Knowing what she's doing today, Usagi's dressed the part. A pencil skirt, a fitted blazer, and a blouse. The suit is pink, of course, but a darker rose pink than bright. After all, professional!
And her professional pink flats go 'clack clack clack' as she paces the driveway.
Her odangos, because she's being professional today and heaven forbid a naked bun, are adorned in two small matching fedoras. Her twintails are looped up a few times, because professionals wear their hair up!
No. She's not waiting for a job interview. She's not going to be showing houses or selling Mary Kay.
This is now her official Mediator Outfit, and by gum, the first two she's testing it on are the people who need it most in the world!
And because she's professional and mediatey, she's wearing thin-rimmed pink sunglasses that slide down her nose and is carrying a clipboard and her fuzzy bunny topped pen, ready to take notes.
All she's missing are Ami and Makoto. She's told each to meet her here, and she may have been a bit...ambiguous on whoelse was coming.
Whatever might be going on in their lives right now, it's nothing that would make Makoto think twice about coming when Usagi invited her. Usagi isn't left to pace for all that long before Mako comes up the walk, dressed for the heat in shorts and a sleeveless yellow top.
She wasn't really expecting Usagi to be waiting out front. She definitely wasn't expecting to find her friend dressed up as though for a formal interview. Mako pauses at the end of the drive, regarding Usagi in mild bewilderment.
"Usagi-chan? Was... was I supposed to dress up?"
Ami has dressed up! Though it's less 'dressed up' and more 'wearing a nice summer dress'. It's just a simple blue dress, cool in this awful heat. She arrives not long after Makoto--walking, not teleporting--and comes up next to her estranged friend to chime in her agreement, "I definitely feel underdressed. Does she have fedoras on her odangos?"
True, she's not pacing for long, but it is long enough for her to start wringing her hands.
She starts when Makoto walks up, and for some reason her bewilderment amps up a feeling of guilt in Usagi.
Then Ami's there, and Usagi remembers why!
"No, no! You both look fine! Um..."
She fidgets a bit. "We can do this out here or in my room and there's drinks and you two are gonna make up or at least be nice to each other again or I'll cry on you!!"
Oh, darn! She didn't mean for it to come out like that! Or at all!
"Um, I mean...let's go inside..."
Usagi turns and scurries in through the front door, a veritable whirlwind of pink and blonde as she announces her friends' arrival, grabs several snacks and drinks, smooches her mother, and is zooming up the stairs.
Ikuko blinks a bit before peeking outside. "Oh! Mako-chan! Ami-chan! It's so nice to see you both! You know the way, just follow the path of destruction left by Hurricane Bunny."
For the moment, Makoto is too confused to remember that she doesn't know what to say to Ami. The look that she turns toward the blue-haired girl is one of baffled commiseration. "I think she does."
Usagi's sudden burst of emotions and equally sudden flustering raise a wave of guilt and awkwardness in Makoto; she ducks her head in response, belatedly understanding what exactly is going on. There's nothing to do but meekly follow Usagi into the house, offering Ikuko a lopsided smile at her greeting. "Hi, Tsukino-san. Thank you for having us."
Ami blinks in confusion as Usagi rushes off, but she doesn't argue it. Instead, she just shakes her head, briefly, and follows Makoto inside without another word. When Ikuko calls out to them, Ami bows briefly and says, "Hello, Tsukino-san. Thank you for allowing us over." Then she toes out of her shoes and heads back towards Usagi's bedroom. "Usagi-chan?" she asks curiously as she rounds the corner. "Are you okay?"
Usagi's room is more scattered than it's been since the remodeling was finished. Notepads, crumpled balls of paper, internet printouts, even a few library books with titles such as 'Mediation for Dummies.' (Please ignore the 'Meditation for Dummies' lying on the floor, Usagi was in a hurry.)
What papers aren't wrinkled messes are more often than not covered in more things that have been scratched out than not.
It should be pretty clear that this...incident has been weighing heavily on her mind. Aside from a midnight trip to her boyfriend's that resulted in a sleepover, she hasn't really done much of anything else.
And of course, despite being a professional today, she forgot to straighten up...
So she does her best now, shoving books and paper alike over to one side of the small table in her room. She's brought up two chairs from the kitchen, each with comfy cushion so their heinys won't get hurt.
"Ami-chan, you and Mamo-chan make it seem like all the answers to every question can be found in books. I looked in books, I looked in articles and papers and everything else." She turns toward them both, her arms flailing in frustration. "None of them helped! Either I already knew it, or it's of no use here! So I may be a bit bad at this."
She sighs and straightens her blazer. "Alright. Sit down, both of you. You're gonna talk. And don't be accusing toward each other. Like instead of 'You're a buttmunch' say 'I sometimes feel you have buttmunchish qualities.' And don't beat each other up." She straightens her blazer again. "Mommy would probably ground me if we break stuff."
"...I wasn't planning on calling anybody a buttmunch," Makoto feels the need to defend herself. She sounds kind of chastened, though, and she sits down in one of the chairs as ordered without further protest.
Only once she's sitting, the palms of her hands flattened against her legs, does she venture to look over at Ami. "We do need to talk, though," she says quietly. "We should've before now, just... I didn't know what to say. But Usagi-chan's right."
Ami opens her mouth to reply to Usagi, but there really are no words. So instead she just stares, slack-jawed, as she moves to take a seat as ordered. Makoto admitting they need to talk seems to snap her out of it, and she turns to regard Makoto as well. "I at least h ave nothing negative to say at all," she admits. "I've just been waiting for you to be ready to talk."
She gives a firm nod and sets about getting them each a can of soda and offering cookies. That done, she sits on the edge of her bed and leans forward, eyes focused on each of them with an intensity she rarely uses outside of Sailor Moon.
"Well, I'm here to get you both going in the right direction. Both of you have told me you don't want this to last forever. So..." She waves her hands at them. "Mako-chan, can you tell me objectifyingly why you're upset? And then Ami-chan, once she's done speaking, would you?"
Urgh. Looking a little like she's trying to draw in on herself and become smaller, Makoto reaches for a cookie and tries, not entirely successfully, not to squirm in her seat. She feels, and looks, rather like a deer that's been caught in the headlights, like she's been called to a podium to speak with no notes and no chance to rehearse.
That last comparison is pretty accurate.
She's not quite sure what Usagi meant by 'objectifyingly.' She takes a moment instead to try to remember how Nephrite put it, the things that Mamoru said, the sense that they and Usagi had made when she talked to each of them before. Finally, Makoto draws in a breath, and looks toward Ami.
"I haven't ever disagreed with you," she says, "that Agera could be saved, or that we should do our best to save him. I still agree with that. But it's a fact that, for as long as he's so full of dark energy and doesn't see any problem with that, he's really dangerous. Even though he probably wouldn't hurt you physically, the way he acts when you're not giving him as much as he wants you to give is really scary."
She's turning the cookie with her fingers, not eating it, just fidgeting. "I don't think it's a good idea to go out with a guy because of who you think he could be. Especially - I know you said you think he understands that, but the last time you told him you wanted him to give up dark energy to keep being his girlfriend, he lost his shit. Big time. I have a hard time believing he's changed his mind about that since then."
Another breath. Somewhere in there her gaze has dropped to her lap, to the cookie she's slowly rotating between her hands, but now she looks back up to meet Ami's eyes. "I've heard Agera say he couldn't possibly hurt you. I've heard him compare himself to Neph and Kunzite and the guys. And I've heard him make a lot of excuses for why nothing bad is really his fault, it's all just because the rest of us aren't trying hard enough to understand him. And, Ami-chan... I've heard you say all of those same things."
She's looking pretty stricken by this point, but Makoto swallows and makes herself finish. "I'm scared," she says. "I'm scared that if you go on being his girlfriend, if you go into this thinking he won't hurt you and excusing the things he does because they're not really his fault... instead of saving him, you'll lose yourself. And I won't be able to do anything, because the ways he hurts you aren't as obvious as hitting."
With this - possibly the longest speech that Makoto has ever made in her life - it seems like she's finished. She slumps down into her seat, ducking her head to stare at the cookie so she won't have to look at either of her friends.
Ami gives Usagi a confused look, but then Makoto begins speaking, and that is suddenly much more important. She turns to listen, and listens well. There's not even a hint that Ami has anything to add to the conversation until Makoto slumps in her seat. It's then that Ami leans forward and very gently squeezes Makoto's knee.
"I'm scared, too," Ami tells Makoto quietly. "I don't trust him for an instant. He's already 'accidentally' warped my decisionmaking into hurting Naru-chan, once," she explains, "and then he stole my best friend from me in the hopes of 'convincing' her he was a good guy. His ability to make rational, sane decisions is nonexistent, and I don't trust him."
She looks towards Usagi, briefly, then looks back to Makoto, "There is a lot which isn't his fault. But that's sophistry, Mako-chan. Whether it's his fault or not doesn't excuse him from the responsibility for his actions. He hurts people, and he needs to be stopped. Violently, if necessary."
Usagi turns and starts cleaning off her nightstand. It's not that she's ignoring what Makoto's saying, it's just...well, she said she'd cry on them if they weren't nice! They're being nice!
She's able to turn around again by the time Ami is finished.
"Ami-chan, I think how Mako-chan sees it and I know how I do, when you tell us it's not his fault, it feels to me as though you're making excuses for him. I think...that's the scariest thing of all of this for me."
She wrings her hands. And then she remembers she's the mediator! "No, wait! I'm supposed to be unbiased! I'm sorry, go ahead!"
When Ami touches her knee, Makoto dares to look up, wide-eyed and anxious. It is with this expression that she listens - but as she listens, comprehension and relief come slowly across her face, like dawn.
With a chuff of exhaled breath that is almost a laugh, she ducks her head again. "If that's how you've felt this whole time," she says, a little ruefully, "then I feel kinda stupid."
A moment later she looks up again, cracking a painfully wry smile. "Really," she says, "that was all I wanted to hear... that you hadn't closed your eyes to the risks, or started buying into his excuses. Maybe you never meant it that way, but I felt the same as Usagi-chan - that was how it sounded."
Mako lets out another breath, shakes her head. "I still don't think it's a good idea for you to be his girlfriend like this," she adds bluntly. "I don't see why that has to be a part of trying to save him. But more than that, Ami-chan, I care about you and I want to have your back. That's all."
Ami breathes out a sigh of relief and closes her eyes. "That really is how I've felt all along," she says quietly, "and I've spent the last few weeks so confused and scared that I was going to lose you because of all of this. I really didn't understand what had upset you so much, except that I knew you were mad at him for kidnapping you, and I thought ... that you were mad at me for trying to save him despite that."
When Ami opens her eyes, they are soft with emotions barely held in check. "I still haven't forgiven him for that," she explains, "and I'm not sure I can forgive him until he realises that it was legitimately hurtful to you, to me, and just bad science, anyways. But Mako-chan, I won't lie and say I don't feel strongly about him. I can't ... do this. All of this. Being a Senshi? Being the smart one. Saving the world, and managing Virtue's archives. I'm scared of it, and some part of me just wants to put away the pen and never pick it up again; go be a doctor and just hide from all of this. But I can't do that. And I won't do that. You all rely on me, just like I rely on you to stand in front of the scary attacks I can't take, or to punch the things I can't hurt. But you can't help me with the parts I'm supposed to be good at and feel like I'm not. He ... can," Ami explains softly.
"And more than that," Ami explains, "He just makes me feel good about myself. About what I'm doing. About why I'm continuing to do it." There's a pause while she considers, then admits, "Or at least he did, before he hurt you. Now ... I don't know. Now, I'm mostly just using the word as leverage against him. I can't let him do that to anyone, ever again. I have to get inside his network. I have to stop him. Just beating him up when he screws up isn't enough. I can't let him do that ever again."
Usagi listens. Of course she does, it's who she is.
And her heart breaks, a little, at that part of Ami who wants out, because it's who she is.
"Is that why you can't use the pen?" It's asked before she can think about it, and suddenly her comforter is very interesting.
"Ami-chan..."
Abruptly, Mako is out of her chair and wrapping her arms around Ami, still holding onto the cookie purely on a reflex of you don't just drop perfectly good food. "I'm sorry," she blurts thickly, eyes tearing. "I know the stuff I said hurt you and I didn't want to do that, but I thought you weren't hearing me and I didn't know how else to say it that wouldn't make it worse. I'm really sorry."
Sniffle. "...I guess that's another reason we need to make sure to save him," she adds, after a moment. "So that he can help you not feel so overwhelmed, without undermining you like he's been doing."
At Usagi's question, Mako goes still - not pulling back, but it's clear that Ami's answer to this is important, and Mako is listening.
Being hugged by Makoto is, perhaps, one of the best and worst things that Ami has ever experienced. The best because she's missed those hugs so very much, but the worst because it means she starts crying, and she was trying so hard not to. But cry she does, wrapping her arms around Makoto and buring her face right into her friend's shoulder.
Usagi's question doesn't go unheard, through those silent hot tears, but ti takes Ami a moment to collect herself enough to respond to it. At least she can fervently shake her head in denial, at first.
It's a few moments before she says, "No, no, it's not that. I just ... I've been so upset, and hurting, and angry. I didn't want to accidentally channel dark energy into being a Senshi. I've avoided teleporting, too; subspace is too dangerous when I'm out of control. I still can use it. I've just ... I don't want to sully the name of the Senshi. So I've been using his device. The halberd he left."
That, of course, is a relief.
And Usagi rocks on her heels a bit because there's hugging going on in the same room and she's trying not to glomp!
But it's so haaaaard!
"Okay. Good. Yes."
She gets up on tip toes and admires hugging technique!
And she wonders, not for the first time, if people stay with her through obligation. She knows, on some level, that this isn't the case. And she doesn't begrudge anyone who feels this way, because goodness knows she wishes for the normal life on occasion.
Usagi won't be watching on her tiptoes for very long. With one arm staying snug around Ami, Makoto sneaks out a hand to grab the sleeve of Usagi's pink blazer and drag her into the hug as well. You, too.
She's not in any hurry to pull back. Relief and catharsis has left her teary as well; her hand pats against Ami's back, reassuring and soothing. "It's okay now, right? You don't still feel that way about transforming?"
Ami just cries on Makoto's shoulder for a long time, although she's not at all upset by adding Usagi to the pile. In fact, she shifts to squeeze her other friend as well--weird outfit and all. Makoto's question goes unanswered for quite a while as Ami just relishes the closeness; the feeling of belonging and the loss of tension.
Eventually, though, she really does owe an answer, and she takes a deep breath and emerges from the hug. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she shakes her head, "I don't know," she admits. "I think I will. This helps ... this helps so much. But I'm still very angry with him," she explains. "I don't want to make any rash decisions about using that power. Not until I've had time to analyze my emotional state calmly. And right now I'm not ... able to do that. I'm too relieved. Too excited. Too overwhelmed."
And suddenly, with Ami's last words, Usagi bursts into tears. She's been an emotional wreck the past couple weeks, and aside from crying on Rei, she has been trying not to let it show.
But now a weight is off her chest, the dam broke, and she's just crying, crying, crying!
It occurs to her after some crying that there may be some concern as to why. "I'm s-s-s-so happy!" Sniff sniff sniff! "I was afraid that--" Sniff sniff! "I'd hafta have two weddings-" Sniff sniff! "So you both would come-" Sniff sniff! "And I'd rather have you both there at once than two caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakes!"
"I see," Mako murmurs, and she's quiet for a little while herself, busy cuddling both of her crying friends while still wet-eyed herself. She has no solutions to offer Ami for the problems she describes: what she can do, for now, is be here, warm and sturdy and secure, reminding all of them that they are in this together.
She does smile in spite of herself at Usagi's words, sniffly and waily as they are. "Usagi-chan," she says softly, managing not to hiccup over it somehow. "There's no way you'd have to do that." She leans her head in, resting her cheek against a tiny pink fedora. "We just needed you to sit us down and help us talk it through, clearly."
Usagi's sudden tears of joy draw a little smile out of Ami as well. Makoto says it all well enough, but she reaches up to rub Usagi's head a little anyways. "Usa-chan," she whispers, "I was never, ever mad at Mako-chan, and I think she was just scared for me and it made her upset. Even if we never resolved this, I don't think we'd have made you have two weddings."
Sniff, sniff, sniff!
Usagi nods, hiccups some, and nods again.
"I know, but I was just all..."
She waves her hands the best she can before snuggling in closer.
Then suddenly, she pulls back. "I have Victory Candy!" She scurries over to the drawers and fishes out a bag of three different candy types. None have been opened, and she passes out the candy!
This time, Mako can't help but giggle, lifting a hand to her mouth in a futile attempt to hide it. "Ooh, victory candy. Sweets are just what we need right now to celebrate, right, Ami-chan?" Despite the laughter, she's entirely sincere, and with an arm still around Ami she leans to see what kinds of candy there are and accept the bag that Usagi hands to her.