View source for 1015/Put Yourself In My Shoes

{{Log Header
|Date of Scene=2016/02/09
|Location=Mitakihara - Downtown
|Synopsis=Madoka and Homura wake up next to each other in Homura's hotel. What follows is a serious conversation that ends with neither of them being happy.
|Cast of Characters=8, 23
|pretty=yes
}}
{{Poses
|Poses=:'''{{#var:23|Homura Akemi (23)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura's hotel room isn't super fancy but it isn't exactly run down either. Homura is actually kindof stingy when it comes to spending money on herself (which is why she often has so much left over) unless she has a good reason to feel like she needs what she's buying (and yes she did need that ridiculous wall screen). For now, all she really needs is a standard one bed hotel room, and that's all she's paying for.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;A few hours ago she came in from the cold, having gone out to hunt Witches. There was a cut around her neck, but it was a shallow wound. Nothing that her Soul Gem couldn't fix, even as black as that once-purple gem was getting. Her Soul Gem, in its egg-shaped form, glowed bright purple in Homura's hands, but only for a brief moment. Then she slipped the darkened gem into a pocket in her shirt, and slipped back into bed, wrapping her arms around Madoka Kaname.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She's still there now, sleeping in her bed. Her hair is a bit messy, and she clearly has no makeup on. She looks peaceful when she sleeps, even if she does occasionally start muttering in her sleep.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"So fluffy... Madoka-chan... fluffy..."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Whatever she's dreaming about is putting a very goofy smile on her face.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:8|Madoka Kaname (8)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Madoka had told her parents she was spending the night over at a friends house. This wasn't a house, but it is where Homura was living after hers was rendered uninhabitable during Walpurgisnacht so she considers it true enough. She didn't notice when Homura slipped out to hunt witches, having remained asleep the entire time. Normally she might have awaken upon the sudden lack of something warm and snuggly next to her but she was extra tired tonight. She likewise doesn't wake up when Homura returns, allowing the Puella to hug back onto her without waking her up. She does squirm around a bit, making a soft mumble in her sleep and then letting out a contented sigh as she's hugged.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Having slept the whole night in one go means Madoka wakes up before Homura. A lot of the time is spent simply laying relaxed while her girlfriends arms are around her, occasionally giggling at the silly things she mutters about in her sleep.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Eventually, once a bit of light streams in through the window, she carefully rolls over slipping her arms around Homura. She snuggles in very close and rubs her back, laying on her side with her eyes open and watching her girlfriends peaceful, sometimes goofy expression. Moments like this are precious to her because it's so easy to believe everything is perfect and happy.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Relaxed and peaceful. When else does she get to see Homura like this? Not very often. Even when they're having fun together Homura doesn't seem at peace. When she hears the word 'fluffy' Madoka leans in and turns her head, letting her hair lightly brush over Homura's cheek, pressing her head in for a nuzzle just hard enough so it doesn't tickle.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Her hands go to Homura's own hair, very gently and carefully combing through it with her fingers so it'll be all the easier to care for in the morning. Of course running her fingers through Homura's hair feels amazing too, so it's not entirely altruistic.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;After the nuzzle she presses a soft kiss to her girlfriends cheek, arms tightening around her to hug herself close, resuming her quiet enjoyment of this sweet, peaceful time.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Madoka is a very emotional girl. When she's alone with her thoughts she tends to think over things she's witnessed or experienced and look for more meaning in them and this is no exception. This morning is no exception, but rather than focusing on some other event she ends up thinking about the moment she's currently in.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Her stressed out girlfriend looks so sweet and restful. She wants to see her like this more often, and she wants to be able to make Homura look this way while she's awake. She wonders if Homura has ever even seen herself looking like this; quiet and placid. She imagines that Homura must look at herself in the mirror with that guarded, cold look. She's caught enough of the self derision to recognize that; Homura always curses herself for any little mistake and doubly so for anything that hurts Madoka herself.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;But right now she looks like an angel herself, dark hair spread out on the mattress behind her and with such an innocent expression on her face. Madoka reaches out and very gently musses Homura's bangs into place, and as she stares at that peaceful sleeping face she feels a sudden stinging in her eyes.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;It doesn't exactly surprise her- she's well aware how deeply she feels, and wanting happiness for the girl in front of her is one of the things she feels deepest of all. She doesn't fight it, letting enough of a tear to well up in each eye before leaning in and nuzzling her face into Homura's shoulder, using her shirt to wipe them away.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:8|Madoka Kaname (8)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;An hour or so passes. Madoka's mind has wandered to the reason she asked to spend the night with Homura. Of course part of it was simply wanting to be near her, but this time she had an ulterior motive. She feels bad about that, but in this case it really is necessary. She isn't blind, or stupid. She noticed the very first time Homura hid away her Soul Gem ring and knew right away why she'd do that. She pretended not to notice, but every time their fingers interlaced while Homura was out of henshin with the she felt it missing.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Madoka can be oblivious, yes, but that's almost always in regards to herself in some way. She's usually very observant when it comes to the people around her, especially their emotions. The distress Homura has been feeling lately is almost palpable. What's the phrase? 'So thick you could cut it with a knife'; that's the one. She realized what was happening, what Homura was doing by way of non action.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;That's why after making sure Homura is still well asleep she carefully reaches into that pocket and plucks the ring out from it. She looks it over for a moment, turning it around pinched between two fingers. The tiny gem set into it is very dark, the one bit of proof she needed. She lets out a little sigh.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She reaches carefully behind Homura so she can use both hands and slips the ring onto her own finger- the correct one. Middle finger on the left hand- that's where a Puella Magi's ring sits, though Madoka's fingernail bears no distinctive marking. She extends her arm, lifting it high and into a ray of sunlight, indulging herself- so that's how it'd look on her. She'd always wondered. Of course it isn't quite right- her gem wouldn't be purple and it wouldn't be dark from taint either. But it's close enough.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;A wild hair strikes her and she reaches out and slips it from her middle finger, moving it one over, towards her pinky. Onto her ring finger. She holds her hand up to the light again and finds herself blushing brightly.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Well, it's not exactly abnormal for girls to think about things like that, right? And Homura is certainly devoted enough. But the fact remains she's only 14 years old. And she's only been dating Homura for two weeks.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;That feels crazy- it feels like it had been so much longer than that. She feels like she must have known Homura forever and have been dating her for half that time, but in truth their romantic relationship was only just beginning in earnest. And yet...<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;And yet she likes the way it looks, sitting there on her finger. The fact that she's pretending to wear Homura's very soul as a wedding ring isn't lost on her, either. 'Till death do us part', right? That's what they said in America.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Screw that- that wasn't good enough. Homura had already changed that, hadn't she? Death wasn't even enough to separate their friendship, it certainly wouldn't be enough to separate something as powerful as she was thinking now.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Even so, her current thoughts were only the romantic fantasies of a teenage girl in the arms of her girlfriend.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She closes her eyes and slips closer to Homura once more, hugging onto her close, content to snuggle warmly with the sleeping girl until she's finally rested enough for wakefulness to return.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:23|Homura Akemi (23)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura doesn't stir when she's held, or her hair is played with, or her ring is taken out of her pocket. She occasionally mutters in her sleep, often about some silly thing or other. Sometimes she'll shift her embrace around Madoka, adjusting the position of her arms for comfort, but for the most part she is mostly still.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Her peaceful and quiet slumber continues for a long time after Madoka wakes up, but for a while things start to get a little worrying. The first thing is that Homura holds Madoka a lot tighter, which in of itself probably isn't scary, but she mutters, "Don't leave..."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Her face doesn't change much, but her peaceful look is slowly replaced with a worried frown. Her feet move in short, twitchy bursts, not very hard, but hard enough to cause the rest of her to shake. After a moment she gasps.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Her hand reaches up to rub her face, and then her forehead. When it drops, her purple eyes are open, and looking directly at Madoka. Homura's thumb presses against the finger where she'd usually wear her Soul Gem, but when it's not there she reminds herself that she's been keeping it elsewhere.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She doesn't check the pocket.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She sighs, deeply, and it's a sound full of long-worn stress. After a moment, she smiles at her girlfriend. "Good morning, my little angel. Did you get enough sleep last night?"<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura doesn't even look at the clock or anything like that, instead just enjoying the moment as she wraps her other arm around Madoka, returning to the cuddling she was doing in her sleep.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;If Homura had her choice, she'd do this forever. Madoka might be fantasizing about wearing Homura's ring, but Homura's been in love with Madoka for so long that it's almost bizzare for her to not have made a proposal like that. It would be bizzare, if not for mitigating circumstances.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;As it is though, they've only been dating for two weeks, and it's been a rough two weeks at that. Homura loves Madoka way too much to let her go, yet for some hypocritical reason she actually thinks that Madoka should feel less strongly than that.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Still, it's probably good that Homura doesn't notice that Madoka is wearing her ring, and it's probably a good thing that she hasn't checked her pockets.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura thinks back to the past week or so. She hasn't found a Grief Seed since Walpurgisnacht. It's not that she wasn't looking... she did go out and look... but instead of being dedicated to it and staying up all night to get Grief Seeds like she used to, she's actually just going out for maybe half an hour a night before giving up and going home. She almost found one last night, but Sayaka got to it first.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;So aside from a single Grief Seed that she should never use, Homura really has nothing, and she'd running out of time.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She just can't bring herself to care. She isn't worth saving. Madoka is alive, and she's happy. That's all Homura cares about right now.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:8|Madoka Kaname (8)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Madoka's hands rub over Homura's back and as she's clung to tightly she moves her head beside her girlfriends and whispers, "It's okay, I'm right here," quietly into her ear. Dreams are finicky and it might not do anything even if it does make it through to Homura's unconscious mind but Madoka is still going to try and sooth her.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;When Homura gasps and wakes up Madoka shifts her arms a little before squeezing her tightly, enough to make it clear she's awake. She's spoken to and Madoka's soft pink eyes open and meet the other girl's purple ones, a dissolving bit of worry from those two spoken words mingling with affection.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Good morning, Homura-chan." She hadn't said anything herself yet and the words trigger a yawn, Madoka's legs stretching out beneath her. When she relaxes again she lightly entangles them with Homura's. Her head nods and she offers a small smile, "I slept very well thanks to you. Did you get enough rest?"<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;The cuddling resumes and the urge to melt into it and forget everything else is strong. Again Madoka indulges herself, relaxing in the arms of her girlfriend and enjoying the warmth of a cozy bed. "Mmmm," she sounds, quietly verbalizing her happiness at the closeness.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;And yet as happy as she honestly is she didn't fail to notice the stress in her girlfriends voice. Even as soon as she wakes up things are weighing upon her, and even when she's holding onto the girl she cares about most. Madoka won't blame her for it, of course. She's thinking about stressful things too, even now.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;The pink haired girl spends more time enjoying Homura's company, looking into her eyes while snuggling with her. It gives her a different kind of happiness than seeing her placid face, staring into those depths of beautiful purple. She knows Homura is seeing her too as they lay there. Cuddling. Sharing a moment. Watching each other.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"I love you." Madoka doesn't feel she has to say it. She wants to say it, because she does love the girl next to her. "I love being here with you, holding you, and being held by you."<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;What would she say if Homura did make such a proposal? She'd realize how ridiculous making that kind of commitment is after only having had one actual date with someone. But she'd also have to weigh that against the fact she's ready and willing to give her life, and even her soul up for Homura if it ever comes to such a decision. Maybe that isn't romantic love, but it's surely a very deep and meaningful kind. After thinking about it a moment, having to keep herself from playing with the ring on her finger, she realizes the answer she'd have to give. 'It's my parents you have to convince.'<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Because seriously, it would be.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Cuddles continue, but eventually Madoka peeks over to the clock. Why does it have to be a school day. "It's not /fair/," she whines, curling closer to and up against Homura. "We should be able to have a whole day with just each other." The clock says that if they want to get to school on time they have at most a half hour of snuggle time left. That's a lot of snuggle time, true, but time seems to sleep away from Madoka when they're together.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She lets out a pouty sigh, "If I wasn't getting homework for people I think I'd just skip today. Wouldn't that be nice?" But even as she says the words her legs are slowly untangling from Homura's and she's starting to very slowly squirm away to get up and get ready for school.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:23|Homura Akemi (23)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura smiles at Madoka and looks at her with sleepy eyes. "I think I slept okay. I feel rested, at least." As their legs tangle together, Homura wiggles her toes against Madoka's leg. Her eyes close for a second or two before she opens them up again, looking into the eyes of her beloved.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Madoka being here helps to alleviate some of the stress. It used to help a lot more... but it was never really about what was good for Homura. Not to her, anyways. It's hard for her to enjoy the moment, instead thinking about what she said to Sayaka last night.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;'I did fight hard to reach a happy ending, but now that I'm here I don't really think that I deserve it.'<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She knows that Madoka would feel differently, but... Having actually said it out loud, having given actual life to those words...<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;'I hurt all those people for nothing.'<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She's getting the exact opposite of what she should be getting. No, actually, she could handle the constant failures, she could handle losing over and over, because it confirmed what she actually thought of herself.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Winning? Getting what she wants? She can't even parse it. She doesn't understand it. It doesn't make sense to her. She's worse than useless. She's a monster.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;The only reason she can justify holding Madoka like she is, is because Madoka enjoys it. Homura does too, but Homura's not important enough for that to matter.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;All these dark thoughts pass through her head, and she has nothing else to focus on. At least, not until Madoka speaks again.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"I love you too. I love you so much. I'm so glad to see you like this. Not just alive, but happy. I couldn't ask for anything else than that."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Right now Homura would be happy to convince Junko just to let them keep dating. Marriage is... well, they are 14, and while Homura knows that she's known Madoka long enough, she also knows that Madok hasn't known ''her'' long enough. Not unless Madoka suddenly 'remembered' all of the past timelines that technically never happened.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;After all, it hasn't even been a month. Realistically they should wait at least half a year and even that is incredibly early, and both of them are both very young. On a logical level, Homura knows this, even if the thought of being married to Madoka would make her giddy.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Besides all of that, Homura wants to get on and remain on Junko's good side. She's Madoka's family, and Homura doesn't want to be against her.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She raises an eyebrow at Madoka's whining, and then giggles at the nature of the complaint. "Wouldn't that be nice? Spending an entire day, just with you. I'd be happy with that."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;As Madoka starts to disentangle herself from Homura, the black-haired Puella lets her go. She herself doesn't get up until a few moments later, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed and heading for the bathroom.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Looking in the mirror, she sees that her hair, at least, has been somewhat sorted out. "Thanks, Madoka-chan," she says, not quite awake enough to realize that she provided no context for that statement.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:8|Madoka Kaname (8)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Madoka smiles while she looks at her sleepy eyed girlfriend, "Good." The toes wiggling against her draw a giggle from her, and for a few moments she'll play footsie, teasing her leg back and then wiggling her toes against Homura's.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She doesn't know that Homura voiced the negativity she felt. She doesn't even comprehend just how much she despises herself right now, and how little she feels she deserves. Madoka would be nothing but protests if she knew any of that, but right know the extent of what she knows is that Homura doesn't feel worthy of being saved by Madoka if the cost of saving is becoming a Puella Magi.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura's offering of returned love puts a very happy smile on Madoka's face, "Hehe, Thank you, Homura-chan." Hearing that hasn't even started getting old and still sends tingling happy feelings through her. She'd be very sad if she knew Homura didn't think she deserved that love in return, even if she enjoys knowing that it's there.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;It is a bit much, and ridiculous on a certain level. But it's also a perfectly acceptable fantasy for a girl to have. Who wouldn't want to spend forever with someone who is currently making them so happy to be around? The fact that they might have spent enough time together over the course of nearly a hundred repeats of the same month and a half to constitute a long term relationship if it had all been in a single one is irrelevant to that fantasy.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Wanting to get on good terms with Madoka's family is just plain smart. Her family is a huge part of her life, even if it seems downplayed when compared to magical city destroying monsters. The best case scenario would be one where Homura was accepted among them and could engage with them, whether as a girlfriend or potentially something more.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"We will some day, I promise. We'll wake up snuggling, spend the entire day together, and then cuddle each other to sleep too!" Now there is a promise worth keeping.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Hm?" Madoka asks while getting up, giving a big stretch of her arms. Her left arm she stretches in front of herself, away from Homura- this is too important to make a mistake. She looks over and sees her looking at her hair in the mirror. "Oh, you're welcome, Homura-chan. I had fun doing it. Your hair is so long and silky soft."<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Now comes the tricky part. She has to be at least a little sneaky about this and duplicity is not in her nature. Neither is lying. She walks over and leans against Homura for a moment, looking at the two of them together in the mirror, Madoka's head over the other girl's left shoulder. She giggles a little at the sight, momentarily distracted from her mission. "We look cute together," she comments, turning her head to kiss Homura on the cheek.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:8|Madoka Kaname (8)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;A moment later she steps out of the bathroom and gets out her spare uniform, which she was smart enough to bring- because seriously walking hand in hand to school wearing equally rumpled clothes is even a bit too much rumor mill for Madoka. Especially since the rumor would technically be right.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"I'm changing," she notes before actually beginning. Once she's gotten started she starts talking. "I woke up a while before you did- you're really cute when you sleep, by the way, and I was thinking... Hana-san, she was a Witch who was still kind of herself, right? Do you think anyone ever asked her what it was like?" There's a little pause and Madoka adds, "To be a Witch, I mean. I wonder what that must have been like, when she changed. Or... do you think maybe she wished to be a witch in the first place?"<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;More room for a chance for Homura to answer. Madoka's voice isn't giving away anything untoward- these are all things she has actually wondered about. It's all truthful and honest... the hidden lie is that it isn't what she was thinking about while Homura was still asleep.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"If she wasn't such a danger I almost wonder if we couldn't have used her help. Maybe she'd have some clues we'd need to finding a better way for Puella Magi. I know there has to be some kind of better way out there, but it's so hard even knowing where to start looking." Of course what Madoka doesn't know is that there were very few people who might even have guessed Hana was a witch before she was destroyed and dropped a grief seed.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;It isn't actual answers she wants right now even though she is curious. She just wants Homura to believe it is. <br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Madoka walks across the room to retrieve her stockings, now wearing her new uniform, perhaps visible in the mirror through the door if Homura left it cracked open. "I feel bad for her..." Also true. "I can't think she would have wanted to be such a danger to people before she made her wish."<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Effectively dressed, though not with her face washed or her hair put up in ribbons she is quiet for a moment before asking. "Homura-chan, you still have Hana's grief seed, right? I was too scared to touch it the last time I saw it but..." not a hint of a lie here but she is a tiny bit nervous- this is the important apart. "do you think I could? A grief seed... that's actually what's left of her soul after her Soul Gem changed, right?"<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:23|Homura Akemi (23)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura happily plays footsies with Madoka, and even giggles at the thought that she gets to wake up this way. She wishes she could savor the moment... but she knew what she was getting into when she went to sleep next to Madoka on a school night.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;It's a natural way to think. After all, they spend so much time together, and they enjoy it so much, that it's only normal to want that to continue forever.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura actually blushes at the concept of waking up next to Madoka, spending the entire day with her, and then going to sleep next to her that same night. Her heartrate shoots up at the thought of that. "I'd like that. I really would." Yet... even if she makes a promise like that... would she be able to keep it? She hates herself for having made a promise that she couldn't possibly keep.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She still wants to, though. That much is true.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura reaches for one of the brushes in her temporary bathroom and starts brushing out her hair. It'd take her a while to do all of it, but fortunately Madoka was kind enough to do some of it ahead of time. The thought that Madoka enjoyed doing it only makes Homura happier. <br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Then I'll have to keep it that way, so you can keep enjoying it, Madoka-chan."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura has only seen Madoka be duplicitous in the most extreme circumstances. It happens, sometimes, once in a while, but it's not something she does by habit. As such, she is completely unaware of Madoka's intentions, merely smiling at Madoka in the mirror as she brushes her hair. "We do."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;The kiss only makes Homura smile wider. When Madoka pulls away, Homura quickly turns and kisses Madoka on the cheek, holding it for a moment before she goes back to her hair.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She watches Madoka gather her clothes from the corner of her eye. When she says that she's changing, Homura looks away. She isn't ''that'' bold, since Madoka did warn her. Unless Madoka goes well out of her way to get Homura's attention. When her girlfriend starts talking about Hana Shiori, Homura listens.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Well... there wasn't really time to ask her about it, and it's not like I could've said anything to her anyways. I don't know. She had two subordinates. Maybe one of them asked her? For all I know, neither one of them really understood what she was."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura shakes her head as she changes brushes. "No, I doubt it. If she wished for that, she'd probably just end up being a normal Witch. On the other hand, there might have been something about her Wish that stopped her from becoming a Witch. If not hers, then someone else's."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura taps her chin with the tip of her brush for a moment. "Still... it's an interesting thought. There's a lot about the nature of Wishes and how they interact with a Puella Magi's fate and powers that I really don't know. I wonder if even Kyubey knows."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura remains oblivious to Madoka's true intentions, not really expecting duplicity from her and especially not really thinking about it first thing in the morning. She might be a bit more aware, if she were in a normal state of mind, but her current mental state is the exact opposite of 'normal'. She quickly goes back to brushing her hair, oblivious to anything else.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Well. It would've been nice to ask. All I can really say about the way she felt was... well, she must have at least known that Witches and Puella Magi were the same. First off, she had undergone that process halfway herself. Secondly, she was certain that other magical girls would only hunt her down and kill her." Homura's voice takes on a tinge of sadness, though it's mixed with a very matter-of-fact tone. "She was only concerned about her own survival. She was removing her natural predators from the food chain, or at least that's how she saw it. Personally, I don't think anyone would've bothered her if she had never went on the offensive, but I don't really know her life story. I can't say that for sure."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura gets a flash of Madoka retrieving her stockings, but only briefly because the door is only cracked enough for them to easily talk to each other.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:23|Homura Akemi (23)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"I don't think she started that way, either. However, she did show a lot of the signs of a Puella about to Witch. She had a dismal view of the world, and her heart was full of blame. It wouldn't be unreasonable to think that her mindset was very much like a Witch's. Of course, that makes me wonder why Witches can't be reached emotionally."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura places the brush down and looks over her hair, turning her head to look at it from several different angles.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"After all... she clearly still had feelings. She felt persecuted, and she had a desire to survive. She didn't seem like the kind of person who could be reasoned with, but even just talking to her is a huge step over the usual case. I wonder what changes about Witches, that they fall into despair and can't be pulled back. Do they lose their ability to hear? Or just their ability to listen?"<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Satisfied that her hair is acceptable, she puts her brushes aside and starts putting on a little bit of makeup. Not a huge amount, just hints of it here or there. Just enough to make her natural features look a little bit better. People who don't know makeup that well might think that she's not even wearing any.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"I used to think of Witches as being mindless... but the truth is, I've never been a Witch before. I've died and been wished back, but I haven't Witched. It's not something I have any experience in."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Madoka wants to see Hana's Grief Seed? Well, Homura can't see much harm in it. Since Madoka seems mostly dressed by now, at least she did when Homura saw her in the mirror, Homura leaves the bathroom. She tosses Hana's strange silvery Grief Seed towards Madoka. "Just be careful with that. The last thing we want is for Hana-san to hatch again. That girl's as much of a threat as Walpurgisnacht was."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura's own clothes are in the closet, on hangers and/or neatly sorted. She grabs a set of clothes, pulling them out and piling them into her arms. When she has them gathered, she turns to Madoka. "Do you need to use the bathroom? I need to change too, but I could do it out here if you wanted to do something in there."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:8|Madoka Kaname (8)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"It might be a while before we get the chance, but let's do that!" Madoka replies happily when Homura says she'd like to spend an entire day together from dawn to dusk. She giggles a little at Homura's mention of keeping her hair the way it is, silky soft perhaps, replying in a sweet voice, "Thank you, Homura-chan,"<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;The kiss on the cheek makes Madoka smile brightly and she holds still when Homura gives it to her. She does feel a bit bad about hiding her intentions when Homura is making her feel so happy. But it's necessary.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura responds to her talk about Hana and Madoka feels even a bit worse because she's being so forthright about giving her information. Well, that's okay. She -did- want to know and she might even be able to get something useful out of it. Just because she's acting on an acute danger doesn't mean the chronic danger of Homura's Puella condition will stop existing.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Madoka isn't bold enough to change in front of Homura. She's actually standing off somewhere that Homura couldn't see her unless she was intentionally trying to peek as she changes. She's also completely comfortable, she knows her girlfriend won't.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Also, Homura can freeze time at will. There'd no stopping her from peeking if she were unscrupulous.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Oh... that's true. I could ask Erin-chan what she knew the next time I see her." It might be a while, but Madoka imagines she will be seeing the witch controlling Puella Magi again sometime. "I'm sure he knows that wishes have to do with the powers granted. I don't know if he has any idea about why though," she replies about Kyubey.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;The more Homura talks about Hana the more Madoka begins to feel sorry for the girl. She really does wonder what she gave her soul for that would warrant such a fate. "I wonder if she thought it was worth it, even after all that."<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura says she hasn't witched before and Madoka shivers a little. She doesn't like thinking of Homura turning into a witch. That's the entire reason she's doing what she's doing now. Even if it might be pointless. This may be nothing more than a gesture, but she can't help but feel Homura's recent behavior is a cry for help. That's not something Madoka can ignore.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Madoka almost panics when the grief seed is tossed to her, because she's never been very good at catching. Somehow she manages to hold up her right arm and catch it out of the air- Homura must have a lot of practice with Grief Seed tossing. "Thanks. You look beautiful by the way, Homura-chan."<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She looks down at the Grief Seed now in her hand, examining it up close, turning it over with her fingers. She looks at the little bauble at the top- just like rest on the tops of Soul Gems. Without the actual Soul Gem beside it it'd be almost impossible to recognize, though. She is a bit spacey as Homura asks if she needs the bathroom, and nods only absently as she's told to be careful.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;The gravity of the situation is entirely natural- she's holding some poor grief stricken girl's soul in her hand. Homura's words reach her after a moment and she looks up, "Oh, sure. I'll do my hair and wash my face in a minute."<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She looks back down to the Grief Seed, "Thank you, Hana," she whispers quietly. Her death won't be for nothing, she tells herself.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Madoka looks up then, and over to Homura. She gives her a sweet, affectionate smile, but also with a tinge of sadness. It might be hauntingly familiar for a brief moment, right before she holds up her left hand and presses the Grief Seed directly to the top of the Soul Gem ring on her ring finger.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;There's a soft sizzling sort of sound as the darkness is drawn out and into the seed. Madoka merely keeps her eyes on Homura, continuing to give her that same smile.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:23|Homura Akemi (23)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;It's not as if Homura isn't keeping her own feelings secret. It's not so much that she intends to turn into a Witch or die. It's just that she accepts it as inevitable, and lately she's been doing very little to stop it.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Even to the point where she was willing to let Sayaka cut on her or stab her, even if the other Puella didn't want to do something so dishonorable as attack someone who wouldn't fight back.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura hasn't seen much downside to sharing information with Madoka, and so she ends up giving it freely. Even if their plans to save Sayaka seem to be taking a bad turn, it's not as if it'd be any worse than usual even if Sayaka turned into a Witch. Besides, it's just the truth.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Since Madoka is currently holding onto Homura's Soul Gem, she can be pretty sure that Homura didn't even try to use timestop to look. Or at least she could be if she knew how it worked. If Homura henshined, her Soul Gem would change position, or if that didn't work then Homura would immediately figure out that her Soul Gem isn't on her person, and yet it must be nearby.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;There'd be no way to cover Homura's tracks either, because even the act of placing the Soul Gem back in Madoka's hands would likely pull her into the timestop, and even if it didn't she'd feel the ring suddenly move anyways.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;So the fact that Homura isn't frantically looking for where her soul is, and also the fact that Madoka is still holding her soul, does kindof prove that Homura not only didn't do it but also didn't even think about it.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Not that Homura isn't unscrupulous, she's just not unscrupulous in this specific way.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"It'd be an interesting question to ask her." Homura shrugs. "I know that Kyubey doesn't know everything about it, but he does know a lot." As for the question of whether or not it was worth it, Homura doesn't really know. "Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. She didn't seem to be angry over her wish, so maybe?"<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura's not really worried about Madoka breaking or dropping the Grief Seed. She knows those things are actually somewhat sturdy, though she ''does'' occasionally make a big deal out of them because it's a big deal if one of them ''does'' break. Even if it's a Witch, that's still someone's very own soul.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura sits down on the edge of her bed after Madoka says she'll use the bathroom in a minute. Not much point in changing right away. She barely even hears the fact that Madoka is whispering, and she doesn't understand the meaning of the words partly because she can't quite make them out.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Then she sees a smile on Madoka's face and Homura nearly has a heart attack. She doesn't even know what Madoka is up to. She just knows that she hates seeing Madoka make that face. Then she sees the Soul Gem on Madoka's ring finger and shrieks as her face turns white.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"No! When? Why? What did..."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;It's only once the Soul Gem clears up, displaying Homura's Purple instead of Madoka's Pink, that Homura really understands. "Holy freaking--- You scared me! You scared the ''hell'' out of---" Well, obviously she's wearing it on the wrong finger, and there's no way Madoka could make a contract in this short amount of time. Homura just grabs her forehad and holds it.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"That really wasn't the best idea, Madoka-chan. That Grief Seed could threaten a ''city'' if it hatched. I can't ''use'' that one!"<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She turns her head to look at Madoka again. "... and when did you get my Soul Gem anyways? And..."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She takes a second look at the position of the Soul Gem. Sure, it's on the 'wrong' finger for a Puella Magi's Soul Gem, but it's on the 'correct' finger for something else entirely. Thinking about that makes Homura blush intensely.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She really does not know what to feel right now.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:8|Madoka Kaname (8)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Madoka feels the familiar stab of pain and guilt as Homura mistakes what the ring on her finger means. The smile and her expression changes to show the guilt, with sympathy as well. When Homura realizes what she's actually doing Madoka says, "I'm sorry." In a soft tone. She's very sorry she's hurting and worrying Homura. ...but she's not sorry at all for her actual actions.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Her head makes a small shake from side to side. As sure as Homura seems to be that what she's doing is wrong Madoka is even more sure that it's right. "Then which one were you going to use, Homura-chan?" The question is rhetorical if not quite accusatory; Madoka believes she'd have never let her Soul Gem get so bad if she had one to use.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;The reaction gets to her and the emotions reach her, but her resolve is steady. She doesn't waver a bit, not until the sizzling sound is gone and the tiny gem on the ring is shining a brilliant purple does she move the Grief Seed away from it. "While you were sleeping. I'm sorry if I took advantage of you that way but you were trying to hide it from me so I wouldn't notice." She doesn't have reason to lie anymore, so she'll tell Homura the truth.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura blushes brightly and the almost serene resolve of her mindset breaks as she's caught off guard by it. At first she's merely confused, but then she realizes that she'd forgotten to move it back, or at least to a different finger. "O-oh," she stammers, "Um..."<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;There's not really any talking herself out of that one. "After I took it I was seeing how it looked on me and, well... I guess I wanted to see how it looked there too." The embarrassment is already there, so she holds her hand up so it can be seen more easily. "Eheh... what do you think?"<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;A moment later she walks over, holding out both of her hands for Homura. Her right hand has Hana's now half used Grief Seed in it, while on her left Homura's Soul Gem ring still sits on her ring finger. Both are being offered back now without resistance.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:23|Homura Akemi (23)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;If it were anyone else doing what Madoka is doing, Homura would be a lot more insistent over getting her Soul Gem back. As it is, well... there's nothing Homura could do to stop Madoka that wouldn't end in Madoka getting hurt. So she sits there on the edge of the bed and allows it to happen, because she has no other choice. Whether she intended it or not, Madoka is holding herself hostage.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"I can't believe you..." she mutters. She's mad, and for once it's easy to tell. Homura winces when Madoka asks her what other Grief Seed she'd use, and she can't answer. She doesn't ''have'' any more to use. That's just the truth.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Yet even though Madoka has a point, Homura's still upset by it, and she's struggling to find words for it. Eventually she realizes that every argument she could come up with is dumb and she doesn't bother. Maybe she isn't being rational about it. Her Soul Gem was getting pretty bad.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Yeah... I did hide it. I didn't want people seeing it. Well, you found it anyways, so I didn't do a very good job."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura looks at the ring on Madoka's finger. How does it look? She really wishes she was in a better mood to answer that. Anger and romance don't really mix that well in Homura's head.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"I don't know. I think..." she pauses, "... I think you could get a better ring than that."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Madoka offers her the Grief Seed and the Soul Gem. Homura stands up, looking at the two items. She takes the Grief Seed back right away, but she takes the hand that's wearing the Soul Gem and leans in to give Madoka a long kiss.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"I'd let you keep it, but I kindof need it." She slips it off of Madoka's finger after the kiss, then leans against her. "You really are reckless."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:8|Madoka Kaname (8)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Madoka weathers the anger. It's actually easier for her to withstand Homura's anger than it is her sadness. "If there was another way I would have taken it. Kyouko-san is still recovering, Mami-san is in no condition to fight, and Sayaka-chan needs every Grief Seed she has. I can't get them on my own. This was the only way I had. If I told you I think you should have done it yourself you wouldn't have listened to me and then you wouldn't have given it to me when I asked for it. I'm sorry that I abused your trust, Homura-chan, but if it means saving your life than I'm willing to accept the consequences."<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;A better ring? Madoka tilts her head, "I guess it isn't much like a real one is it? But it isn't the ring that's important." She misses the possible implication that a different ring might be coming from someone else.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She's still while she waits for Homura's response to her offering back the two items. When her hand is taken rather than the ring pulled from it she squeezes Homura's, blushing a little and closing her eyes as her girlfriend leans in to kiss her. She returns the kiss eagerly, making a happy sound when it lingers on.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Ehehe... you do," she agrees, putting her arms around Homura and hugging her while she leans in. "Only if it means protecting my friends. Especially my very best friend."<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She closes her eyes for a moment while hugging Homura. There's a moment of quiet, and then a soft sigh. "But... you were reckless also, Homura-chan." She'd like to let it go. To just keep hugging and then rush to finish getting ready and run off to school. But she feels she has to say something as well as act. "You need to be more careful. And... you need to hunt more. I want to spend time with you too. Maybe we should go together? And I'll stay behind while you actually fight."<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She doesn't expect Homura to take a lecture on how to survive as a Puella Magi from a nonmagical girl very well, even if it's her. "I don't know what's wrong, why you've been acting so lackluster lately whenever we're not close. I have noticed though, and I want to help. I will any way that I can, I just don't know how. But I do know something's wrong, and you can't keep doing things the way you have been lately. So please... take care of yourself better- for me."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:23|Homura Akemi (23)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;There was no other way... yeah... Homura could understand that. On the other hand, it implies that Madoka is willing to do ''anything'' to keep Homura alive. If she'd risk hatching Hana... what wouldn't she do? It scares her, because Homura knows exactly how far Madoka is capable of going.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Consequences... like I could ever bring myself to punish you," she mutters. She doesn't realize that her anger might in of itself be a punishment, and she still doesn't wrap her head around the idea that leaving Madoka would be terrible for her. Homura really does see herself as completely expendable.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"It'd be a pretty morbid gift," explains Homura. She pauses at the thought of it. "I wouldn't mind it, if I lived long enough." She settles on that answer, but she can't escape the fact that Homura could very well die before then.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Madoka would be reckless to protect a friend. Especially her very best friend. Homura really has no room to talk on that front, and it's too late to take it back now.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Then Madoka gets to her concerns, and Homura just stands there, holding Madoka, and hearing her talk. It's clear from the way Homura grips her sleeves behind Madoka's back that she's not really comfortable talking about it, but it's out now. There's no point in leaving this conversation, and Homura can only put it off for so long.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"I tried hunting. I just... couldn't find any Witches." It's a half-truth. She does go out every night to hunt, but she always gives a half-hearted effort and returns after only a very short time. "I just..."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She doesn't have anything else to reach for. She could try staying alive for Madoka's sake, but could she really hold onto that long enough? She doesn't think so. She doesn't think she's really that strong.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Madoka-chan... the simple fact of the matter is that I'm going to die one day, and I'll be lucky to even last a few years or so. I know you don't like to think about it, and you'd rather not lose me, but my fate is to die and I can't escape that. The sooner you accept that the better off you'll be."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:8|Madoka Kaname (8)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Madoka blushes a little, "You shouldn't let me get away with everything just because it's me, Homura-chan. You'll spoil me." It's not that she wants to be punished, but it's entirely possible for her to make mistakes. If Homura forgives her too easily she might not realize what she did was wrong, right? This time might have been one such mistakes but she really doesn't think so.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Morbid?" She sounds slightly confused, and a little surprised. "I don't think that at all. It's your beautiful soul, Homura-chan. The reason it's like it is now might be morbid, but that isn't true for it itself. How could there be anything more precious you could give me than that?" More blushing at the continuation of her answer, and Madoka gives a simple nod to acknowledge it.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura gives her explanation and to Madoka it sounds like an excuse. Kind of. Mostly it sounds like something Homura wouldn't accept herself if she heard it, so that's how she treats it herself.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Madoka responds to the 'simple fact' first by hugging tighter onto Homura. Clinging, really. But after a moment it loosens back to a normal hug. And then a few moments later she pulls away enough so that Homura can see her face.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She's crying. No racking sobs to give it away, but the tears are flowing freely down her face, dropping onto and staining dark her clean white blouse. "So I have to just accept that some day you're going to leave me and there's nothing I can do about it?" Her voice is tight and hurting. This time she's not going to hold back because she's worried about how much it might hurt Homura. She needs to hear it.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Everyone is going to die one day, but that doesn't mean we have to push each other away so it won't hurt as bad when it does. Why do you think it's okay for me to give up on you?" Her head shakes quickly, "Why do you think it's okay for you to give up on yourself?! You fought so long and hard for me, and now that I'm safe and we're even together you think it's a good time to stop trying?"<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She's tried really hard not to bring it up like this, to put everything in terms of everything being for Homura sake because that's the unselfish thing to do. But she's already done one reckless, maybe selfish thing today. She might as well do another and be perfectly honest.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She looks into Homura's eyes, "How can you /do/ this to me?!" she cries, her voice cracking as she stresses the words. Her hands grip tightly onto Homura's shoulders, fingers squeezing hard- not enough to hurt, but just barely. "You came into my life and told me not to throw my life away, protected me and became my friend. You /told me you loved me/. You finally beat the one witch you never could, and now that we really have a chance at being happy together, now you want me to give up on you? After I've done so much, and given up so many things for you?"<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She's held this in for so long that finally letting it into the open is like a dam bursting open, and once it's started she can't stop. She lets go of Homura and lets herself drop to the ground in a kneeling position, crying into her hands. "Maybe you wouldn't care if you were gone, but doesn't it matter at all how much I care for you? I love you... I /love/ you! How..." She shakes her head, "How can you tell me I shouldn't care about losing you?"<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:23|Homura Akemi (23)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Let Madoka get away with everything? Is that what Homura's doing? It kindof is, actually. Then again... Homura grins. It's a tight-lipped, devilish grin. "Maybe I ''want'' to spoil you. Maybe I don't want you to settle for some jerk who doesn't love you."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Still..." Homura holds out the grief seed. She's no longer smiling. "... even if you love me, there are roughly 13 million people living in this city, and I can assure you that the vast majority of them are someone's 'loved one'. It's important that this Grief Seed doesn't get used. I don't think I can handle this Witch by myself."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;On the subject of the Soul Gem ring, Homura says, "Even if you like my soul, and that's very sweet of you, that's still basically a teenage girl's soul ripped out and put into a gem." She notices the blushing, and then blushes a bit more herself. "Not that... you know... I mean... sure there's romantic implications there. I wont deny it. Just..."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She doesn't know what to add to that, so she trails off.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She sees the tears on Madoka's face, and she knows they're for her. Homura doesn't understand it. It's incomprehensible that someone could care for her at all, let alone this much. She's just some useless jerk. "Well I am. If it weren't for the contract, then I'd still be on a time limit due to my heart condition. I've been living on borrowed time my whole life."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Then something else gets to her. "Why shouldn't you give up on me? I never understood that about you. Everyone else is willing to throw me away like I don't matter, so what's so different about you? I've given up on myself because I've accepted the reality of my situation, yet you always act like there's hope for us."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"And really, yeah, sure, I fought hard. I also hurt a lot of people. People I should've cared about. People I should've taken care of. My hands are a lot dirtier than you're willing to see. I'm glad I got what I wanted, but I stopped caring about what happened to me a long time ago, and I don't deserve a happy ending."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;What Madoka says next stings. 'How can you do this to me?!' She visibly winces as she says it, as if she were struck. After a moment, she says, "I'm sorry that you've given things up for my behalf, and I'm sorry that it's hurting you. There's nothing I can do about that. I do love you, and I know you love me too, but no amount of love is going to change my fate. But... don't misunderstand."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura looks away from Madoka, looking at a wall, as she falls to her knees. "This isn't about being with you. I enjoy that, don't get me wrong, but my goal in all of this wasn't to date you. That was just something that happened along the way. I just wanted you to live, and to avoid getting drawn into the same trap as the rest of us."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"It's no different from losing a pet. You get attached, but a creature like that isn't going to live as long as you, and you'll lose it eventually. It's the same with me."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura turns her head back to Madoka, but she's still looking downwards and avoiding eye contact. "I'm sorry... I guess I'm a pretty terrible girlfriend."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:8|Madoka Kaname (8)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Madoka blushes more when Homura says she wants to spoil her. Not wanting her to settle though, she doesn't understand that part at all. She's with Homura right now, after all.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;To the fact that Hana's Grief Seed shouldn't be used Madoka gives a small nod, "Okay. Then you need to find another one." She tries to say that like it's nothing more than a simple fact.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;The words about what the Soul Gem really is and the directness of it takes a bit of the wind out of Madoka's sails on the romantic front. It's not like that was going very far anyway right now.<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;The fact that Homura has never had a great life expectancy doesn't get much of a response, but when she starts saying she doesn't understand why she cares and says that she doesn't deserve a happy ending Madoka gets sadder, and then upset. "Because you've done so much for me! You've given everything for me and you care about me so much. I could probably look my entire life and never find someone who could do half as much for me as you have. The only reason you did cruel things and hurt people was because you were protecting me, Homura-chan!"<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She shake her head, "And you still have time, even though you're not acting like it. If you think you've done something wrong then try to make up for it by being better next time. You've made so much progress already, just in the time I've known you. And to say that you don't deserve a happy ending... you deserve one more than anyone else. You've been hurt so much and suffered for so long- you deserve to be happy after all of that. You do! What was even the point of protecting me if you're not going to be here for me?"<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She finally lowers her hands and looks up at Homura. She looks like a complete mess now. Once again it's a good thing she doesn't wear makeup herself or her face would be even more of a disaster. "Is that really what you want for me? For me to be alive and safe, but hurting and miserable because the person I care about most in the world is gone? You... you're not just a pet! I've lost a pet, and even thinking about you hurts me so much more. Not going to school with you, or spending time with you, or talking to you... never being able to see your face ever again?"<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She curls up a bit more and sobs, shaking her head. She doesn't want to think about it because it hurts so much, but right now she doesn't have a choice. "What would I even do? What would even be the point..."<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;The crying slows down to a weak blubbering and she says quietly, "I do everything with you... I need you..."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:23|Homura Akemi (23)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Well. Homura can't really disagree. She should find another one. She does ''need'' to. Yet, while she can say it and acknowledge it as fact, she just doesn't have the drive to actually accomplish that anymore. The fight with Sayaka last night proved that. If she went against a Witch with that kind of attitude, Homura would just die.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"I don't know if that's true. I don't think I'm that unique or special. You say you wouldn't meet another person like me in your entire life? Sorry, I don't believe that at all."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"... and yeah, I was trying to protect you when I did those things... but actually, none of the cruel things I ever did really helped me save you. I only won when I started to act like a proper magical girl, so really... while I might have deluded myself into thinking that the ends justified the means? In the end I did all of that cruelty for nothing."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Her tone just gets more and more dour and bitter as she speaks. "All the times I abandoned Sayaka, Kyouko, or Mami to their fates... it wasn't right. It wasn't justified. I don't think I want my crimes to go unpunished. It's not like I ever forgave anyone else."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura just gnashes her teeth as Madoka insists that she deserves a happy ending, and what she says afterwards doesn't do much to improve things for her. "I got hurt because I ''deserved'' it. Because I'm a creep. Because I'm a monster. You're a wonderful person who has her whole life to live."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Seriously, Madoka. Put yourself in my shoes. If you knew, for a fact, that you were a lost cause, yet you still had the power to help someone else, someone you really cared about, someone who still has some hope in their future... wouldn't you? Wouldn't you help that other person, just because you could? That's the point. I'm sure you know what I'm saying."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura considers Madoka being hurting and miserable, but alive and safe. After a moment, she says, "You'll get over the pain. It'll hurt, sure, it'll last you about a year. Then you'll have the whole rest of your life to be happy. Your life isn't pointless without me. You lived over a decade before I came along and you'll live a long time after I'm gone. You do a lot of good, though I don't think you fully realize just how much."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:8|Madoka Kaname (8)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;As hard as the thought of losing Homura is it isn't the same as actually losing her. Madoka's tears begin to dry up because the amount of grief and sadness from a conversation like this one does have a limit, and she's reached it. Instead of a sharp pain to make her cry out and shed tears it's easing to a dull throbbing pain that deadens. "You can't see yourself from my eyes then. You are special and unique..."<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She lifts her arm and wipes her face off partially with her sleeve. As Homura's tone gets more dour and bitter Madoka's becomes resigned. Nothing she's saying seems to be having any effect at all other than annoying Homura. Even so she keeps speaking, "That just means you've learned from your mistakes. That's a good thing, not a bad one. Even Kyouko-san is trying to do better and realizes the way she acted isn't the best way. Making mistakes doesn't mean you're a lost cause, especially not when you realize they were mistakes."<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;There are no impassioned pleas as she says the words, not anymore. It's more like she's quietly telling Homura her own perspective rather than trying to seriously convince her to agree with it. Homura asks her to see things from her own perspective and sad, tired pink eyes look up to Homura's and regain a touch of sympathy. "If I were in your shoes I would never accept that I was a lost cause. I'd try to find a better way, and while I was trying I'd try to keep living. If I were in your shoes I would help the other person by listening to them and understanding how much I matter to them." She hangs her head a little and looks away, "I've been putting myself in your shoes for six months..."<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She walks over to where she set her school jacket and pulls it on, following it up by walking over to where she set her ribbons and carefully placing them in her pocket. "I understand you're just trying to protect me. I know you just want me to be safe and happy. Those things I can accept. But I don't think you're thinking straight right now, Homura-chan. I think you've said a lot of things to me that you wouldn't have believed if I said them to you a month ago. I can't believe you'd really throw everything away and not realize how much you mean to me after I've told you so many times."<br /> <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Once she has her things she starts walking towards the door to the hotel room, pausing once she reaches it and looking back to Homura. "I'm going home. I... need to be alone."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:23|Homura Akemi (23)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura really can't see herself from Madoka's eyes. She never could. Homura could never understand Madoka's point of view, and the more Homure tried to save her the more clear that became. Now it's more clear than ever. It literally doesn't make sense right now. Homura is special and unique? No, she's worthless. That's always been true. It hasn't changed.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura shrugs as Madoka says she's learned from her mistakes. She doesn't really think it matters. Criminals don't get to get away with their crimes just because they 'learned their lesson'. She can't forgive herself, no matter what anyone else says, or how many other people 'understand'. She's not looking for understanding. She's looking for a quiet place to go die in.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"No... no I suppose you wouldn't give up. You never did. Yet, in spite all of that, you died over and over, and I had to watch every single time."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She doesn't respond to Madoka saying that she's been putting herself in Homura's shoes for six months, and she doesn't respond to Madoka saying that she isn't thinking straight right now.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"We're really fundamentally different. I always loved you, but I don't think I ever once understood you."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;This time, Homura is going to let her go. This conversation isn't going to go anywhere, and she knows it. She's just hurting Madoka more and more by having it, so she doesn't stop her. Instead, she just says, "Goodbye, Madoka."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Homura stays behind. It's her hotel room, and she should at least get dressed. Or maybe she shouldn't bother with even that. What difference would it really make?<br> <br>
}}