Honey Pineapple Noodle Pizza Lawyers

Honey Pineapple Noodle Pizza Lawyers
Date of Scene:	27 June 2019
Location:	Earth Court Frat House
Synopsis:	The Earth Court discusses Kyouko's predicament. And may actually find a food that Neil WON'T EAT.
Cast of Characters:	Kyouko Sakura, Jadeite, Naru Osaka, Kunzite, Mamoru Chiba, Nephrite

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Kyouko Sakura has posed:
It's been a little while since Kyubey came by the ECFH to deliver his ultimatum to Kyouko. Well, really he came to exact his price, but thanks to the passionate and logical arguments directed his way, decided to give Kyouko and those on her expert team of lawyers some time to come up with a defense. After all, the Incubators wouldn't want to appear unfair in precedent, now would they?

It has proven to be somewhat of a challenge to transcribe the bizarre, alien symbols carved into the silver of Kyouko's ring. This is largely due to the fact that rings are round and the writing is very small, in order to cram it all onto such a small surface. Plus the writing is, well, alien, which means transcribing it by hand is likely to be dicey work. Not knowing what the letters are /supposed/ to look like means that it's very easy to make small mistakes without realizing it, and small mistakes can completely change meaning when you're doing translating work.

The ring currently sits on the coffee table. Kyouko scowls at it. "You know I never really liked this thing anyway? I'm so not a jewelry girl." Her growing collection of piercings might put the lie to her statement. Or maybe she views that as not the same thing.

Jadeite has posed:
Next to the ring are several sheets of paper, each bearing a copy of the attempted translation. Each new transcription differs slightly, the difficult of trying to make static something rendered on a dynamic surface.

If the consequences wouldn't be super bad, one can rest assured that Saburo would have already suggested cutting it in half to ease the viewing process.

That said, the blond sitting on the floor is frowning at his attempted transcriptions, one of them rolled into a cylinder in his hands, an effort to mimic the shape of the ring at larger scale, to see if it looks anything close to what it should.

It's hard to tell, honestly.

"Can't lie, it is pretty gaudy," this from the man who still proudly considers a full length purple workout suit accented by green contour stripes as 'a good look'. "Maybe when we win your case, you can feed it to Kyubey?"

Naru Osaka has posed:
"I'm going to guess that the microscope I ordered hasn't arrived yet." Naru comments from the kitchen, while she's puttering about doing something that smells like baking. And coffee, absolutely coffee. Coffee that is ready, and probably in her mug at this very moment. "Amazon has everything, I swear. It should help being able to see at least."

Kyouko Sakura has posed:
"Actually, I think I'll keep it." Kyouko says, of the ring. "I mean, it did used to contain my soul. I'd be pretty leery about feeding it to anybody, even if I was mostly sure that it didn't contain my soul anymore. But y'know.. there's kind of a sentimentality attached to it.."%r%rShe glances over towards Naru in the kitchen. "I haven't seen a microscope, so if it has, I dunno." She looks back at all the attempted transcriptions Jadeite has piled on the table. "We still need to find some way to, y'know, actually /read/ it even once we have it copied out into a form that's readable. Unfortunately the Incubators don't include language lessons in their gifts to Puella."

Jadeite has posed:
"Valid," Saburo sighs, looking at Kyouko before glancing back to Naru. "I haven't seen it either. I bet it'd make these things easier to read though."

Darn alien writing, weird letters and tiny script and positioned in a ring, just, the absolute worst combo for legibility. He huffs and flops back, the cone curled paper in his hands unfurling. "Maybe we can make a case that providing a contract in an unreadable language isn't lawful. But then I guess they'd want to know by whose laws, and we don't know any galactic legislation, so we wouldn't even know enough about it to counter what they said..."

Kunzite has posed:
"And simply asserting that we predate them is unlikely to be helpful." God and Kyouko only know how long Kazuo's been lurking in the hallway. Or whether he means 'we came first' or 'I intend on consuming their entire species for threatening Apatite.'

Naru Osaka has posed:
"I think you should keep it." Agrees Naru from the kitchen. "I suppose I rather pictured in my head that translating it would be like those puzzles where you line up words and work out the code.. but we don't even know if it's kanji or letters, or what." She continues to rattle about in the kitchen. "If I made noodles, who would want some, or is that a stupid question?"

Kyouko Sakura has posed:
"I could eat noodles," Kyouko says, to the surprise of no one, when Naru asks. She smiles when Kazuo speaks up, though it's probably likely that she was aware he was lurking there already. "The Incubators are all about logic, right? Like that's their whole deal. Wah wah, we're so superior because we don't have emotions and do everything by cold hard logic unlike you crazy hormonal meatbags. I feel like we should probably figure out if we can like.. out-logic them. Like, argue that even as not a Puella, I'm worth more to them alive than dead."

A pause. "Y'know, if that's actually true. I'm not sure why they'd really care that I was alive. But maybe there's a reason." She flops down by Jadeite. "Which isn't to say I think translating the contract is a waste of time. There might be some clues in there, if we can figure it out.."

Jadeite has posed:
Saburo jumps when Kazuo speaks, which means one of his knees cracks into the coffee table he's now lying under. He makes a face, twisting his head in a futile effort to see the lurking man without actually getting up. "I feel like they don't care that we were here first, and they definitely don't believe we'll be here after them."

Both are true, but the truth didn't have to mean anything to the nightmare siblings of a furby. But logic, even twisted logic, could maybe work. It's a good idea, what Kyouko's pointed out.

"You're definitely worth more alive than dead. I mean, because duh, obviously, but I mean, even putting that aside, you're super strong, you've helped save the day maybe a quarter bazillion times so -" oh, there's a thought. A fraction of a thought. He turns from futilely trying to look through the couch at Kazuo, to looking at the flopped Kyouko. "Do we think Earth is valuable to them?"

And then, an after thought, "I would eat noodles too!"

Naru Osaka has posed:
"Earth is where they keep their stuff." Naru points out, her voice quipping for that tired line. "Although more seriously, they use Earth, and this reality as their energy source, as best as I've sorted out from chatting with Hana. She's aiming to remake it all to suit her, but I wouldn't bank on that as a solution to this problem, she runs on her own timeline." There's the sound of water, clearly for the noodle cooking. "Also, I suspect that's a frypan to fire situation. But still, they must find Earth valuable, they devote an awful lot of resources here."

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
"We should charge them rent," comes Mamoru's voice; he looks kind of exhausted, in henshin, standing suddenly in the balcony door. "Also, asking Hana for help also seems frypan-to fire, but don't think I haven't thought of it. Maybe Homura could help, there are a couple reasons she might actually be able to parse at least some of this stuff."

He waffles for a moment as he loses the white tie ensemble, clearly trying to decide between flop and coffee, then chooses flop and does so in the biggest available couchspace.

Kunzite has posed:
"Earth per se is not particularly valuable to them, from my understanding. There are other inhabited worlds. It's useful in the way any power source is useful; if burning it generates more power than conserving it, they will not be concerned." Kazuo steps forward into the room, at least making it theoretically possible for them to see him. "Earth has, however, produced some interesting anomalies lately, and the Incubators have been trying an experiment or two based on them. I presume this is another. After all - clearly Apatite's existence is potentially worthwhile to them somehow. Otherwise Kyubey would simply have engineered her death without warning her, as it attempted to do to Hana."

Kyouko Sakura has posed:
"From my understanding, after years of talking to Kyubey," Kyouko says, arms crossed, "There /are/ lots of other inhabited worlds, and they farm almost all of them to one degree or another. But I have gotten the impression that Earth is a good producer for them. Couple things Kyubey has said over the years have led me to believe that Earth is a top-tier world as far as their program goes. And, like nii-chan says, they seem interested in the.. anomalies. Like me, and Madoka-chan and Homura. And Hana."

She looks over at Kazuo. "The reason they haven't just tried to kill me is obvious from this whole thing. They're trying to make an example of me. You can't get out of your contract, so don't even try. They want to make sure Puella everywhere know that. Even if nobody else can get out of it this same way, just by knowing that its /possible/ to get out of it will inspire other people to try and figure out ways to do it. They wanna nip that in the bud, by making the point that it ain't worth trying, because even if you succeed they'll just kill you. It saves them a lot of time and trouble to just kill me, and avoid having to deal with potentially tons of other welchers in the future. Is that worth more to them than Earth's energy harvest? I dunno. Maybe."

"So clearly we gotta convince them that me being alive is helpful enough to them that it's worth dealing with other potential troublemakers in the future. However we might be able to do /that/." She sighs and wanders over to flop down by Mamoru on the couch. "If she's a Witch, of one type or another, Hana could definitely read it, but I'm with you on the 'not sure that's worth it at this point'." A pause. She makes a face. "Much as I hate to even suggest it, Miss White might also have some clue. She's been studying Witches for years."

Jadeite has posed:
"Guess that means pointing out you're good for keeping Earth around might not be the best tact then," Saburo frowns. It had been a good thought at least? Hard to prove, but still maybe an option to keep on the back burner. "They don't want a rebellion, sure, and they have other planets...but still. Maybe we could take the approach that as long as you're on Earth, protecting the planet, it's possible for them to keep making contracts. Make it out like you're protecting their investments?"

It's super unlikely, and like he said, not the best tact. But it's something they can hammer out and consider as a defense, even as they pursue other options, like considering Hana and Miss White.

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
Mamoru makes vague grabby hands toward Kazuo over his shoulder, slings an arm around the recently-flopt Kyouko, and puts his sock feet on Saburo's stomach. "That's impressive," he says to Kyouko, rolling his head a little to look at her, "considering your allergy and perfectly reasonable grudge." He looks at the ceiling and lets out a long breath. "Maybe we can demand back-rent. Counter-sue." A beat. "No, they wouldn't care. Last ditch effort, we can convince them to wait to kill you until we're all dead?"

Then he frowns. "Wait. Most Puella don't live that long after contracting. How the hell is anyone else going to know? I mean other than your sister and-- the other four, and Hana if she even counts."

Then Mamoru's just outright scowling at the ceiling. "Really though. How do I not have the right to kick them off?"

Nephrite has posed:
"Kick who off where?" The front door swings open, via Nephrite's foot, because in his arms is a stack of pizza boxes. "Sustenance for the contract-breaking party. Let's Elle Woods this thing." There appears to be more pizza than necessary for a group of this size, but it is a group that includes both Kyouko and Neil, and the ever-fluctuating numbers at the ECFH, so. He crosses the room to set the stack on the counter.

"If there are contracts, are there like, intergalactic lawyers out there? There's gotta be. Do you think they're also deceptively cute, or are they like, giant sea slugs?"

Kyouko Sakura has posed:
Kyouko leans on Mamoru when he slings an arm around her, stifling a yawn with her hand. "Well, look, it's not like I like her or anything, but the way I see it, she owes me, so the least she can do is help me not-die. Plus I can see her thinking she might learn something from it and being all on-board just because of that." A mild shrug. Then, "Have you /tried/ to just kick them off? I mean.. I can't imagine they'd go quietly, but.. As for how anyone would know, I dunno. It's not like we've kept where I came from a /secret/. Shit gets around, y'know? I guess they figure it ain't worth the risk."

To Saburo, "I don't think the "I am good for keeping Earth around" argument is gonna be enough on its own, but is probably worth keeping in mind as one more thing to pile on, y'know? Certainly can't hurt to help tip the scales.." Nephrite arrives with Pizza. Kyouko perks up. "Naru is already making noodles," She points out, perhaps honor-bound to acknowledge the efforts of her girlfriend, "But I'm not going to complain about having noodles AND pizza. Thinking is hard work."

Kunzite has posed:
Kunzite attends to the grabbyhands by pacing over and ruffling Mamoru's hair, then peering past the couch to eye Saburo-under-Table. Absolutely deadpan, he says to Neil, "We have an intergalactic escaped convict in the city. That implies intergalactic lawyers. They may, however, be slightly cracked artificial intelligences. Thank you for making certain Naru will not have to drown herself in noodles."

Jadeite has posed:
Saburo pokes one of those sock-clad feet as they rest on his stomach, considering everything that's been said, and trying to synethsize a clear response, to get his thoughts in order. First, the most immediate one, "I also want both pizza and noodles. What kind did you get? Did you get pineapple?"

Food is very important, okay?

But then, more seriously, looking up at Kazuo, rather than trying to look between Kyouko on one side and Mamoru sorta on the same side but also shifted over, he says, "So far, this seems like it's as much about image as it is about facts. So in this argument, it's less about who's good for Earth, and more about who we can sell it as still being a tool of the incubators. If their goal is to prevent anyone else from trying to slip out, wouldn't making a show of how even now, Kyouko is doing their bidding, protecting their investment, their Earth, work almost as well as killing her? 'Look,' they can say, 'even when you think you're free, we still own you.' And sure it's crap, but only as much crap as saying Kyouko's specific soul energy is so important to stopping the heat death of the universe that she's totally got to die right when they want her to."

It's an avenue they can take. It's as much about convincing them that Kyouko can do more as a living person than dead as it is about convincing the scum sucking plushies that there was a better way to play the game.

That said...

"A real lawyer would be nice. You know, even an Earth one, honestly. They seem to think Earth is the Shinjuku to their Japan, but that should mean they still have to hear us out, even if we won't succeed in knocking them off our turf."

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
"All very... very good points," yawns Mamoru, tilting his head into the hair ruffle and removing his feet from Saburo. Kyou gets a little squeeze, and then the prince slouches further down and scowls. "I'm not gonna be able to be constructive until after noodle and pineapple pizzas. And maybe sleep. I am so offended by those little ratbugs."

Nephrite has posed:
"I propose noodles -on- pizza," Neil proclaims as he retrieves plates for the group. "Of course there's pineapple on one of them, what kind of savage do you take me for? There's also a veggie for the veggies, and one of those weird combinations you can only find in Tokyo. I think it involves corn."

He throws open one of the boxes and stares thoughtfully at the pineapple. "I can't say I know many lawyers, at least not ones who would believe a word of this situation."

Kyouko Sakura has posed:
Kyouko squeezes Mamoru back, sitting up a bit more as he slouches down. "That's actually not a bad argument, J-dawg." She says to Saburo, quirking a brow. "I mean.. look, I might not /technically/ be under their thumb anymore, but I still kill Witches whenever I find them, and then I generally give the Grief Seed to one of the Puella I know, and then it gets used up and fed back to Kyubey. So I'm still /doing/ Puella work, even if I'm not technically one anymore. It just so happens that 'killing Witches' aligns generally with the goal of 'keeping people safe.' But we could always present it as like.. y'know, the volume of Witches killed would go down significantly if I wasn't around to do it." This isn't necessarily bragging. Kyouko kills a lot of Witches.

Then she gets up so she can go sniff around the pizza. "Plus, y'know, we can always agree to keep quiet about my origins. I mean, not that we're going around telling people but just saying we won't spread it around might count for something. Did you get a marshmallow and honey pizza? Those are the best."

Jadeite has posed:
"You never know with pizza," Saburo says sagely, "It shows our true selves. You, for example, are a genius. Noodles on pizza. I need it in my face."

The sheer genius, the vision, the glory of that absolutely ridiculous combo... He's going to go ahead and get up now, with Mamoru no longer using him as a foot rest and Kyouko bounced up on the other side. He's descending on the noodleless pineapple pizza. He's taking a slice.

"You're a valuable asset," he agrees through a mouthful of pizza, "Making sure the Puella stick around long enough to be big Witches. Making sure the Witches don't destroy the earth so there can be more Puella. You're still satisfying their agenda."

Mamoru Chiba has posed:
"There's still gotta be something we can fling at them that'll make them just shut up and leave you alone," grumbles Mamoru, crossing his arms now that Kyouko's gotten up, and slouching even further into the couch. "Maybe if we can prove we were here first. Or... oh hey, maybe we can ask Ami to check and see if Eternity Main knows anything about Incubators, too. I mean, yes, yes, keep investigating all these angles, formulating literally every single possible argument... but I want to unequivocably yank the rug out from under their ostensible authority."

Nephrite has posed:
Neil pauses to stare at Kyouko. “Honey I can understand. You can get a sweet-salty thing going with the cheese. But marshmallow? You’re sure about that one?” Is it actually possible that somebody has found a food that Neil will not eat? Well, if anybody was going to manage it, of course it would be Kyouko.

He reluctantly tears himself away from the thought of a Marshmallow Peep-laden pizza to consider the arguments being made. “What about like, a non-disclosure agreement? Is there any reason people have to know your contract’s been broken at all? If you’re still fighting witches, how does that appear any different from before to an outside viewer?” He picks a pineapple chunk off his slice of pizza and shoves it in his mouth. “Or have you considered just bypassing this whole thing and faking your own death?”

Kyouko Sakura has posed:
"Well, it's like I said," Kyouko says to Neil at his mention of an NDA. "We haven't made a secret of it so far, and lots of people know. It's entirely reasonable to think would might spread. But we could promise not to spread it around any further. That might be worth something, too. I guess if we can find enough little thins to promise, they might add up to 'enough'." A faint frown.

She glances to Endy. "Y'know, I would absolutely love to send those little shits slinking away with their collective tail between their legs, but at this point I'd settle for 'not being killed'. But I mean yeah, totally.. if we can get 'not killed' and add 'humiliate the jerks' onto it, I'm all for it." A pause. "Maybe Homura would help, if we asked. She's always had a hate-on for Kyubey that makes me look like a lovable teddy bear by comparison."