1144/Repairs

Repairs
Date of Scene:	05 March 2016
Location:	Tsukino Residence
Synopsis:	After being told by Makoto the state of the Tsukino home, Mamoru rushes over in a Luna Pen disguise. And a lot more than a house is in need of repair.
Cast of Characters:	Usagi Tsukino, Mamoru Chiba

---

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
Usagi hadn't been able to find Mamoru the previous evening, and a curious poke revealed distress, but also a comforting presence.

At a loss for the moment, she'd gone to the one place she hadn't since his return: her own home.

It's worse than she remembered.

She cleaned and packed to exhaustion before falling on a pile of couch and chair cushions she'd set up in the bathroom, the only room where nothing threatened to fall on a slumbering girl, and fell into fitful sleep.

When she woke up, it was morning and birds were chirping.

Disoriented and surrounded by a physical symbolism of basically how much life sucked, there was a moment where she felt as she had before Mamoru's return. Despair, misery, loneliness, unfiltered things that would explain any possible future ulcers.

But she felt something, and it took her a moment to realize it hadn't been a dream.

Unfiltered joy, happiness, all welcome but a bit overwhelming.

And then after that, a feeling of panic and oh shit circling in her mind, because not only is he supposed to stay put, he's not supposed to come here of all places.

She scrambles to straighten up as much as she could, as though five seconds of cleaning can magically erase what happened.

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
Closer, closer--

Confusion and dismay and heartache--

--and a stranger appears in the doorframe and puts his hand on it hesitantly. He's of average height and build, somewhat dark-skinned, and has wavy dirty-blond hair; he's wearing an unassuming but professional suit with an ID badge clipped to the breast pocket, and is carrying a clipboard. His expression matches the feelings she felt coming from Mamoru on the approach, and his eyes are absolutely the blue of Earth's oceans from space.

"Usa--?" he starts, helplessly at a loss as he surveys the place.

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
She knows it's him, feels it's him, but it's they eyes that confirm it. She avoids them as her shoulders slump and she drops a cushion.

She could make up excuses. 'It's not as bad as it looks!' Or even platitudes. 'Everyone's okay, and that's all that matters!'

She doesn't, though, because she's tired and raw and out of everyone, she wanted to keep this from him most of all.

"I didn't lie. I told you we had some renovations to do."

She shrugs and tries to read his name tag. "Mako-chan's the only one that knows. That's only because she came here to look for me after a bad dream."

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
And it was Mako-chan that told on Usagi.

In the wake of the semi-disastrous conversation with Minako, Mamoru had disappeared; Zoisite had pulled him over to his own palace and put him to bed. In the morning when he woke up, with Zoisite curled up on him like the cat that the littlest Shitennou is, the lack of bone-deep exhaustion and a night in the place of purification and healing had done wonders for his cope recharge--

--which was good, because the information he got from Makoto would otherwise have sent him damn near irrational. Instead, yeah he was mad, but he decided to go find her and figure out if there was a way he could help, instead...

And now Mamoru's really really glad he got that uninterrupted and healing sleep.

The nametag identifies him as Takehiko Deguchi from the Disaster Management Bureau, and he steps inside. Well. "Inside". And he holds out a hand. "Usa. We'll fix it. We have to move your family's things out of my place -- no one should be going there right now -- but storage units aren't too terribly expensive. This just-- isn't the kind of thing you should have to deal with in secret, okay? Especially not when you have so many friends. Where is your family staying?"

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
Usagi stares at Mamoru for a moment. How did he know where her things were?

Of course. Makoto.

(She'll probably be cranky at her later. Right now she's cranky about other things.)

"They're at my aunt's."

Then her breath hitches and she doesn't take the hand, because that would calm her down, and she's been too calm lately.

"There's no fixing this! Don't you think I've tried? Papa won't accept charity because there's people who need it more, and at his income, we're a very low priority for government aide!"

And where moments ago she didn't want to say anything, once it started, it won't stop.

"What was I supposed to tell them? People died! Hannah lost her arm! Others...got it worse!" Like, you know, getting rinsed hard core. "This is just a stupid house that will never be the same--" And of course she's crying now. "But I don't care if it's not the same I just want it back but I don't know what to do!"

She's totally only talking about the house here. Not about him in the slightest.

Nope.

Not at all.

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
There's an abortive motion from Mamoru as he starts to follow her shying away from his hand, but no: he won't do that. He knows contact helps her, but -- maybe sometimes it doesn't. It certainly doesn't always help him; frequently it makes things worse. There's a lot of not wanting help lately, and he's one of the repeat offenders -- he won't be a hypocrite. Especially not with Usagi.

Instead he sighs and sets the clipboard down, then casts about for a shovel or something to use as such. "Why do you think I asked the Luna Pen to make me a government disaster assessor?" he asks absently. When he finds something to use, he starts moving obvious unsalvageable debris into a pile, so he can at least be doing something as he talks.

"Grief comparison is not a game anyone wins, love. Your stresses and your hurts don't deserve less care because of the perception that other people have it worse. Mako-chan is upset because you're trying to shoulder everything on your own. Neph is upset with me because I was trying to shoulder everything alone. And they're both right-- when we share our problems with our friends, it's not a burden to them. When we keep them to ourselves, it actively hurts them and makes their stress worse. We have to be honest about what we need, and when we need it, and we have to trust our friends not to give more than they can afford."

His tone is patient and thoughtful, gentle and reasoned-- but also firm. This is her Mamoru. He is rebuilding.

"These things all take time. Rebuilding takes time. But rebuilding is also part of life, isn't it? When we lose things or things change, we have to adapt a little. We have to rebuild and get used to new things. If too many things happen at once, then we can't be ashamed or unwilling to accept help. It only makes things worse. I'm guilty of the same thing. I'm working on it, and you and everyone are helping me. Let the people who love you help you too."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
Logically, Usagi knows all of this, even as her arms fold around herself. She wants to touch and hug him, and it's hard not to, but right now things are just too shifty, right under there. And it's hard to continue screaming when he's being so Mamoru and calm and rock-like, even if only on the first couple layers.

So she tries.

And after all, hadn't he been the one she needed to confess to, in the first place?

"I've never hated anyone before. It's...I don't like it." Then she scowls, and diverts her focus from that to something related. "I would have won instead of tied if it weren't for that damn milkshake."

And it's out there now, but it feels like a visceral allergic reaction, tightening her throat causing her teeth to grind. And her eyes sting because she hates and she hates hating.

So mentally, she backtracks, squeezing her eyes shut just to get it away.

This would be easier to handle, she thinks, if she could just be both.

"How are you both?" He always has been, even when it was just a hint. "You're not him and him, you're just you, even when you lean more toward one him than the other him. I can't--"

She swallows. "She killed herself and just left them alone, and I'm so angry at her for it, even though I understand, and I hate that I understand and I hate that I had to have Mars stay with me."

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
Milkshake?

It takes a moment for Mamoru to process how Usagi went from 'I hate and I hate hating' to 'milkshake', and by the time his face is changing color and he's slowing down and fighting a feeling in his stomach and his head and his hands are stilling on the shovel handle to hide the shaking, she's squeezed her eyes shut and asking him another unfathomable question.

That question, at least, she expands upon and lets him decipher; that question, he at least has a clearer path to answering. It diverts his attention and calms him down; he can cope with the first question after he sorts the second.

So he leans on the shovel handle and looks at Usagi like that, that small smile that's mostly in his eyes, that's always been just for her, that's always been Mamoru, that even Endymion had for her now and then -- despite being so much more outgoing, so much more exuberant.

"We're both more than the people we were then, just like we're both more than the people we were a year ago. We've both learned from the past. That's what healthy people do. We're also both stronger than we were then."

He straightens up a little. Maybe it's strange, seeing Mamoru's eyes and Mamoru's body language and expressions on this stranger's body and face -- but maybe it's not, maybe it's just like before Usagi knew Mamoru and Tuxedo Mask were the same person, but part of her knew anyway.

"I think it's harder for you to reconcile it because you grew up knowing you were Usagi Tsukino, and all this was an addition. It's new to you and feels foreign, right?" he theorizes, he asks. There's a little gesture with one hand, moving to a comparison, an explanation. "I knew who I was when I was small, before the accident. I was Endymion. I think I lived here, or someplace like it. Then the accident happened and I forgot everything, and the doctors told me I was Mamoru Chiba, but it didn't sound right. I grew into that, but I never knew who I was or where I came from-- but I did grow into that. Remembering who I am doesn't erase the life and identity I've lived and built since I was six -- it just makes me whole, makes me complete. It lets me know why I've spent my life searching, trying to be better than... something I couldn't remember, trying to prepare for something I didn't know anything about. That's how I'm both. That's how I'm just me."

And then he glances down and away a little, chewing on his lip for a second. "And I know it's hard not to hate, especially on behalf of someone you love. And I know hate makes you feel sick. And I don't blame you for hating her-- but you're right, it's not good for you. It's not good for me either." He glances up, and his eyes are a mess of conflicting emotions, determination and pain and grief and fear and determination. "We have to help each other stop hating and turn that energy into justice, and into love for the people we're saving from her, and into acceptance that there's someone who can't be saved or made to wake up. It's going to be hard, but we can't win with hate in our hearts."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
It's probably in those looks when she feels the most 'both.' Then again, it's always him that, no matter the circumstance, both princess and schoolgirl are in complete agreement. Even through someone else's face, its still his eyes.

And its that look that's never failed to warm her, ground her, no matter the life.

Her eyebrows draw together when he says he knew who he was when he was younger. How? Had she? "Closest I came was the mandatory little girl Princess Phase." And the hospital, of course.

Usagi looks up as he glances away. Her heart twists into that all too recent feeling, but it shifts, balances, becomes easier to handle when he looks back up at her. For the moment it's no longer a burning shame but a fierce determination.

Until now, she'd been almost circling him, a slow orbit. Now she stills before him, a hand settling over his chest. Protect the heart.

"We'll get him back. Even if it takes longer than expected." There's no false bravado, no question in her voice. She knows they will, somehow.

Her free hand falls on his jaw, but it takes a moment for her to look up at him. When she does, her glare is resolved and made of steel. "There is one thing the princess and I agree on. We will never let that woman get you back."

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
"I don't remember a lot. I'll probably remember more with time," Mamoru says with a little shrug and a little smile, now significantly less bothered by it than he had been only months ago. She hesitates in her slow orbit and gravitates closer, and the smile's a little brighter for a second, though he's still mostly serious. She puts her hand over his heart, and he closes his over hers.

"But I do remember you, very clearly. I never forgot, I just never connected that day in the hospital with you now. I'm sorry I was so messed up about it when you showed me, I was just upset because I'd just remembered things before the accident," he explains, apology more rueful than remorseful. But she's so serious; he quiets as she remains still, and his eyes settle on her face, drink her in.

Her hand comes up to his jaw, and he stills, himself; his face tilts slightly into the touch--

--and then she looks up and she looks like that, and the words come, and her one hand can feel his heart speed up and her other can feel his face heat, and her heart can feel his trying to stamp out the panic, can feel his mind trying not to think about what Usagi's promising will never happen. His hand spasms tighter on hers on his chest, and his breath is shallow and labored, and the adrenalin buzzes through his veins, and he does his damndest to focus on her and on that steely resolve.

She can feel him scrambling desperately to cling to their link, to hide in it; she can taste the panic rising and gripping his throat; she can see him physically pulling inward, shoulders hunching, defensive--

--and all of a sudden he's sinking to his knees, pulling her down with him, jerkily grasping at her shoulder to pull her closer, to hide his face in the crook of her neck and clutch at her desperately. Shame mixes with the panic, and hanging like a ghost above it all, a vague and helpless despair that he couldn't keep it away, even knowing it would only feed her hate.

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
Usagi didn't quite expect this reaction, but she's also not entirely surprised.

Her own emotions swirl and twist in response to his, but when she feels him clinging to the link, she tries to breathe all of that out. It's not gone, of course. She's instead focused on him.

She follows him down easily, one hand burying in his hair the the other firm around his shoulders to let him hide against her neck, legs around his waist only to further the contact.

And everything else is gone. There's no hate, no house in ruins. She floods the link between them with all the love and warmth she feels for him, wrapping him more securely in that blanket. He'll find no blame, no disgust, no pity, because it's impossible to find something that isn't there.

She sighs and snuggles him close as that last bit from him ghosts through.

"My Mamo-chan. Always so strong." A kiss to the temple. "It's okay. I can be strong for you right now, so you don't hafta be."

Will she hate Beryl even more after this?

Hell yes she will.

But her hatred for Beryl, strong as it is, pales to what she feels for him.

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
And oh, he lets her. He knows she's the strong one. Her assurance that it's for right now, that wash of pure love, they clear the guilt and despair-- but they don't stop the panic. He's read enough and had anxiety enough that the clinical and detached part of his mind can recognise what's going on, even as the terror begins to peak like a ton of bricks and he can't control it; he's rigid in her arms, gripping her tightly and hiding his face, and he tries to control his breathing. In, out. Slower. Slower.

Something like a sob escapes, half-choked. He pulls on the earth beneath them, he pulls on his guardians; there is no calm to pull from Kunzite. Usagi's offering it endlessly; he hangs on tightly inside his soul, and he works singlemindedly on his breathing. "T-talking," he breathes out through clenched teeth, muffled into the crook of her neck. "Talk. To me. N-naru. How is--? School-- are you?"

Distractions. Things to think about that aren't that, that aren't this. Concentration. Breathing. Things to latch onto.

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
She holds on tight, solid and very much there. She tries to calm him, but its only replaced by more panic.

She blinks when he asks her to talk. Weren't they just--?

Oh.

Oh!

Heh.

That she could do.

"You would think that after being 'sick' for two weeks, they'd go easy on you. But nooOOooo. 'Tsukino-san, you missed this test! You must make it up!' Pff. I had to take a test during lunch and scarf down my food between classes! I'm a growing girl, Mamo-chan, I'm too young for indegestion!"

Yammer, yammer!

"Naru-chan's good. I'm gonna go with her to a movie in a few days if I can."

"...why does math change? If they wanted it solved in parentheses, they should have the question in parentheses!..."

"...and then I said 'but Papa, are aardvarks even native to Japan?'..."

"...I went through the boy's unmentionables aisle, Mamo-chan. So of course I got him ridiculous socks!..."

She yammers on for who knows how long, jumping topics as soon as they come to mind, her train of thought having as much tracks as a metropolitan subway system. Complex, but if you squint, it makes some sort of sense.

And she'll keep talking, too.

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
And it works. Between the breathing exercises and the calm and love and reassurance flooding him, between the steadiness and the talking, the words he can listen to and focus on and try to follow, it works. Usagi can feel him falling back away from the precipice, can feel him slowly calming down and rebuilding the walls around the thing he can't think about right now, can feel him relaxing in her arms.

It takes a while, a good long while. It's maybe ten minutes he needs her to talk him through it, and when it's done he's exhausted again, and they're more or less a heavy-limbed pile of reincarnated teenaged royalty sitting in the middle of a wrecked house that smells a bit like swamp.

Even then, it's not until later, when they're sitting out in the backyard in the sunshine and the springy air, that he's actually all the way calm again. Tired, but calm.

Mamoru doesn't apologize. He knows better. But his arm's around Usagi and his head's resting against hers, and his thumb's tracing small circles against her arm.

He finally says, "I can't talk about that yet. I promise I won't keep burying it forever, but let's just-- say-- I know. I believe you, and I believe in you, and everything's going to be okay, even if it takes a while. Let's just get through this war first."

There's a little laugh, then, humorless but not really bad, more self-deprecating than anything else; he turns his head to kiss the side of hers. "Anyway, let me figure out how to get around your dad, okay? And when you're not with me, stay with Jadeite if you don't want to stay with Makoto or Ami or Rei. We'll move your stuff tomorrow. The most important thing is, let your girls take care of you. They want to, so badly. Just like my guys want to take care of me. And you and I, we'll work on the hate, okay? Not today... maybe tomorrow we can start."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
Usagi was pretty sure her voice was going to give. Apparently, she's out of practice talking for long stretches.

She would be a little chilly in the backyard, even with spring poking its nose out, but he is so very much warm.

She nods against his shoulder when he talks of not nows. "Okay." It's all she can say on it right now, otherwise she'd have to think about things, too.

Then she shifts and wiggles and leans her head against his kiss. "Papa's more stubborn than I am. But if anyone can get through that thick skull of his, Mama can." She looks up and brushes her fingers against his jaw again. This time, she blinks and just stares. It's off, either his skin should be darker or hers should be lighter, but there's a definite feeling of deja vu. Shaking her head when it's done, she snuggles against his shoulder, stealing his free arm as a teddy bear. "I've been trying to be better about it. It's just...I do it without thinking now." She sighs. "Tomorrow sounds good. For all of it."

Then she tilts her head up again to look at him. "Did you want me to go to one of their places tonight?"

She tries not to sound like she very much doesn't like the idea.

But well, she's a bit greedy at times.

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
There's a little sigh and a little laugh. "No, you can stay with me tonight. But I'm tired of sleeping on a mat, I don't care if that makes me decadent. Let's bug Zoi to stay at his place, I have no idea if Neph's treehouses have actual beds."

Almost creakily, he starts getting to his feet, pulling Usagi up with him; he shrugs out of his suit jacket, badge and all, and drapes it over her shoulders before he bends to kiss her, gentle and sweet. It's not overly long, but it's not too brief, either.

Finally, "You need to talk to Mako-chan first, though. I think she's at Neph's right now."

There's a pause.

"Um-- I can try... getting us there. I haven't eaten anything yet today so it shouldn't be too horrific. I need to try once a week. Without telling the guys. Before Neph makes me start practicing. Because that's just going to be a world of suck."

Another pause, quicker.

"I uh, I mean teleporting."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
"Yay!" It's a small cheer, and she hums happily at the thought of a bed. "You know, you can tell me no, if you didn't want to. And I didn't see any beds there. Then again, we went to the forest floor. Hey, do animals get in there? I know about the guardians and the temple kitty. What about other animals, though?"

And then she's snugged in the coat before she can shiver, and warmed even more by the kiss. She sighs, happy, and leans forward when he pulls away, nice and dreamy.

She really did miss his kisses. And yes, she's totally blushing at that thought.

But then she sighs for a different reason and deflates, just a little. "Is she mad at me?"

Who could blame her!

Then Usagi stares at him in confused concern as he rambles about...something.

Wait, what?

She blinks at him in surprise. "You can still do that?" She thinks about the last time she'd been teleported and gives a slight shudder. She's steadfastly not thinking about red eyes. "At least this time there won't be dark cooties. But wait, why is it horrific? Are you sure? We don't have to! But wait. Practice? Why?"

Very Confused!

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
"She was kind of hurt, but I told her I'd find out what was going on and get you to talk to her, and-- you really should," the disguised Mamoru says gently, hands still linked around Usagi, at the small of her back. A quick, crooked grin. "There are animals. They've probably always lived there. It's magic, I don't think about it much."

Then he makes a face. "It's not the same at all. It made Neph really happy when he did it. He said it was his own real power. It just made me super seasick, but I think if I know it's coming, I might be able to control it...? It's not horrific, really, I just super hate it. But if it's something I can do, then I should at least get to the point I can tolerate it if I need to get out of somewhere fast. I haven't tried it myself yet."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
"Wait, but. She knew about the house. She's the one that told you!" A brief bit of panic. "What did I do this time!"

She focuses on the animals! "But what do they eat! How did they get there? Can they come and go as they please because animals aren't good or evil? Or have their little animal families been there since forever? If I brought a few sad stray kitties to Jadeite's, will it unbalance everything?"

Apparently, this is the sort of thing that keeps Usagi up at night, not quantum potatoes or relative string pudding.

She gasps at his seasickness admission and again her fingers fly to his neck. "Well, we can try, since you say you gotta practice. And if you can't yet, we could walk! And why is this so fascinating?" She just stares at her fingers on his skin. It's still off, but it's on the tip of her tongue.

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
Mamoru tucks his head slightly to mock-bite at Usagi's fingers. "I don't know! What are you even doing?" He doesn't sound exasperated, just a little impatient, and probably more for the fact that he's psyching himself out against trying to teleport. "Um? I have no idea, you should ask the fu dogs or the caracal or one of the birds. Uh. And she's still sad you kept it a secret from her in the first place-- I can't follow your topics, I'm sorry--"

Nope! Nope! He has to try it now or he'll never manage it. He squeezes his eyes shut and wraps his arms around Usagi, and nothing happens for a second-- for two--

everything is gold and heartbeat

weightless

the sensation of movement

--and then they're falling, and Mamoru yelps and hangs on to Usagi tightly, one arm whipping out to catch hold of a passing rope bridge in the middle of the tall and ancient forest. They jounce a little, and Mamoru winces a lot, then abruptly henshins and lets go of the bridge and they're FALLING AGAIN with the sound of his cape fluttering above them but it's okay because if nothing else, Tuxedo Kamen is aces at landings.

It's just that the second they touch down, he's holding a hand over his mouth and pushing at Usagi to let go of him and squirming and scrambling away into the foliage. At least he's both a) quieter this time and b) really hadn't eaten anything today...

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
Well, he must really not be looking forward to--

Oh, hey, this is much better than the last time!

Except for the falling. That's new.

And while she trusts Mamoru completely, survival instincts kick in and she's Sailor Moon when they land, and she's still too frazzled to put up any resistance when he pushes her away.

And he's in the bushes, and she's wincing in sympathy, because really it feels better with something in your tummy and--

Oh my goodness, they were almost flattened like pancakes.

She's on the ground herself, giggling that laugh of when something terrifying just happened but everything's okay.

She tries to stop, really, even gets enough brain together to pull a water bottle from her subspace pocket for when he's done horking, but she looks up at that rope bridge and just bursts into giggles all over again. "We almost -- vroooooo -- kersplat!"