The Teacup Held No Answers

CW Allusion to suicide Struggling with her own unlocked memories, Rei asks Usagi about the nature of her Princess Sailor Moon transformation.

Date: 2018-10-20
Pose Count: 15
Rei Hino 2018-10-20 22:06:32 99166
School's back! That means a variety of things have returned to the world: Cute uniforms! Club Activities! A wealth of knowledge presented every day!
    It also means getting Usagi to study again, which can be like herding cats.
    The Shrine's just cool and quiet enough to make for the most reliable study spot... next to Makoto's home, which tends to win out because it means being surrounded by Makoto's baked goods, but that's proven a distraction in and of itself.
    It's just Rei and Usagi at the moment, the former of which is kneeling at a short square table, rapidly finding out that she's not cut out to be a tutor.
    "Haaaaaaagh..." she sighs a troubled sigh. "No it's- it's more like a- you need to think of it like... like a... a..." Ami makes this look so easy. Rei drapes forward over the table briefly, then looks up while her body's still horizontal. "... I'll make tea. You want tea? I'll make some tea." It's break time!
Usagi Tsukino 2018-10-20 22:26:59 99168
Usagi hates studying! Especially new things. Not because there's studying to do! (Alright, that's a good part of it, studying sucks.) No, while the new school year promises even more socializing with her friends and catching up with everyone about everything, it also threatens her with teachers who don't quite realize how she learns. Usually there's a Mamoru or Kunzite buffer, and Ami's managed to stubbornly run a problem through fifty-seven ways from Sunday until Usagi thinks she gets it, but for poor Rei she is the only one here. And she's trying, bless her sweet heart.

Usagi makes a noise that sounds like it's coming from a bear protecting last season's cubs while giving birth to this season's. Long, drawn out, though infinitly more suffering with boredom.

Thunk goes her forehead on the table. She's going to spiral. Her shoulders shake as she imagines all of the hard work unravelling to reveal the lump of Stupid Usagi that's always been there--

Her head jerks up. "Yes!! TEA SOUNDS GREAT YES! I can help? I'll help!" If she's helping, she can't work on the problems while Rei is away!
Rei Hino 2018-10-20 22:35:24 99169
Rei smiles, "Y-" Rei's smile grows very stiff "-yyyyyyyyyy-" Rei's eyes shrink and grow opaque as she imagines antique tea cups smashing into a hundred piece, and an ancient shrine somehow catching on fire around her, "-yeeeeeeeeeesssssss..." It'll probably be fine. She brightens up. "Okay!"
    Rei stands up and leans back until something in her back pops in a satisfying way and paces into the kitchen.
    It's not that Rei's not sensitive to Usagi's difficulties, but Rei's a person who'll seemingly always be frustrated by rocky progress, especially if she has no working idea on how to smooth it out.
    Speaking of having *no idea*, a thought occurs to Rei while she observes Usagi's efforts in tea preparation - always ready for the diving-rescue-tackle in some part of her brain - a small smile wavering slightly.
    Tea pot's whistling. "Ah! Here we go..." She says, taking the kettle off the burner. "It's kind of an older set-" she half-apologetically explains for the umpteenth time since she started having guests with cool modern houses, "-so no problem if it didn't turn out." She puts a finger to her chin "I'll find some sugar."
Usagi Tsukino 2018-10-20 22:45:57 99170
Usagi blinks at Rei's change of facial expression. All twenty of them! She gets up, too, and streeeeeeetch! She archs back, and if it weren't an issue, she would arch back so much she'd be able to touch the ground behind her! But she is neither cat nor slinky, so this is impossible for the bunny.

Usagi is aware that her role of 'helping' might include sitting on a counter and knucking her heels against cabinets. Maybe even licking spoons.

Usagi rolls her eyes. Silly Rei! "It still makes the water hot enough to make the hot leaf juice! It'll be fine!"
Rei Hino 2018-10-20 22:51:19 99171
Rei tilts her head back far enough to be seen from behind an open cabinet, and considers this. "... You're not wrong." She says, then disappears again, only to emerge with a small pot of sugar and... a box of cookies! When?! How?!
    Rei smiles merrily and walks past Usagi, sweeping her arm back to reach the cookies out to her as she goes, pretending to lure her back to the table with them before she sets them on the table next to the tea, which she pours carefully. "Ah!" She gives a satisfied grunt as she sits down again, and bows like a proper hostess. "Please enjoy."
    That all said and done, she takes a thoughtful minute or so of careful sipping and blowing on hot tea before she decides to speak up, "Usagi? I've... actually been meaning to ask you about something?" Her voice sounds oddly cautious for something as harmless as what's on her mind, but she's quietely been having an... issue that's hard to explain that's tied to it.
Usagi Tsukino 2018-10-20 22:56:31 99172
The lure works! Usagi almost floats after the cookies. She wiggles back down in her spot, not quite clutching the box of cookies to her, but she does have some chipmunk cheeks by the time Rei gives the go ahead.

She looks up at Rei with large eyes, cheeks full of cookie and maybe a few crumbs.

Chew chew chew chew SWALLOW!

"What is it?" she chirps. Then her eyes narrow in suspicion! "Are you gonna ask to borrow my manga?" Usagi sighs and shakes her head, nearly 'tsking' the other girl. "Rei, Rei, Rei. How the tables have turned."
Rei Hino 2018-10-20 23:16:06 99173
Rei blinks, then smirks, "What? No, I-" Rei blinks again, looks curious, "Wait, do- do you have the n- I mean no!" Focus, Rei! Don't let her throw you off your game! This blonde and her baffling powers.
    Rei clears her throat and tries to become Serious Rei. "I've actually been wondering..." she tilts her head, this is surprisingly awkward to phrase. "When we all fought Sailor Earth, while we were stuck in the..." she struggles to find a word to describe exactly WHERE they were, and settles on wobbly gesticulations with her hands, "... you transformed into something new. I never got a chance to ask what... I mean..." Hrm. She takes another sip and averts her eyes a bit awkwardly. "... You looked a lot like Serenity."
Usagi Tsukino 2018-10-20 23:30:23 99174
Why yes, Usagi does have the n-! (Assuming the rest of that is 'new issue' and not 'nuclear waste.')

Usagi's face scrunches up hard at the mention of Sailor Earth. That jerk. And then she brightens up! "I proposed to Mamo-chan after!"

So many heart eyes! So many dresses secretly looked at!

When Rei finishes, Usagi realizes what is being asked. Her cheeks turn a little pink as she shrugs a shoulder. "I guess...before, I didn't really think she was me, you know? I mean, obviously, she's me. But I thought a sort of different me. But then...that happened." Her hand sort of wobbles in the air. "And...when I remembered, I still felt like me. And it was really the first time, so."

Before, she had been so caught up on how Serenity had ended. What she had done. But that week had helped her remember before that.
Rei Hino 2018-10-20 23:39:45 99175
Rei nearly snorts at Usagi's initial reaction and dryly smiles "Oh, I know. It's come up once or twice~" Sweet enough to give you cavities! Whatever else is going on with Rei, she seems physically incapable of feeling conflicted about the resident power couple. Even if they could tone it down now and then when people are trying to eat.
    Usagi's actual explanation, though, gradually wipes and recognizable expression off of Rei's face. She doesn't quiet go pale, but it's clearly not what she was expecting. "Wait- you-... you mean... You and Serenity are...?" Rei pokes one hand with her finger a few times, seems to realize that gesture doesn't communicate anything, and stops, "You're the same person now-" stupid, they were ALWAYS the same, "I mean? You?" Grr, stupid Rei, stop being stupid for a minute, you're supposed to be cool! "... Wow. That's..." she's about to say that's good, then reconsiders, looking concerned, "... *is* that a good thing?" She hopes it's a good thing.
Usagi Tsukino 2018-10-20 23:52:06 99176
Usagi preens. "So few? I should work on that more!"

Usagi definitely gets the hesitance from Rei. A part of her sometimes wonders herself. "I think so? I mean, it is good. Yes. Because Usagi is me and Serenity is me and I am me, and we are all me." She also knows where some worry might come in. "I am a me who has learned from past actions." She hums and taps her chin. " this just me accepting who I've always been? Like, every bit of her? ...Me?"
Rei Hino 2018-10-21 00:01:17 99177
If Rei could faceplant without spilling tea everywhere right now at Usagi's initial followup, she would have.
    Presently, Rei's eyes drift from Usagi down to her teacup, studying it carefully. Alas, the teacup holds no answers. "You." She looks up and supplies Usagi's answer with a wry smile, then sighs. "I... I guess that makes sense." The concept, if not the wording. "I guess... I guess I always felt like having a whole second life in my head would be..." She pauses. Overwhelming? Maddening? Disheartening? Full of facts and contrasts to make her current life seem bad? Involve her own death and Usagi ending-
    "Frustrating." Is the word she settles on. She manages an uneasy little smile, "... But... if it's been good for you then..." she shrugs, "That seems all right."
    Sip. Smile, "If nothing else, it gives you and Mamoru-kun a bit more time to gush over each other. Even if..." she gestures until she finds the word, "Retroactively."
Usagi Tsukino 2018-10-21 00:20:15 99178
She shrugs. "So did I? I still have to think of it as a completely different time. So much confusion otherwise!"

She studies her hands for a moment. "It is frustrating. And that's okay. What she- I- we- what wasn't okay. It shouldn't have ended like that." She wiggles a bit. "But it did, and this time, there just more. So." She looks up and wiggles more. "And, what happened before wasn't all that bad." This time there's a bit of smug with her preen. "This sheltered princess could get the slip on even her guardian of Mars, you know."
Rei Hino 2018-10-21 00:23:54 99180
Rei straightens up and blinks owlishly, and looks vaguely flustered before she crosses her arms "Yeah, well," She huffs and closes her eyes, "She probably needed quiet too, sometimes!" Though she's smiling when she opens her eyes. "You can only take so many heart attacks from Princesses sneaking up on you."
Usagi Tsukino 2018-10-21 00:40:29 99181
Once again, Usagi preens, buffing her nails on her t-shirt. (She couldn't find any bootleg Tuxedo Kamen shirts, so it's just covered in roses, instead.) "I will take that as admission! I can sometimes be sneaky! No takesy backsies!" She leeeeaaaans a little toward Rei. "Those aren't the sorts of things that should be surprising, anyway!"
Rei Hino 2018-10-21 00:41:55 99182
Rei's entire body slumps with a haggard sigh and a desperate silent cry of "Usaaaagiiiiiiiiiiiii..."