Okay. Really.
Enough is enough.
At first, Usagi figured that Ami and Makoto's withdrawls were what they appeared to be on the surface: something both of them needed a few days to reorientate themselves from.
Well, a couple days turned into a couple weeks, and...
In all honesty, Usagi would have done something sooner. But to confront one means to confront the other, and as she's discovered last night after much self reflection in the tub, she's been harboring some...issues herself over the whole ordeal.
This, of course, makes her a terrible friend in her mind. Putting her needs above those she loves? The very idea!
Ami would have been the safe choice for first. But, well, may as well rip off that bandaid...
She's pounding on the door, an irregular staccato of fists with long, drawn out 'Mako-chan~!'s interspersed here and there.
Makoto has been around, of course - she hasn't missed school, though she's been too subdued and distracted to pay a lot of attention to the lessons or her homework. She's been baking a lot, always a reliable way to tell that she's upset. It's been harder than usual for her to find things to talk about.
But she comes to the door right away when Usagi knocks and calls to her. Something's in the oven, clearly; the air that escapes when the door opens smells savory and spicy, with hints of tomato sauce and garlic.
"Usagi-chan," Mako says in the doorway, absently wiping her hands on her apron as she regards her friend with a worried crease in her forehead. "What's wrong?" That wasn't a 'casual friendly visit' kind of knocking just now.
Usagi's too startled for a moment to respond right away. She'd been expecting a delay in an answer, or at the very least, not being the asked on what's wrong.
For a moment or two, her mouth just opens and closes before her eyes widen and she leans in the doorway. "Ohhhhh that smells so good..."
And it does! Whatever it is, she wants to sink her teeth in it and eat it all up!
No! Bad Usagi!
She takes a deep breath and enters the apartment!
"I was hoping you'd tell me..."
She's gonna be stern and no nonsense! She's gonna get to the root of the matter in an almost professional manner!
She's totally not. She's already fidgeting and wringing her hands.
"I thought, you know, a day or two. And then a bunch of days and twos went by, but at that point I was all kerflumpt over my own stuff, and I'm sorry, but I figured it out so I'm here now!"
She stills, barely, and looks intently up at Makoto, worry and concern sharply evident in her features. "What's wrong, Mako-chan? Well, I kinda know some of it but...I wanna help." A step forward. "You're still all troubled and I wanna help!"
It's not like this really comes as a surprise. Still, Makoto is quiet for a moment after Usagi finishes this little speech, seeming somewhat at a loss as she looks at her friend. Finally, she lets out a sigh and steps back from the door, gesturing for Usagi to come in.
"I know," she says quietly, head bowing. "I know it's gone on for too long, I just... I don't know what to do. I don't even know how to start, Usagi-chan. I know Ami-chan's hurting too, but I can't take anything back and I won't make an apology I don't mean. I won't."
Her eyebrows draw together in confusion. "What? Ami-chan? I...no, I'm not here about her, I'm here about you. I'm gonna see her after this, because rip the bandaid off and stuff, so--"
Hey.
Wait a minute.
Large and incredibly guilty eyes look up at Makoto. "You and Ami-chan are fighting? For...for how long?"
Oh goodness...how long has she had her head in the sand? How long has she been such a terrible friend that she didn't notice two of her best friends were in a fight?!
Wait no, this isn't about you, Usagi, this is about Mako-chan!
She clears her throat and focuses maybe a moment too long on putting on her slippers. When she looks up again, her eyes may be a touch too bright, but her smile is wide! "Well! I won't take sides, but I will always hug and cuddle and love on! So long as you're fine with me doing the same to Ami-chan!"
That stops Mako again, a moment of blank-faced, vaguely stricken realization. "You..." Her voice hitches, and Mako breathes out. "...of course you didn't know. I'm sorry, Usagi-chan. We're not really fighting, exactly, it's - complicated."
She reaches up, distractedly pushes her hair back from her face and makes a try at a smile. "I'd never ask you to take sides. That's... maybe why I didn't manage to talk to you about it up until now. It would've been too much like asking you to take a side, and it wouldn't have been fair. But I feel like I'm stuck, and I don't know how to move forward. Ami-chan's dating Agera again," Makoto explains, and she's doing her best to be matter-of-fact about it but she can't keep the hurt out of her eyes or her voice. "She doesn't even really want to, not like he is now; she's doing it to get him to let her oversee his experiments, or something."
Drooooop.
Of course she wouldn't! She's a horrible terrible person who--
"She's what?!" Hurt at not being told by Ami, betrayal for the same. Righteous indignation on Makoto's behalf--
Who doesn't need Usagi to be self absorbed!
Think about this from Makoto's point of vi--
And of course, by now, Usagi is hugging Makoto tightly when she gasps her realization. "I know you wouldn't ask that. It was just a blanket disclaimer!"
Usagi looks up at Makoto, still all large eyes. "It's okay you're feeling like this, Mako-chan. And I'm sorry you've been...have you talked to Nephi-kun? Or has he helped distract you?" Oh, Usagi hopes so!
But no! Wait!
Usagi shakes her head.
Finally, she takes a small step back from Makoto, wringing her hands and staring down at slippers. "Mako-chan. Even though I'm gonna yell at Ami-chan later, and probably comfort her, and probably sympathize, and hug her lots, I still want to do the same to you. ...Well, not the yelling bit." She looks up at Makoto, very much with the earnest eyes. "I don't have to take sides to hug you lots, Mako-chan. And and and I can keep quiet about whatever you tell me if you wanna. That doesn't count as side taking! It's just--" Her lip trembles a bit. "I'm sorry I didn't ask sooner. I'm sorry I didn't hug you sooner. I should have given you all the hugs!"
Makoto's arms wrap around Usagi on reflex, hugging her close. "Usagi-chan..." Tears begin to well up in her eyes, though she hastily blinks them back. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about it sooner."
She lets go when Usagi steps back, reaches up to wipe at her eyes a little. "Neph's been helping," she confirms quietly. "He took me camping in his palace a little while back. It was nice. But I still... I just don't know what to do, Usagi-chan." Her hands drop to hang limply at her sides as she looks at her friend, almost imploring. "I don't want things to be like this, but I don't know how to fix it."
Usagi has a lot of relief at hearing about Nephrite! Good! The guy is a good one, and an awesome giant teddy bear, and if he'd failed in this, Usagi woulda been heartbroken!
Usagi sighs as she reaches up and twiddles with Makoto's ponytail.
"You're fine, Mako-chan. I'm not angry or hurt you didn't." She's angry and hurt at herself. "I'm just glad someone's here for you! And..."
She sighs a little and leans back in for MakoHugs. Second best hugs ever, after all!
"I can talk to Ami-chan. Try to understand where she's coming from." She looks up at Makoto, chin nestled slightly above nestling areas. "If it's not a right away thing, Mako-chan, it's okay. I can try to help. I love you all so much, I hope you know that." No matter what Not!Mako said!
"I know." This time, Makoto's attempt at a smile works a little better, and she reaches up to run her hand over Usagi's hand. "That's why I didn't want to make you be stuck in the middle of all this. But maybe - maybe you'll be able to understand how she's feeling better than I can." Not quite spoken but nonetheless clear in her wording just now: Mako doesn't understand what Ami's thinking right now, and it just makes the gulf between the two of them that much harder to bridge.
She's quiet for a little while after this, just soaking up the reassurance of knowing how Usagi feels and that she's going to talk to Ami. Maybe Usagi can work this out somehow. Presently, though, Mako speaks up again. "...hey, Usagi-chan," she says, a little awkward now. "There's something else I should've talked to you about before now, too. About the stuff the other me said."
"I think..." She looks up at Makoto. "I don't know. The only comparison I got is when Mamo-chan got take but that was different."
Plus, as Makoto knows, pretty much eviscerating!
"But I'll try to see! And find out!"
But then everything the Not!Makoto said comes rushing forward at the reminder. Usagi steps back again, wringing her hands, trying not to remember everything she feels guilty for.
"What I told her was true." Her voice is soft as she looks up at Makoto. "If...if you really want it, I'd do anything to find a way so you don't feel...obligated."
"Usagi-chan." Makoto's hands settle on Usagi's shoulders, and she meets the smaller girl's eyes with an unwavering, serious gaze. "I think I said this before, but I have never, ever - not even once - felt like I was trapped into being a sailor senshi. Not ever."
She waits a moment, just to let that fact really sink in before she speaks again. "I mean..." Mako says. "It's rough sometimes, and I think I understand where she got it from. Some of the other stuff that she said was true, and it's stuff I still need to deal with. But that part, about not wanting to do it and feeling like there wasn't a choice... that was all the dark energy. I've never felt like that, or even wanted to quit. And if I did want to stop, I know you'd support me. So please, please don't worry about that any more, okay?"
"Of course! I know you really don't feel that way!" This is, of course, fibs. It's obvious at how Usagi's all crying now and MakoClinging. "And and if you did, like you said, I'd do everything to help! Always!"
For one moment, she allows herself the fear and terror of what would happen if it seemed she kept people against their will. Not to the outside world, but to the people closest to her. She would rather lose them all than have them think she'd hold on so tight they could never escape.
"It's just...if you ever did. If you ever do." She sighs again!
And then she pulls back and tries hard to scrub her face clean with the sleeves of her light blouse. "If I hadda chooses between princessy and you guys bein' free, no contest!" Dark skippy!
Anyway! Happy eyes for now! Or at least the attempt of them. "So I'm here for Mako-chan cuddles. Or righteous indignation on your behalf! And all sorts of things!"
"If I ever did want to stop," Makoto promises with all sincerity, stroking her hand soothingly up and down Usagi's back as she clings, "you'll be the first person I tell. Though I don't think that'll ever happen."
This time, Mako manages something more like a proper smile back. "Thanks, Usagi-chan. That makes me feel better. I--"
At this moment, the timer in the kitchenette goes off and Makoto startles a little, looking toward it. "--ah! Pizza's done!" Suddenly she's hurrying across the apartment, grabbing for a pair of potholders as she reaches the kitchen.
There is, of course, a happy smile at that. She wants to be the first to know. And not for her sake. She doesn't want her girls feeling as though they are forced to follow her.
She's all prepared to say something, anything, in response, but then Makoto not only confirms the baking of something yummy, but is also declaring what it is.
And Usagi follows her nose.
"Ohhhhh! It smells yummy! What kind is it? Sniffsniff! Ohhhhhh even if it has carrots on it, I'll wanna smell it all day!"
Makoto laughs - softly, but warmly, the first real laughter Usagi has probably heard out of her in several weeks. "No carrots," she assures as she opens the oven and pulls out the pan in a cloud of good-smelling hot air. "It's got bell peppers and corn, and in a minute it'll have spinach."
Indeed, there is a bowl of baby spinach sitting out on the counter, the green leaves glistening lightly with some kind of dressing that seems to have involved parmesan cheese. Mako sets the hot pizza on top of the stove to cool, nudges the oven door closed before she sets the pot holders aside. "You can have some once it cools down, if you want," she offers. "There's way too much for me to eat on my own."
Usagi relaxes, and not just because of the lack of corn. "I can't say I ever tried pizza like this, but Mako-chan knows what she's doing!"
She gives off a genuine little happy wiggle as she licks her lips. "I will gladly be your guinea pig!"
Never mind that Nephrite may have tasted something similar!
Usagi leans a bit over the cooling pizza, nose flaring in time with her euphoric sniffs.
It ends with a sigh, which at first is in the realms of that euphoria but ends on a sadder note.
"Mako-chan. Worst case scenario? I won't try to make you forgive. But I also won't stop hoping." She looks up at Makoto, eyes wide and large with the innocence of this lifetime, but the deeply rooted instinct of her girls from a past life. "And I know that if you can't, it won't affect anything senshi related. So just...work at your own pace, okay? I believe in you!"
Makoto hesitates in the act of picking up the bowl of spinach, looking over towards Usagi with fresh uncertainty. "It's not just a question of forgiving," she says slowly. "I'd forgive Agera if he were actually sorry, but it's not just about what he did to me. What I'm worried about is what'll happen to Ami-chan, dating a guy like that."
With a quiet sigh of her own, she looks down into the bowl. "I know she wants to save him, and I'd support her if that were it, but - being his girlfriend's not the way to do it. The worst part is, I know she'd break up with him again if I asked her to, but how can I make that kind of decision for her? If it's not what she wants, it doesn't mean anything."
Usagi droops a little, but not from what Makoto says. More so, it's the reality of the situation.
"I'll watch her." This comes after a moment of serious consideration. "I'll watch her, and if..." Usagi sighs. "I'll be the badguy. You know? If there's no other way."
Usagi looks at the locket suddenly in her hand, holding the incredible weight of a small crystal in her palm. "I was willing to do it, you know. To someone more important to me..." The importance is, of course, directed at Agera, not Ami. Mamoru and her girls would be like choosing limbs.
She drifts off, and then the locket is gone and she's all smiles at Makoto. "For now! Let's hope it doesn't come to that! We can hope, or I can hope for the both of us so you don't hafta, and and we can watch her." Then her grin turns devious. "And we can call him 'Taka-baka' forever and he has no grounds to deny us this mocking. MWEEHEEHEE!"
Moving a little bit listlessly, Makoto has begun to scatter the still-hot pizza with spinach leaves as she listens to what Usagi is saying. Part of it, though, stops her enough to look up, eyebrows lifting in confusion and vague surprise. "Willing to do... what?" she asks, clearly not quite following.
After a moment, though, she cracks a smile. "We can always hope," she agrees quietly. "I just wish... I wish I understood. Maybe you will, when you talk to her, and then you can explain it to me. I hate this being between us, but even if I want to, I can't pretend it isn't there."
Usagi shrugs. "You know."
Makoto probably doesn't, but Usagi very much does. 'If we hadn't have been able to save him' is unspoken, because even now it sends shivers of dread down her spine.
But as she listens to Makoto, her smile grows into a bright beam. "But you wanna! And that's a good thing!"
A happy little wiggle! "I'll do my best. And even if I do, and you still need time, that's okay!" Usagi latches onto Makoto's arm, mouth watering as the scent of pizza just overwhelms.
"Mako-chan shouldn't have to pretend. We'll figure things out, just you see!"
It's enough to get another fond smile from Mako, tired but sincere. "We will," she agrees. "Somehow."
She has no idea how, right at the moment, but Usagi has a knack for making people believe.