720/A Glimmer Of Hope

A Glimmer Of Hope
Date of Scene:	17 December 2015
Location:	Earth Court Frat House
Synopsis:	Homura checks up on Mamoru's apartment, and finds Usagi waiting there. The two discuss things, regarding Mamoru, his past, his personality, and the possibility that things are not what they seem...
Cast of Characters:	Homura Akemi, Usagi Tsukino

---

Homura Akemi has posed:
Homura Akemi hasn't been to Mamoru's apartment since the strange and awkward Thankgiving dinner. She certainly hasn't been here since the day he showed up on that rooftop, twisted and distorted as he was.

It was a strange sight to see, as if he wasn't even human. What could've happened to him?

That question, asked about anyone else, would've gotten little more than a dismissive 'Who knows?'. Yet, this wasn't anyone else. This was Mamoru Chiba, one of the few people that Homura felt like she could really rely upon.

What's more, he was likely the only person who could really understand what drove her. Others would say they understood, sure. Others would sympathize. Yet they'd still call her a psycho whenever she actually acted on those feelings. Only the kind of person who'd unhesitatingly throw himself under a bus for his loved one could ever really get how she worked.

And so that question wasn't quietly dismissed. It stayed wiht her, through her grief, through her denial. She hated the fact that she had failed him. She didn't want to consider the possibility that he might still be alive, because she didn't want to lean on a form of hope that could quickly become despair.

Some things just didn't add up though, no matter how much Homura thought about it. They just didn't make sense. Homura had to know, she had to find out the truth, no matter what it turned out to be. She owed him that much.

She lands on the balcony. She knows the way in. She opens the balcony door, walking in unnanounced, not really expecting to find anyone else there.

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
Usagi had missed the first day of finals. Fortunately, apparently a nasty web of bruises around a throat and a raspy voice was a ticket to do make-up tests during lunch. She'd just sort of meh'd her way through them, not really having the inclination to over think. So, while she didn't ace them, she also didn't fail them.

Her parents were, of course, worried as well.

Fortunately, Usagi had a good cover story.

She was attacked, Minori saved her, and Minori's now in the morgue. (Or at least that's what Usagi's heard. This also serves to explain her sudden lackluster demeanor.)

After everyone went to bed, Usagi had honestly tried to sleep. She failed.

So, here she was, music on low as she stares at textbooks. She's not actually doing homework at the moment, she's just staring at them as she eats some noodles. A journal lays open next to her. For some reason, she's started writing an odd sort of diary. 'Dear Mamo-chan, it's been blah blah days since I killed you, I got such and such a score on my final for math' that sort of thing. Really quite morbid if she thinks about.

Which she doesn't. It's therapeutic.

She has a trail of instant noodles dangling from her mouth and chopsticks when she hears the balcony door open.

Cautiously, she lets the noodles drop and she keeps an eye on the door, setting the bowl on one of her closed text books and--

Relaxes because it's Homura.

"Hi." Her voice is hoarse, She clears her throat again, winces, and tries again. "What are you doing here?"

It's curiosity, not accusation. And she's off the couch to give the girl a hug, one meant to comfort. Outwardly, aside from the bruise, she doesn't even look or act like she's in mourning.

Homura Akemi has posed:
Don't worry, Usagi. The diary isn't the most morbid thing that Homura has ever seen.

However, the presence of Usagi does cause a sudden tenseness in Homura's stance... a tenseness that fades as she realizes who it is.

"I'd ask you the same, but I think I already get the idea." Usagi's hug is returned with one of Homura's. While they're close, Homura says, "Sorry I didn't come sooner. I hope your throat gets better."

When Homura pulls away, she walks through the living room, looking at the TV, the couch, and just basically... looking around. "There's a lot about... what happened that night that really bothers me. I mean, you know... other than the obvious. I don't really know how to put it, but... seeing him that night, it felt like I didn't even know him. I mean, that guy has been like a brother to me for half a year and yet that night he felt completely alien to me."

Homura opens her mouth, but doesn't speak. Words are hard, right now. Words are really, really hard.

"I guess... to answer your question... I want to find answers. I want to find out what happened to him, to make him act that way, and I want to find out if there's anyone responsible for it."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
She shrugs off Homura's apology and concern. "You have to deal how you deal. And it'll be fine. Got me a pass to take the tests I missed yesterday."

Hooboy. She takes Homura's distraction with the room to rest her throat. And to allow, just for the moment, her face to slip to how it had been before she came it. Just staring.

Then she's blinking and focused on Homura again.

"He-" And this is another reason why having your larynx almost crushed a few days before comes in handy. The catch in her throat can easily be blamed on it. "I didn't think...I mean, it was weird. Even before. But it...felt..."

She sighs and wrings one of her twin tails in her hand as she tries to, for the first time, to actually remember. "It felt like him."

And her hand is on her chest in a fist, trying to press back the sudden flair of pain around her heart. Well, the pain is always there, much like a wound not even close to scabbing over, but sometimes it spikes a bit.

She clears her throat again. "Sorry. Um. Heartburn."

But it had been him. His warmth, his scent, his kiss. Even the taste--

Had been off.

"He tasted like a coffee mug, not coffee."

Homura Akemi has posed:
Homura glances back at Usagi at the mention of missed tests, then looks ahead again. "I see. Well. I hope you did well on your tests."

It seems shallow to say that, in light of the other subject matter. It wouldn't be the first time Homura's been accused of using empty words. It's not that she didn't mean them. She wished Usagi the best, really, but it didn't really feel like she was expressing that. It felt more like she was going through the motions of expressing that.

Homura doesn't know if it's the throat damage or the sorrow that causes Usagi's voice to catch. If Usagi wants to hide her despair, that's her business. Homura can't fault her for that.

She says it felt like him... that's discouraging, in a way. Not because it crushes some vain hope that Homura had been holding onto, but because it just confirms the scenario that was the most likely. After all, those two had loved each other both as normal human beings and also as magical defenders. If Usagi's revelation as the Princess was any indication, then Mamoru had known her before they even met, having seen her in his dreams.

So if Usagi really thinks it was the same person...

Wait, what?

Homura's head turns rapidly towards Usagi, purple eyes wide, black hair flying outwards as she turns. "What are you saying? He... he didn't taste right?"

Gears turn in Homura's head. Facts once dismissed are reconsidered... What does that mean? In the grand scheme of things, what does it matter?

Homura frowns, and her eyebrows furrow. "... So, he seemed off to you, too. Yeah, he had Mamo-kun's memories, but really... he didn't have his personality. Like... The Mamoru-kun I knew was very classy. He had a sort of... reserved romanticism. Seeing him summon all of his friends just so they could watch him kiss you... it seemed so unlike him."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
Usagi gives a sheepish shrug. "If I didn't take them, he'd be annoyed."

And then she's wringing her hands, biting her lips. "Normally, it's coffee and chocolate, right? Sometimes even strawberry lip gloss..." That was hers. He sometimes tasted like her.

"That's the only thing I can think of that was...not him. And how...he did things."

She's getting so confused. A large part of her is saying it was him. A small part, that she's trying to ignore, is saying maybe it wasn't. And this little part is the most dangerous, because that would lead to hope, which isn't bad, but if she clings to it, then maybe...

"I don't know what happened. I mean, there's no way he was in his right mind when...it happened. That much I'm sure of."

She laughs a little. "I mean, he blushed whenever I kissed his cheek in front of friends. So yeah, that definitely wasn't in character for him at all."

Homura Akemi has posed:
"I see two possibilities." Homura's tone is all business now. Flat, and stony. Yet, underneath the cold is a tension, a sort of heat that one might not even notice before it blows up at them.

"Either that was Mamoru, or it wasn't. If it was Mamoru, then clearly he had somehow turned into a monster. It's possible that, due to the stress he was under, from being hunted by the Dark Kingdom, that his emotions twisted him into something wrong. It's not impossible. A lot of youma seemed to be formed that way, though usually there's someone causing it to happen."

She sidesteps the exact issue of Witches and where they come from. Clearly she's talking about other kinds of youma.

"However, that possibility leads us to two major contradictions. The first being: I highly doubt that he'd want to kill you, no matter how darkened his heart was. Secondly, I also doubt that a youma created that way would've been destroyed by a purification attack. At least, it would be the exception and not the rule, wouldn't it?"

Homura reaches back behind her head, flipping out her long black locks, letting them rise and fall as she moves onto her next point.

"If it wasn't Mamoru... then I'd have to ask what it was we saw that night. If it were say, a youma, with access Mamoru's memories, then it makes perfect sense that it would disintegrate like that. A youma wouldn't have any problem trying to kill you either."

Homura frowns, and looks over at the TV. "... another thing bothered me. Mamoru, if that really was Mamoru we saw that night, said that he just wanted witnesses. What was it we were supposed to be witnessing, exactly? Tuxedo Kamen killing you? Or Tuxedo Kamen dying?"

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
She thinks about the possibility that Mamoru has somehow changed on his own. "I think he would have needed outside help to change. Because he was under stress, yeah, but..." She shrugs. "I think he was also...happy? Or at least content, aside from that? Wouldn't it normally be all aspects of a person's life sucking to make them give in?

She sits on the back of the couch, legs pulled up. "First time I used it, a kid had been turned into a youma. I healed, and he was a boy again. And Kyouko-chan, though she had been breaking it on her own." She shrugs.

The more Homura talks, the more that small part tries to grow bigger. But it's too soon for that! They need more clues!

"Maybe...maybe the intention was to kill me, then have you guys kill him? I mean, the only thing that I see being the same whether I died or he did is the bond breaking."

Homura Akemi has posed:
Homura frowns harder. Still business. Still tense. "Well... it's just a theory. I think every single one of us who was there that night would like to get him back, but... I wouldn't want to get people's hopes up, in case I was wrong..."

Homura's quiet for a little bit after that. Her excited deluge of words seems to be over. Now she's just eyescanning his bookshelf, remembering some of the times when she tried to read those. Some of it was over her head. Much of it wasn't.

"Killing you both might've been the plan, sure. If he really wasn't that stressed out, and if transforming would require outside help, then one way or another we can safely assume that our enemies got to him."

Our enemies. Oh yeah, the Dark Kingdom was certainly Homura Akemi's enemy now. Her fist clenches as she thinks about it.

"I still can't help the feeling that we were brought there to watch a performance..."

"... and letting him die doesn't line up with the Dark Kingdom's stated intentions, either. He told me they were his brothers. He told me they felt that he belonged with them. If that's true, then find it hard to believe that killing him was a goal."

Homura unclenches her fist. She lets out a sigh. After a moment's pause, she adds, "... but... that's assuming a lot of things. That's assuming it was really the Dark Kingdom, and not someone else, that got to him. That's assuming that they weren't lying to Mamo-kun to begin with. That's also assuming that having him die was part of the plan, instead of an accident they didn't see coming. I shouldn't be so quick to make those assumptions."

Homura pauses again, looking over at Usagi, "Sorry... you probably don't need this right now. I'm not being very considerate."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
Usagi frets and twists her hair the more Homura talks. But, even though it hurt, it also felt oddly nice.

And then Homura apologizes and her head jerks up.

"I'm not the only one who lost someone, Homura. You're allowed to be frustrated and sad and try to figure things out." There's a shadow of a princess there, imperious and demanding. But it's tempered in a way perhaps Mamoru's inherit nobility wasn't, because deep to her core she's Usagi.

Her shoulders droop a little. "I'm sorry. It's just...if everyone keeps worrying about me, how are they going to deal with it? I'm as fine as I can be. And oddly enough, this," she gestures between them. "This is helping. Because for the first time since it happened, I actually feel a little bit of hope."

Homura Akemi has posed:
Homura watches Usagi for a moment. Her expression... actually softens. Her eyes shine in a way that they usually don't. One might not be able to read how intense she usually is, unless they had seen her in a rare moment where that intensity fades.

Homura smiles. Her smile is a sad, reserved thing, but it's there.

"I think I can see just a little bit of him in you. I think I can see just why he loved you. You're actually really strong, aren't you? To be able to say that, when everyone knows you must be feeling it the most."

Homura looks away for a moment, before adding, "Madoka-chan has that kind of strength, too. Or she would, if she ever searched for it."

Homura flips her hair again, before saying, "... but yeah. Hope. Hope is all we really have. As long as we can hold onto it, maybe we'll find a way."

"Besides... I've never really been able to accept the death of someone I cared about."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
Her cheeks turn a little pink at that, even as she smiles at Homura's softened expression. She is used to the intensity, being familiar to that of Mamoru's, and likes the difference now, even as she likes the before. "I'm not strong. He was pretty much my strength. But other people deserve to feel sad. And angry. And if they're all worried how I feel?"

She lets out a short laugh and wipes at her eye. "Also, I'm kind of selfish when it comes to that. Knowing how much he's actually loved, you know? Makes me a bit happy, which I kind of need."

Then she sighs. "Mamoru's fond of Madoka. Says we'd make good friends. But I think I scared her at the dance."

And then! "Sometimes, hope is all I have!" A cheerful sound. "So it's nice to have when it feels like someone took a hacksaw to my chest!"

Her eyes soften. "I think...this is the first time I've experienced loss like this. I can't imagine going through it more than once."

Homura Akemi has posed:
"He was a very kind man." Homura reminisces. "Once, before I knew his secret identity, he found me out on patrol, with two of my friends. He was in henshin at the time, and I didn't know him that well. He told me that he didn't have any powers, at least none that he knew of at the time. Yet, despite that, he was more than willing to help... more than willing to support us as we put ourselves at risk. He saved us a couple times, even back then."

She thinks about that, and then she frowns. She doesn't talk about what makes her frown. "We didn't always see eye to eye, but he never stopped being good to me. I don't think he's ever really sinned against me, and even if he had I don't think I'd have any trouble forgiving it."

So, Madoka and Usagi met, but Madoka got scared off? Huh. "Well, I wasn't there at the time. Maybe she had something on her mind... I don't know."

Homura glances back at Usagi, and says, "It's something that happens once in a while. We live a dangerous life. We never want this to happen, and we often never expect it, but we fight against the dark and sometimes one of us doesn't come back. No matter who you lose, it's awful."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
Usagi snorts. "For someone who doesn't have any powers, he's one of the strongest people I know."

See? Hope is dangerous. Not longer past tense.

She eyes Homura out of the corner of her eye. "Was when you thought he was two timing one of those times?"

She waves a hand. "I was drunk, so I'm not surprised. Apparently, the punch was spiked, and I'd had two glasses before Mamo-chan realized."

She curls up on the couch, listening. If losing people she cared about always felt like this... "So there's always that snap? Like something broke? And it feels like something won't let it heal, and it's always there, and when you breathe there's sandpaper rubbing against it?"

Homura Akemi has posed:
Homura smiles, "Yeah, you know, I thought the same thing. He is strong, and it turns out he actually has a few very useful powers he just didn't know about at the time."

Oh the two timing thing. Homura actually looks a bit embarassed. "Well I mean.. I never actually... well..."

How to phrase it?

"Okay, so a while after I learned that Tux-kun and Mamo-kun were the same person, there was a fight with... I think it was that Ail guy? I haven't seen him in a while, come to think of it... but like... There was a moment when you, well, Sailor Moon were about to get hit by a powerful beam, and he just threw himself in front of it and took the hit full on."

"So of course I drag him back to the hospital. Mitakihara General, since I didn't know about Iris Shelby at the time. And while he's there I see him making lovey-dovey eyes at... well... the other you, Usagi Tsukino."

Homura shrugs. "I guess at that point I thought he had feelings for two different girls. He was a generous man, but I don't think he'd tank a hit like that for just anyone."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
She blushes a bit more at the memory.

Come to think of it, she hasn't seen Ail in awhile, either.

"I kept telling him not to do that. He just wouldn't listen."

She looks up at Homura. "To be fair, around that time, I thought I had feelings for two different boys, too." A small shrug, an even smaller smile. But it's genuine. "Like I said, he fell for me twice."

The sandpaper rubbed deeper, harder, but she ignores it. After all, even though it hurt like hell, it was nice to talk about him.

Homura Akemi has posed:
Something else Usagi said tugs on Homura's mind. The snap... the sandpaper... wait...

"Um... actually... I don't know anything about a snap. Or sandpaper."

Homura turns away from Usagi, and takes a seat on the couch, because describing what loss feels like isn't really an easy thing. Yet, it's something that Homura is well-familiar with.

"For me... it's like there's an empty hole where your loved one used to be, and that emptiness will never be filled. You might one day find other friends, or another lover, but they don't replace the ones you've lost. They just become new loved ones, and if you lose them then they'll create an empty space."

"Eventually you just learn to live with the emptiness. At least... that's been my experience. I've never felt like there was... like... any sort of broken cord."

Homura thinks about it. Is that what Usagi feels, now? Homura's... never felt anything like that, even for people she loved dearly.

"Maybe everyone feels it differently, I don't know."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
Usagi sighs and sits on the couch with Homura, leaning against her with a familiarity that probably isn't felt on the other side. "Well, I have a lot of room, I think. For empty spaces." Should anything happen to Homura, there'd be one of those in her, too. "I don't think I'll date someone else, though. Which is fine." She plans on growing up to have a bunch of cats, should Mamoru not come back.

"I'll find it again, though. That glow. I didn't know it was there until I dreamed it wasn't. But I made promises, too, so I'll find it again."

She's probably not making sense.

No one can pull us apart forever, as long as you hold me close and never, ever give up.

Then again, she hasn't really slept more than an hour at a time since everything happened. Maybe four hours total, if she counts the time she jerked awake to cold water in the shower.

It's you I'm called to, over and over. It's you I need.

She jerks back to sitting, realizing she almost dozed off on Homura's shoulder. "Sorry! Sorry."

A yawn, and a stretch.

I. Will always. Find you.

"Thank you for reminding me about the promise. I haven't been thinking clearly."

Homura Akemi has posed:
Homura glances over at Usagi as the bunny leans against her. She doesn't really feel closeness to Usagi, persay... but in some real ways she's Mamoru's other half. She wants to be nice to this girl, for his sake if nothing else. So she doesn't really shy away, even if she doesn't really return it either.

"I think I kinda know how you feel. If you can't have someone you can be happy with, maybe it just isn't worth it to settle. Honestly, for right now, considering how long you two have waited, I wouldn't recommend moving on until we're sure he's gone, anyways."

She'll find it again? She made promises? No, a lot of it doesn't make sense to Homura...

Then Usagi falls asleep on her shoulder...

...

... Homura really wants to be nice to this girl, and not freak out like the spaz she sometimes is.

When Usagi awakens, Homura smiles... a bit abashedly. "I don't know what kinds of promises you two made... but I've never known Mamo-kun to break a promise."

Homura's eyes glance towards a clock, before looking back to Usagi. "You seem like you're a bit tired... should I let you rest? You've been very helpful to me, so thanks for that."

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
Usagi rubs the back of her neck. "Not if he can help it. Which I think he still can, so."

She sighs, an almost happy one. Hope places a thin buffer between her and the open wound in her soul.

She smiles at Homura. "I haven't been sleeping much. I get some really bad dreams, which I guess is normal." She yawns, though. "If you want to go, you can? I promise to try for a couple cat naps."

She smiles at Homura. "You've been helpful to me, too. So thank you, too!"

Homura Akemi has posed:
Homura glances away at the mention of nightmares. "Me too, actually. My sleep hasn't been as restful as I would like it to be."

Homura stands up, reaches over to one of Mamoru's blank notebooks nearby, and grabs a pencil. She knows where these things are. "I'm going to leave you my number. If you need something, badguys shot at or an escape route or whatever, call me. I don't keep a secret ID, so my normal cell phone should be fine."

She writes down her number, puts her name on it, tears it off, and places it on the coffee table. Turning to give Usagi one last smile, she says, "Stay safe, princess," before heading out the balcony door and disappearing into the night.

Usagi Tsukino has posed:
Usagi gives a small wave as Homura leaves.

Then she texts the new number with a bunny emoji and a hello.

Then, while she was thinking about it, texted Ami-chan about the coffee mug.

Then she was back to staring.

After all, while she now had a little bit of hope, that didn't mean she wasn't still heart broken.

She does, eventually, doze again. She also has nightmares.

And of course, they're about Mamo-chan. And he's melting.