had anything about that mind control. Maybe Fiore will be freed if we destroy the leader."
After all, a monster that exists to destroy planets that people live on isn't someone that Rei can really consider redeemable. It's the source of the problem.
"That would be my guess," Ami says with a nod of her head, "But I can't really confirm it. Queen Serenity didn't have direct dealings with them, so all we have are third hand accounts." She shrugs a little, then makes her way back to the livingroom, and crouches down onto her knees before Rei. "I don't know how to beat it, though. Maybe we can calculate the trajectory of the asteroid ... teleport to it. But then what? And will we survive up there? I don't know."
Will they survive the rigors of space? Rei has to really wonder. "You know, being planet-based magical girls, surviving in space seems like a strange problem for us to have." Still, not an unrealistic one. "We didn't have trouble on the moon, but that was different. Fiore tried to take Mamoru to that asteroid, so Fiore thought that he at least could survive there. I mean... I'm assuming that Fiore isn't out to kill the childhood friend that he came back for."
"I think he is right now," Ami points out gently. "But not because he wants to. Just beacuse that's what the Xenian Flower wants," she explains. Then she pauses and notes, "That's what it's called, by the way. Xenian Flowers. Serenity guessed there might just be one, at the top of the chain. But I think we should concern ourselves with the one immediately nearby before we worry about that possibility."
Rei frowns at Ami's response. So Fiore might actually be out to kill Mamoru now, because of the Xenian flowers. "I see. Xenian flowers." Nothing about this is very pleasant or nice. The thought that Fiore might have come all this way, spent all his life trying to pursue one goal, and then muck it all up at the end... That thought is just too sad. "I agree. Getting rid of the local problem first might fix things. Worst case it will weaken them and destroy their command structure... or whatever their hive mind has that takes the form of a command structure. If there's some central Xenian queen out in deep space or... whatever, I can't imagine that'd be easy to find."
Ami nods her head just faintly, then glances aside towards the television. After a moment, she reaches over and turns off the connection to the Mercury Computer. The screen goes dark. Ami presses a few buttons on the tablet's screen, then sets it down beside her and looks up to Rei. "Do you ever wish we'd just ... stayed normal, sometimes?"
"Nope, never thought about it." Rei regards the now-blank screen for a moment before she elaborates. "Well, really, I was never that normal to begin with. People were scared of me because of my..." She turns towards Ami and wiggles her fingers. "... SpoOOOoooOOOooky psychic powers."
"Maybe I resented that a few times, but eventually I learned to live with it. This is my life, it's who I am, and in a way I'm glad that there's some kind of explanation for what I can do. It's nice to have some kind of reason as to why I'm so different from anyone else."
Ami remains silent in response to Rei's admission. It's clearly not the answer she expected. Eventually, she turns and puts her back to the couch so she can sit next to Rei. Then she picks up one of her books and leans against her friend, head on the miko's shoulder. "Sometimes I wish I was normal," she says as she opens the book.
"I figured as much," admits Rei. Why else would Ami ask a question like that? She wraps an arm around Ami's shoulder and looks up at the ceiling. "I admit, maybe it'd be nice to not have the weight of the world on our shoulders, for once." With a laugh she adds, "Though if I ever had time off I'd probably just find something else I wanted to work on."
"Medicine," Ami says quietly. "I think I'd study medicine. Be a doctor, like my mom," she explains. Then she shrugs and puts her arm around Rei in return, resting the book on her knees. "What would you do?" she asks curiously. "I mean, if you could just do anything, and the world didn't need saving."
"Weeeeell..." Rei starts off, a wide grin crossing her face. "I'd do a lot of things! I'd be an idol, a songwriter, an actor. I could get into business, or be a lawyer or... or... There's just so much! There's so much I'd like to do! So much cool stuff I could get into! One thing I wouldn't do is sit around doing nothing."
There are stars in her eyes for a moment when she thinks over the possibilities. The thought that most of these things require a lot of work doesn't seem to bother her at all. It's not that she's unaware of it, it's just that she's so passionate that such barriers mean nothing to her.
Ami leans away from Rei, but only so she can turn to gawk at her, mouth open. After a moment, she giggles, then drops her book so she can lean in to give Rei a tight hug. "You're amazing," she tells her friend, and it's not entirely clear if she's being honest, or mocking the miko. "I'd like to make this world a place where you, of all people, could be an idol."
Rei blinks. "'Me of all people?'" What is that supposed to mean?! Rei starts wearing a grumpy face and sticks her tongue out at Ami. "I'll have you know that I've already had magazine articles written about how cool and beautiful I am." Well, that's a slight exaggeration, but not the part about the magazine articles. "I'm a natural!"
Ami smiles fondly, then shrugs. "You just don't strike me the type to want every boy and girl in Japan fawning after you. But for what it's worth, I agree that you are very cool and beautiful. And ... it should tell you something that you're the person I come to when I need help working through my own thoughts."
"Ehehehe..." The compliments do catch Rei off guard. Usually when she hears something like that, it's Usagi picking another fight with her. Ami... not so much. "I appreciate that Ami-chan, I really do, and I'm sorry if I don't always have clear answers for you. You aren't exactly asking easy questions." After a pause she adds, "I don't know if I'd want everyone fawning over me, but let's be honest. They're going to anyways. May as well milk it." No shortage of ego here.
Ami rolls her eyes and pokes Rei gently in the side. "You've been hanging around Minako too much," she accuses, but fondly. "I hope you don't expect me to start fawning over you," she says, then rolls her eyes and leans against Rei again. "Well, hard questions or not, at least you're trying to help. I still don't know what I'm going to do about him, though. Maybe I should confront him as Mercury. It might be easier, then."
Rei sticks out her tongue again. "Yeah you say that now but when you start wanting my autograph don't say I didn't warn you." Then she laughs, holding Ami a bit closer as she leans in. Then Rei's tone gets a bit more serious. "If you really are worried about him going on a rampage, that might be smarter... ... would it help if someone were with you when you did it?"
"Yes!" Ami responds immediately, then wrinkles her nose and scrunches her eyes, "but no, because then he's just going to think I'm only talking to him because you guys made me. It would help if Makoto would just go beat him up and talk to him for me," she admits, "but I think that's not a very fair request to make of her. Maybe I should just tell him I realised I'm gay, and have a girlfriend. Then it's not about him. Think he'd buy that?"
Rei's lips twist into something that might be a frown and might be confusion. "Yeah, it might not be very fair for him if he gets ganged up on... but I'm not sure that being dishonest about it is going to... really work out for you in the long run. I mean... you probably could convince him of that, maybe, but if you say you already have a girlfriend then he'll maybe think you cheated on him?"
"And he'd probably ask who she is," Ami says with a frown, "and I don't actually have a girlfrfiend." She sighs and closes her eyes, laying her head back on the couch. "I've got it," she says. "I'm going to use the Crystal to reverse time, and go back to just after we defeated Beryl, and redo everything since then but with the same knowledge I have now."
Rei blinks at Ami, and then snortlaughs. She has to be joking, right? She has to be. She can't really be serious. "Well that's one way to do it. Maybe you could warn us all about Fiore, too. And get some winning lotto numbers while you're at it."
Ami taps her chin in thought, and for a long moment it seems like she's almost serious about this. Then she says, "I need to talk to Homura." Oh because this is going to go over so well. "Although why do we need winning lotto numbers. Don't you have enough m--" No, Ami, that's you. "Err. Nevermind. Yeah, I'll work on the lotto numbers, too."
Rei's family is pretty wealthy actually. "I was joking about the lotto numbers." Talk to Homura? Mamo's Puella Magi friend that Rei has never seen in person ever? Wait, no, actually there was that one time. "Um... yeah! If you think she could help." Surely Homura wouldn't have any problem with helping a senshi out with time travel stuff, right? It's not as if she suspects that a Sailor Senshi might be interfering with her in any way...
"... you should probably be stopping me from thinking about time travel," Ami notes to Rei amusedly. "It's really not a good idea. The number of paradoxes I would create by going back in time just to change even one small thing ... I'm more likely to destroy the world than stop myself from dating Takashi. Although I suppose the end result is I wouldn't be dating him, either way. But ... you know ... end of the world?"
"Well now that depends. Are we talking about Back to the Future time travel or Dragon Ball Z time travel?" What are quantum mechanics? Rei gets her time travel knowledge from TV! "Because in the latter you're actually creating an alternate timeline, which is like an alternate universe, and that would actually save you from anything like the grandfather paradox."
Was she supposed to be talking Ami out of this? Yeah, but getting her friend into trouble is more fun!
... Rei is probably a bad influence.
Ami just puts her hand to her face, then reaches over and starts poking Rei mercilessly. "You are the worst at stopping me from doing bad things!" she tells Rei with a laugh. "I'm totally going to tell Naru-chan it's your fault she ate the evil chocolate, because you could have stopped me!"
Rei laughs as she's poked, at first holding up her hand to try to block it and, after that fails, starts poking Ami back. "Or maybe I'm the best at getting you to do bad things! Life's no fun unless you have a little adventure!"
Unfortunately for Ami, her plan has backfired. Unlike Rei, Ami is actually quite ticklish. SHe shrieks and curls up in a ball, trying to protect herself from the counterpokes. "Stop, stop!" she says, giggling. "I do enough bad things! Too many bad things! I'd rather a plain and boring life with no adventure, thank you very much, if it means that Naru-chan doesn't wind up turning into a youma or something! Being Sailor Mercury is too much adventure, already!"
Ami is showing weakness, and when the wild Rei smells weakness, she strikes! Seeing Ami be ticklish just makes Rei want to tickle her more! So she does. Relentlessly. "Even if that happens we can purify her! It's not that bad. Everything will turn out okay in the long run, so why worry?" Rei stops tickling Ami, if only to give the water senshi a chance to breath, but her hand moves over her mouth to stifle her soft giggling.
Ami shrieks even further, and falls away onto her back. She squirms on the ground under Rei's relentless assault, squealing and batting at the girl's hands to try and get her to stop. But she's also laughing. Maybe she's having fun?
When Rei finally lets up, Ami is left breathless, panting to try and steady herself. She doesn't get back up from the ground; merely stares up at Rei past her knees. "Geeze, by that logic I should go sleep with Takashi and ask him to bathe me in Dark Energy. After all, we can purify me, right?"
Oh geeze. Well that's a logical extreme, but Rei actually has several objections to that! She almost can't help but sweatdrop after hearing something like that... especially from Ami!
"W-wow! You're growing up fast. Taking a bath with your ~boyfriend~." That wasn't necessarily what Ami said but that doesn't stop Rei from intentionally misinterpreting, and what she actually said was bad enough! "Though maaaaaybe that might be a little too much adventure. The whole being inundated with dark energy thing. We don't really need an evil, mind-controlled Mercury running around."
Not that this is referring to anything in particular.
Ami blushes and looks away from Rei, "That's not what I said, oh my gosh! It was sarcasm! I'm not going to sleep with him or take a bath with him, geeze. Besides, I don't want to be an evil, mind-controlled Mercury, either! I came close enough to that a few days ago! I'm just saying, adventure shouldn't come at the expense of others. And it definitely shouldn't involve using dark energy to hurt people! Accidentally feeding Naru-chan some mild dark-energy chocolates is just as bad as asking Takashi to infuse me with the stuff! That's not being adventurous, it's being stupid!"
Rei feels a mix of pleasure and guilt for making her friend get super embarrassed by that, but she couldn't resist the temptation! It's probably good that Rei isn't eating any more of those chocolates, since she's clearly bad enough without them.
"True, you shouldn't do that, and we know that already. It wasn't a good move, and it wasn't smart. I know you didn't mean her any ill will, but it happened. Whatever the reason, I don't hate you for it, and I don't think any of the rest of us do either, but it is a problem we'll need to deal with, or at least keep an eye on."
The bluenette looks back to Rei past her knees again, then sighs. "I know," she says quietly. For a moment sh e falls silent, just staring at Rei, then she closes her eyes and reaches up to rub at her face. "I feel like I've lost all credibility, though. Everyone always acts like I'm trustworthy; like I make really good decisions. Makoto relied on that with Nephrite, when she was in this situation. And now ..." she trails off. "Now I guess I'm just as fallible as anyone else. Which I suppose I always was. But I'm worried Makoto won't trust me again. That Naru wont', either."
Oh geeze. Ohhh geeze. Rei wasn't expecting that, but it makes perfect sense. Ami's worried that she won't be trusted... at least not as much as she used to be. How... how would Rei respond to that? "Well... I mean. What does Naru know about the chocolates? Or dark energy in general? I mean... I know she's been through a lot, but..." Rei doesn't say it, but Naru, as far as Rei knows, is non-magical and muggles tend to forget about magical affairs after being exposed to them. If there's any difference there, Rei wouldn't know it since she doesn't go to the same school.
"I don't know. I mean. I still trust you. Doesn't mean I'll agree with everything you say or choose to do, but I think you do the best you can, and that means a lot."
"Yeah, but ..." Ami trails off, "you're the one who thinks I should 'adventure'," she points out gently. "Which makes your judgement kinda circumspect. And even if Naru doesn't remember, I will remember. I don't think I can, in good conscience, let her trust me unless she fully understand what happened. Which means I need to tell her what happened in detail and explain it in a way she will not just forget or explain away. And Makoto ... Mako-chan won't forget," she reminds Rei. And that seems to hurt the most of all.
Rei has to actually think about what Ami says. It's true, going on an adventure is important, but there's more to it than that, and her concepts of what does and does not count as an 'adventure' are heavily influenced by spiritualism. Or at least, by some people's interpretation of spiritualism.
"Well. I was somewhat kidding before, but I do think that going on adventures is important. Not every dangerous thing really counts as an adventure. That's not really the point. Adventure is more about growth, about becoming more than what you once were, about maturing as a person. When you leave your comfort zone to try something new and interesting, that's an adventure. Almost. There's a little more to it than that. Fighting youma in of itself isn't an adventure if it becomes easy and run-of-the-mill. Fighting your first youma, on the other hand, is."
"You did leave your comfort zone, and something did happen, but you also have an opportunity here to grow as a person. You have a choice to make, and it's a meaningful one. It's the kind of choice that determines who you are as a person, and I think that's what's hard about it. It's not supposed to be easy, it's supposed to turn you into more of an adult."
"To me, adventure is about validation. If Usagi had decided to leave her senshi life behind and not face Beryl with the rest of us, she wouldn't have the validation that comes with defeating her. She wouldn't deserve it either, because she wouldn't have the strength or courage, and she wouldn't have learned the lessons that she needed to in order to become who she is. She did those things, and that's why she's validated over other people."
"However, if you want to talk about a serious use of the word 'adventure', then it's not just about leaving your comfort zone. It's leaving your comfort zone in order to do something important that needs to get done. Feeding Naru evil chocolate... isn't something that needed to get done. However, finding a way to make up for that? Or explaining yourself at the very least? That, I think, is something you need to do."
There is a reason Ami goes to the miko when she needs advice or validation for her ideas. It's not because Rei is her equal in intelligence, nor does she particularly see eye-to-eye with her on everything. It's certainly not because she expects Rei to simply tell her she's right. No, the reason Ami goes to Rei is because more than any of the senshi, Ami can count on Rei to understand her concerns, and to advise her honestly and fairly based on it.
As Rei explains the value of adventuring, and validation, Ami simply listens, watching the miko's face and hanging onto every word. Ami grimaces, a few times, as unpleasant thoughts flit through her mind, but she doesn't interrupt Rei with her explanations or worries, and she doesn't allow them to stop her listening, either.
When Rei comes to what Ami does need to do, Ami inclines her head just faintly, agreeing and seeing no point in being embarassed about it. Because Rei's right: she does need to explain herself to Naru, and make up for it if she can. Even if it's going to be hard.
That's an 'adventure' she's willing to embark on. But ...
"... I didn't need to leave my comfort zone and get a boyfriend," Ami points out quietly. "And in doing so, I've hurt my friend, worried another, and threatened my credibility in the eyes of others. It seems to me, this 'adventuring' is something to be avoided, unless the idea has been carefully analyzed to show that the potential benefits vastly outweigh the risks. I should never have started dating him. I shouldn't have tried to get him to befriend Makoto. I shouldn't have allowed him to give me dark-energy chocolates a second time. I should have scolded him more thoroughly for doing so the first time."
Ami shakes her head, then closes her eyes again. "And somehow I'm supposed to convince Naru to forgive me for something that could have been so easily avoided if I weren't so stupid."
Did Ami need a boyfriend? Well... that's for Ami to decide, and she certainly sounds like she's deciding that no, she didn't. Rei already has decided similarly, so she can't really argue against that. Someone might argue that it was an important experience... but... Rei isn't that person. "You don't have to, no. Not everything potentially bad is an adventure. Sometimes what you see is really just a temptation, and falling for the temptation can draw you away from... well, from your theoretical 'ideal life'," she makes air quotes, "if that makes sense. If you fall for it, it stops you from being your best."
Rei does hesitate here. She doesn't want to just preach or lecture. She does want to comfort Ami, but she also wants to help, as much as she can. "The truth is though, people do make mistakes. Not everyone is understanding about that. Really, many of the people who we now count as friends have made far, far worse mistakes than you have. I don't expect that to help you feel better, but I do think it's important to keep it in perspective."
Naru, here, is the most complicated subject. Rei doesn't even know how she'd explain it to her, if it were Rei's job. How to even begin... "I don't know. Forgiveness from someone else isn't something you can guarantee. However, you already know that you can't stand it if she doesn't know, so you really only have one choice here. If it were me, I'd start by apologizing, and then telling her the truth. If she doesn't believe or understand it, well, I'm not sure how to explain it to her. I'd have to try different things. Say they were cursed or something? I don't know. Heck, you could even say that I told you they were cursed, though I don't know if she'd actually believe the word of a psychic on something like that."
Ami closes her eyes again, then mumbles, "I'll figure it out, I guess. I don't really have much choice." Or any choice, as Rei has pointed out.
Ami lets out a soft huff of disappointment with herself, then abruptly sits up and hugs her knees, facing Rei from an only slightly uncomfortablely close distance. She smiles a little, though her heart's not in it, then asks, "So why do you think dating is a waste of time? Mako-chan seems to be so happy dating Nephrite, and Usagi and Mamo-chan are so cute together, don't you think?"
Why is dating a waste of time? Rei has to consider that. Sure, it's a choice she's made, but in order to really explain it she has to dig into past decisions she's made a long time ago, and actually review them. "I guess...? I mean, sure, Mamo-kun and Usagi-chan are happy together. So are Neph-kun and Mako-chan. I'm sure a lot of couples are happy together... but here's a thing. They're happy together because they're compatible. They have chemistry that works and they have like... a shared joy that comes from being with one another. However... that's not something you can really... force. It's something that happens when you're lucky to find someone who you care about and who also cares about you."
Rei starts making various hand gestures with her free hand to explain her point. "I think a lot of people, like at school or whatever, feel this really strong need to have a boyfriend, to have someone in their life who validates them and cares about them. I think there's also an expectation that we'll... you know, eventually get married and start a family. These expectations and obligations, specifically, are what I think the biggest waste of time is. I don't feel like these things are really necessary, and I guess I just don't want to be pressured into them?"
"If Mamo-kun and Usagi-chan love each other and get married and have a kid... if that makes them happy, great! I'll be happy for them. I won't call it a waste of time for them because they found something meaningful. However, usually when someone approaches me for that kind of thing, it's not someone who is actually looking for something like that. Usually it's someone wanting to date a cute girl because either their hormones or their society are telling them that they 'have to'. A kind of obligation-based relationship like that is not really the kind of relationship I think can respect."
Ami tilts her head a little, considering Rei's response silently for a moment. Then she smiles and leans forward to grab Rei's hand. "So it's not that you're against dating, it's just that you haven't met someone who you think is worth the effort. That's fair," she says, then gives a squeeze before turning around to pick up her textbook again.
Once more, Ami seats herself with her back to the couch, next to Rei. "That's what I thought it was with Takashi, too," she explains thoughtfully. "I didn't really care about boyfriends before that. I didn't even think about it. Then he came along and everything made so much sense for a whle, and I started thinking maybe we were ... 'compatible', or whatever you want to call it."
rShe wrinkles her nose, then admits, "My mom wanted us to get married and have babies. She really wants to be a grandmother. I never even thought that far," Ami admits. "I just thought it could be fun to figure out what it's like."
Not worth the effort. Yeah, Rei would have to agree with that. It is a lot of effort, and a lot of time invested in that relationship, and if it's not worth it to you then why do it? She squeezes Ami's hand before she lets it go. She listens to the rest of what Ami has to say, about Takashi and her mom, even making a sort of wincing face at her mother wanting them to marry.
"Well, it certainly makes sense that you'd think you were compatable with him. I mean, you're both pretty smart, and he was doing some very heroic things for a while," at least from Rei's point of view, "so I can see why you'd think that. Having similar power sets just seems like it'd be icing on the cake... but... yeah. It's not always like that, is it?"
"In the end, it's a huge investment. It's an investment of time, emotions, and promises, and... so many things I wouldn't want to take lightly. Not when I have so many other things I want to do."
"Like being an idol," Ami teases Rei with a faint smile. It doesn't last long, but it was there, and it was genuine. "Seriously, I wonder if I could market Sailor M products the way Artemis marketed Sailor V. I bet I could get rich off of you that way."
Rei snerks at the idea of Sailor M merchandise being sold everywhere. "Well if you do that, make sure that any posters of me capture my good side!"