1483/Becoming a Monster

Becoming a Monster
Date of Scene:	16 May 2016
Location:	Pikarigaoka - Clover Tower
Synopsis:	Norie visits a troubled Utau who continues to suffer nightmares of the hearts eggs she helped destroyed. The two discuss what it means to be a monster, and Norie's fears of losing her humanity.
Cast of Characters:	Utau Hoshina, Norie Okana

---

Utau Hoshina has posed:
    It's late at night, and the clover tower is not terribly crowded right now. But Utau likes it that way, and for all that she loves to perform and wow the crowds, she's happiest when she's by herself, or surrounded by a small number of close friends.

    Right now however, she is feeling exhausted and overwhelmed after a particularly long day and a gruelling exercise regime as she gears up for her next concert. It isn't like Utau to tire so easily but lately she seems to be sleeping more.

    Now, after seeking only fresh air, Utau has fallen asleep in the cool night air. Her bodyguards are only a phone call away, but she had sneaked out as usual, seeking time to herself, intent on not being disturbed. Now, she seems to thrash about and yell in her sleep, her two charas hovering around her worriedly.

    "Utau-chan! Utau-chan! What's wrong? Utau-chan...." They call to her, but their words seem to fall on deaf ears.

Norie Okana has posed:
Lacrima was out feeding. It wasn't as hard anymore. She liked picking targets who 'deserved' it. But tonight... tonight it--

She really couldn't explain it but-- she /wanted/ to do it like how she did when she was starting out. Finding that random person who takes the shortcut home... that person able to be tricked into an alleyway easily enough... that teen deliquent tagging the back of a store.

She'd camped out in a small alcove, it's in fact, the same alcove she came from when she met Utau for the first time. She's sitting, waiting and then--

'Utau-chan, Utau-chan'. Two tiny voices she's familar with.

She frowns and peeks out and looks down the way before she shifts into the shadows.....

And appears from a closer one near to Utau. She pauses.

"She's sleeping?" she asks to the two Charas. She reaches a hand out for Utau, to give her a shake.

"Utau-chan."

A pause.

"Wake up."

Utau Hoshina has posed:
    Eru and Iru continue to flutter worriedly in circles around their owner. It seems they've yelled as loud as they could, tapped her several times..Iru even tried chara-changing with her, which would explain the small black batwings now springing from her shoulderblades, although doing so seemed to have only worsen her nightmares.

    They pause as Norie appears, although they trust her (at least Iru does), and she smiles, fluttering over to her. "Please help Utau-chan! She's having another nightmare!"

    When Norie calls out to the girl, Utau doesn't respond immediately. Eventually however, her eyes fly open, a look of fear reflected in those cold, amethyst orbs of her. "No....Stop! Leave me alone! I...."

    She blinks a few times in confusion, then her eyes slowly focus upon a familiar face. "Norie-chan? What happened?" rubbing her head, still feeling groggy, Utau slowly, shakily climbs to her feet. "How long have I been out of it?"

Norie Okana has posed:
Lacrima nods to the charas and softly leans upwards as she shakes her head. "I don't know. You're better off asking these two." she motions to the charas. "I was out, and happened upon you. I heard your charas." she says softly.

"You seemed to be dreaming that someone was coming for you. Or bothering you. Or something similar like that." she says softly. "Is that it?" she asks softly as she helps Utau up softly.

"Why are you having a dream like that?" she asks softly.

Utau Hoshina has posed:
    Utau grits her teeth, still rubbing her temples as if she had a headache. Whatever she had dreamt, it must have been intense. "Dammit. That dream again. I....I'm a monster..Being haunted by the ghosts of every fallen guardian character that I destroyed or helped destroy. Because of me, those kids will never achieve their dreams, but, I can't stop...."

    She closes her eyes, trying to block out those horrible images, rows upon rows of tombstones, of fallen guardian charas, of broken dreams. Eru and Iru try to comfort her, and she opens her eyes again, glancing at the both of them, then back to Lacrima.

    "Sorry to have bothered you. Were you out on a hunt?" Glancing around, she realizes with surprise that it's gotten pretty late, and the stars are just starting to come out now. "Wow, what time is it?"

Norie Okana has posed:
Lacrima purses her lips and blinks. Well that's a horrifying dream. She hasn't dreamt of the people she's attacked though, but often doesn't dream of the cheeseburgers they eat coming back for them either. Maybe this doesn't surprise her. She frowns a bit.

Does she have sympathy? A little. But not much. As mean as it souns. "I was out hunting, yes. That's why I'm like this." she says softly with a murmur. "You weren't bothering me. I am not 'in need' of energy but I like to be on top of it." she says frankly. "If I was hurting for it, I'd had prioritized that first." she says frankly.

She says. "Early evening. It was dusk, not too long ago." she says.

She pauses. "Utau-chan... can I ask you a question?" she asks with more wider eyes. "If.. you're okay with that." she says cooly.

"...do you need something to drink?" she asks looking over to a vending machine.

Utau Hoshina has posed:
    Utau nods. "I haven't seen a lot of people up here on the tower. I guess it's pretty late.." she does relax when Lacrima says she's not in need of energy right now. "That's good. I mean, aside from my bodyguards, and myself.." not that she wouldn't offer herself to Lacrima if she was desperate, although Utau does prefer to prey on jerks who truly deserve it.

    "Hmm..I guess I was out for longer than I thought. I only meant to take a short nap.." she pauses, "A question? Sure, what's up?" glancing over at the vending machine, Utau nods, finally standing up, "Yeah, I'm pretty thirsty actually, I just need some water. My throat feels a bit raw after today's rehearsal.."

    And with that thought in mind, Utau heads towards the vending machine, waiting for Lacrima to follow, "So what did you want to ask me?"

Norie Okana has posed:
Lacrima head tilts. "Why do you dream about the people you steal dreams from? Do you feel bad?" she asks. "You shouldn't." she says. "That's silly. If thier dream was stronger, it wouldn't be so easy to take, right?" she asks.

She shakes her head. "That isn't my question though. Just a new one." she asks.

She frowns and walks over tothe machine with Utau. She glances at it.. and purses her lips. She selects a berry drink. It's red color is purely coincidental of course despite her stature as a vampire of some sort.

"If I... decided. I did not want to become a human again. Would you think less of me..?" she asks. "It's.. something I've been thinking about for a while now." she says softly. "Well. Not too long. But. Long enough." she says gently.

Utau Hoshina has posed:
    Utau bites her lip as she considers Lacrima's first question. "Hmm, I don't really know. I guess it never really bothered me before, until I started to wonder what would happen if I lost Eru or Iru. Because they're a part of me, I think I'd be devastated. And, maybe some of those heroes and their speeches are really just starting to get to me.."

    She grits her teeth. Dammit, perhaps Utau's just getting too soft. "I don't really know, but maybe I'm just tired and overworked. But maybe you're right. They wouldn't lose their dreams if they weren't so weak and if they cared enough about them, so I shouldn't care about the weak, right?"

    The thought seems to ease her worries and she relaxes visibly, "Thanks for that, Norie-chan.." They reach the vending machine, and Utau just selects a nice cold gingerale. "Hmm, I guess it would depend. If you chose not to become human again, would it change who you are? Would you still be Norie, or would you become...Someone else, entirely? Someone I didnt recognize?"

Norie Okana has posed:
Lacrima looks down and looks up. "If you knew me... before eight months ago. You'd think i was a different person already." she says softly. "I don't think I'll... 'change' much more than this." she admits. "I'm not fighting a voice in my head... or thoughts anymore." she pauses. "Maybe that isn't fully true." she says softly. "I just..." she looks down. "Something inside may says... no. Something else says yes..." she says. "It used to be that--that it felt bad to do the things I'm doing. Horrible even." she says. "But now. It's... it doesn't bother me. Sometimes. It even feels right now." she admits.

"I feel.. I feel right! I haven't felt that way for nearly a year now, Utau!" she says with wide eyes.

She takes a sip of her juice.

Utau Hoshina has posed:
    Utau frowns softly as she ponders this. She too, peers down at her drink and takes a long and thirsty guzzle of it as she considers how to respond to what Norie says. "Hmm..I suppose I often wish that I too, could not feel remorse for my actions, that it is a sign of human weakness. But then, maybe that very remorse, that conscience itself is what differentiates good people from bad people.."

    After a moment, she glances back at Norie thoughtfully, "Tell me this. If you were to...Change, completely, become a total vampire and no longer human, would you hesitate to feed off of your friends? Your family?"

    "How would you feel if you accidently killed someone that you drained too much from? Do you think your life would be as fulfilling if there was no one left who cared about you?"

Norie Okana has posed:
Lacrima frowns. "I..I'm already that. A vampire." she says softly. "I've been that. Si--since day one." she says. "I was really confused at first. I did drain my brother. It wasn't an accident. I just woke up one day. He came to wake me up and--- it was the first day! When I got home from the hospital!" she says.

"But I didn't ask for that. Or want that." she admits.

She has to think though. "I'm really scared. Of that. That's why it's important.. I don't let myself get too low. Else.. I'm just... just a youma! Like those things that got lured by Riventon's device!" she insists.

She looks down. "Utau..." she says meekly. "I don't have an answer for that right now. I'm sorry." she says softly. "I don't want to hurt my friends or.. or my family! But.." she just sort of bites her lip a bit, with those fangs of hers.

"I'm sorry..."

Utau Hoshina has posed:
    "I know.." she nods, "My situation is not the same as yours, but I'm always haunted by the terrible things I do, even if I try to explain them away, like those nightmares. Even so, the fact that you feel any measure of guilt, or pain is not a bad thing. It's a good sign. It means you're human, and you're a good person.."

    Utau sighs, staring down at her drink, "You dont really want to be like one of those mindless youma, do you? I understand that it's tough, having to drain people to survive. But I think it's not so bad if you are careful not to kill the people you hunt, and if you use your powers to hunt those people who harm others. I think that's the best way, using those powers to help others, instead of hurting innocents."

    Glancing back at Norie, she smiles, "Just, think about it. I dont want to judge you, but I dont want to see you lose who you are either. You're a good person just as you are, Norie-chan, and I believe in you."

Norie Okana has posed:
Lacrima shakes her head. "That's why I feed so I /can/ think." she says. "Else. I just. Take and take and drain and don't care and--and I almost killed three of my close friends before!" she says. "W..when I refused to feed, I'd get so /bad/..I'd black out and.. and I'd wake up with someone in my hands and it was horrible." she says.

"But I haven't had an episode like that for a bit. Because... because I'm not hesitating to feed anymore." she says softly. "Not trying to starve myself..."

She sips the juice. "I'm already.. no longer human Utau. I've not been human like that for a long time. I just think and have feelings like one because I used to be one. It's just... it's just memories--- memories of feelings I /used/ to have." she says softly.

She sighs a bit and shakes her head. "I just...don't know if I want to go back. What if I feel bad about everything I've done if I turn human again? What if.. what if I want to go back to being this thing?" she says. "I don't know..." she sighs.

So she belives in her? Why doesn't see feel relief in that? "T..thank you Utau." she says softly.

Utau Hoshina has posed:
    Utau bites her lip as she listens, a little shocked when Lacrima admits to to having nearly killed three of her friends. Her situation is so much more difficult than Utau's in a way - at least Utau's life doesn't depend on stealing hearts' eggs..Although lately, it seems that Ikuto's might.

    "No, you shouldn't stop yourself from feeding either. I dont know how to cure you, although Riventon's smart and I'm sure he'll find a way. But in the mean time, just do what you have to do.."

    However, when Norie admits she's already not human, Utau is once again surprised. "Really?" she shakes her head, "But it's still a part of you, isn't it? Those memories are YOUR memories, arent they?" Utau's expression seems to soften as she considers the girl's plight. Really, she feels sorry for her, even though Norie probably doesn't want pity. Ironically, in the same way that Kukai once pitied herself.

    "I dont know what you were like before, and even if these are just memories that give you these feelings, Norie-chan..I think you're alright the way you are, just..." she sighs, "No, don't worry about it. Just do your best. It's all you can hope for. I dont really know what you would be like if you lost your humanity, but I hope you wont ever forget me and the friendship we shared.."

    Utau tries to offer Norie a comforting smile, but her smile freezes as she realizes the implications of her words. If Norie were to truly lose herself to the vampire within, if she were to lose what little humanity she had left in her, would she truly become a monster? She..needs to talk to Riventon. There must be a way to save her.

    "Hey, I need to get going, it's getting late, and my bodyguards are probably about to blow a fuse. Take care, Norie-chan, and remember, if you ever need to talk, just call me." With another smile, Utau waves to the other girl, and hurries off to join her bodyguards.